[911] TV Made Me Do It

It's getting late and I'm feeling sickly after doing 50 squats on a plasma donation day, so I'm gonna talk about TV.

I've been thinking a fair amount about how and why I watch so much TV. The easy answers pertain to the mild compulsion to complete things broadly, the informal "points" that seem to accompany the binging or gaining of familiarity, and the general mild interest I maintain for anything I haven't seen yet.

I started watching TV aggressively when I found myself with considerably "too much" time on my hands after college. I had money in the bank and no worries about bills from doing the drug studies (also little to do beyond watch TV in those). None of my friends were particularly not-busy nor interested in making any more time to do things together than they did. When left listening to my internal body clock and with nowhere to be, I'm immediately up all night so there's certainly no better time nor excuse to find a screen, right?

I remember thinking to myself I only watched "good" shows. There was a certain dignity in it for me. The critically acclaimed, show-up-on-every-list type shows. I never got the inclination to watch things sped up. I just would have felt a kind of foolish or missing out if I couldn't marvel at The Wire.

It moved into a space of trying to understand the shows my parents watched and making up for the cartoons I never got to see all of growing up. I think around the time I started watching ER is when it occurred to me to start speeding things up. 331 episodes are not carried by particularly thought-provoking or plot-moving intricate details.

I broke my thought process of only watching "good" shows with Arrow. I know people who were really into that show and I still have no idea why. I wanted to be able to argue details. I wanted to mock and joke more effectively. I wanted to see if there was something there that I was perhaps blind to, but I doubted it. The same can be said for Twin Peaks which I've authored pages of arguments against all for nothing when I discovered a fan video detailing just what it is Lynch was after. But the "fight" with an ardent, if equally oblivious fan, was fun.

A lot of progress recording sites were experimented with and Trakt started getting its legs. It compiled lists of the "Top 250" movies or shows of all time. It would start telling me what was coming or what else was getting an unnecessary reboot. I could turn watching TV into a collecting exercise. If you don't know, I used to obsessively copy down animal names into a notebook, filling every inch, searching through encyclopedias, and parents' friends' books when they doubted my efforts. It feels good to click the little check mark and shame the non-believer.

I started developing an affinity for certain actors or story-tellers. I could start to discern when someone was trying for something verses working for a paycheck. I started getting a hint of feeling like an "insider," who knew little details about career paths or projects. I wasn't getting nearly as obsessed as I was about animal names, but it's gratifying to chase an instinct down a google rabbit hole and discover you were able to recognize an individual's voice or be right in who they claimed to be influenced by.

Part of me also wished to prove a point about time. There's so much of it. Over the period of years where my friends were becoming less social fun and exploratory and more hyper paranoid and focused on how to "adult," I felt like I was carrying a certain kind of flag for the existence I have now, and I wanted to prove I could still do all the little things in service to it, watch as much TV as they played video games, or significantly more, and still move towards what examples I'd prefer stood out about my pursuits and goals. I'm not butt-hurt people spend their time otherwise, I'm ashamed they don't also get at what they said was really important.

I wasn't just watching TV, or when I had to, working all day and night to get things moving here. I was getting myself immensely stressed out about the state of the world reading article after article. At one point, not unlike when I obsessed over religion and would respond to things with book-length answers, you could name a country, and I could name a damning thing or several about it. I remember an instance at Sports where I caught myself off-guard in how much I was talking about Malaysia when prompted. TV offset that to some degree.

I weened myself down from reading about the world, at least from "news" sources. More time for TV. I completed lists. I got used to the idea of subtitles, in fact preferring them for things better watched sped up. I would marathon anything explicitly recommended. Awards lists, "cult classics," whatever shoddy hipster website said was underrated or niche. I wanted to know what shows meant the most to individual countries. I wanted to know what movies or characters other characters were referencing. I wanted to see every series or project the characters from my favorite shows got involved with. You think I watched Suits for Suits? I really liked Suits, but Zoë, dammit.

