Friday, March 20, 2009

[83] On My Past Blogs

I’m not hundred percent sure I have anything specific to say. I’ve stayed up all night again and have been reading my old blogs. For anyone who says I haven’t thought through faith, believing in god, love, or significance in life a simple “fuck you” is all I have. I can’t tell after reading all that if I am/was a really depressed kid or just really thoughtful. I can be sure that I’m frequently pissed off because of my thinking , hence close to 80 blogs lol. People tend to look back on things like these and reflect on who they were or how misguided or immature they sounded just a couple of years ago. I can’t help but feel like I’m still right there. Granted certain questions regarding god or Christianity are no longer there, but I can still feel how I felt in some long ass digression that pissed me off for even having to write it way back when.

I think I’ve given myself too grand a goal, if there is such a thing. I undermine my own ambitions with ideas that, while relevant and factually correct, effectively demoralize my will. That’s really fucking stupid right? You think something, you want something, go and get it. What good does it do to constantly remind yourself of other “stuff?” Maybe it’s a way to police myself or feel accountable. I think I regard myself as dangerous. Not freak out and hack someone up dangerous obviously, but guy who hacked the government in last Die Hard dangerous. Nothings stopping me from using my information for good or bad. What’s stopping me from regarding my actions as good or bad? What compels me to say, ay back that up, your taking it too far? I think if you felt my level of disdain for this feeling I can once again sympathize with why you believe in a perfect law giver.


I have this overwhelming feeling that’s repulsive to what I, and I’m sure we all, know about humanity or worse ourselves. Yet, it can never be prayed away, forgotten, or denied. It surely serves a purpose; a purpose on the lowest tier of the pyramid no doubt, but it almost goes hand in hand with fucking up the rest of you simultaneously. I’m talking of course about fun. Whatever you find fun is going to twist and your life in some way that aligns you with it. If you widen the definition of fun to stepping outside the sandbox and outside the confines of a good book you realize that the whole world can at any point be made fun of. Not just making jokes about, manifested for your pleasure. You can take any atrocious scene in the world and put it in a stand up act. You can use any character flaw in your fellow man to dupe and scheme a way towards your means. If you can suck it, fuck it, snort it, drink it, shoot it, preach it, or merely think about it, you have a new play thing to have fun with. Just like there are some things you wouldn’t apply those actions to in your own life, there are options of thought you seemingly don’t want. The difference is your head is an open playing field. There are no rules and no accountability.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

[176] 'Ole Time Revival

Thursday, March 19, 2009 at 11:42pm

Copied from a blog, contents of which are not what I'm hoping to highlight.


Hannah Norton at 8:37am September 24
This has always been confusing to me as well. The best answer that I can come up with is: we won't completely understand this side of heaven, and that's where trust comes in.

But what I do understand is this: God is a God of Love and a God of Justice. He loves us so much that He's provided a way for everyone to go to heaven. But He also loves us so much that He gives us free will and is not going to impose His on us. So then each person in the world has a choice. We can choose to accept or reject His gift. If we accept it, we have forgiveness and peace with God. If we reject it, we cannot live in the presence of a Holy God because of His justice.

As for sovereignty and predestination. The Bible also says that God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. I think his predestination (or forknowledge) is simply Him knowing before the foundation of the world who would choose Him and who would reject Him. ... Read More

That's whats helped me anyhow

Nick P. at 6:43pm October 5
I would say that hell is a way of "imposing" his will. Believe or burn make a choice? There is no freedom there.

For Hannah's sentence ""God is not willing that any should persih, but that all should come to repentance" is an inherent gap in reasoning for me. If God wills something how can it not happen? If he wills you to repend, your repenting otherwise it wouldn't have its godly power.

Your note centers around a questions thats been asked for thousands of years and the most famous quote is this:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?”

Epicurus

Andrew Sackett at 12:03pm March 18
Hey Ben,

God IS all loving and all caring. Regardless of what he does know and what he "chooses not to know", in some theories, he will always be there for those with faith in him. We cant even begin to imagine what he's like or what he will do next. We cannot know how he works and how he sometimes chooses not to work. To waste our lives searching for those questions without answers is complete foolishness.

