[868] Hippocratic Oaf

The dictionary.com definition of a “hypocrite” is as follows:

1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements belie his or her public statements.

What strikes me about these are that the person has to be “pretending” to be desirable or have a belief.

Anymore, I don't know that hypocrisy really exists. There are literally tens of thousands of examples born from modern history of Republican talking points being refuted by Republican talking points, a Trump tweet for a Trump tweet, a story of some religious leader's sexual proclivities mocked against their railing against homosexuality or the sanctity of marriage.

People “feel” internally consistent and justified about literally everything. Internal conflict arises when some political hierarchy is disrupted or plan you've put in place can no longer be anticipated. It's not that your soul is wrenching to speak to a saintly conscience. People are convinced of their moral sanctity. People are giddily complicit in their rage and joy. For every ten things you could tell them they were a hypocrite about, they'll have a hundred that fit perfectly together. People treat their decision making like drawing different shapes. A circle doesn't make a hypocrite of a square and a big triangle doesn't contradict a small triangle.

“Hypocrite” feels like a word invented by an uppity liberal blind to their own fascist idealism or moral certitude. How dare you!? In going back on your word or in showing us your true self how can polite society, nay, the universe, suffer the indignity?

To exist is to be positioned at the center of infinite unknowable forces. When one of them acts on you, in spite or ambivalence of another, that's not hypocritical, it's the often unfavorable condition to being here at all. Your staunch environmentalist will often find themselves in a car. Those pleading with us to not render their relatives as lunatic Nazis know intimately the love they've expressed to or felt from those lunatic Nazis.

In order for me to entertain the idea of hypocrisy, I have to respect your agency. Before that, I have to respect my own. In my world, you're allowed to call out hypocrisy. I worry about being remotely internally consistent and the seemingly always-changing ways in which that might look. Do I make Capital T “Truth” statements it behooves me to behave in service to? Or do I have a thousand little t true-enoughs that help me cope with my rage and indifference? Is not every moment an opportunity to affirm or undermine yourself? Can you spend your whole life in service to something, recant with your last breath, and be remembered primarily as a hypocrite? Ask Ayn Rand, because god knows The Fountainhead was about social security checks.

I don't regard people as respecting their agency, so I do not retain the impulse to tout their hypocrisy. It's like thinking my dog likes her food and feeling aggrieved when she eats a piece of shit.

With my agency, I attempt to demonstrate. I look for words. I build. I make calculated risks. I lament the things I'm “putting up with” and when I feel “stuck” and celebrate the opportunity to be uneasy about looking for something new. It's not psychologically gratifying to keep yourself on your toes. It is not anyone's first instinct to look for feedback from the mob or to test their new idea or behavior in the wild. As such, if I had 950 blogs talking about shitty friendships I still maintained or the things I wanted to do and learn with none in progress, you could be confident I had zero capacity or authority to wax about hypocrisy.

I have an idea that I have good reason to respect every little battle in which I wish to hold the line on one or more ideals that have held me accountable to myself. I'm fighting. I'm working. I'm looking for a daily reminder of the type of person I am and still wish to be. I'm actually in here doing and saying things outside for you to use in deciding whether or not you're going to take the license and responsibility that comes with advanced language.

Yesterday, I had a brief high in reflecting on how much money I made scrapping. It felt possible to scrape by with this single venture if scaled up and organized. It felt like a solid-enough piece of the dozen little things I wish to make part of my entrepreneurial pool. Then I got gas. Then I got hungry. Then I got a little too annoyed about the rust on my torn gloves and dust in my truck. I, incorrectly, thought that had I just kissed enough ass or went with the negligent flow of something like my State job, I'd have so much more money and feel some kinda way.

Did I contradict myself? Was I a hypocrite? I was out there actively pursuing a tangible perspective in service to the complaints and fights I got into over DCS. It's all good and bad all of the time for differently weighted reasons. It's all right and wrong. How do your decisions make you lean? What's the example and standard you’re setting?

[864] Excuse Me

Anymore, I think power is only something that is abused.

I'm involved in a small labor dispute. A battery was lost. I do not believe I was the one who lost it, but offered to replace it with one of mine. This offer was thrown in my face, a new one was practically demanded, and sprinkled on top were very weird lines telling me I was not a victim and that I could learn something from this person who considers themselves a “mentor.” I offered to buy a new one which provoked a tit-for-tat struggle for the “last word.” I said for him to take it out of the money he owes me, which he refused to do, calling it “unethical” to replace something through the fund that's paying me. He did as they all do, wished me luck, and said it was a shame a professional relationship would be sullied over $50. I said I consider it a gift it only cost me $50 to learn so much about his character.