I learned that my reformulated concept of "good" shows causes me to slow them down. The dialogue feels like it matters or the jokes deserve the timing. The scenes are begging to be taken in and the plot, inevitably recycled in some manner, tastes a little different in how the actor is portraying it or the line was tweaked. It's how you can get nuances in "cop show" or "angry alcoholic/smoking white guy." It's how I'm confident in agreeing that representation is important, but woke or purely identity-based storytelling can still be boring as fuck if the characters, ethos, or perspective doesn't transcend superficial presumptions of value and avoid reducing to cliches. Luther, Atlanta, The Mindy Project, Broad City, Ramy, and the first few seasons of Girls figured out something Insecure, Master of None, Lady Dynamite, and the back half of Girls did not.

Currently, TV is something of a meditation. Maybe I'm reaffirming my view that a good portion of what exists on thoughtful-nerd-TV shows are shameless rip-offs of The Twilight Zone. Any time there's "family" magic that keeps a show running is something of an interesting miracle to think about why those people in that setting or with that set of writers in this era. There's still plenty of the compulsion pushing me through sped up third-spin-off series like Power Book III and The Flash (I managed to refuse the shitty DC rabbit hole, mostly.) But I can put them on while I drive or clean or weed whack.

I'm currently at, approximately recorded of course, 43,532 plays of 1,082 shows and 2,892 movies. I like to play with the numbers. One movie a day for 8 years is all it takes to catch up. Combined is 1,194 days worth. And I keep the bills paid, chores done, yard work, read/audiobook, podcast, and spend a solid amount of time listening to music or meandering about town.

I like to think about what's my favorite and why. Inevitably, it's what has a prayer of staying on my mind for any length of time. Right now, that's Rick and Morty, Mr. Inbetween, Last Week Tonight, Dave, Mr. Pickles, One Piece, Impractical Jokers, and Ted Lasso. I like to think I've found a place for each individual show like I've tried to cut out for each person as an individual. I want to be able to discern the voice and respect the slight skews in the perspective. We're constantly iterating and reflecting different things about our eras and headspaces. Maybe you find that vibe from looking at art or unpacking layers of music, but I think at bottom, for the true connoisseurs, we're all looking to connect with the same thing. Or even just connect at all.

I don't feel guilty about "wasted time." I'm not watching TV "instead" of otherwise respectable adult or responsible things. I'm sticking it into all of the cracks that would otherwise be filled with something equally absurd or "unproductive" as if I have some quota to fill before I die. It's free. It's considerably less interesting, even my favorites, than if you elect to actually go bowling, eat dinner, or talk about and help create what we may do together. It's a tool to keep me from anchoring myself to something that might be considerably more mentally or physically taxing. I know I'm obsessive and know how it can work against me.

I take a lot of pride out of knowing "something" about topics, even if it's just to like or dislike. I like the enthusiasm bubbling up when you tell me you're considering watching one of my favorite shows. I'm not memorizing air dates or converting my speech into a series of one-liners from shows, but sometimes something will stick and show up in a blog or just keep replaying in my head until I figure out why. I smile to myself when professions of "I waste so much time!" are made. Like, if you lock yourself into this moment, I promise, you'll start finding all the time you need.

[675] The Best Movie Ever Mad

I'm finding myself completely baffled by the ratings of different shows and movies of the guy I argued with about “Twin Peaks.”

First, he has 4000 of them, on individual episodes mostly, and saves his highest praise for “Lost,” “Boardwalk Empire,” and “Twin Peaks” as well as individual episodes of “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” “The Venture Bros.,” “It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” and “King of The Hill.” He hated “Titanic,” “Billy Madison,” “Pulp Fiction,” “Rugrats,” 2 of the best anime in “Death Note” and ”Attack on Titan,” and finds John Oliver smug, unfunny, and ignorant.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I find myself increasingly disillusioned by the concept of an "opinion." They seem to be the sorts of things I felt I used to have very strong ideas about, and then as my experience with the world grew, they weren't so much needed or worthwhile. Of course, you may read me complaining about the litany of things I can't stand and I'll post a status praising artistic works I find compelling. How do we resolve this? Why would I write a ten page essay for fun on how terrible I think “Twin Peaks” is, and why do I find it so beyond confusing that someone couldn't see the merit in “Titanic?”

I think it boils down to "why." Why are you talking about a show? Do you have a terrible conception of "acting" and you just need to express how much you don't like someone's in particular? Does the show not jive with your terrible expectations going in? Have you invested yourself emotionally into coupling your identity with the words you might have for it? Why does it matter a show "makes sense" or "does better" or becomes a "timeless classic?"

