[47] To Be Title Later (Maybe Not)

Preface

If there is only one thing you should know about me its that I think, a lot. I reached a boiling point in my head and one rant blog is no longer sufficient in the effort to keep me sane. I've read about all arguments that attempt to argue for proof of God. I hear about the different weird and negative relationships people are in. Lately I've been trying to talk to as many people as I can to gain more perspective as I keep finding out you can never know too much about a subject. When I talk on these subjects, and too the people, I'm almost terribly blunt and feel as though they think I'm missing some dire point they're trying to make by my short and sweet answers. I assure you that is not the case and in writing this all out, hopefully I will be able to draw the proper analogies and tie in all the ramblings of my mind into a better foundation of understanding. I will try to provide as many links (which probably won't yet exist at the time your reading this) to the different books or videos I reference because they will always be a lot more descriptive and provide the exact source of what made me think or say something the way I did. I'm working on getting mp3's of any book I mention and am soon going to buy everything I've read if you are interested in borrowing. The library works too. The parts of this, I'll call it an essay, I imagine can be read separately. The parts on religion are designed to show why I think and say the things I do. They are not an attack at belief, in a sense, but an attempt to simply raise consciousness about issues you've maybe never thought about. The relationship part is more than likely going to be a reiteration of blogs I wrote years ago, but more encompassing and detailed. I want to discuss and revise my thinking constantly. This will forever be a work in progress and if you find anything you want to add or argue I will gladly indulge you. I only ask that you read with an open and focused mind so this becomes something positive and helpful and not demonized to fight about.

Definitions

One of the major reasons for discourse amongst the people I talk to and I are the varying definitions of certain key words. I want to clear this up in the beginning as we can go nowhere if we're not even speaking the same language.

Interpret: an explanation of something that is not immediately obvious.

Over and over I hear about how people are supposed to interpret the bible and I can't help getting overly frustrated. When you interpret something its automatically changed. The second you take in any piece of information your mind twists it into whatever best fits what you've encountered in the past. Ten million people interpreting one book and not getting the same answers is such staggering proof of this fact I don't know how people ignore the inconsistencies of people calling themselves part of the same religion.

Faith: complete confidence in a person or plan

This is something that is not up for question. If you ever go "o but wait" in your mind in regards to any subject you automatically do not have perfect faith in that subject. This can be a dangerous thing if taken too far, for example, does anyone remember September 11^th? When I talk of faith, I talk of something that is inherent and too often irrational that we devised to better soften the blows of things we fear or don't understand. Whether you have faith in your relationship or faith in God there is part of you that is relying on nothing but a strong inner conviction that does not require empirical proof nor is up for discussion.

Fact: An indisputable truth. (Update 7/8/2018): A better definition is "anything that can be proven or disproven."

This means that simply calling something a fact does not give it the characteristics as such. When I give a fact its from a well documented subject or respected person of the field. The idea corroborates with others in the field and cannot be refuted simply because you don't think its true.

Belief:  This means that an individual is convinced of the truth of a statement or allegation.

I'm always reminded of this idea, "Just because you are convinced that something is true does not make its so, it is merely convincing." I am on constant guard when it comes to what I actually believe because it matters to me what I tell people truthfully. As a subscribing member to the human race I find that it is easy to be wrong about a multitude of things when you go in looking for information on the preconception that your already in the know. This is why I hate it when people tell me "Well you believe what you believe and I'll believe what I believe, and we'll leave it at that." If you can't even begin to convey to me what you believe how can I go away secure in thought that you even know what you believe?

Hope: A desire for something to happen, while expecting or being confident that it will come true.

It is important to note the difference between hope and faith here. Hope is the stage we are constantly in. Faith is entirely mind encompassing. You hope your relationship gets better. You hope for good health and a good life. It allows you to take in the evidence and persevere down a given path, while faith can completely cloud and lock in an ideal.

Freedom: The power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints.

I made this one last because I want to make a special point about it. One thing I consistently hear is that God gave man free will. I so 100% completely disagree with that statement and I will tell you explicitly why. Reread the definition of freedom. In the religious realm you are not free to disbelieve. If you disbelieve, the externally imposed restraint that sends you to burn in hell kicks in. According to their view, even if your not playing within their rules your subject to be punished by their God. There is absolutely nothing free about this. There is no real choice that exists with such a view. You can be a motor-cross athlete and attempt a double back flip or not ever try. Yes, you may be judged  as a pussy, bad ass, cool, reckless, etc…with either choice, but those judgments can be accepted just as freely as they can be rejected. The "freedom of choice" in religion is a not so elaborate mask put on in the face of analysis that never dug deep enough.

Logical Fallacies

If your going to discuss/argue I believe you should at least learn about the different fallacies you may or may not have been imposing to justify your position. Another reason I get discouraged from talking to people is that they start with a glaring gap in logic and then digress their position from that point. If I can find a the video again there is a quick run through of 22 fallacies that are the main proponents to such arguments. There is also a list in "Why People Believe Weird Things" by Michael Shermer that you can get from the library. The different ways people try to convince me of their thinking generally circle around these ideas:

Anecdotes: You tell a story that seems to support your view. 1 story or 10 stories don't matter if they can't be tested and confirmed by anyone but you.

Burden of Proof: If you can't disprove God then he must exist. Unfortunately the job lies with the person making the claim. I don't personally say God doesn't exist because I believe it's a retarded concept to argue about. If you affirm that he does, its your job to prove it. In the same respect if I say something I will gladly offer the proof and source of my assertion.

After the Fact Reasoning: In short, superstition. Because one thing happened then something else must have been the reason. "Correlation does not mean causation." When you want something to be the reason so badly, then to you, that something will become the reason. Your mind is set to make you happy, if only eventually. If you can't guard against yourself you fall prey to yourself.

Representativeness: As Aristotle said, "the sum of the coincidences equals certainty" again taken from Shermer's book it's the idea that we forget the shortcomings and remember the meaningful times. It's the automatic rationalization you adhere to when your truly uncertain but don't want to give up hope.

Unexplained is Not Inexplicable: "I have some event in my life that I can't think about in any other way so it must be God." This one bothers me the most. I don't care to argue people's personal lives. I can't change you, and would die trying. Your life, as depressingly compelling as it may seem, could always be worse and probably has many unrealized reasons for your behavior in certain situations. This doesn't even need to apply, though it has been tried, when you speak of what God didn't allow in your life. If you want a competition to see who can write about all the times God didn't allow you to die you'd have to factor in all the meteors that don't crash on your house, cars you didn't hit on the way home, and shanks you missed out on walking a city street.

How to Think About Evolution and Natural Selection

Your teachers taught it. You hear about it on the news when a discrepancy with a creationist arises. You can either accept or deny it. I was once told by one of my Christian friends that she believed in "parts" of evolution and when I inquired as to which ones she said "well I don't believe we came from monkeys." This tells me that adequate truths about the theory are not being sufficiently circulated to the mass populous. The b/s arguments that there are massive gaps in the fossil record and no proof that humans came from something lower are disproved in 15 seconds with a  google search. I have the sites saved in my favorites if you don't care to investigate on your own. I also have the names of books that are even better documented and referenced. There was no "chance" in any part of evolution other than random mutations. And when I say mutations I don't mean some grotesque monster that you'd see in some science fiction novel. Only different changes in cells that account for slight variations. The mountains of evidence in favor of the theory will not be summed up here. I only offer an invitation to get informed before you position an argument on something you only think you know about.

