[195] Stupid Can't Save You

Thursday, August 13, 2009 at 7:04am

Before rehearsal today the band "director," or guy who may have taken charge without even realizing it, said how he hated biology and that it was evil. His reasoning? It tells him that he comes from worms. The statement being stomach droppingly ignorant aside, he said it while addressing the seventy band members he was handing drill charts out to. Many interesting things aren't happening in this situation. One, I'm not spouting off insults at how bloody fucking ignorant he is. Two, he isn't caring or checking on how ignorant he in fact is...and why should he? He did just get out of college and all. Three, the majority, hell, all of the kids completely ignored or didn't hear what he had to say so while they won't be swayed to his stupid view, they won't be terribly affected negatively either. When you already exist at a level that has very few hopes for humanity and then start your day with something like that transpiring, it's quite the blow.

Is this what we have to expect from our "learning zones?" Flapping gums, blank stares, and people like me trying to slow their heart rate and debate whether it's more moral to hand him his ass right then or lie in wait for a more opportune moment. If our in shape, educated, job-having, white males are so stupid that they can hate biology because it teaches them "we come from worms," I really can't compose a convincing enough statement about our future. You know what this means. Black people, rise up even farther. I know you got the presidency, but like Chris Rock says, you need to be the white guy who is signing the president's check. Don't believe all those videos showing you guys and the hick white people believing in leprechauns, and just be thankful it's the extra crazy white people and Hispanics who are seeing Jesus in cheese sandwiches and wooden bathroom doors.

Ridicule and realism aren't pessimism. Part of the reason I can even remain remotely happy despite all the bullshit I see is because I'm actually capable of discerning the bullshit and probable ways of fixing or ridiculing it. Your inability to think on my level or handle a discussion about relevant subject matter is not the time to call me anything but correct after you've submitted yourself to Google. I only point this out because I see it as a common trend in peoples' behavior towards me and it's completely misplaced. Perhaps closely tied to this is where people feel compelled to avoid talking about certain things with me. Maybe I have a selective memory, but despite the topic I've never resorted to throwing things, screaming, or actually mind fucking someone into a stroke. Part of the reason I try to read and learn is so I can engage people, not give them an excuse to avoid me. If you think I'd demolish you in a religious discussion, take that as an opportunity to overcome an irrational fear.

I'm fascinated with how "little" we know, and how incapable we are of picking up on the correct ways to interpret ourselves and our world. Combine The Black Swan with Penn and Teller's Bullshit and you get statistical data to back up funny (more sad) personifications of everything wrong with our species. We have some big institutions fighting against the mental handicappers, but in a world of idiots, I fear that all is seen is two opposing sides that somehow need to reach a middle ground. Doctors don't negotiate with cancer. So I say just take the religious and lunatic strategy, or at the very least, give it a spin if only to distort their ranks. Every time there is a town hall meeting with someone screaming something so unbearably stupid you hate yourself for dignifying their presence, send in twenty more hired "assholes" to yell and scream all sorts of other ridiculous shit and ally themselves with the initial retard. When "both sides" of the evolution and creationism "debate" arise, start another battle screaming for both sides of whether the Holocaust happened, and always make sure to stand uncomfortably close to the creationists. At the very least it would be fun for a while.

What bothers me the most is that I see no evidence of people getting better. In a moment you can realize that almost to completely everything you knew about something was wrong and now you can and should proceed down another path. What incentive is there to make people want to screw with their world views? Even the most obscure and ostracized in the social sphere manage to find their way to comic-con or a snuggle party (actually exists). We have room (we don't) for every bad idea and every idiot that wants to keeps them, and not only will they keep them, they will profit from them, they will be self-assured, and they will be insulated from the handful of things that would wrestle it from their minds. And while all this goes on, the vast majority of us with mental faculties and promise will say "let them believe what they want, it's not hurting anybody." This is so exceedingly opposite the time you should choose what you want to see, yet it comes out so fluid and natural.

We don't need any governing body to step in and control our lives. Our dumbass ideas handle things just fine.