The world is up for grabs. Maybe if you praise the wrong things for the wrong reasons, you change in destructive ways. Maybe if you fail to see the merit in the most confusing or difficult works, you'll never broaden like you need broadening. What is it that you're supposed to recognize and take away? Why do I trust Roger Ebert saying he loved a movie this guy also loved, but the second I read that the random guy loved it, I absolutely thought it would be shit? I don't trust they're seeing the same things. I don’t trust the tools for evaluating are properly calibrated.

I think the nature of this fine tuning can be most easily seen in what happens to movies that are “so bad they’re good.” Maybe it’s “Zombie Strippers” or “The Room.” These 2 differ though too, as one was made with a level of “sincerity” and perspective that author was oblivious as to how it would read, and the other was a zombie stripper movie. You can have an experienced filmmaker with a grasp of story-telling and how to intimately depict character relationships, who still gets off on the absurdity of the markedly low-rent. Can the person incapable of making anything but low-budget bullshit truly appreciate what makes The Greats great?

I used to have a very limited scope of what kind of movies I would consider watching. It might include a comedian my parents thought was funny. I could do action movies. Obviously, I wanted to watch what all of my friends were watching or if there was a specific prohibition or taboo associated with it (“American Pie,” “Deliverance”). Back when you walked the video store hallways, if it had a weird box cover, I wasn’t interested. Subtitles were out of the question. Black and white was horrible by default.

I thought I had “standards.” I thought I only watched “good things.” I had no concept of different devices and styles being used to speak to different things. A long pause on a sunset wasn’t a metaphor or balancing out or resolving a different part of the the movie, it was just a boring sunset where “nothing was happening.” Of course, much of this was the consequences of being younger and never being exposed to even the idea that there was “more” than what I could see. As such, today, I try to find the good in everything. Try. It doesn’t mean I can, but it does mean there is no comparing “Zombie Strippers” to “Titanic.” It means that even if something has had an intense impact on my life, like “Waking Life,” there is a considerably harder task ahead to try and claim it as objectively “the best movie of all time.” Saying something like that would be a reflection of/on me, not the movie. It’s a reflection that would change over time.

When someone offers that they like something about a show, I look for considerably more in their explanation than, “the acting was good.” I think it’s also pretty lazy to belabor the identification of tropes. I might offer something lazy like that about a show I’m not terribly invested in, and it probably doesn’t matter how good the acting is or which cliche device was employed, the show isn’t shooting that high. Camerawork and filters can flavor the mood and help with immersion when done well. The music can be so perfect you hardly even recognize it’s there.

But I only want my opinion to go so far. I have an incredibly hard time telling someone they should or shouldn’t watch something, as I actively pursue things that I thought I’d have absolutely no interest in. What business does a late 20’s guy have in marathoning “Gilmore Girls?” How did I turn anything coming from The CW into something remotely tolerable? You and the medium are both evolving, and I suppose if you can’t identify what it is someone else has transformed into, it feels wrong. My most earnest advocacy rests in things I’d watch more than once, which, even for things I’ve called my favorite, doesn’t happen that often.

I’m still missing something about the level of sophistication. It doesn’t feel right to equate “Pulp Fiction” with “The Room” because they might both offer you “a level of satisfaction” in watching them. As well, I frequently see a push for people defending, literally admitted arbitrary bullshit, as “complex” and “deep” or “beyond what you care to understand.” It is possible to waste yours and the audience’s time. It is possible to have taken myriad bad lessons and insights and slopped them together into a mess that offends the concepts related to communication. There isn’t an arts school in the world teaching you to “just be yourself!” and everything will fall into place career wise.

While this guy has nearly 4000 ratings on 95 days worth of material he’s watched, I have 550 ratings on 860 days. I feel I’m attempting to portray a level of discernment and experience that comes from most things striking you as, “it is what it is” or it’s “passable.” That seems more the reality of life, no? Most things are “good enough” or “fit the pattern.” Rarely is something a masterpiece or the worst thing you’ve ever seen. So when you’re eager to sling your ratings and your words, you seem cheap, you seem wrong, and incoherent. Your ability to recognize what’s good about something good is corrupt. And your propensity to defend something shit exposes your underlying insecurity that knows it.