Observable "Human" Nature

We think we are the most important. We don't bother to worry about the billions of galaxies in a multi-verse where billions of other life bearing planets may exist. We are trained to think that the things people do are so beyond different and special than what animals do its just "obvious" that someone created us. I find it very interesting then to learn about the behaviors of apes and especially a species of bird. You might already expect to hear that certain primates care for their young, cooperate to achieve goals, compete for status, and so on so forth. I read about a type of bird, I believe in "The God Delusion," that goes so far as to do good deeds like feed others young and take the dangerous lookout positions at night to make a name for themselves. Birds. Our time honored values of being brave and honorable, trusting and loving, are exhibited in birds with egos. You need to get over yourself. Its not defeatist or nihilistic to see and say things for what they really are. We are products of a process who's only goal is survival. The very fact that we are here means that we are the best suited so far for the current situation. Your kids will be a little better off, their kids too, and so on. (Un)fortunately we have become so advanced that we can avoid or negate the regular natural occurrences that would usually weed out the weaklings. It is your selfish genes that want to stay alive that cause over population and starvation. You can stop wondering why God isn't answering their prayers to be fed.

Religious Moderation

 If you don't kill the heretic for talking bad about your God then you are practicing religious moderation. I wanted to get the definition of interpretation out of the way to help explain the problem religious moderation has on the world. In a discussion with a religious friend I asked who's job it was to tell the guy that shot the abortion doctor that his interpretation was wrong. Which religious group is going to confront the people who hold up the signs saying "God hates fags?" The fact, simple and observable fact, of the matter is that people pick and choose which verses are most perfect in forwarding their personal ideas. The next guy that shoots a homo and holds up Leviticus 20:13 can't really be told he misinterpreted can he? Its right there, word for word, the perfect inspired Word of God. "If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives." If your reading this you've probably never killed a homo. No "sane" person of faith ever has. The problem arises when an atheist or agnostic tries to point out that this guys mind was warped by faithful conviction and the religious moderates say back off, let him believe what he wants to believe. If the religious person tries to confront those people their arguing the God of the bible against the God of the bible. Try and work out the conflicting rationalizations then. When you choose the parts to praise and parts to ignore your obviously working on some other authority than God's. If you "just don't agree" or "think I'm just not getting it" try owning a slave and using the bible to back you up.

Empathy

Say you just got out of a bad relationship. Your heartbroken, can't see straight, and the world just doesn't seem to make sense. Millions of questions are darting around your head and before you even utter a word your friend comes along and says " I know how you feel." More often then not, you don't believe them, or you can't trust that they do because their not the same sex, or haven't been in the same type of relationship. Now there are good and bad things involved with taking this viewpoint. Well from what I can tell, mostly bad, the only real good point you can be sure of is that they haven't lived your life or dated that guy. Other than that, the depression, anger, hopefulness, lust, fear, confusion, or love that you may think you've felt they can empathize. When I talk to someone I hate to think that just because I haven't been in long term relationships they believe I have no idea what I'm talking about.

            Feelings are compelling. You'll get over them. When you think that life would not be the same, or that your still going to be emotionally attached your only worrying yourself about something your not experiencing. Yes, there will probably be residual feelings. Yes, people deserve chances and problems should be talked or worked out. The facts will always stare coldly in the face of overwhelming and conflicting feelings. You can make every excuse and I'm going to show them on this nice diagram . You go up and down while reading across. Whether this is the exact format of what happened in your relationship or not it's what can happen when you can't handle the little problems early. It doesn't matter how nice you are or how great you think him to be. The problems are problems. Complaining and hoping will never make them better. You either suffer in a relationship where you constantly rationalize everything he does and justify your feelings towards it or you break it off. Go back to being friends, see what it feels like to talk and exist with out "relationship tension" clouding your heart. You can either be a victim of the line, waver in and out of it, or avoid it all together, but it takes action not excuses. 

   Love: The Games We Play / The Abuse of the Word

O how to begin? Love bothers me. It's the strongest drug with no law against it. You get taken in by its soothing aroma one minute and find yourself cutting in spite of it the next. People live and die by it, yet they are also brash enough to play with it.

If I think about times I would consider myself "in love" once would be with my stuffed animals as a little kid, and the second would be with a girl who didn't love back ;). There's, I dunno, 20 or so depressed and confused blogs about the ordeal. I don't talk much about myself if this is the first time you hear any of this. I call these times love because of the thoughts and feelings I have/had when I reflect on them. With the stuffed animals, when I really put myself back into my kid mind, as my mom cut open and pulled the stuffing from one of my bears in retribution for breaking a glass or something of hers I never felt anything more painful. Anyone who says you don't get emotionally attached to your toys is full of shit. Mind you, I'm a smart, mean, and inventive kid. Imagine the types of terrible thoughts I was concocting in a moment of such anguish.  No I'm not looking for a pity party or for you to tell me my mom was a little confused on how to handle children, I'm well aware. The point is that no matter how young or old you are, "experienced" in the ways of pain and confusion, there's someone out there that knows how terribly hopeless you can feel.

            That's probably not good enough for you so I'll go on about the later situation. Now I'm overly critical when it comes to girls. I can find any flaw and blow it up and automatically turn a girl from cute and agreeable to merely "doable." So imagine my surprise when someone comes along that I can't find anything wrong with. Not only that she's more than I ever thought I could imagine. All of a sudden my usual selfish thoughts are replaced by nothing but hopes, dreams, and aspirations that concern her. I'm not gonna lie, I got borderline nuts and sincerely tried to make it all go away in the name of calm, cool, and rational Nick, and it just wasn't happening. All the questions, all the rationalizations, all the hopes and dream, frustration and bullshit that unfolded is in those blogs. I know how confused you can get, I know how hard it is to listen to the real world, I know what it feels like to be the only one that "knows" while everyone else is just missing it. You don't have to be in that persons relationship to empathize and understand their situation. The facts remained. I got over it and myself. I learned to keep my faith in understanding and the statute of love separate from my hopes that it would be with any specified person. It was a hard ass lesson to learn and fuck me if I can't convey how shitty it can get when you become good at making excuses.

 (line not able to be shown on myspace) like you've read this far newayz

Religion of Love

It's what the 9/11 bombers joined. It what I, to a lesser extent, joined. Its what we all hope to be apart of and not manipulated and hurt by. The perverted con artist with his stunning good looks and stylish ways thinks he invented it. The teenager thinks they can handle it. The confessed believer thinks they understand it. I find it the ultimate oxymoron that people join a religion for love, always looking from the outside in, instead of taking a bit of advice from the Buddhists who believe change comes from within. Its in this area, all the talk about how much, in fact the infinite, amount of love Jesus has for you that I think religion commits its greatest sin.

            What could be more worthwhile and compelling than the love of an infinite God? How can one be so vain as to worry about a petty life issue when all their time and attention needs to be focused on a confessed jealous God? The idea that this ultimate love from God is more important than life itself is what helped drive me insane when I tried to become Christian in pursuit of it. Granted, you would probably say I was doing it for the girl or for any number of wrong reasons, but I can only tell you that while it may have started out as such, I worked at making that not so, and not surprisingly still to no avail. When I think about the different stories I've heard in some "Christian" relationships I'm amazed that I ever thought it was something to aspire to.