There's an idea I've thought more about as I entertain the thought of a civil war. The irony of the term “civil war” notwithstanding, “live by the sword, die by the sword” is broader in scope than it would seem at first glance. Your sword can be fashioned into anything: your pride, your insecurity, or any degree of power you choose to exert. Pride coming before the fall is wrapped up in this sentiment. People finding partners to reenact trauma is as well. It's a place of perpetually slipping into the realm where all the words you're using to accuse or lecture someone else should be tattooed on your forehead.

I'm often looked at with this kind of forlorn pursed lip slow head shake with how I engage with people. They, always, well before they even know for sure, but assume I “know better.” I still think about being blamed for giving Dave the acid. Dave went to war. Dave got messed up in war. As a society we're comfortable sending Dave to war, giving him less than adequate mental health care, and then blaming me when I don't hold the line for how much we're all supposed to respect or enable each other. No, I probably shouldn't have given him the acid. Yes, you all could have spoken up a little sooner about what we could have done to contribute to him getting help, or was that my job alone too?

This “negotiated middle” of how much we're supposed to play along with each other in order to get along broadly is rarely discussed. I think in “letting go” of the “little” things like someone's insecure abuse of power trained us perfectly for adopting the narrative and excuses to usher in fascism. I really do think it is that serious. I think you let things go to the extent you want to be subjected to them later. You let problems in yourself get ignored so they can show up as heart and head issues when you're old. I think you excuse your friends to the degree you wish to have shitty friends and be one in turn. I think you appease your boss to the degree you undermine the kind of boss you can be.

I suffer my idealism 100%. I want people to share responsibility, not reflexively blame when things go wrong. I want people to take a beat to respect what you've brought to the table or the conversation while it's happening. I don't want an “ongoing relationship” with someone who's looking for an excuse to use me as their punching bag when they're stressed out. I don't want to give another person an opportunity to flex their really shittily trained muscles on my mind and being.

I bend the knee constantly. I worked for the fucking State for 2 years. I got the degree. I suffered the consequences of being under-resourced in how to negotiate a better contract for my business. I hold my tongue when my neighbors pull out dowsing rods in an attempt to find water. There are infinite opportunities to play along and contribute to the normal drum beat of how to engage in civilized society. You're not just allowed to, but obligated, in biting back when your hard-earned perspective sees someone fucking up in an important way.

Often, the money is less important to me than the principle. (Cue that exasperated head shake.) I've seen people pursue money, power, or influence in the ways prescribed, and I've watched them get about as “nowhere” as me. I've watched them continue to struggle with some other unresolved issue after landing the “perfect” job. I've watched their relationships deteriorate after they thought the dream was complete upon making it to another state. I've watched people squander things they can't recognize as precious because they never found the time to bother with standing up and naming something fucked up when called to do so.

It really sucks to think of people as things you can use to whatever degree before you have to cut ties and move on. Well, it only sucks if you want to be responsible and demonstrate developing something real. Otherwise, the world is large enough that we can just pass over and through one another indefinitely having never learned anything. We can never be held to account. We can never recognize the irony. I write because I never want to sound like the people that send me to writing. I like emails and texts so when we review the history of who said what, I can prove my instinct was to take responsibility, not blame and whine like a bitch while calling you a blamy whiny bitch.

 

But that's how I'm oriented anymore. I have a neighbor who's been offering us things since he first got out here. Me and Allie were both skeptical of taking anything. People are always trying to leverage goodwill and use it to encroach for bigger and bigger asks. We've been given keys to his excavator and used tools that have sped up some of the things we're working on. I'm just waiting for something to go dramatically wrong. I'm waiting for the arm to break on the big machine I'm too poor to fix (I've told him this explicitly.) I'm waiting for the music to be too loud or too often. I'm waiting for politics to enter the conversation after I've had one too many beers.

Some take away the message that there's never a reason to explain or engage with someone who's functionally behaving in psychologically fascist ways. I do it because I don't want to be defeated. I troll Trump supporters sometimes. When it feels less fun and more like I'm hurting myself by slipping into a desire to “persuade” verses mock, I stop. You need to be as steadfast in your psychological lines and perspective. You need to know that the reason you do or don't do something transcends you. You need to advocate for forms of being that may be foreign or difficult, but objectively better and worthy of sacrificing for. I call Nazis Nazis because that needs to happen. It's better than them thinking they're merely “supportive of America's 'greatness.'”

I don't want all of my relationships to devolve into the inevitable fight where they lay their insecurities at my feet, but that's what I'm going to continue to find. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to create with the people who aren't playing that game. I'm going to keep trying to stake a different standard in this red desert. I'm going to continue to expect you to engage me at this parsed and polite level. You're very rarely paying me enough to perpetually coddle your feelings and follow Rule #1 of The 48 Laws of Power to never outshine the master.

 

You're not my master, and never will be.

