[1129] E.G.O.A.T.

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[1044] Reason Seasoning

I haven't talked religion in a long time. I just watched this "Skinny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets" series though. My brain is kicking off down some heavily compacted trails, but I'd still like to see if there's anything new.

I'm very much in the "religion poison's everything" camp. Whatever you may wish to claim is right or wrong about human behavior, there's a familiar, comforting, and easily digested religious anecdote, adage, or idiom to summarize and excuse away any remote lesson or inclination towards accountability. At bottom, every book, every tradition, every gathering of thousands boils down to "Because God!" The unprovable, ineffable essence of what us boring nerdy types recognize as self-satisfied circular-reasoning and infinite regress. Every single religious tradition terminates the same way.

As such, you take whatever fiendish inclination between thought crime to child molesting to child torture then molesting then murdering, as long as you punctuate it with "God's will," or spin-doctor it into your next trial and lesson, it never actually has to get dealt with. And why should it? It's the same people perpetrating that get attention, power, money, and literally thousands of people crafting their day-to-day excuses to not think for themselves or find their agency. Arguably, beyond the wholesale corruption of critical thinking, the thing I hate most about religious types is the unearned pride and piety bestowed by thirsty empty sheep looking for a strong daddy.

This isn't shaping up to be a blog where I feel moved to qualify anything positive about religious experience, so don't expect this to look "balanced" or "fair" or giving much a shit about your personal story as it pertains to your Jesus. You've been warned.

Anyway, now that I deal with addiction, I get to see new, but precisely the old, patterns manifest in ways I haven't written about yet. It could be notions of "purity" and "submission" that plague the minds of those who literally can't see a paradigm that would allow them to be independent. You're at the mercy of the eldest man who I don't think it would be unfair to say you're addicted to. We're addictive creatures, trying to indulge the positive feelings at all costs. Literally, we will die to feel good, and I don't think this is framed as dangerous as it's registering to me in this moment.

I've heard a lot of, "I just don't want to deal..." from my friends as much as any client. No one wants to deal. They don't want the headache. They don't have the time. Whether they're addicted to their vape or to some desperate conception of their duty or destiny, they don't fundamentally feel situated to deal with the heart of whatever their own issues may be. It becomes very easy to get enmeshed in family issues, client issues, indulgences for their own sake, or a feverish "busy-ness" pointed in no real direction in particular. They want to feel good. Maybe not even "better" than "good" or "good enough."

That's part of the religious impulse, no? You want to feel better about the infinite. You want to matter. You want to think you've created a kind of noble and lasting example in your attempt to start a family or in how hard you've worked to get letters after your name and higher paychecks. You want to pay your respects and keep the traditions of your elders alive. You want to think someone's paying attention and keeping score. It doesn't matter if in your heart of hearts you "don't believe in anything," as one woefully incomplete phrasing tries to caricature it, it matters that it feels better to "believe in something" than your insignificance and lack of connection. Jesus is a thousand times easier to understand emotionally than "quantum" anything.

It just feels so fucking boring and disingenuous after, well I spent years reading/arguing this stuff, but with an adult brain and 15 minutes, some deeply consequential layers of this shit needs to crack. You can be a perfectly good person without anything religious making its way into the conversation or your identity. Your car takes gas, not God's will, and for whatever scientific description you want to use about the combustion engine, the same scientific principles and rules apply to what's going to make you "go" as a healthy connected individual verses an incidentally alive node in a narcissist's cult.

I genuinely wish for the shedding of religious indoctrination to happen as quick as possible. I wish the people who hold it harmless would spend more time in good faith analyzing what they think it's been teaching them. Every form of abuse is justified "because God." Every opportunity to hold someone to account is a move to kick the can all the way to Hell. You reduce yourself to the dog who got in the trash. It's never going to walk up to you, apologize, and begin picking up and putting it back in the can. It's going to live in fear, or oblivious pride, and wait for daddy to decide what comes next.

It's always and of course the religious household where you get the most abuse and allegations. If you build church bells to sound "duh" on the hour every hour, we would still carry ourselves as if noticing a cross on the wall is tantamount to a Safe Space sticker for runaway teens. Where else are you going to find the worst kind of predictable tragedies of human behavior than where there's billions of dollars and adherents fundamentally situated to pretending? They pretend they weren't abused. They pretend to know what it is to be accountable. They pretend to have an identity. They pretend with every single word meant to obscure. It's easier to say "sin" than, "He made an 8 year old suck his dick."