            I'd never have expected things like, slapping, talking down to, mentally abusing, threats, and orders to come out of a "Christian" towards his so-called loved one. What I find more disturbing than that is the reasoning the girls use to stay in the relationship. If that buffer line touched on anything you've ever said or felt in a relationship, elevate and tie in all the good things with God and the demonize bad things with the Devil. The battle is no longer felt like its in your control. You have this never ending thirst for this everlasting love that, excuse me, exists only in your mind, and you pray and cry for answers that just never seem to appear because its all part of a plan that your not supposed to, nor can begin to, understand. You no longer believe in yourself. You believe in the belief. Without it your more than lost, your nothing. Your hope springs eternal for a new life of soldier with slave duties. But of course, you can throw it all away right? You have a choice to think about other "non-Christian" girls and be adulterous. You can get your groove on as many times as you want for as long as you live, and you'll only have to go to hell as payback. And God said unto man "Love Me or else, make your choice."

How to Think

No one teaches you how. They try to tell you how but ultimately we assume that because we are, hopefully, we are doing it correctly. Moreover, we couldn't function as our selves if we didn't assume we were thinking correctly. Unfortunately, your brain has side streets and trap doors where your thoughts can fall which effectively change your perception without you ever needing to be aware they exist. Preconceived notions are some of the biggest things affecting how you rationally think. When you adopt or credo or set of beliefs they act as a speed bump for everything you ever see, hear, or do. Take on that bump long enough and you think its simply "you." If I was religious I would probably also take offense to a book entitled "god is not Great" how religion poisons everything. At the same time my offense doesn't change any of the words that could have a significant impact on my thoughts. I wouldn't even touch the book because I "know" it has nothing to do with anything I care about because I only care about God. While its obvious the book is going to have different opinions it also address many if all of the questions your faithful leaders are discussing behind closed doors. Not to take any light off of the history behind the different religions it describes.

 Do I know for sure that I know exactly the perfect way to think all the time? No. Do I think the way I think is credible and can be explained in hopes of other people adopting certain ideas to help themselves? Yes. When you think too much your bound to find a way that is able to put all your thoughts and life experiences, past and present, and keep them in context with respect to a range of perceptions. In other words you can become passionate and not irrational. Your maybe the old guy that the kids come buy and ask for insight and advice from.

            When you think, you have to consider what type of information your getting from what source. Can it trusted and tested? You have to think about what instances in your own life may influence your first reaction or thought to the idea well before you verbally announce them. Anyone who's stopped themselves from saying "A black guy robbed them? Of course" knows how to avoid their "brought up in a racist home" bump. You have to re-evaluate what you call "you." If you can't establish your views, opinions, and even confusions, your playing a whole new dogmatic game.

I Don't Know

For whatever reason these seem to be the hardest words to fully embrace by anyone. There's nothing wrong with them. They are inevitable with the endless questions we humans are capable of asking. By understanding that you don't know, you can begin to question the reasons you don't know. It is unfortunate that while every religion knows everything they still don't know how to admit when they're wrong. I don't trust people with all the answers because they're people with all the answers. Do I know the be all end all of your relationships with God or some significant other? Of course not. Do I know what I can see, hear, and learn about? More than anything else I could claim to know. I don't want you to think, and you don't, that I know it all. But I know a lot, and so do you. The world is a sea of information that grows exponentially every second magnifying and converging on a point that may never have an end. You're the only one who can break the wall of excuses and fear in you mind.

[63] This Is A Title

I definitely just saw I Am Legend, badass movie check it out. It had a little talk in it about god so don't blame me for sounding redundant. "God didn't do this, we did." Personal responsibility. This is the only thing I rally for in my crusade, catch the irony, against people of "too perfect" faith. While the movie didn't have specifically religious undertones to it, it did have spiritual ones. It's one thing to denounce or disagree with one or another aspect of someone's religious world view, but I think it's another to completely disregard any harpings of your spiritual self. Is there something else to our existence? Who knows. Does it feel like there is? Apparently so.

I think there are more problems with connotation than there are with actual words' definitions. I've said in previous blogs how vague people's definitions are of things, but generally everyone can keep a semi-civil conversation and remain in context. Think of the word atheist though. To me it doesn't carry that punch that I guess it does to those religiously minded. I was watching Fox have an, ewey, atheist on to talk about their tree of knowledge next to the nativity scene. She was pitted against the regular pastor they have on Fox. What did we see? One person explaining why they believe knowledge and celebration are important, the other making accusations about motivations and "coincidences" in the display. The ever present little pious look and fevering restlessness took hold of the pastor who could barely contain his passive ad-homonyms. Every time the atheist woman was referred to it was like that, "the atheist." She was almost dehumanized as even one of the hosts seemingly pretended to forget her name while talking with the pastor. This is exactly to the T what I hate about the overly religious mindset. You can't get that arrogant and ignorant of your actions unless you've practiced fully justifying such behavior for too damn long.

Sam had it right that "atheism" is too blunt an instrument for what really needs to be done. A change in people's thoughts, mannerisms, and awareness needs to happen in a battle with endless fronts. Bad ideas need to be denounced for just how bad they are and people need to be made to understand why they can't hold them and still have status in our society. Undeniable good reasons need to be tirelessly reiterated until they become more common than the word is.

What really bugs me as well is the preconceived notions people come up with about me and why I am the way I am. I at least ask questions about people's faith and try to find out what makes them tick. The fact that I'm so easily write-offable as "just another one of those people" bugs the hell out of me. I don't treat people like that. Yes, I ridicule the idea of a "super demon beast" compelling my thoughts and actions. Yes I ask for more than "look around, here of this miracle?, you don't know how it feels" as your justification for your actions. And finally yes, I will always bring it back up, ask more questions, challenge you, and voice my opinion. If you don't want to "fight", as my one friend so puts it, back then that's your prerogative. Do not expect me to give up having "faith" in knowledge and truth in "respect" for your ironclad belief. Not gonna happen.

I'm just really tired of getting headaches over all this shit. The more I encounter people who don't live up to the standards they set for themselves, or worse, live up to an idiotic standard, I feel like I lose something deeper than respect. The idea of anything being eternal or forever recurring attached to consciousness is tormenting if its going to be in constant struggle against pure egotism. Will Smith was kinda freakin out there for a while not being around people and I kinda connected with that when I think about how frequently I'm shut off to people. I'm bugging out talking to people who either completely agree with me or don't care to offer a solid opinion. No religious minded person cares to challenge me? None want to put their views up to a test, if you could call it that, against a foe they already "know" they will beat? I think because that idea doesn't bother them as much as it does me is why I get these headaches. I get to empathize with feelings they've learned to ignore. Sure I'll play the victim here at the end because I only have a reader to empathize with, not god for me to pretend like the problem disappeared or is any less significant.

AH I mean how many fucking times do I have to see the same stupidity over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Fucking denial, putting on a fake face. Split personalities that fucking scar the real one? Its sickening, literally I get sick to think about this shit for too long. I write to make the headaches go away and until I fucking rant about the ignorance and intolerance I guess I won't be ok. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'M SICK AND I'M TIRED, AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE. :) peace. And remember, bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

[46] And Your Name Was?