“"If I found a job, a project, an idea or a person I wanted—I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings leading to everything else. We're all so tied together. We're all in a net, the net is waiting, and we're pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and it's precious to you. Do you know who is standing ready to tear it out of your hands? You can't know, it may be so involved and so far away, but someone is ready, and you're afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them—just so they'll let you keep it. And look at whom you accept."

[372] Bang On The Drum All Day (Don't Wanna Work)

I can't tell if my headache is from too much on my mind or from eye strain, so if you see this, it means I didn't write several pages only to immediately delete it.

I keep thinking about the nature and utility of work. As the articles I've recently been reading keep reminding me, work has meant a great many things to many people depending on how it was marketed. The 8 hour work day was considered a step up. As early as the 10's to 20's one economist notes a shirt that campaigned for the 4 hour work day. Work is said to create "value" in that it contributes to the motor of society. It allows you to buy things and keep up with the Jones's. It allows you to provide for your family.

As the same piece pointed out, work is also about caring for people. Nurturing children or taking care of the sick aren't necessarily backbreaking, but arguably, no less mentally intense or laborious. We consider academic work pivotal to protecting and growing our databases of knowledge and to further technology. We respect artists and musicians who perform at levels so high if they were making mistakes the entire time, they'd be lucky to be in the same room with someone who could point it out.

But work is changing. Gone are the industrial jobs thanks to globalization. If you can get a car made by a machine, or modern day slave, you're not going to pay union worker. This article I read about lawyers losing out to new technology that can sort through and refer legal precedent in seconds as opposed to taking weeks with a team of associates. Soon our phones will be predicting when we're at risk for diabetes or blood diseases. While it will be a "slow" transition, so to speak, in the midst of an outcry about "jobs jobs jobs, we need to create more jobs!" It seems we don't really have a plan for what those jobs may look like, if they're worthwhile, or whether people will be capable of doing them.

What happens when McDonald's goes fully automated? There's one guy in charge to maybe restock the buns assuming there isn't some great technical leap that allows delivery trucks to automatically unload and stock. What happens when big box stores realize that aisles and aisles of clothes no one is wearing aren't worth the price of rent and the number of "service jobs" starts to plummet?

I'm more concerned with what we think of ourselves. I'm of the view that certain things should be considered "rights." Things like eating, having a place to stay, an education, or maybe the right to a fucking planet... etc. This especially because we have an overabundance that's poorly allocated. What happens when you don't need to work to eat? What happens when you can choose to interface with any subject, or perhaps physically plug into a computer with nano brain bots? Given how many people hate their jobs, I don't think it will be all that bad of a thing. It's the transition that's a problem. It's the poorly understood road to getting there that will make the future bleak regardless of what we've made available.

I think about this in the context of what I'm doing with my time. I don't give two shits about coffee, but rich people buy it. I've worked hard. I've played by the rules. I maintain my propensity to read things until I go cross-eyed despite my many attempts to shut off from the world. I'm one of the few "entitled" millennials who really does think he's done enough and should be seeing some form of dividends paying out for his effort. This in no way is an attempt to diminish the help I've had or to try and mock up my effort or work against someone else's. My dad's an iron worker after all. I haven't nearly died to take care of anyone. But, he didn't want me or my brother to have to be iron workers.

For as long-term as a lot of the problems we face as a country or, as I tend to go with, species, I think none more lasting than the impact of how we discuss and understand our circumstances. I've done such a good job with my language I get away with acting in seemingly sheer contradiction, at least for a time, with less angst ridden emotional scenes than I may let on. Also, I'm not even positive how much of it is "stuck" as a conversation amongst the masses while the general business as usual remains just that. I can be sure, it'll be a dumb conversation regardless, where I'll play the cynic messing with everyone's good vibes.

It's just that, I find myself sounding defeated about everything I do. "Was dinner fun?" Eh, we ate. "How was the pool?" The water was wet, cold, and we got kicked out of the first warmer wet bowl of water. "How's the van?" Paid for. The work I could do, can do, or contribute towards kind of means nothing outside of a lofty dream way down the line. And circumstances that I fully appreciate are well-beyond my control could dictate whether or not I'm ever able to even get realistically started on that goal. It's almost too sobering. For all my enthusiasm, effort, budgeting, and lack of sleep, I still feel the long dick of Simon Property Management and that lying bitch Terry fucking my will to keep trying. It's not even that it's hard, it's that it's stupid, petty, and you feel like you're shitting on yourself daily by playing along.

From my profile, way back when I read The Fountainhead:

"If I found a job, a project, an idea or a person I wanted---I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings leading to everything else. We're all so tied together. We're all in a net, the net is waiting, and we're pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and it's precious to you. Do you know who is standing ready to tear it out of your hands? You can't know, it may be so involved and so far away, but someone is ready, and you're afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them---just so they'll let you keep it. And look at whom you come to accept."