What we do know is that God is present. Whether you want to try and blame that on coincidence or not, its true. And we also know that the name of Jesus Christ still holds tremendous power after 2000 years. We know that with pure faith in God, comes joy in the purest form. We know that faith in nothing often leads to bitter lonliness in countless people.... Read More

So that being said, stop trying to solve and understand God. Our minds are limited and are not made to understand anything that is unlimited. We cannot understand God, because if we could, He wouldnt be God.

Nick P. at 5:18pm March 18
"We cant even begin to imagine what he's like or what he will do next." "What we do know is that God is present."

You are a liar and you contradict yourself. Please fix this.

"We cannot know how he works and how he sometimes chooses not to work."... Read More

And yet your faith in jesus stemming from the bible, god's rule book, people like yourself tend to claim they "know god' in such a way.

Andrew Sackett at 5:23pm March 18
Please explain the "liar" title and the contradiction, none seems to be present to me. And please explain "people like yourself." You can disagree with me if you'd like, just do it clearly

Ben Cabe at 5:51pm March 18
haha wow I wrote this two years ago -- why the sudden comments? XD

I have partially, due to my own research and studies, acquired knowledge to answer this question and many others -- which I find far more fascinating. XD

Ben Cabe at 6:05pm March 18
...Also, when I wrote this I didn't do a good job of explaining or coming at it from every different angle -- I feel foolish when I read my words of any of my notes on facebook xD

I would write another, but I am going to save it for my book.

Nick P. at 8:49pm March 18
The contradiction: "We can't even begin to imagine what he's like" against "knowing" he is present. Your either lying about our ability to know what he's like, or about knowing that he is present.

I may have overstepped by not asking first if in fact in you believe in the bible and to what degree. Taking for granted you did based on your comment ... Read Moreabout jesus, I cited another example of your inherent contradiction by you trusting and/or knowing something about the god you stated "We can't even begin to imagine what he's like or what he will do next."

Andrew Sackett at 11:42am March 19
knowing that hes there but not knowing what he's like is not a contradiction, it may take a little extra to wrap your mind around it, but still makes perfect sense.

And yes, i believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, and dont see anything that comes close to logically proving it wrong

Nick P. at 5:50pm March 19
Knowing something about your god would imply that his presence would at the very lease illicit some sort of tangible or describable feeling. To say you begin to imagine what he's like, is to barre yourself from even claiming "he's like a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomach" let alone going farther and using his "un-imaginability" to understand his ... Read Morerange of morally skewed acts in the bible.

I think if you haven't see anything that's come close to proving it wrong your simply lazy. Also, maybe haven't read the creation myths or, and this would be mind-blowing, think there was a global flood. If such is the case I'll state for the record to anybody reading my replies that I will know and appreciate the time I'm potentially wasting on someone who thinks those are logical precepts.

Andrew Sackett at 9:59pm March 19
and what do u believe in, that the world is billions of years old, and even though people have been around for many millions of years, they have failed to evolve to the point of even discovering fire for millions of years into their existence? A little far-fetched, and a bit more requiring in faith than even me believing in God creating the world ... Read Moreand loving us.

And I still dont quite get the explanation to the contradiction. Why is anything but the tangible believable to you? Why can't there be something that is not tangible, or explainable, just there. For example, anxiety is a general feeling that is not seen, and cannot be described and i havent heard one psychologist try and say that it doesnt exist. The psychologists can only see the effects of the anxiety, and yet still believe it. There are countless signs of God's presence here on earth, and to discredit those just because you dont understand the source doesnt make sense to me. The results are blatantly clear.

Nick P. at 11:06pm March 19
LOL, thank you for telling me all I need to know about you with your reply. No, I don't believe humans have been around millions of years, more so about 195,000.

I like how you utterly ignore what I presented to you and resorted to a very obtuse conjecture and attack on what it is I "believe." I don't have to "believe" in the age of the earth. It's a fact. A key word you'd do well to understand is evidence. It takes zero faith to accept a fact.

The fact that you still don't get the contradiction is yet another reason for me not to bother. I can't spell it out for you in any language but English. Try reading slower...?... Read More

Anxiety manifests in people's heart rate, sweat glands, brain activity, body movements, etc. It's isn't some ephemeral idea that' just "there" without evidence or reasons to call it anxiety. I will never understand how someone can tell me something can't be described then literally in the next sentence tell me it has effects.