Category: Writing and Poetry

The leather was cool on the back of her neck, inviting. Her eyes we closed yet she could feel his presence in the air. With every soft, gentle breath, she slipped down into the smooth sofa. Her lips craving to be touched. He drew closer. The small of her neck tingled as the first kiss made its intention. She felt herself grip the cushion. He moved down. Planting little pleasures as he made his way. She opens her eyes straight into his, passionate aggression staring back. The air is shrouded in an animal lust making her breath harder. She sets her head back down as she senses the backs of his fingers run down her chest. Her heart yearns for more. Her chest raises and falls. Up and down, soft and slow, he barely caresses her stomach and thighs. He plays with her, toying with her body as it screams out to be touched. Her heart beats faster. She bites her bottom lip, ever anticipating when he'll make his move. Eyes squeezing tighter and tighter each moment. He makes small circles on her stomach and chest, never allowing her more than two fingers. Soft as silk. His hand rises and falls with her heavy breaths. She pushes out towards him, her body aching. His hand moves to her knee and creeps up her thigh. The fringe from her new skirt excites and tickles her all the more. Her head starts getting lighter as she realizes her clenching of the cushion is the only thing stopping her from bursting. She feels herself getting wet. He allows for one finger to brush just around her clit. She quivers. Her breaths allow for anxious moans to sneak out. He works his fingers around a little faster, a little longer, never fully touching. She grasps and re grasps the cushions and feels herself pushing back into the sofa. Pleading in her head for the moment he'll touch it. Faster he swirls. Feeling the lust drip from his other fingers he retracts. She springs at his hands, pulling them towards her, but he resists. She never dares open her eyes. Her heart is racing and breath becoming short. In his teeth the bottom end of her shirt begins to move up her stomach. She can feel his warm breath all the way up. Her shirt lies just above her red bra. He undoes the hook and exposes her. Perfect. Licking his lips he plants wet kisses around each breast. Each spot grows cool as he soothingly blows. Her nipples instantly become poised and stiff. He lets his fingers lay atop one breast while his pointer slowly circles each rim. Every nerve ending suffers the tantalizing. She can't take it anymore,  he knows it. All at once the warmth from his mouth and hands consumes her. His middle and forefinger are thrust inside. She feels his tongue play with her nipples while his fingers stroke her. She throws her stomach into the air unable to subside the convulsions. The tiny moans turn into cries of pure expression on waters where words cannot tread. The teasing, the soft blows on wet kisses, had all led up to this. She grew hotter. Sweat beading and dripping down her chest. The whirlwind of overwhelming obsession for this moment made her not want, but need him. His lion's gaze melting away any chance of insecurity. Her head felt as though it were on acid, disbelieving the truth of the encounter. He never tired. He never stopped. Every ounce of his being was concentrated on her. Her brow forced together, breasts heaving up and down. One shockwave after another he sent her. His lust knew no bounds. Each move deliberate. The sheer ecstasy that immersed her very soul was more than any meager orgasm of the past. She felt it would last with her forever. There was no couch or cushions. There was no frilled skirt or red bra. The only two things left in the world were them at that moment. Bliss. The more she came the harder it was to listen when her body signaled that she needed to stop. Desperately giving in she felt herself settling down. Too exhausted and enthralled to even utter another sound. He took his hands from their positions and slid them around her stomach as she settled in, hair strewn about her face. She laid there on his chest and they stared out at the night sky. Hearts and breaths in sync. After all calmed down and they grew tired, her last thought was stricken with concern. What would she possibly be able to do? If he could make her feel like that on the first date, how would she survive when they started having sex.  

[45] Letter To A Fearful Nation

Category: Religion and Philosophy

None of us seem to care about the world outside our window. The millions slaughtered overseas. The children dying of AIDS and sickness in Africa. The people perhaps in your own family that are suffering because of screwed up medical policies or lack of insurance. We all know its around, surrounding our minds and suffocating our tolerance for life. It looms over our heads always antagonizing, reminding you one day you could and will end up like that. Maybe the next few hours of your life will be the last. All that you ever held dear will be cut off. The love of your life will take part of your soul with them as they're lowered into the grave. Your friends and family may have died September 11th, they may be dying in Iraq, or maybe they're slowing drifting away on a hospital bed. How easy it is to just push the thoughts away. Who can blame you for pretending? We're all just big kids right? What would telling a child that their pets, parents, and friends were all going to die make them do? How would they start to think? Sure, people can suffer from diseases or get maimed in a firefight. Unfortunately, nothing quite compares to a suffering mind. Your eyes tear up and go blurry. Your head pounds and throbs over and endlessly picking away at a spot just above your eye. Restless or sleepless nights when you find yourself drenched in sweat and methodically rocking your feet side to side. The world is real. Your pain and confusion are almost too real to even handle. But what could make it all go away? There has to be something so drastically perfect and loving that evens the desperate odds in your mind. Innumerable ideas or theories are desperately tossed about. People turn to alcohol or drugs to help convince their mind that some things don't have to be thought about. But nothing goes away.

We're all connected. Whether you know (or at least think) you know everything there is about the world, you don't know anything if you don't empathize with that idea. If you can imagine endless suffering and pain in hell then so can the next person. It should bother you to think about babies being cut out of their mothers wombs, because its happening as recently as 2002. You don't like to think about it, imagine how the women felt dying from it. Everyone knows the kinds of insufferable thoughts that seem too hard to face. Their not all sympathetic to the idea that maybe they don't really know how to help you. While knowledge is not the perfect cure-all for the compounding problems on earth, I believe it is the basis of anything that seeks to even begin alleviating suffering. This so called "intellectual arrogance" in another realm of understanding is nothing more than the self righteous pride a religious person feels when they memorize scripture. The idea two sides of the same coin does not always apply to every conversation about religion. The bigger picture ensues a better understanding of people and their reasons behind their actions. The terms good and bad are so near-sided we change their meaning and twist them to feel comfortable about commands we ignore "from the pulpit." A "good" action can be taken on its base, but how many of you would call it good when you knew the motives, understood the variables, realized how ignorant one can be and still be considered good.

To say you respect my views in the last blog and then in the next sentence throw scripture at me and bring a devil scenario is to disrespect (or helplessly not understand) my views. We tolerate this verbal contradiction of belief(better known as respecting it) to such a crazy extent that we don't even recognize when the president calls on god for help or state supreme court judge admits to abiding a "higher power's" law. What about that little rule separating church and state? Parasites inhabit the mind and make you do things for the good of their health, not yours. They make animals, including humans, suicidal and incapable of reason. The diabolical genius of any cult convincing its members to drink the punch, wine, etc.. Yes, you can be brilliant, well endowed, a seemingly stunning example of humility and humanity and still be infested with bigoted ideas or completely off base assumptions and assertions with nothing but your strong inner feelings about them as justification. No one will tolerate the white guy screaming nigger over and over in a class room because his dad taught him to feel such strong hatred for black people. All ideas come to you like this. Unorganized or unreasoned and have to be sorted out as "right" or "wrong" in your mind. How quickly the terms embody new meaning when you find yourself in a new environment.

It bothers me that people can know so much about their minds (or have the ability to learn) and don't accept how futile the evidence paints the picture of their lives. And granted, its only futile if you choose to see it that way. If your brain had the infinite power of the universe and was running at the speed of light it would struggle to fully and unequivocally believe just 300 things. Scale that down to what your working with and ask yourself what your even capable of believing well before you say you actually do. Your mind can't even operate unless it reasons and deduces that what its taking in is helpful and "true." No I do not say that any person of religious faith is any less thoughtful, has struggled any less with questions, or is completely invalid as a human because they so vehemently attest to the truth and reason behind their beliefs. The problems arise and all boil down to evidence. Is your evidence based from really strong, compelling feelings and "miracles" or on something you can test? Something that can take on the full repercussions of what it means to be wrong. Here the great divide between science and faith takes foot. Who would even want to face the idea that what they have faith in could be wrong? Even scientists struggle with their convictions, but the scientific method and ideal hold true. Raised your entire life to believe a tsunami is evidence for the second coming leaves no question about why people confuse their meaning of the word evidence. Unfortunately, no matter how many times you are told by your parents, pastor, or friends that "because the bible says so" is any evidence whatsoever for valid belief, it isn't.