The "adult" professional world certainly doesn't give a shit about you. Whether you learn that by trying to pay back debt with your degree in hand and minimum wage job, or in your future and health being squandered. What is the work for? What is the struggle about? You know you're not creating value. There's nothing valuable by rushing people's hot drinks to their desk. Not with the backdrop of what's going on at least. If the 1% employs us all to dust their furniture, will we be happier? Will it feel like we're existing for any sort of point or helping anything?

This is part of the reason the haunting silence is so hard to deal with. I don't want you to get unduly excited about something stupid because it's the only thing you've "really" done in months. I don't want you to have a positive outlook about something that's...even...at best. Every time it happens it just reinforces that status quo. It gives the green light for someone next to you to accept their circumstances or meekly justify their existence. Arguably, I don't want you to get as bad as me, but I digress... It's just sad that we can collectively get behind wiping out other nations, but not empowering people to be caregivers of each other.

It's just weird to think that people envy the idea of living at the beach and maybe being stoned all day. I've been on a proverbial beach for a really long time, and maybe I just fuck it up by reading all the time, but it really just leaves you with too much time to reflect. My "work" reduced to finding distractions until people get off work or the weekend hits. But who's going to blame me? I'm going to limp into getting the van going, because, even with everything paid for, nothing is ever fully paid for. (ooo cryptic) All the while dipping into money that could reliably pay my bills for the next 7 months. If you had your rent paid for the next 7 months, where are you spending that money so that's no longer true? For me, it's paying kids to advertise.

I guess I'm as decompressed as I'm going to get right now. What a shitty ending lol.

[124.151] One More Thing That Eludes Me

Friday, August 22, 2008 at 6:04am

I've been watching the documentary series The Genius of Charles Darwin, hosted by Richard Dawkins, and I find myself thinking which means I find myself writing. Granted, this is the dressed up documentary version of things I've heard before, but sometimes it takes hearing things more than once for them to trigger every potential thought. I just got done watching the second installment which focuses on human evolution and in particular the development of altruism. Dawkins asks why we have a yearning to be good to our fellow man even when there is little to no chance of them returning the favor. If you want the evolutionary reasons and his discussion, I encourage you to watch it yourselves because I would like to instead talk about what I was feeling as I was watching.

I randomly picked up a book today called The 48 Laws of Power. In it, a stark and explicit account of the many ways of manipulating and controlling people and situations so they frequently play out in your favor. While I was reading it I couldn't help but smile. I'm reading historical accounts and observations of kings and right-hand men about how they held and weaseled control, and I could completely empathize with their tactics. I wasn't sure if I should feel dirty or ingenious. Moreover, when thinking about my best friend who makes a habit out of implementing these strategies, I again found myself amused.

At this point I find myself at a bit of a roadblock. Well before I ever read The Fountainhead I was pretty much fascinated with Nietzsche and the concept of the Will to Power. If you're not familiar with either the books or philosophers, damn? The roadblock happens, call it selfish, when I think about what will make me happiest. I'm a sucker for a challenge. When I was first reading the 48 Laws of Power, my first instinct was to study the book and conceive where, when, and on who I would try each technique. I already know what it's like to do this to some extent, and yes, it is quite fun and ego boosting. On the other hand, I have the character Gail Wynad ever resonating. Gail is the mega publisher who lusts after power and utterly destroys people beyond all reason. He doesn't have the easiest, (or perhaps most fulfilling?), life. Then there's the protagonist Roark who basically stands for everything the romantic in me would preach. Do I take the lessons (perhaps impractical, alas, but what is practical) from the book and implement them in my strategy towards life, or do I say fuck it and perhaps plummet down a road already well traveled, but have a pretty good time doing it?

I guess I got into that bit of a digression because of what I feel watching apes and listening to Dawkins say that we have a lust to console and help each other. As cold hearted and down right tyrannous as I know I can be, I still feel compelled to help someone in need (almost explicitly when they are within my immediate perception, but nonetheless) and have seen the effects of people who hint at the world which understands what it means to be a Howard Roark. No matter what I do I can't absolutely kill an old flame nor deny the “loving” actions of others. And yet despite this, I still hold an absolute revulsion for humanity. I literally get physically and psychologically ill when I actually try to contemplate the “how in the worlds” behind what people do and say. When that sickness takes over is when I think all qualms about regressing towards the mentality of that book will be dead.

My faith lies in seeing the byproducts of my perhaps unconventional, romanticized, and sometimes lonely world view play out in others in the positive ways it has for me. I keep telling myself that when I've finally cracked is when I won't care about getting fucked up at parties and learning the marginally cute girl's major. It isn't from the exhaustion of “my philosophy” that would hasten those otherwise negative decisions, but my predisposition to be around people is naturally molding me to “fit in” somehow. It's the exact same situation when it comes to exerting power. Prompted by a sort of helplessness or insecurity.