Nick P. at 11:10pm March 19
Aw heck, for the lulz please tell us the evidence for your god's presence, but only if you tell me they aren't descriptions as well as explain how they are utterly impossible by natural means. :)

Andrew Sackett at 11:12pm March 19
God in his nature cant be described, but you can see his effects everywhere. The world for example. Do you really think such an intricate system of atoms, charges, entropy, cells, organisms, etc. was just there. I think it was a clear design by a being far above our realm of understanding.

Nick P. at 11:21pm March 19
You can't claim that there's a being beyond our understanding because you do indeed have a world which we can in fact understand.

Is it really that illogical to think something can be described in terms of how it effects the world around it? Invisible pink unicorns can't "really" be described in their nature. Why do I bring them up? What do they ... Read Morematter? They don't! And neither do your statements about your god. If invisible pink unicorns make leaves shake on trees, I'm going to think wind is more likely. Hell, maybe they created the earth too! Ya, or it is the intricate and detailed explanations offered by physics, cosmology, and geology.

The world? Really, the world. The giant globe of NATURE you say can't be explained by natural means. Something tells me you know NOTHING about atoms, charges, entropy, cells, organisms, etc. If you did you'd probably feel as bad as I do for you.

Andrew Sackett at 11:32pm March 19
If you knew anything about atoms, charges, entropy, cells, organisms, etc. you would see the beuty of them and the wonderful intricacy of them.

I guess what this really comes down to is whether the world was created, or is just there, and works in a way that is efficient. It just doesnt make sense to me that a world so perfectly designed could ... Read Morenot be designed at all. Who taught the planets and stars to create a gravitational force? Thats a question that splits the two of us apart. I believe, while you can only see whats tangible. But to think that our minds, which are so limited, could explain the universe is a personal choice, and one that causes much conflict between atheists and Christians. If you want to believe that the world was a coincidence, and that we are all here by chance, than go ahead, but im not about to jump on that bandwagon any time soon.

Nick P. at 11:36pm March 19
You are utterly hopeless. I suffer your ignorance.



 Nick P. at 11:43pm March 19
Andrew Sackett at 11:38pm March 19
sounds like a resolution! =)
 Amanda Velasquez at 11:46pm March 19
stop being so cool
 Billy Bowman at 10:42pm March 22
In regards to the anxiety metaphor:
Well maybe God is simply the manifestation of all the effects we see around us in the world, like existence! Perhaps we could even devout ourselves to studying these wondrous intricacies in some vain attempt to better understand God, by studying his effects. There could be priests that would be best educated on...  Read More the various studies of His greatness!

...Or maybe we already do. And instead of God, we call it the universe. And it's effects we call the laws of nature. And they call it's study science. And it's priests we call scientist. And in our vain attempt, we have succeeded in understanding some, and don't claim to know everything. And at this point we realize this young man has just proved our own argument via his anxiety metaphor.
 Byron R. Turner II at 11:53am March 23
Nick, just to let you know I have seen" heaven", had a "religious" experience, and have heared "god "talk to me. I'll talk to you later about that more in detail. What I can tell you here is that it is a incrediable easy thing to manifest and that anyone who truly believes they "know" anything about the Big Sky Daddy is are truly a weak minded individual. Hit me up later and I will tell you what "truth" they are seeing and hearing and knowing.
 Nick P. at 2:19pm March 23
Will do.

And yes Mr. Bowman, just yes.
 David M.L. Jaffe at 8:40am March 24
Sigh... Religious freaks... They should really sit in on some science classes and educate themselves.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

[175] Lies, Lies, Everywhere's A Lie

Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 1:39am

We'd never try to change you on your opinions. "I don't like the thought of people going to hell." Lie to Me. We are wretched horrible people. When Jesus died for me, he took away my sins.

I think I'm writing to hear myself repeat things I've said countless times, and because I'm feeling the exhaustion of watching my religion documentaries, news stories, and lectures. One of the things that will endlessly frustrate me about "religious" people or those that wish to proselytize, is that they do not change. If the foundation to every living thing is adaptation and survival, these people are the most drastic point of disjunction.

Why is this such a problem for me? If I'm going to be perhaps meanly blunt, I think when you preach or make some claim about your god you are a liar, you are lazy, and flatly ignorant. I feel like I lie to myself when I say I can respect someone who makes some unsubstantiated and naive claim about a god or their religion. Now I said I think these people are liars, lazy, and ignorant. If your not downright offended, and even if you are, permit me the time to elaborate.