The writing styles, the (mis)translations, and historical claims of the book can all be studied and tested. Take note of where you get the evidence as well. Every source is going to have at least a hint of personal bias if not outright agenda to capture your mind. Don't for a second think that one ideal, one person, or one book... is the be all end all authority about anything. Whether we like the results or not the evidence backed facts remain. This is too big a problem for religious people and I hate to see the desperation, denial, depravity, delusion, defensiveness, and dogma sound all the sweeter if any discussion tries to push their minds further. I can't blame them for feeling bad or angry. Even more resent the very idea of questioning anything in the first place. I can asess responsibility upon those that don't take the information and use it to change and conclude that others can be helped by hearing what they now know. They can use it to better themselves and finally face the increasingly undeniable contradictions one must live, and blindly embrace, to be a "moderate believer." I've said it before, I don't care what you believe if it isn't harming anybody, but who can really appreciate how much universal harm is done when ideas and reasoning are abused to justify blind ignorance.

[44] The All TOO TYPICAL Parasitic Christian Mind

1. I definitely believe the literal truth of the Bible.(Neven, this means that you have to kill me. If you don't know how often god kills people for being heretics and not believing in your faith then you haven't read the bible. You honestly believe the world was created in 6 days? I can't believe you think you should stone your devirginized wife either) I follow it word by it sure proof that it's the word of God.(There is a book called "Misquoting Jesus" that you should read. Man wrote the bible. Man makes mistakes and people have agendas, just because you say you believe something doesn't not prove ANYTHING.) The fulfilled prophecies, promises, how the Bible goes hand in hand with today's events happening in the world. I mean come on. (Neven, find me one prophecy that has been fulfilled word for word. There isn't one. The same things you call "fulfilled prophecy" now are just disasters that people tried to call fulfilled prophecy then. This doesn't make any sense at all.) There's a book out there called the "Evidence Bible" and it shows scientific(real scientists with faith and lack of faith) proof why the Bible is true in its words and how it correlates right back to God.(No one is god! No one can say they talk to god or claim to know ANYTHING about him if he existed.  Read a newspaper and a Bible. They go right with each other. It's almost scary.(The news is completely manipulated by corporations and people with agendas to keep you living in fear. Just because you read some biased bullshit article on the end of days or prophecy does not prove anything other than your gullible.)

2. I was brought up in a Christian home, but that doesn't mean I was Christian. I was young so the "God" thing really didn't catch my full attention. I decided to be a Christian on my own becuase I told myself I can be wrong about this.(So you believe out of fear? Better to believe and go to heaven than not and go to hell? That's a pretty shitty reason in my opinion. You love god so much that you obey out of fear. How strong your faith must be) Every Sunday I went to church, the truth and proven evidence flowed within the room.(What evidence! What do you call evidence? You can call anything evidence, but if it doesn't exist in the real world to be tested and proved, you don't make ANY sense) And that's when I realized that God is really real and Christ did die for me and took my punishment in my behalf so I wouldn't be guilty on the day of Judgment.(Neven, what are you guilty of? Original sin right? You are damned to burn forever because a person that never existed ate an apple? That doesn't sound a little fucked up to you? Don't you want to do something wrong first before your judged? God loves you so much that he lets a super powered demon beast fuck with your feeble human mind? that's not a kind of love I want and don't understand why you do. Who was god trying to impress when he had Christ killed? If he was Christ then god was judge, jury, and victim?  And that's how I became a Christian, and I'm happier than I ever been. I continue to be blessed and I know these are not mere concidences.(These? These what? What coincidence are you talking about? No, thinking is not a coincidence. Coming to random conclusions about the your fate based on NOTHING is creepy and confuses me.

3. I'm glad you ask this question. When you look at a building Nick, how do you know a builder build it. Well, because of the visible proof of the building. You know somebody hade to make it, build it, or whatever. (So you believe in visible proof? Then what does God look like?) When you look at a painting Nick, how do you know a painter painted it. Well, because of the visible proof of the painting proves the painter exists. Somebody had to paint it, it didn't paint itself. And the same with creation. The moon, stars, mountains, animals, oceans, us people. We are the proof that a Creator exist(God).(NO, you obviously know NOTHING about the nature of matter, quantum mechanics, or evolution. Hell look into metaphysics and think yourself so important "proof"? We didn't make ourselves by chance, we were created in God's image.(NOONE says we god here by CHANCE. Evolution is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF CHANCE. I don't know why you would ever say such a thing.  Everything has a maker.(If everything has a maker then what made your god? YOU DID. And if god was just always here then why can't the universe be called god? We don't know exactly how it got here either) A building has builder. A painting has a painter. And creation has a God. And you have a conscious Nick given to you by God so you will know right from wrong.(Wrong again, I have evolutionary reasons to have "right" and "wrong" everyone follows their own rules that semi fit in with some bigger set of IDEALS that NOONE really follows completely. If you weren't "good" growing up you wouldn't eat or even be able to live. If you were bad, especially with your mom, you'd get in trouble. It's called cause and effect, not god's inspired word. You can't say you don't have a conscious becuase every one has one.(I never said I didn't have a conscious, and some people conscious is not running by the same rules as yours. There are plenty of reasoned and logically thought out ideas that you would never agree with, and by the way, there being thought up and acted upon "for Christ." In Romans in the Bible, it says God has given light(a conscious) to every creature so they will know right from wrong. I don't need FAITH, MY PARENTS, AP PREACHER, THE BIBLE, CHRISTIAN LEADERS, OR ANYONE prove to me that God exist. All I need is eyes that can see and a mind that can reason and use common sense. Plus look at us Nick, we made with a design. Look at our eyes, hands.( Our eyes fall well short of "perfect" or best designed by god. There are animals living today that could see shit coming eons before we could. And MANY MANY parts of our bodies, the knees, eyes, prostate, appendix, and digestive system are just a few of the things that fuck up all the time and aren't as good as other animals.) They all made with purpose, not chance. Even Charles Darwin quoted that the eyeball can't be formed simply by natural selection, that it is impossible.(First off, have you read anything by Darwin, and what have you? Second Darwin was completely atheistic, I've read his books and about him so if you want to argue about people at least do your research first) So even Charles Darwin, the creator of the evolution idea, concluded by saying maybe God does exist(you can conclude this from the context clues, it's only evolution or there's a God, nothing else). That it makes sense. But every scientist loves to discard this quote. I wonder why.(Find me this quote, simple enough)

4. Previous pagan religions didn't really have Gods I think.(THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING YOU'VE SAID SO FAR. Paganism is what CHRISTIANITY IS BASED OFF OF. The same things you say about Jesus or the bible is what was said about the pagan gods. The virgin birth, the resurrection, the visits from wise men etc. Look up the old gods of Mithra and Dionysus if you only want 2 of the god's who had Jesus' story before he was born.) They thought they're gods were useless.(They thought their god's were responsible for EVERYTHING. How could someone ever create a god and think that it was useless? That doesn't make any sense and I can't even argue with you here until you read even one book on what paganism even was.) They grow on more individuality and their own spiritual growth rather than believing in a good vs. evil.