So, I guess I'm banking on my inability to stomach the hatred I have for people shifting onto myself, because if it does.....dammit.

(Side mini blog) On Drugs and Alcohol. When I hear people describe, in particular, mushrooms and DMT I'm downright fascinated and my “justification” if you will, is that they are “natural” and I really want to have an opinion. Now, with that said, how many people are putting any real thought behind why they are so happy to party and lose control? In particular alcohol. I mean if it tasted good it wouldn't be “an acquired taste.” If it made you lose weight, perform on a balance beam, and help you explain in plain words general relativity, I could see the point. It makes girls more attractive? It helps you “relax” to have your “conversation” in a crowded yet empty apartment? It isn't cheap. It leads to some of the most hysterical and at the same time most disgusting stories I've ever heard. But hey, I'm on the outside looking in. Drugs is kind of the same thing, but not really, and I generally feel they are for the thinkers that really despise how much they can think, as well as those who got genetically unlucky when it comes to addiction. No, I didn't forget about the “importance of being social” either....bastard ape genes.

[108] The Myth Of Progress

Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 12:30am

I want to make the case that as hard as we work to push into the future and unlock all sorts of new secrets and truths with our knowledge, this should not be viewed as progress. I want to illustrate this idea with just basic examples from what many people engage in on their paths to "grow" as human beings.

First, lets take basic society. Society is not focused on progress, it is focused on sustainability. You can sustain almost anything by frequently insufficient means. The crime rate in Chicago is resulting in a dead kid a day since June. The question isn't, "what progressive line can we travel to maybe make the crime rate so low that 1 murder a year would be a shock." The only thing people seem to care about is immediately putting in the National Guard to quell the fighting enough to look good in the eyes of the the 2016 Olympic committee. The truth is, Chicago will still survive as a city if 1 or 10 kids are shot every day. The fact that it has skyscrapers and tech savvy inhabitants does not mean its made any progress at the level that matters. The individual human level.

We have the basic human life. You are (hopefully) born into a family where your parents remain together and you get your basic education. You go to college and meet the girl who you'll marry and have kids with. You'll work your job and be the model provider. You'll learn from all the years of raising your kids. You may or may not be apart of some job or activity that opens your eyes and mind to what matters in life. Then if your lucky, when your're old your kids liked you enough to refrain from putting you in a home. To me, I don't feel that being born on to a "model track" of our day means that once you reach a certain age or mustered up the courage to pop a question, you've somehow achieved the title of progress. It's no secret we're all "doomed" at some time or another, but that fact isn't what impedes what I'm talking about.

I'll start with the area I think the least amount of progress can be made. Take the person above and imagine they've taken on the religious agenda. Their progressive act is to save as many people as they can, or at the very least put the name Jesus into everyone's head. For over two thousand years these people have done the same thing their predecessors felt as their moral charge, and what is the result? Whenever I watch some early morning pastor or news report it's the pastor screaming something about how far the country is falling. The non-believers, but o-ho especially the believers! need to get their acts together and settle in to the loving kind of society they should be passively aggressively fighting for. Do you know how great Jesus's sacrifice was, by the way it's the greatest gift you'll ever receive, hey its also great to get gifts when you don't ask for them isn't it, o golly gee greatness praise Jesus. This mindless pummeling of the same tired words into people's heads. The breaking them down as pathetic sinners that need to be brought back up by the same agenda that just broke them down. Ever on his knees the believer waits idley by for when Jesus will come floating from the sky.

Say we move on to the philanthropist. Take the grand scheme of Dubai. What was it like 10-15 years ago there was nothing but a few scattered buildings and sand? Now you'll find all the great progress in its new architecture and happening night life. Here's of course where I have my complaint. If the happening party scene in every city or town that's ever been in existence has only served to distract people from depressing thoughts about their meager lives, or served to contribute to alcohol and violence problems, what is to be considered progressive about making another hole to this five stars of fun golf course? People need opportunities to let loose and express themselves, but should those opportunities be grounded in places that have one of the longest histories of negative results? I feel I should make note that I'm not speaking against developing areas or new feats of architecture. All that bugs me is that I know personally enough people who are struggling with finding themselves in the fog of partying and "modern thinking" and I don't see how simply introducing others to the front door, after we've barely stumbled out the back, contributes to the human agenda.