There's so many parallels in my thought right now, it's hard to put it together. People defend the wrong things in the exact same ways with the exact same language. Your abusive partner, Trump, religious pedophile, terrible drug use influence..."He didn't mean...." and you're off to the races of excuses and reinterpretation of words and actions that have about as definitive a meaning as you could ever ask for. Every second you experience a moment of hesitation or confusion about something you haven't studied or don't have the mental faculties to entertain..."It's part of a larger plan." Yes, someone's always Ocean's 11ing things in the background.

People will escape! Then they will still say, "You can still trust God!" As though I should be surprised that an entire lifetime spent being punished for having your own identity could lend itself to any other conclusion. No no, dear traveler, what all of these rich sex and violence addicts were doing with all of their influence and time, never being held to account, that's the "fake God" stuff. The "real God" stuff is do literally everything they've ever said and done that doesn't rise to the level of pedophilia or violence that leaves marks. Nailed it!

I get annoyed when Hussain will say something about sex or relationships that is as purely distilled "purity culture" cult shit as you could stomach. Even if none of his actions reflect that of a controlling husband/ownership dynamic, he can't shake that it just feels "right" that you have your one woman, and anything else is grounds for divorce or disassociating. This, with I guess his tongue sticking straight through his cheek, as he tells me the permissibility of having 4 wives in his culture. You see, you can't "cheat" or be "open," but you can corral four bagged women to be at your beck and call if the money's right. You don't get that stupid convoluted headspace without religion.

Let's get back to "deal with it" as a phrase. We just don't want to deal. We don't want to deal with climate change. We don't want to deal with the fallout of our toxic friends or habits. We don't want to deal with our oppressor be it at work or in abstract attacks from the government. Why deal? It doesn't feel good. No one in our various religious contexts is showing us what effectively dealing means. It's not even really an option because it can't be conceived of. What are you not "dealing with" in your "addiction?"  After a few weeks/months you can pretty much be physically fine if not in dire need to recalibrate your dopamine and serotonin over the next 2 years.

I'm interested in what moves us past this whole "religious debate" that doesn't get to the heart of making excuses and fantasy worlds verses working within our actual power. We talk about "raising consciousness" which I think looks a lot like people showing people things, but without an appreciation for how or why they learn so it doesn't really matter how often it comes up, it never sinks in. You could very easily discuss the assumptions and illusions we're situated in as conscious beings altogether to persistently derail what that next conversation space could look like. I don't need another cult-leader, rich god-guys-is-an-asshole story. Do you? Are you ripe and ready to fall for NXIVM or Scientology if your Jesus or Mohamed wears off?

These crazies, these cultists, these monetarily powerful playing on human weakness fucks think in generational terms. We can't be persuaded to get half a dozen people into an intentional community, but you have millions on the same smug team regularly donating, indoctrinating, infiltrating, and humbly requesting through speakers outside the baseball stadium that you meet them halfway in a discussion about who's more likely to burn for all eternity as though we're not literally on fire already. Blame Canada!

You don't want to deal? You don't want to accept? You don't want to try? You don't want to touch an ounce of the anger you hear from me when I type? You're the piddling middle-ground that doesn't protest when the Nazi sits at your table. You're the $10 donation affirming private air fare for your spew-daddy while your neighbor starves. You're the held-harmless "individual" "who's just trying..." every overtaxed phrase about caring for them and theirs or what it means to be "good." They're not trying. They're not just. "They" aren't real or a person. They're a water molecule without the language of "flood."

We're all part of more waves than we can conceive. You can disappear into it, or you can adopt the buoy's perspective. You can learn how to be weather and impact resistant, bob and weave, act as a warning and help others navigate. It's dangerous to give your checking capacity to anything else. You need to be able to recognize the impulse, what ignorance looks and sounds like, and feel, as deeply and radically as the ideologues do, a sense of purpose and direction. Religious thinking is arsenic sprinkled on food and you say, "Oh! Almonds! Want a bite?" It's where you go to feel good about not taking responsibility. It's where you go to celebrate addictive thinking patterns. It's how you get to Hell. "You," of course, not me, because I don't need your daddy. I don't need him molesting the kids I try to place. I don't need his money. I don't need his excuses or story for my behavior or sense of agency. 

Why the fuck do you?