I'll start backward. Ignorance is at the heart of the human condition, not just the religious. For every answer we get ten more questions. Many times we think a problem has been fixed, new ways come in to fuck things up. I wish to put everyone on the same playing field of ignorance for a simple reason. Some have developed ways of keeping their ignorance in its proper place, and others have decided to live in sheer defiance of it. One of the main difference of character when I'm deciding who I can or can't trust is a simple statement; I don't know. For a species that never wants to be wrong about itself or its claims, when you can swallow your failure to understand and say it loud enough for all to hear, you deserve respect for your honesty. Where this ability becomes important is when it can be applied to our convictions. How does a Gamecube work?: I don't know, isn't as worthy as, Is there a god?: I don't know. There's a simple check to see if your on the path to becoming "less ignorant." Catch yourself saying incorrect things. Acknowledge when your position on something is failing or in complete. Doubt that what you said and what you meant are always the same.

One should think the next logical step would be to get off our lazy ass and go out and learn something. Again, there is a point of disjunction between when an honest person reads and learns something, and when a convicted person reads and "learns" something. Part of the reason people get egos about a particular subject or develop an air of asshole is because they understand what it took to get them so "far" in their knowledge. There is a difference again between just being an asshole with a conviction, and being pompously plump with knowledge. Be advised, that when I talk about laziness, it isn't just your ability to go out and pick up a book or sit through a lecture. You have to endure the mental fight that comes with changing your mind. You have to adopt rules of thought independent of your opinion. Indeed too many apologetics claims to have read all the "new atheist books" and wrote their own books in response. Turning the pages of one of those masterpieces reveals the lazy asshole who only knows how to sling personal attacks and ignore evidence. This screams the underlying tragedy in their character and thought process. They have only "learned" what it is next they have to scream at. They hear the words but don't listen to what they say. I find this inexcusable.

So now onto the biggest one for me. The lying. I'm going to ask you to read really carefully and fully distinguish what and how this goes down. Do I think they are lying about their opinion? Obviously not. Do I think they are trying to be deliberately deceptive in their words and actions? In the everyday person not so much, in the professional proselytizer, it gets more complicated. When I watch a debate or speaker, they all tend to assume the same kind of trend or pattern of speaking and laying out their arguments. What bothers me, is that by no real excuse I can surmise, when I hear an apologetic speech, they tend to pepper in statements analogous to "Oh by the way, Hitler was an atheist." This an obvious lie, but for more important reasons than just getting a factual claim wrong. This is a lie I suppose we can refer to as a compound lie. One that is made worse because it is based on a previous lie or lack of knowledge frequently having nothing to do with the statement in question. I can't tell you how many times someone will rant about "atheism" then just kinda ramble off Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot, having done ZERO research or reading about any of them, social psychology, or even the very word atheism.

Apart from these annoying, but easily fixable once unpacked, kinds of factual fuck ups, is the more insidious lie. This is the one I have more "hope" exists because I don't see overwhelming evidence for it. This is the lie to themselves. This is when you hear a perfectly logical analysis, analogy, or statement, know in your "heart of hearts" it does indeed make sense and is a good point, and choose instead to write it off or go on some tangent that has nothing to do with what the person said. These I hate more than anything. If someone can't be honest enough with themselves to relinquish a meager bad fact about their position, what can they even begin to know about themselves as an individual human being? I said above that I have yet to hear any real change in from these people. Hundred year old arguments, word for word recitations, and a desperate attempt to beat their favorite passages over ours and their heads because the longer and louder you say it, the more true it becomes.

Their religion is their supplement for change. If life teaches anything it is that which does not change is bound to perish. People who've "adapted" to remain complacent in thought are allowed to survive under the veil of religion. Tell me why this is acceptable? Tell me what good has come from holding ideas which are obviously wrong for obvious reasons indefinitely. Is it because we just want them to be happy? What a fucking joke of a statement. Retarded people are happy. Psychopathic serial killers find their happiness in an array of styles. I think this ridiculous statement is given by the person who is so unhappy their last result is to try and see it and feel it through someone else. The majority of my friends seem and act happy when they get drunk and party. Do you think I would give one fuck about their happiness if all my shit was puked on, the apartment destroyed, and the cops were at my door? Happiness is a responsibility to yourself and others. It is not just some ephemeral ideal we should strive for beyond all reason.