Here's my next attempt to plug my hopes for science. We're all born as scientists. We are fascinated with our hands and toes and test out what will happen when we pull the dogs hair or plunge head first into a birthday cake. To me, a broad definition of scientific practice would be anything furthering your personal knowledge and ability to speak on any given subject. Granted, I would never agree to that definition when arguing with a creationist about what science is, but for the sake of my point you can keep that one in mind. Assuming you don't have some evil intent I have yet to find the negative by-product from getting smarter or more comfortable with your understanding about the world. I've never heard one scientist speak of his work like this, "O well, this just is what it is, I guess I get by well enough, gotta pay those bills you know." There is always this exuberance and passion for the work. This is where progress can be made. When you're passionate. When you fuel yourself by the work your're doing. Some would describe the discovery of the atomic bomb as the most terrible thing we could ever unlock, and I would say those are the people who would be the first to launch them, because they understand so little about the nature of those who discovered it. I don't see the progress in getting a handful of disgruntled nations to destroy some of their bombs, because ultimately it comes down to the political pressure they are facing, not their growth as human beings who no longer see a point in initiating holocausts. The task of showing people how grand and fulfilling their lives can be without the destruction of themselves or others has always been the task of the teachers and the scientists.

Why are religious icons so fervently idolized? They were the teachers and the holders of knowledge. If you wanted to be happy, just follow their ten step program and forgo those hopeless selfish urges. I used the term in one of my last blogs, but it needs to be brought up again, second-handers.(Yes, I ripped this from The Fountainhead) I see the religious institutions as one of the most destructive ideas to ever hit our race. They've racked up enough bodies with holy wars or suicide bombing, but I fear more for the type of mind they instill in their followers. They teach you that knowledge can only be found in what they are selling. The sweet taste of understanding only exists in crackers and wine. The thing that makes a scientist proud and tireless in their pursuit, is point blank exactly what religion tells you to redirect, after they've soiled it with sin, towards Jesus or Allah or some righteous and pious task. You do not have the opportunity or right to say "This is me, and this is what I am doing." Every sentence has to be prefaced with "We are charged with the task, I am working within the confines of my belief in."

I just read a blog of a girl who felt saved form depression by drinking, which obviously didn't last long. I have no doubt that people are feeling saved by Jesus to this kind of extent. The band aid for cancer. In this context depression is easy. Pills, new friends, and a hard fought will can put you on a different track. But think about the religious context. Every time you say the devil had his role, you're reinforced. Every time you say you're going to pray and cry instead of fight and change, you're reinforced. When an edict or piece of advice is handed down to you, for all those concerned the question has been answered, you are alleviated from your duty of thinking, peace unto you. You are not taught to be an individual with rights and feelings, you are a sheep. Your motivations and deductive reasoning are not allowed in the kingdom of God. Everyone one of your friends and family tell you the same things from the same collective viewpoint. I can't imagine a worse kind of suffering.

I've watched two interviews now on A.J. Jacobs who lived for an entire year as literally by the bible as he could. what I think is interesting is, here is man who has taken the book more seriously than any fundamentalist, has read it more deeply, and literally made his life about following its tenets, and yet when you hear him talk about what he took away from the experience, it's ideas and habits that transgress many religions, customs, or mantras throughout time. Being forgiving of people and yourself, i.e. letting go of things. Prayer, in what it does to calm you down and keep you focused. The exuberance of just being alive and able to experience things. He refers to himself as a "reverent agnostic" now. What I find most striking is in his motivation. He'd never been raised in a religious household and considered himself to be Jewish to the same extent that Olive Garden is Italian food. He alone wanted to do this. He wasn't inspired by a god. His "selfish" want of knowledge and personality type that has to focus and take things seriously is what allowed him to progress as a human being. Did he piss off his wife and weird people out, sure, but where does that deter from what he's learned?

I'm asking for you to be a scientist. Growth and progress can only be obtained when you work to understand the world around you, ipso facto yourself along with it. Test yourself, observe and be honest about the results. When you can do that, I predict you'll start being the person you always knew and expected yourself to be.

8 comments

Updated about 4 months ago

Billy Bowman (Bloomington, IN) wroteat 8:17am on July 17th, 2008 You are (hopefully) born into a family where your parents remain together and you get your basic education. Like, 1 in 1000 Americans? Maybe your lucky to get a basic education, but your parents remaining together? I can't think off the top of my head of 1 family i know like that. Report - Delete

Nick P. wroteat 8:23am on July 17th, 2008 Meh, just an overall hypothetical. Not like mine are together either. Delete

Billy Bowman (Bloomington, IN) wroteat 8:27am on July 17th, 2008 "You are not taught to be an individual with rights and feelings, you are a sheep." I'm fairly certain parts of the bible actually say this out right. Jesus is the Shepard, etc. etc.. Report - Delete

Billy Bowman (Bloomington, IN) wroteat 8:28am on July 17th, 2008 I completely agree with you here, and find that "reverent agnostic" quite interesting.. Report - Delete