5. I have never in my life have read those books. Quite honeslty, I don't think I want to. I think you should stop picking up those crazy books that think they know about God, and they don't.(Never, no one knows about your personal "god" of whatever the hell you want to call it. these books don't argue god. They talk about history, they talk about all the wars and fighting and bullshit that reigns in the name of a deity that is supposed to be all forgiving, loving, and peaceful. The are biology book sand ..aries about who wrote the bible, where it came from, and why the version we have today is nothing like what it would have been originally.)  Their opinions are coming out of their butts(some claim they used to know God, and now they don't, I don't buy it. (Their FACTS are coming from evidence, looking at the real world and saying what IS HAPPENING today and what has happened in the past. There people read more books and study more things than you and I can even fathom at our ages. They have doctorates in biology, philosophy, they graduste from Oxford and Harvard. They want to learn, and more importantly they want to see change and a better world not filled with violence over and idea that NOONE CAN PROVE. To me, they're not trying to learn, they just trying to convince people its easier to not believe in something) and my opinions are coming from actual experiences.(What experiences? Of course its easier to just accept "all the answers," but I'm sorry I'm not five anymore and I can't just believe something because someone said so. I don't trust people, I don't know why you do. If you lived in an Isamic nation you would say the same things about that religion as you would Christianity. If you don't think any of your mind has been formed by your manipulative mom or upbringing your wrong. People are "designed" by evolution to listen to authority in order to survive. They aren't supposed to be controlled by some subjective idealist that is pushing their own agenda.  Read the Bible, not those crazy books. (I've read the bible, there is nothing more dangerous or telling of human nature that I could ever read.) Only thing they are doing is shrouding your mind. Your are a smart man and are smarter than those books to make your own decison about God.

6. The world without religion would be chaos.(That is utterly ridiculous. If people focused on just loving and living instead of pushing "god's agenda" there would still be violence and hatred, but there would be more people feeling guilty and less likely to do things they have to feel responsible for. If the world would be in chaos how would we ever get started before "religion" was ever a thing people worried about? Why aren't the prisons filled with atheists and agnostics? They aren't so don't even try to tell me they are, another area I've read into. What do you have to say about the Inquisition if you want to talk about chaos? Crime rates would be up. People would be stealing frequently and getting away with it. And no God, there would be no guidance. (If I don't believe and am not stealing all the time and being the unguided unreligious person how do you explain me? The devil made me read and get smarter? The devil makes me love nikki and my family?  We would be a bee hive with no queen bee. I don't even want to imagine a world without religion. That's too risky. (This just shows you how your environment as taught you to be afraid)

7. I get my morals from my conscious that God has given me and you Nick. You might say how do I know morals weren't learned from society.(they were, I don't realize if you knew, but the bible advocated slavery. If you believe in the literal word you would think slavery and raping concubines and other's wives is ok. And if you don't believe in those parts of the bible and you cherry pick it like everyone else, by what standard are you choosing certain parts of "god's" word? You can't tell me you listening to "god" to only hear other parts of "god." Well imagine yourself in a courtroom, a criminal kills his wife, sister mother, and father. The reason he said he killed them was becuase he wasn't taught morals from society. And the judge lets him go because of it. This would be ridiculous. You know darn well he knows murder is wrong. Why does he know it? It's because of his conscious.(He knows murder is wrong because its going to get him killed right back. Some people can kill. They can kill even easier when they don't feel like their the one's doing it. If its done for god, quoted from the bible, they can be a happy murderer. Without religion you would have good people doing good things and bad people doing bad things, for good people to do bad things, that takes religion.)

8. If I converted to another religion, I don't think my parents would care that much (So your parents wouldn't care about your eternal soul that much, oooookkkkkayyyyy.). They would be upset, but they know it's my choice. It's like saying if I wanted to be gay. They know the moral thing is to be straight in our society.(How is it moral to be straight? Your telling me you don't know ANY moral gay people? Your gonna be in shock when you get to college. Its also studied biologically and backd by evidence the reasons that people can't choose to be gay and just are. Maybe something else you should read about) But what can they do. It be like my parents having a cure or medicine for me which is Christianity to heal my sickness. And I don't want it for some reason. (So one day when your dying of cancer you want a prayer circle instead of kemo therapy?)  They can make me take it. You see where I'm kinda going with this?

9. Extremists in Christianity has nothing to do with Christianity. (Neven, how can you possibly say that? If people are doing bad things in the name of Christ what sense does it make to say they have nothing to do with Christianity? They have everything to do with it. they have the scary aspect, the main reason I fear and hate people who don't look before they leap. There are people that are willing to blow up the country in order to fill some bullshit prophecy. Here's an idea, lets know what the prophecy is supposed to be and then be surprised when purposely act to make it come true. I predict I'll save this convo, god told me so, wait and see if it happens.) There are two different kind of Christians.(NO there are Christians that live in dogma that they ignore and don't think about, and there are Christians that do literally acts because they interpret one thing or another to make them do "good" and "bad" things. The ones that come to you in love and try to share their faith with you without disrespect. The other kind is the "so-called"(keyword) Christians that want your money and stand up on buildings and say "Your'e going to hell", "Jesus is better than beer", "Turn or burn". This is not God's will.(This is exactly god's will, have you ever read the old testament? Nothing has killed, been more racists, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, narcissistic, or angry than Yahweh   Jesus didn't do this when sharing his faith. In the Bible, it says we Christians are in the midst of, meaning we are mixed with hypocrites, and people who say they do good things and but don't. You see, on the day of Judgment, God is going to sort them all out from the righteous and unrighteous. And the people, who say"Turn or burn", they are going to be the ones headed far south. No one is responsible for these extremists. Well, except the Devil. (The fucking devil is not responsible for ANYTHING. THAT IS A COMPLETE COP OUT. When someone can't take the responsibility for their own dirty hands they blame either god or the devil. When they can't understand something they blame god or the devil. When they get lazy and don't care to think about what or are scared of what the answers may be they blame god or the devil. If you try to say the devil does anything your are scared of taking responsibility, even part of the responsibility, for the terrible things that people do in the name of your shared faith. The extremists are ultimately responsible for the extremists, you and I are responsible for the extremist. We will be the ones to make them stop and try to work in the word of actual proof and reason. Fuck the devil. If you think he has ever influenced you or is influencing you or the world around you then I'm at a loss for what else to really say to you...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

[43] Can You Believe It

Can you believe it?

I find when people say "I respect what you believe, but I don't agree with you" they have no idea what their talking about. I believe in:

I believe in Life, Love, and Happiness.

I believe in Freedom of expression.

I believe in Knowledge, provable facts, and evidence.

I believe in an open mind.

I believe people need to remedy denial, delusion, and dogma.

I believe in PEACE.

That is all, if you respect and don't agree with that then I don't understand you, nor care to. Maybe you don't know about how the brain works, and that's ok for now, but I'm making it my burden to inform people about how and why they think they know everything. It kills me too how people can read only one rant blog and think they have my position solidified in their minds. Good job "summing up the facts and taking for granted." It's too typical.

My head incessantly hurts when I don't understand something. I'm suffering from trying to empathize with a person who can know what I know, believe in their religion, and be comfortable with the denial of facts and outright contradiction that now defines their existence. Those "moderate Christians" that have formed their own religion of hand sitting in the face of action and screaming "respect" when bombarded with probing questions. I can't do it, don't keep trying.