When you are unable to change something like a view that everyone you meet is filthy and a sinner and deserves to rot in hell for an eternity; a concept our minds aren't able to even fathom, you are a cancer on society. You are destructive. You need to change. Any time you make a divisive comment that isn't predicated on someone's divisive action, you need to change. When you can't let yourself accept information, just pure and simple opinion free information, you need to change. I've been thinking for a while now that the secret to life and everything in it is irony. What kind of sick dramatic irony lets someone exist where styles, gadgets, information, people, and their very own religion can all frequently and endlessly change, but they refuse to. They have bypassed the selection pressure and avoided all competition, albeit through denial, but nonetheless avoided. What kind of joke would a god play by allowing us to become emotionally entrenched with people who are able to hold such despicable ideas about themselves, family, and friends, but still claim to be motivated by love? Why do we indulge them in this fantasy? Why do you want to call such a person friend when they believe you should burn for eternity?

Of course the quick jump is always, "it's not me, it's god" which if I have to rant about please just stop reading my blogs.

Ultimately, I always find myself trying to reconcile the relative fact that nothing will get "better" because people don't recognize what it is about themselves or the world that needs to be fought against. I love the show Lie to Me because it is a simple analogy to what I'm talking about. The underlying message. The real truth. The stuff you may be able to naturally recognize, but still need to study and refine to know how to work with it. I wonder how many people are really capable of seeing things like the ones I call "on the level." More than that I wonder what it would take, or if its even possible, to teach someone how to think that way. I think until you can your not really my friend. Your not someone I can trust, and your definitely not something I respect. But hey, what does my
opinion matter anyway?
Written about 3 weeks ago · Comment · LikeUnlike
 You like this.

 Mickey Woods at 1:11am March 18
This is excellent.
I like that you recognize that the natural human tendency to use fundamental opinions as a way to solidify personal beliefs, values and traditions is something that needs to be challenged AND changed.
I think it is very frustrating when so many"pundits" who call themselves leaders, pioneers of a movement (example Ann Coulter) ...  Read Morevoice their opinions loud and proud, successfully gain momentum through fanaticism, and establish a loyal audience but absolutely refuse to obtain facts and do the research necessary to support their opinions.
You're right when you say that it boils down to laziness. We live in a right-here, right-now society that doesn't encourage active and deep thinking unless it can be handed to you immediately or bought somewhere in a store (which by the way, is a direct result of OTHER people working toward a solution, and more than likely in a sweatshop in a third-world country).
Then again, these are all opinions. Does that make me a hypocrite?
 Nick P. at 1:57am March 18
I'm not sure Ann Coulter's cunt level is an opinion so your probably safe from the hypocrite charge.
 Steev Young at 4:46pm March 18
I would like to comment on the last paragraph. You said that until "friends" can see the little things that the people on the level see that they are not really your friends and they are not trustworthy. I would like to say that your logic is flawed. If your friends can see the signs like in Lie to Me. Then they can learn to hide those signs. Which...  Read More would make them less trustworthy.

Whereas your friends that cannot see the signs as in Lie to Me, they don't know what they are so they will show them. Which makes them better to read, and easier to control, and predict. They would be more trustworthy.
 Colin Hampton at 3:54pm March 19
I find that extremely offensive, Steev. To state that you only believe those who are easily manipulated are trustworthy is ridiculous. I would like to think of myself as a very trustworthy person, and I do not believe that I am one of these people that you can read and control. However, I do believe that everyone has some level of predictability.
 Steev Young at 12:08am March 20
I am sorry that you find this offensive. But i trust you because i can read you.... Just because i know how people are feeling doesn't mean that i feel the need to control them. I would have hoped that you would have known that. Again... sorry if this hurts you.
 Billy Bowman at 11:13am March 20
This all makes me smile in amusement.
 Colin Hampton at 6:01pm March 22
Steev, you have an extraordinary ability to read people. However, I do not believe that you have me pinned as well as you might think. And no, I don't think that you feel the need to control me or anyone else. However you did say that you find people that are easily controlled more trustworthy. It would seem to me, that if someone is easily controlled by you, that they would also be easily controlled by others, thus making them less trustworthy due to outside influence.
 Billy Bowman at 7:10pm March 22
I think what Steev means is just that if you can completely predict or completely control someone, you can trust them more easily then someone you can't control or can't predict, for the simple reason of being able to predict or control if/when they will betray you.
 Nick P. at 9:23pm March 22
Let's not get too confused everybody. We're talking about a level of trust that is more than just between acquaintances. This is a trust that doesn't come from reading people or controlling them. It's more of a mutual understanding independently arrived up, but says the same thing. You know its there when your able to "read" that persons actions from then on.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