David M.L. Jaffe wroteat 1:32pm on July 17th, 2008 I love the picture. As humorous as it is, its unfortunately true. Luckily my dad finally started a business that is making some good money, so I fall under the privilaged I suppose. Anyways, the way I see it is society today is too worried about economics. Progress today means expanding, building, researching, profiting, etc. Religion can't help you make money. Now sure, religion can make you more happy or hopeful and give you faith, but today, people would rather have money. We can't really make religious progress right? I mean sure, in a historical aspect we can by trying to find proof it happened, but this goes back to science, research, expanding (our knowledge), for most likely profit. Your example of Chicago is perfect. Will losing some kids from the ghetto kill the city? As inhumane as that may seem, no, it won't. People will still live and work there. My entire W131 summer english class was writing about sustainability, and it's right. If something will sustain, nothing will be changed. Humans are too distracted by dangling money (haha, jew gold) to make "progress." IMO, I believe a majority of society's problems are related to profit. Thats just how I see it. You should seriously like, compile your short essays into a book, or work on getting them published in a paper or something. Report - Delete

Billy Bowman (Bloomington, IN) wroteat 4:21pm on July 17th, 2008 "You should seriously like, compile your short essays into a book, or work on getting them published in a paper or something." And sell it, there by proving his point.. haha Report - Delete

David M.L. Jaffe wroteat 4:27pm on July 17th, 2008 Bowman has proven the cycle at work!! Brilliant! Report - Delete

Nick P. wroteat 7:05pm on July 17th, 2008 Lol as much of an ego boost that would be I generally just report on things where people have already said it or said it better. I blog to stay sane. If I wanted to make money, there would be a lot more sources and exciting information.

[101] Howard Roark And Jesus

Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 9:03am

“Look, Gail.” Roark got up, reached out, tore a thick branch off a tree, held it in both hands, one fist closed at each end; then, his wrists and knuckles tensed against the resistance, he bent the branch slowly into an arc. “Now I can make what I want of it: a bow, a spear, a cane, a railing. That’s the meaning of life.”
“Your strength?”
“Your work.” He tossed the branch aside. “The material the earth offers you and what you make of it…

There are a number of paragraphs throughout this book that resonate really deeply with me. I had a rush of thoughts after reading this and am going to try and work them out.

It’s been a common theme in my recent discussions with people, the meaning of life. The conversations are destined to glance from love to God to some other cliché and misunderstood concept. You won’t find it surprising that when I talk with the religiously inclined I get some version or another about how life is about worship, surrender, and faith. I think that what these people are holding up in such high exuberance is so artfully masked its led to every reason we can surmise to hate existence. Why is God praised? He created the cosmos, He lives forever, He is eternal peace and love, He is every answer, He is the means to His end. He is the effortless worker. People are not deterred by the atrocious acts He commits in the bible, because it isn’t about said atrocity, simply that He Is doing it. When’s the last time you can say you have been completely the person you are during some endeavor? When has life felt effortless and fluid? The unwanted and unnecessary stress of beleaguered minds wondering what the future holds, how their engagement was read, and why they acted in a way they can’t define. I feel that this lack of definition only stresses those with the wrong focus. This maddeningly obvious condition that makes you feel guilty and condemned after being put into words.

Let’s take a look at the Jesus story. His life was about his works and miracles. No one would ever dream of feeling like an equal separated from the flock. His most famous “act” was to die on the cross and forgive you of every sin. The most brilliant and selfless move of the miracle working teacher was to forgo what he was doing and allow himself to be martyred. Here’s where it gets interesting. Howard Roark is the character in The Fountainhead who is the quintessential martyr, in a sense, for the almighty I. He gets battered, mocked, and screwed over by almost everyone. All of it leaving him indifferent to them all. He doesn’t forsake his way for the sake of appeasing others. He doesn’t compromise and doesn’t care to hold any power over them. Every structure that is put up by him is magnificent for one reason, the fact that he designed it. What does the Jesus story tell us in light of this? It tells us to give up. It says to sway to will of fate and God. Our purpose is not in what we stand for, it is in that we stand for God, accept his gift, make of ourselves an offering. Only through subservience will we be allowed live forever and bask in the Light. Riddle me this. The God who seems to dwell within the character Roark, an atheist none the less, that sees the magnificence that can be achieved in creations emanating the human spirit decided the only way to instill and redeem humanity was to sacrifice it?