I fuck up all the time. Give me a task and rest assured before I can do it perfectly and consistently, even if its easy and "under my belt" I will screw it up at least once. I can admit it and take the heat. I'm not afraid to be wrong and in fact, depressingly enough, almost always expect it. 9 times out of 10 when I hear some authoritative figure call my name at work or school I automatically assume I'm wrong or in trouble. Now I don't always want to feel wrong or like I mess up, but that's reality. When you investigate, when you realize, and when you question why your wrong you can learn how to prevent freaking out or getting upset when something happens. This kind of mindset needs to be adopted by those who are afraid of what will happen if they started to disbelieve. One of understanding and growth, NOT damnation. If God wanted you to ignore fact and evidence, throw away this life in hopes for the next, why the hell did he arm you with brains that can only operate on what you logically deduce and learn and perceive here and now. That has got to be one of the most important things you need to know about how your brain works. You literally are what dreams are made of. You are capable of thinking and doing sooo sooo much with information it is scary.

I like to learn. When I read books its not so I can find more things to "bash" religion, I simply learn why they came to be, how the nervous system operates, facts about other religions, and all the evidence that science has found to suggest, more outright disprove, things that are widely accepted and comfortable to swallow. That's why I get angry when I talk to people who believe in literal interpretations of text, or that the word is "inspired". They believe in parts, and always the parts that further their own ideals and worldview, that don't have any credibility until thought credible before the parts were seen. You are not a product of god, you are the mental and physical representation of what you can perceive at any instant. Your brain doesn't allow for any "belief" that isn't in the shadow or better represented by something deeper, more clear, and more consistent. The matter that you consist of is always moving and ever changing. There, in a sense, is no "you."

I always wonder why, when its too easy to do, we can draw parallels with the bible's god and a human. I mean humans say the same things and use the same manipulative techniques today that the bible is famous for using as "perfectly inspired." Defensive and petty statements that are nothing of how you'd want a god to act. I mean the second I hear of a jealous god I'm beyond confused. What could ANY representation of a perfect all knowing and lovable character EVER have to be jealous about let alone feel the need to tell anyone about it. It really is just that simple sometimes. The bible needs to be on the shelves next to the Iliad and characters like Yahweh and Satan need to be retired like Zeus and Dionysus.

You think what people believe isn't hurting you. You live in an age where people are blowing themselves up on buses and crashing planes into buildings. Blind faith and misguided, misconstrued information can be spread like wildfire with the internet and news. When your president thinks it's the beginning of the end of days your friends and family get to die in Iraq. When North Korea and Islamic factions think the pure filth that is the West and "Christians" are unworthy and taking over and their chosen time has come, you get nuked. There is NO TIME left for being lazy, "respectful", and tolerant. I'm tired of it and YOU SHOULD BE TOO. I know already that if your reading this your not blowing people up, others of your faith are, or are willing to die and take others with them. I know you may not know all the facts and reason I have to be so blunt and angry. Here's an opportunity to learn and gain perspective. If your not talking, if your not angry, if you don't do the basic things even a dirty hippie can pull off, I have ZERO respect or tolerance for you. I will not care about your feelings, I will not subject myself to your contradictory dogma, and I will not fear coming off as pampas or arrogant. If that comes with living in the real world, being an individual, and spreading truth so be it.

If you think errant facts need to be preserved for you to carry on living, your lying. If you think the bad things that happen because of faith are because people aren't doing it "correctly," your lying. If you think sitting in your fear bubble and the world views from the rest of humanity are helpless to pop it, your hastening your already eminent death.

[42] Before Ee Even Get StarTED

"Imagine all the people, living for today."

That song has been embedded in my head and is my recommendation for the future world anthem. You'd be too quick to say that I hate religion and fear or resent god or w/e else that first pops into your head when I try to discuss your "faith." After watching License to Wed, of all movies, I realized how badly people need to fully appreciate where someone is coming from before they can even begin to understand and think about what's being said. For me a better statement would be that I hate the countless negative things done in the name of Jesus or a god. I hate when people "justify" blissful ignorance in the face of factual knowledge. I hate seeing defensive stances taken in an area of your life that should mean so much more to you than something to fight for instead of express.

The truth is, I don't care at all if you believe. If it "makes you a better person," "adds meaning to your life," and "isn't harming anybody" then go for it. A church go-er can walk in and see all the people in the choir who "love to praise Jesus." They look around at all the heads nodded in "prayer." They "ask for forgiveness" and get blessed. I can't do that. I see people who simply like to sing and appreciate the musical energy. I see people huddled over mimicking what their parents taught them, behaving respectfully, and wishing really hard. I watch people as they give up after exhaustively pointless attempts to justify their guilty deeds and thoughts.

I will never feel intimidated or scared of your god or knowledge of the gospels. Don't look for me if you want to argue with bible quotes, miracles, or nice people stories. If you don't  see how easily I can argue the bible with the bible, find plausible scientific explanations for the miracles, and tell you just as many bad people stories your fooling yourself. All I ever ask for people is to be honest. The same kind of honest that made me rant for countless hours about "love." Honesty that accounts for 20 or so depressed and pissed off blogs. REAL TRUTH that pushes you to get informed, most assuredly stress out, and ultimately achieve real happiness. That thing that keeps your heart steady and your head on when your faced with something you don't yet understand. The lack of understanding pill is the hardest to swallow and takes the longest to digest, but the rewards are so insurmountable later you won't regret the side effects.

You must always remember I won't try to fight "your god" because if I try we both already know I'm wrong your right and I'm destined to "lose." If you justify your accusations and beliefs in ignorance, or better said, "on faith" I won't bother to argue and will only suggest certain books or documentaries I can all but assume you won't read or watch. The ultimate paradox will always remain however, though we think we know so much, at the same time we really don't know anything. If you don't at least settle, better yet, begin to question, the ground in your own mind how much bigger are you making the problem? Where is the advice your giving really coming from? What message are you actually trying to preach? Sure, its simple to agree on the basics, you know, peace, love, yada yada, but what hat happens when we hit the details? Instead of arguing semantics why can't we just simply agree on those simple things of peace, love, and yada yada and stop there. Your religion is not your spirituality and especially not your individual nature. I don't care to, nor try to, "attack" you. I look to explain what you believe. Moreover I look for you to explain and understand what you believe. If you don't think that's where I'm coming from, that's on you, just don't expect anything out of me that I wouldn't award anyone else with a contently closed mind. If you'll never see me as anything but some "hateful atheist" or "religion attacker" and my opinions or better yet, proven facts, just will never matter, the very least I would hope for you to take from me are some questions you can ask yourself. Alone and quietly in your bedroom perhaps at four in the morning when no one can judge you. Light a candle, put on some Jack Johnson, sit back and just ask. I don't know what will happen. Simply ask. Don't get angry, don't give up, and don't be afraid of your answers.

[41] Can A Nigga Get An Amen?

Can a nigga get an AMEN?

Finished "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. Basically amazing. I really don't care if your up your Christian faith's ass or not its one to read and think about. What people don't seem to get, if you accept something as a fact, because it is proven as a fact, doesn't mean that you've automatically denied something else. (Maybe not the case for Mr. Dawkins as the atheist pope but….) This is something starting to piss me the fuck off when I try to talk to anyone about their "faith." They believe in belief to such an extent that simply hinting to the side that proves them wrong sends a childlike paroxysm my way. This is fucking ridiculous. If you have all the answers tightly wrapped in the bible and you KNOW everything then how can you contain yourself when an opportunity presents itself to shut me up? Just because you haven't been presented with the right facts or asked yourself the right questions doesn't mean you have any room to start on some tangent of assumed claims somehow construed as your "reasoning and logic" proving you right. How many playground fights do I have to run into before someone is ready to just fucking sit, listen, and discuss?