[82] The Longer I Debate (Not Mine)

Submitted by Hambydammit on Sun, 2007-08-19 00:47.

The longer I debate theists, the more I realize they don't have definitions for anything. Consider this sentence:

God is the creator of everything and gives meaning to humanity through the sacrifice of his son to atone for our sins.

God: No definition. He's supernatural, which is literally nothing. He's omni-max, which is self contradictory at least a half dozen different ways.

Everything: Except himself? So it's not everything. So what created god?

Meaning: As you say, meaning assumes intelligence, which assumes god, which is circular, and therefore, meaningless in the logical and philosophical sense.

Sacrifice: How exactly is it a sacrifice to die when death is not death and you have lost nothing? So this sacrifice means something else, but what?

Son: Really? God has a penis? Who did he mate with? So, not really "son." Some other thing that is different, but is called son.

Atone: How does a deity who created everything 'atone' by a 'sacrifice' that isn't really a sacrifice, forgiving people for being the way he made them, and then sending those who don't believe it to eternal punishment. This doesn't fit the word atone in any definition I can find.

Sins: What is a sin? It is what god doesn't want us to do? Or is it things that we can reason to be bad? If we can reason it, then we don't need god to tell us. If we can't reason it, then it is not bad, so why is it a sin?

So, that whole sentence is just riddled with words that don't have a precise meaning!

The whole thing is simply meaningless babble.

[174] So Live Your Life

Sunday, March 8, 2009 at 5:12pm

My third adventure reading up on what it means to be a sociopath has left me with things I need to write down. First and foremost, I think the majority of the self-tests are relatively unreliable and purely contingent on if you can see what answer it is prompting the sociopath for. Also, with a question like "are you sexually promiscuous" I find it hard to believe it says much about the nature of a sociopath if the random sample of questionees were drawn from any group of 18-24 year old males. What intrigues me the most is the amount of things that are so strikingly close to being dead-on, but just miss it relative to me. For example, with regards to empathy, I do enjoy a good stint of just making someone feel bad, granted if they deserve it, and can walk away without a tinge of regret or empathy as the tears well up and the visible body quivers show that the words actually sunk in. I don't personally feel like I'm that intimidating, but I also know that it's when I'm not trying to be that I may be coming off like I am. You must understand, I find these kind of phenomena fascinating. I think what's been written about lying is pretty funny as well. While I hardly think I'm a pathological liar, I don't scoff at what I've gotten away with. It still is a tad nerve racking in the anticipation of all the things that can go wrong, but that only goes so far. They say that time heals all pain; I think this should be reworked into time heals all anxiety.

The concept of this "terrible emptiness" that comes up in an article I read is intriguing for two reasons. One I think it only tells half the story and doesn't encapsulate what is going on in that "terribly empty," at least of "real" feeling person's head. Two, I think there is a bigger collective "terrible emptiness" that stems from more than the particular person's environment, but instead speaks to the bigger social problem. I have a really hard time buying into any sort of specified diagnosis regarding my behavior, simply because I see it reflected in enough people back to me. Sociopaths are allegedly unendingly bored, a symptom I find in almost every college student I've met regardless of how many movies, football games, or homeworks they can pack into their schedule. Your supposed to have this grandiose feeling of entitlement and self worth if you want to fall in line with your fellow sociopaths. Maybe I just try to hang around enterprising people with self-esteem, but practically, life has taught us that you can get as far as your work and connections will take you. Have a tremendous goal so that if you fall short you still accomplish something huge.

