My “natural” rhythm is to criticize. It's sometimes as if it's almost impossible for me to regard something positively, even the things I like. I can't just like a TV show. I need to comment on the vapid extravagance of the industry which sends terrible messages about how we should conceive of ourselves. I can't genuinely cheer for a sports team because I'm thinking about branding, money, exploitation, ignored hurt players, and how unlikely it is for “your area's team” to be from your area.
I can't even leave alone concepts like “communication.” It's not enough that news is simple non-reporting, but they're also not reporting in the dumbest kind of ways. I hate that I can ask, what I think are straight forward questions like, “do we really need ultra HD 4G curved TVs?” Only to be met with the question, “What? Do you think that technology should just stop progressing?” Oh, I see now, loud and clear. I simply should have never opened my mouth.
As I said, the things I like to do aren't safe. I reach a certain level of competence or mastery and then proceed to lose interest. I reduce my “talents” to an equation. They're an inevitable conclusion of good habits over time. It's easy for feelings of hopeless or futility to kick in when you see how industries are programmed, like music, and what they pump out very independent of ideas like “time,” “work,” or “innovation.” 8 hours a day to get fast fingers or perfect micro twitches doesn't stack up to a recycled beat and auto tune.
And it's because I often think, how am I to respect “them” when it's clichés, unnecessary drama, and sometimes the worst displays of some level of denial or fear that I could imagine. I understand we're all conditional, but most of us seem to go out of our way to fit in to a lot of bullshit. I feel like the only person who could have less of a feeling of “you” than me at that point, is you. Let's give one more shout out to the things you'd never think to do or say unless you're drunk, which is incidentally corrupted as well given that mid-20s is now perceived as too old. To be broke, lonely, and stressed is adult and responsible, after all. Especially if you have a job, partner, and plan.
It's important to note, I don't feel labored or stressed. I don't have to go out of my way to see problems. I don't have to devote any real brain power or do work. I think of it like actually listening to your elders, philosophers, and scientists and attempting to change or live accordingly. I'm super keen on not making exceedingly predictable mistakes. Often that comes hand in hand with being mindful of how many sucky things can result in a different outcome than you're looking for.
It's around here that the dramatic irony kicks in. You don't have to engage with or agree with my assessment of life. You, I'm assuming, love what you do! And often, you'd advise me to run along and find my own thing as well. The, aha! moment. The secret is to ignore everything and everyone around you while maintaining the ability to appreciate and understand all the choices the world has to offer. Take life for granted the same way you take love.
I listened to an interesting Tim Ferris podcast about figuring out what it is only you can do. These guys with 20-40 years on me talking about transforming their lives and pursuing the next project. The money comes and goes. The ideas manifest almost at random. If we leave aside “being this kind of person to these people”-esc examples, my thing just seems to be writing. It's using my voice my way. Only I can talk like me, even if there's a lot of people saying exactly the same things I think about. Most of what else I think I do well, or can do well, are to me, common sense. And even in writing, it's just to help me move on to shitting on the next thing.
I think it's that my sense of self is inextricably tied to so many things I fix or avoid personally that we can't grasp at large socially. Maybe I just want more people to be like me. ;-)