I said before that a reaction with "the truth" so much less telling than your actual expression of actual truth. And that is such a true statement I don't even know what to pick apart first. I say something about the un-originality of Jesus' story and about how many Christian norms are evolved from pagan rituals. Basic level arguing points to me, mind you. In retort I get "God is great, I'm saved!, why are you attacking my beliefs!?, Your going to hell!" and all of a sudden all I see is some insecure child throwing a temper tantrum. I'm sure as hell not stunned by your magnificent version of god that makes you such a great soldier, full of peace and love.

I personally have never said nor can faithfully say "I don't believe in god." To me, it would be the same thing as saying that I don't believe in orbiting teapots or the flying spaghetti monster. Whether some things exist or don't its not my place or within my capabilities to make claims. This is the same case FOR EVERYONE. Belief in something because it can't be disproved is desperate and fucking retarded.

Literally, with every ounce of pissed off connotation behind it can you ever express, how dare you tell someone they are going to hell. I've talked about how much I hate mental abuse. Though that was in relationships the same effect applies to anyone with a mind weak enough to take it. Convince someone that they will endure everlasting hellfire and wah lah no shit a new "believer" is strapped and ready. This is especially deplorable when it happens to children. Dawkins makes the point over and over throughout the book. Indoctrinating children is plain terrible. To label someone so young and incapable of contemplating religion and their place in the world as Christian or Muslim children instead of child of Christian/Muslims parents is where he wants people to cringe. Doesn't that show how weak religion really is though? It deliberately goes for people who are fed up with or incapable of really thinking for its arsenal. Don't you wish you could be all you can be?

Its really sad because I just kinda started hanging with this girl who is entirely, and quite frustratingly, self defeatist. The too frequently typical story of hard upbringing, messed up parents, whatever else. Then all of a sudden she "found Christ" yada yada the story goes on as expected. If there is a more picture perfect example of crawling into a hole, trying to change the subject, outright fear and resentment when the word religion is even said I challenge you. In order for me to call someone a friend I need honesty, trust, and talks. I don't try to shatter your view on life because I get a feeling of conquest, but only because I respect what it is to be human and wish you would do the same. I also was talking with this guy who I work with as well. He had such a hysterically horrible story I have to retell it.

One day he's driving with his friend. She says something so stupid or arrogant about God that he chooses to test her. He starts to speed. Taking his hands off the wheel she starts to freak out and ask what he's doing. Faster and faster he goes. She starts getting hysterical, yelling at him to stop. He starts to slow the car and put his hands back on the wheel. She starts to cry and wants to be taken home. He sardonically asks, "Where is your God?" I was like daaaaamn when I heard this story, and though its pretty fucked up it was a harsh way that hopefully at least made someone see through their own bullshit.

            I want people to put themselves in my position or at least allow me enough of themselves so I can understand theirs. Do I understand that when your life feels threatened and Jesus comes along with promises of perfection, love, and happiness your compelled to fight, quite ferociously, to protect that? Yes. Do I understand that we don't know everything and no "little scientist" is ever going to disprove god? Duh. Is it understood that some people can't imagine their lives as anything meaningful or worthwhile unless their on their knees and brought to tears? Unfortunately, again yes. This is the most tragic of the realizations when pondering religion. It is a fact that if you can't fill that void that some people will freak out and act irresponsibly. You also need to remember they probably won't do anything more or less than someone who was doing the same in the name of god
 

            I can sympathize with not being able to satisfy that "love" urge. I can discuss what it feels like to be alone. I know how fucked up you can get when your so confused you can't even rant coherently. I understand the wave of thoughts that can overwhelm you when depression sets in. NEVER has a simple promise of heaven and eternal life and love made any of that less compelling or more easily deniable. I will always believe that people can lie about their faith, but never be able to lie to themselves. That pinch of doubt you feel or have at any one time felt won't go away no matter how many bible verses you throw at me, proclamations of being saved, or condemnations of peoples' actions. I bet my reasons for staying content and finding happiness, because they can't be based on a "because," will provide an actually peaceful foundation on which to express myself. 

            This is what people believe. They will be sort of good to people they kinda like and relate to their entire life. They can, more or less, frequent church and "pray" about the lottery ticket they've yet to win or relative that needs a cure. One "miracle" will happen in their family that will all but solidify god's existence.(who needs to acknowledge non sequitur reasoning anyway) They will profess their undying love for Christ to those feeble non-believers and feel "fulfilled" knowing god's ego is satisfied making them saved. When they die, as long as its not slow and agonizing, it will be with uneasy "pride" and those few indiscretions they maybe forgot about will be forgiven anyway. For the rest of eternity they get play with their new super powers and dance across the universe. This is what people believe.

It's not an accident that the churches don't teach the history of their religion, or any facts about other religions. It's about dominance not tolerance. Its about "right" and "wrong" instead of relativity and exploration, truth in your heart of hearts. People don't know the real facts about their beliefs because they don't want to know, they don't feel they can handle knowing, their family and friends will black list them and get anxious. FEAR. You are being controlled at any one point in time by something because deep down at some evolutionary level you are AFRAID. No one really cares that their child might be sitting next to a Muslim child in class despite the fact their so-subscribed religions would tell them to kill or disregard the others existence as a person.

IT. IS. NOT. YOUR. FAITH. YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU RELATE TO OR BELIEVE A MERE STORY YOU GOT USED TO GROWING UP. YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN BECAUSE YOU ARE COMFORTABLE GOOD AT GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS. YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN BECAUSE ALL YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS WANT YOU TO BE. YOU ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN BECAUSE YOU'VE DECIDED TO STAY IGNORANT ABOUT WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO BE A CHRISTIAN.

You believe in a story that's easiest to swallow. You believe in what makes you feel, too falsely, powerful. You believe that exhaustion of thought and reason is where your comfort lies.  Its bullshit, fucking bullshit. Try to handle all the pain and guilt your responsible for self inflicting and see how quickly the grand details behind your heaven pile up. See how quickly people go from just being wrong to being wrong and going to hell. See if you show up more and sit up a little straighter in church when what's really being asked of you starts to sink in. This isn't the fucking holy spirit "working through you." This is your subconscious gripped by fear, say hello. This is that one sentence, that one idea, the random thought that crept in and said "how could god…." or "I can't believe…." Your desperate attempts at maybe trying harder or working more never truly quiet your restless mind. Nor do they justify any bullshit action you take because you don't know enough about yourself to take care of yourself. Your errant 'reasoning' and 'work' for the 'lord' wall you into a room of invisible barriers.

You don't need a guide book and you don't really wonder where morals come from. Punching fuckers in the face is harmful to your self preservation. Killing your parents would've cut off the food supply. Stealing friends girlfriend loses your ride to school. Cause and effect keeping you in line? Nah.You can't say that life isn't worth it unless god is pulling the strings. Unless your crazy ass is Michael Fritzius your kids will be more than enough purpose to live and die for. God forbid learning and understanding be enough to satisfy you either. How dare you try to love and be there for someone without doing it as a Christian. You'd have to be a monster or something to think what you feel is valid. You don't think heaven is up there and hell is down there because they just are, you just don't care to discuss the relativity of down and up and the uselessness of them in space. We are sooooo important because god gave us the earth that didn't explode from a marble and didn't have to be inherently improbable before we got here, and didn't take an incomprehensible amount of time and energy to form.. In fact, if the odds were 1 in a billion that the earth would exist. There would still be A BILLION earths that could inhabit our universe. You think your so important. That your worthy and dare I say capable of knowing the unknowable. To me, your ignorance and arrogance are sickening.