Now to go off in a different direction. I try to avoid drama. One thing that has become overwhelmingly apparent is that most drama comes from our social interactions. I, being maddeningly rational, attempt to break down why these social interactions are either a hell or a haven. The people that have always gotten along best with me are the people that know they don't need me to be around in order to be happy. In fact, perhaps more often than not, me not being around allows them to do their own thing the way they like even more so. I believe everything breaks down to the individual. Being secure in yourself, motivated and understood, my trust in you comes from your trust in yourself. Acquiring this level of trust in yourself is a painstaking endeavor. Thus, I am reassured by your tenacity to accept this challenge and put yourself through this process. This is what I trust. It is a drastically different situation than simply having high self esteem or endlessly touting some goal or belief higher than all others.

I need trust. The problem is, people don't feel the need to put themselves through the mental rigors that illicit this trust. There are many a pitfall that enshroud your mind when you start on the road of "dangerous," "pessimistic," or introspective thought. Instead of exploring all of them, I'll just point to what I think is the biggest one; depression. Depression here encapsulates hopelessness, emptiness, no motivation, perhaps anger, inability to resolve problems, and defensiveness. It is easy for smart, or maybe those who've begun this thoughtful process, people to look at the world and see all the obvious reasons for why it is shit. One could go on for days and indeed many works have been written about the human condition alone, let alone its standing with other entities and its environment. Each "new" experience can be written off as just another movie, just another party, meaningless gesture, the logical result of that amount of time spent doing that particular activity resulting in said "skill." I want to argue that this ability to see the future or instantly understand a situation is no reason to be depressed. If anything it should enhance your drive to think that much further and push your predictive powers that much harder.

One of the biggest reasons I hold this view comes from personal experience. While there isn't exactly a one to one ratio of things I've gotten right to things I've gotten wrong, some simple "law" always creeps in to humble me when I try to convince myself of just how right I really am. On the notion that no human has any more or less predictive powers than me, and can feed off the same social information, I think it is reasonable to assume that if your chin is held so high that you've begun to black out in the stratosphere, maybe you should spend a little more time pretending your still genetically equal to the rest of us mere mortals. The greatest thing about being wrong, particularly if it doesn't result in jail time or physical pain, is that you get the opportunity to learn. The people that are so bored or lost in themselves because the world around them is hopeless, need to see the opportunity and accept that we all can stand to grow up. I say that I can understand the depressed thought pattern, and I hope people don't think I'm bullshitting. A big thing that got me out of it is to look at the absurdity of where that leads to. I had to fully realize what that associates me with. You must actively shower scorn upon such thoughts and associations or you will forever be controlled by them.

Well, I don't want this to trail too far away from the how's and what's where this relates to our social interactions. When you find the people that can find it in them to have even a meager enthusiasm for life or happiness after they've undergone the "on-the-level" test, I believe life can lead any and everywhere those people want to take it. When you run into people who are infuriatingly close to said level, you get the ups and downs that come with someone who has yet to keep their emotions in check, but still understands enough about themselves, and you, to draw you into a battle I wish was reserved for the next group of people. The final group of those who hardly ever think, live their life by accident and convenience, move from one conversation about, like, you know, to whatever that's just gay.

So my ultimate rationalist dream is this; a free society of people on the level, or working to get there, who's main focus isn't for "new and exciting" but happily sustainable. I think there is a major fault in our reasoning that says there is somewhere for us to go. Like there is some "human final" that all of our thought and struggle is contributing towards. The difference between suicidal thoughts and a suicidal victim is the conversation you had with yourself leading up to that moment. Should it be filled with "woe is me" testaments and adolescent rationalizations for how the world made you this way? Is it really so appropriate to point the ever stretching finger at all the people who conspired towards your downfall? This is why I tell people who talk about killing themselves to just do it. Logically, if I literally cannot find rhyme nor reason for why I'm here, nobody to provide a hint of evidence showing that I enjoy life or can make an improvement, and nothing standing in any of my relationships or actions that I can be proud of, then that's what I would do.