Those who crafted what Jesus would be were ingenious. Jesus gave up. Jesus was allowed to doubt the insatiable Will. He was granted the privilege of not just being the martyr for our sins, but also for the thing we feared the most; the will to conceive of something so perfect it would cast upon us the fear and loathing that comes with comparing it to reality. Jesus denies us reality, and therefore denies us any chance to understand the kind of will depicted in Roark’s character. Every job you could be doing, every testament you could be making, every mark on someone’s life that signifies that You, this person here and now was here, proud, and acting in the only way possible is erased. While Jesus was giving handouts, someone was working that much harder to say look what I can do on my own. Look what I can stand for. How can you mourn the death of a God? When you mourn the death of your soul and your will. When you watch the epitome of hopes and dreams suffocate and bleed out, you’re the one that can’t breathe or move. The whole reason his drawn out suffering death is endlessly praised is because people have become so disillusioned about who they are that all that’s left is to idolize suffering and death. They want to map their pathetic lives onto his works and call it saved. They want to transfer their pain as if it isn’t theirs to have, as if they didn’t earn it and can’t handle it. The most masterful maneuver in all of this, is that you are promised the type of fulfillment and joy that a character in a book about selfish magnificence would make you jealous of. Do you not see how hopelessly backwards the Jesus story is? He is the ultimate contradiction of any kind of God what would work to put him here. Our works, our story, and our will do not have to die in order to be recognized for how important they are. Deny this, and live in the hell you’ve created.

It is through the work that people do to exemplify this spirit that they live forever. There is no place for sympathy or excuses. You are not measured by how sorry you can feel about what you’ve done.

[100] Killer Times Dawg...Killer

Monday, June 23, 2008 at 9:10am

I have this feeling going on, and I think its stemming from a couple different things, so I’m just going to write until I’m not writing anymore.

I’m reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and all I can say is it is the most amazing book I’ve ever read. I can’t fully put into words what goes on in my head as I read though this book, just this overwhelming sense of awe that someone can portray so beautifully ideas I thought were either dead and ill construed, or lost amidst the infuriating simpleton facade fueling baneful existence. Obviously I’m ordering anybody who reads this to read the book as well. Non-negotiable.

George Carlin just died. This I find crappy because I rather enjoyed his standup and basically agreed with everything he’s ever said. He was a role model for speaking out about the ludicrousness exhibited in religion, and a purveyor of simple and direct talk. I still am in the middle of When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops. It’s funny because I spend a lot of time thinking about death. I already know I won’t cry when my family starts to go. I get this worried feeling not about death, but about what people are missing out on before they die. I don’t mean sight-seeing or grand accomplishments. I mean a sort of mindset. Well, not even a sort, just The mindset. I hate to sound redundant bringing up the theme of excuses, but it feels appropriate. When someone denies themselves the opportunity to think or do something because of some formality or taboo, they’ve denied what defines the human spirit. Be it the confluence of billions of years of evolution or the imposition of some divine thing, recognizing and affirming the “I” has been the non-stop force spearheading every advancement. I’ve been saying for a while that I think people should be more selfish, if only to be more honest. That’s one of the things I love so much about The Fountainhead. Simply put ideas than I can ramble about are unraveled and expressed masterfully.

I just watched a little clip from Fox News, if you can call it that, about some new faith healer. Why? Why are we beleaguered with such drivel. I swear I’m waiting for the hour long special about the pink giraffe some news anchors daughter put on the fridge all by herself. They had some other woman on there saying in so many words that she didn’t want to offend the preacher, but there are so many people who’ve been shown to be frauds in the past that she was still going to remain skeptical until the medical records became forthcoming. This is a bigger problem for me than the wasted time airing the preacher. Why do you feel the need to say that you don’t mean to offend someone you know, I know, and everyone with common sense of faith knows, is full of shit? Why take two minutes amidst your bullshit formality and cordialness to say that you’re a Christian and you have faith, but you’re not that crazy. When you say you believe in the power of faith, you just mean to the extent that it makes coincidence feel like they were meant to be. The power of god is so strong that you bumped into that cute guy at the coffee shop, but healing a broken arm is just way out of His league. I think if the news was dedicated to reporting every new or hardworking organization dedicated to advancing human knowledge and welfare, it would inspire and enlighten people to do the same. How about some news about CERN or specific debates and discussions about upcoming presidential policies. All you hear are fabricated conversations and puddle skipping stories about lost dogs or how to lose weight.

I’m sick of being bored all the time. I can’t find the right kind of people who can appreciate what it is to have fun. Simply being around people you refer to as friends, is not fun. Hanging out at White Castle creating an extremely random and hysterical scenario involving Black Castle, GRAW 2, and gold window frames….well you had to be there. It’s when you can make times that your laughing so hard that you can’t breathe you know you’re having fun. This is perhaps why I’ve never been drawn towards the whole alcohol and drug scene. I literally have so much more fun in remaining coherent while I stumble upon a laughable character or exciting situation. Though the new and exciting experiences are not forthcoming at the moment, I remain a firm believer that there is always something worthwhile you can be doing that doesn’t involve slow suicide. I think it’s bread into society that simply being involved in social activities, no matter what they are, sends out how friend worthy you really are. Everyone look at me I’m fitting in. That’s another thing I love so much about this book. It shows that person to the extreme and parallels it with struggle of genuine will. Bah, I’m sure there’s more to say, but this started off random and is ending prematurely anyway.