[101] Howard Roark And Jesus

Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 9:03am

“Look, Gail.” Roark got up, reached out, tore a thick branch off a tree, held it in both hands, one fist closed at each end; then, his wrists and knuckles tensed against the resistance, he bent the branch slowly into an arc. “Now I can make what I want of it: a bow, a spear, a cane, a railing. That’s the meaning of life.”
“Your strength?”
“Your work.” He tossed the branch aside. “The material the earth offers you and what you make of it…

There are a number of paragraphs throughout this book that resonate really deeply with me. I had a rush of thoughts after reading this and am going to try and work them out.

It’s been a common theme in my recent discussions with people, the meaning of life. The conversations are destined to glance from love to God to some other cliché and misunderstood concept. You won’t find it surprising that when I talk with the religiously inclined I get some version or another about how life is about worship, surrender, and faith. I think that what these people are holding up in such high exuberance is so artfully masked its led to every reason we can surmise to hate existence. Why is God praised? He created the cosmos, He lives forever, He is eternal peace and love, He is every answer, He is the means to His end. He is the effortless worker. People are not deterred by the atrocious acts He commits in the bible, because it isn’t about said atrocity, simply that He Is doing it. When’s the last time you can say you have been completely the person you are during some endeavor? When has life felt effortless and fluid? The unwanted and unnecessary stress of beleaguered minds wondering what the future holds, how their engagement was read, and why they acted in a way they can’t define. I feel that this lack of definition only stresses those with the wrong focus. This maddeningly obvious condition that makes you feel guilty and condemned after being put into words.

Let’s take a look at the Jesus story. His life was about his works and miracles. No one would ever dream of feeling like an equal separated from the flock. His most famous “act” was to die on the cross and forgive you of every sin. The most brilliant and selfless move of the miracle working teacher was to forgo what he was doing and allow himself to be martyred. Here’s where it gets interesting. Howard Roark is the character in The Fountainhead who is the quintessential martyr, in a sense, for the almighty I. He gets battered, mocked, and screwed over by almost everyone. All of it leaving him indifferent to them all. He doesn’t forsake his way for the sake of appeasing others. He doesn’t compromise and doesn’t care to hold any power over them. Every structure that is put up by him is magnificent for one reason, the fact that he designed it. What does the Jesus story tell us in light of this? It tells us to give up. It says to sway to will of fate and God. Our purpose is not in what we stand for, it is in that we stand for God, accept his gift, make of ourselves an offering. Only through subservience will we be allowed live forever and bask in the Light. Riddle me this. The God who seems to dwell within the character Roark, an atheist none the less, that sees the magnificence that can be achieved in creations emanating the human spirit decided the only way to instill and redeem humanity was to sacrifice it?

Those who crafted what Jesus would be were ingenious. Jesus gave up. Jesus was allowed to doubt the insatiable Will. He was granted the privilege of not just being the martyr for our sins, but also for the thing we feared the most; the will to conceive of something so perfect it would cast upon us the fear and loathing that comes with comparing it to reality. Jesus denies us reality, and therefore denies us any chance to understand the kind of will depicted in Roark’s character. Every job you could be doing, every testament you could be making, every mark on someone’s life that signifies that You, this person here and now was here, proud, and acting in the only way possible is erased. While Jesus was giving handouts, someone was working that much harder to say look what I can do on my own. Look what I can stand for. How can you mourn the death of a God? When you mourn the death of your soul and your will. When you watch the epitome of hopes and dreams suffocate and bleed out, you’re the one that can’t breathe or move. The whole reason his drawn out suffering death is endlessly praised is because people have become so disillusioned about who they are that all that’s left is to idolize suffering and death. They want to map their pathetic lives onto his works and call it saved. They want to transfer their pain as if it isn’t theirs to have, as if they didn’t earn it and can’t handle it. The most masterful maneuver in all of this, is that you are promised the type of fulfillment and joy that a character in a book about selfish magnificence would make you jealous of. Do you not see how hopelessly backwards the Jesus story is? He is the ultimate contradiction of any kind of God what would work to put him here. Our works, our story, and our will do not have to die in order to be recognized for how important they are. Deny this, and live in the hell you’ve created.

It is through the work that people do to exemplify this spirit that they live forever. There is no place for sympathy or excuses. You are not measured by how sorry you can feel about what you’ve done.

[35] Jesus Vs. Buddah

Definitely didn't write this but it explains my position so well

Jesus & Buddha

Brett Schopen

Western Traditions 201

10/29/94

Disciple?:  I have heard that you are two of the wisest men in the land and so I

have come to you in hopes of advise. I am scared for my future and for the

future of my newborn             daughter.  Can you tell me what is in store for us or

give me an assurance me that we             will be all right? Jesus:  Do not worry

about your life. Do not worry about food, drink, the body.  Life is more than

these things. Believe in your heavenly Father.  He knows what you need and will

provide you with it if you practice and have faith in his teachings. Strive for

the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be given to

you as well. Buddha:  No. Comfort in the present and future must come from

inside the self , not from             a God.  In meditation you will find the truth of

life that will set you free from worry.