All of this torments my thoughts. It all contributes to my angst of being in college. Working on ways of fixing what I view as the bigger problems in life, is stifled by the time I waste writing bullshit reports or reading from English speaking authors who still manage to butcher English. I want the group of people who can show everyone else that there is an alternative to the practice begrudgingly referred to simply as life. There no longer has to be this struggle of "us vs them" on these superimposed "levels" I've denoted. I can't imagine that we would even have the word objective if there wasn't a way to measure your happiness against your contribution to yourself and the people around you. I guess I just want everyone to just "be." When you can get there you can understand how and why you should be happy. Then, sustaining and appreciating it will quell or manipulate the boredom, displace the depression, and constantly organize the torrent of thoughts into a ever expanding and changing mental framework you've purposefully chosen to understand the world. When this framework reassuringly surprises you with how similar it compares with other happy, and not merely contented, people, you'll know your doing right.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

[81] The Bible Is Bullshit

Conservatively speaking of course, as it turns out the bible is merely astrology. I'm in a wave of never ending fascination when I stumble upon a new piece of humble pie that completely and definitively tears about any notion that the bible is even close to something called god. "The Naked Truth" a documentary made way the hell back at the beginning of the 90's beats the hell out of modern religions. I keep telling people to look at the history, do your homework and you'll finally realize why I sympathize yet called you a completely irrational head case at the same time. I'm gonna make my own parables that help illustrate my point because that's the only thing religious people ever want to listen to.

Covering your head and screaming doesn't make the pain go away.

Someone else is thanking god that you'll never be back when you die.

"Look around with a gaping mouth" is not proof.

To study the bible is to disgrace the sacred word study.

The devil did NOT make you do it. (F.U.D.)

One day a time will come when humanity will come to its senses and finally publish the perfect 22nd version of the bible.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who cares, one was the sun.

Remember you have a choice to not burn in hell if you disbelieve. (breath a sigh of relief all you people worried about finding a get out of hell free card)

Thou shalt watch every documentary on the history of religions and read every book explaining why people think you are irrational before invoking something existing outside of space and time. (Turns out we really do have all the answers)

And finally, remember all the times Jesus didn't speak the next time you think its important to open your mouth.


Guy's and gals, I have been writing on this stuff for years and THIS is the first time you start getting at me? I mean I've written an 11 page digression summing up all the things you could ever talk about one night and I had three responses to that. I don't want to convert anybody and I definitely don't know everything, obviously. I've never claimed to know anything that science can't teach. That is the problem. I have provable, key word provable, facts and history to tell people about and they have personally stories they don't understand call it god. There is the difference. Anything I say you can come to the same conclusion w/o me having to convince you its true.

Monday, March 2, 2009

[80] Insignificant

Probably the biggest word to describe how I justify most of my actions in life. Words, for example, are pretty insignificant. I was asked why I cussed recently and the best I could come up with is that I've been doing it since 2nd grade. Who cares? In a number of years many of our words will disappear with history. History that, as tv so clearly points out, is nothing but violence, take overs, political squabbles, and wrought with fear. From one famous name to the next the world is passed around like a cheap whore. If there's one thing i learned from watching the history channel and then switching to Green Day's cover of Working Class Hero its that we, as existing individuals, are completely insignificant in relation to the universe we inhabit. I mean who's reading this that's really thinking about the Darfur people?

You hope your actions will influence people, assuming you even act at all. The burden is still on them to accept it and understand you. This is a give and take relationship. The highest honor you can aspire to in this life is that your service to someone will make you and them truly happy. I don't like to focus on bullshit and that's why people think I'm the rebel or one that likes to fight. I don't care to talk about half the shit people revolve their worlds around because we both know it will provide nothing in the end for either of us. I'm concerned about the all too frequently used term sheep that I see people become. They don't know how or are afraid to weed out this intrinsic bullshit.

Do you want someone to tell you your life before you live it? You'll be born into such n such religion, told right and wrong, go to school, get a job, have such and such right of passage, go to college, get a job, work the next 50 years, have fun sometimes here and there, talk about these issues your parents did, find someone to "settle down" with, the list goes on and can get unbearably specific. To take a misquoted line from the Astronaut Farmer "When I was a kid I was told I could be anything I wanted to be, somewhere along line I think we forgot that." I think before we ever ask questions we should start with the ultimate question. Are you happy? Before you care about someone's cussing, their religion, their possessions, their anything, ask yourself if your happy. If not, why not, if you don't know, why don't you know. If you don't know why u don't know then I can say you're in denial.

How much fuller can you make this life when you realize your probably not going to dance across the universe with Jesus forever anymore than your going to burn in hell for having an opinion?