                                    Don't chase after the past,

                                    Don't seek the future;

                                    The past is gone

                                    The future hasn't come

                                    But see clearly on the spot

                                    That object which is now,

                                    While finding and living in

                                    A still, unmoving state of mind.

            This focus on the present is the beginning of the path to enlightenment

which is comfort             through understanding.  When you are able to keep your

mind focused on the present             in a 'still, unmoving state of mind' you have

reached enlightenment, where you will be beyond all emotion including

suffering and worry.

Jesus:  That is not so.  A search for the entire true of life can never make you

content in             your life because you can never know everything there is.  That

is for God alone to know.  To enter the kingdom of heaven you must have

faith in our Father.  You must trust in His wisdom even in hard times.

For to know all and understand all you  would be a god.  And putting

yourself on a platform with God is disrespectful and             blasphemous.  But if you

follow His laws your suffering will end in the hereafter.

Buddha:  Truth is available to all people not just gods.  For truth is in all

things in the             universe.  We only have to learn not to react with emotion to

see it.  If you can master             not reacting through meditation you will see the

true nature of the universe that lies             behind the illusion of emotion.  In this

truth you will see the cause and effect  relationship of all things and

in that an order which will bring you understanding and comfort.

Disciple?:  What are the truths and teachings you speak of?

Jesus:  In everything do to others as you would have them do to you.   Always

live by this rule and respect your Father and you will one day be

allowed to walk beside Him in the kingdom of heaven.

Buddha:  In this we do not much differ.  The most fundamental truth is to have

compassion for all creatures. Without this you can never end suffering .

"If a man foolishly does me wrong, I will return to him the protection of

my ungrudging love.  In             trying to cause another anguish you only hurt

yourself.  A wicked man who spits at heaven spoils not the heaven, but

defiles himself when the spittle comes back on him."

Disciple?:  But how can I know who is right?

Jesus:  You can know I speak the truth because I am our Father's Son and I carry

his        word.  "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of

heaven.  Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Blessed

are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be

filled.  Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see             God."

Disciple?:  That seems fair. But if I believe in God I cannot be saved because I

have already gone against these without even knowing it.

Jesus:  You can still be saved my son. For I am the Son of God and I am here to

heal you             and absolve your sins.

Disciple?:  You even have the power to cleanse my rotted leg?

Jesus: Yes I do. Be made clean!

Disciple?:  OH MY?!  My eyes deceive my mind!  How can this be?!?

Jesus:  The power of God my son.

Buddha:  My dear boy do you not see that no matter what power he might have he

cannot truly free you from suffering?  In your reaction to his healing

you started again the cycle that leads to suffering but he leaves you no way

to end it.  Suffering is "any craving that is unsatisfied."   If you are never

allowed to find out how this can be, because you can't question, you will

always suffer from your desire.  To destroy this suffering you must free

the self from the thirst of desire.  But you can never do that if you're

eyes are fighting with your mind, if you are fighting with yourself.  There is

an eight fold path which leads to the destruction of  sorrow.  Right

understanding 1 and thought 2, that lead to wisdom. Right speech 3, action 4,

and livelihood 5, that lead to  morality.  Right effort 6, mindfulness 7, and

concentration 8, that lead to concentration.  But accepting his power on faith

as unexplainable keeps you from the first step on the        path, understanding.  As

does reacting favorably to the laws he states because they  "seem" fair.  If

you react to them as fair and take them as true because "He" says so, you give

up your power to be enlightened in your search for the truth.  Without that to

 end your suffering you will go to his heaven with your desires numbed or

constantly filled, but never quenched, and you will never truly be happy

Disciple?:  I am still thoroughly confused. Is there no definite answer!?

Buddha:  Not that we can give you.  It is a question of faith in what could be

or proof in what is.

Jesus:  Whether you trust in yourself or in the Almighty.

Buddha:  Whether you think comfort comes from the process of learning or simply

having the answer.

Jesus:  It is a question of right and wrong.

Buddha:  It is a question of what you know in your heart of hearts.

Disciple?: Thank you Jesus and Buddha.  Although I am still deeply confused I

know that only I have the answer. So I will be off to find out who and

what, I believe.