[119.154] And Then There Was This One Time

Friday, August 15, 2008 at 5:17pm

It's the last day of band camp. I get whiffs of the silly string and shaving cream that the band planned to “surprise” the staff with, which I could have fully avoided, but hung around to make proper goodbyes. I didn't want to get wet, which was my one victory, and I can remain “happy” writing this knowing my Ipod stayed safe, even if my phone dropped and cracked during the dash to my car as cream pies trailed in the distance. Given that band has been one of the biggest parts of my life, I feel it's appropriate to work out the many things I could only think while working with them this year.

On this last day, what are we celebrating? 8 hours a day, 5 times a week over the last 2 weeks. It isn't easy so yes, be happy you can now relax more often and stay out of the sun. Apart from that, I'm confused why everyone is so happy. For those of you not in the know, MHS isn't exactly top tier when it comes to marching band. In the four years I marched there, we never even got a gold rating at regionals, and once, didn't even get past district. I figured I should put that in here so any band member that reads this won't think I'm out to rag on them or there is anything special about this year's level of performance.

When I think about marching band, I put it in terms of many individuals choosing to act as a group. If someone doesn't care to be there, I offer them the door. Putting in that much time to be mediocre or “ok” just seems overtly pointless. I take on the responsibility as a teacher to build people, train individuals. Nobody is going to force you to memorize your music. Nobody will be on the field holding your shoulders parallel to the sideline. It is purely about making yourself look better, and by transference, helping the others around you look and be better as well. I only got hints of this happening in these last few days of camp.

One of the first things Byron and I talked about when we got there was the lack of leadership. When we looked around, we didn't see section leaders. There were barely any juniors and seniors that bothered to show up. So that being our first problem, we took it upon ourselves to assign people the position. Now in our experience, the section leaders were frequently the best marchers, they didn't talk at set, they held sectionals and caught the mistakes so we didn't have to. They dolled out the punishments and led the laps. How naive we found ourselves, given these section leaders didn't always act appropriately because they weren't taught appropriately. This is one of the reasons I can't find myself super angry at them or the band.

The second thing that plagued this band was the lack of discipline. All I remember from marching was getting yelled at to stay still, reset faster, and run to and from water breaks. When you screwed up, there wasn't a hesitation to send you on a lap. If that sounds kinda shitty, Byron marched corps where there's more running, yelling, and beat downs than there is playing and marching. So with these mentalities, coming into a band where breezy weather is regarded as “hot,” being called to attention means shaking around and scratching heads, and assigning push ups or laps means forgetting we had to do push ups and laps, I can't help but find myself a tad frustrated.

I was the dick staff member. I had my tick system where you got a check for moving, and stepping off wrong, and not moving your shoulders correctly. Those checks were suppose to translate into push ups and laps. Therefore, obviously I'm the bad guy. But, shall we remember that band is about individuals. When you mess up, you make yourself look bad, and by transference make the rest of the your band look bad. When you refuse to police yourself in a situation where you represent more than yourself, someone has to be the dick. No shock to me, the people who liked me where the ones that did things correctly, took constructive criticism, and hated when the band did bad as much as I did. Think they understand something the others don't? It isn't fun to watch other bands wipe the floor with you at competition. Nobody wants to look back at the hours of band and repetitive music and think, “Yay, awesome how we looked like little bitches back then. Wasn't the way the judge said 'silver' just so cool!?”

After marching under Meyers and working with Danielson I can objectively say that despite Meyers being a total dick and me not always being “happy” while marching, his method led to a more disciplined band. I can fully appreciate where Mr. Danielson is coming from with wanting people to stay and feel positive, but the happiest waste of time and effort, is still a waste of time and effort. When they didn't stand still after being called to attention that first day is when they should have taken their first lap. When they opened their mouths for the first time after going from set 1 to 2 they should have dropped for ten push ups. It is about everybody getting to the same level. There are some great marchers and great players in the band, but as a whole they will get over-shadowed by the one guy who takes two more steps during a hold, and the one girl who's looking entirely the wrong direction when marching diagonally. Is it better to feel bad about it now and work to make it fixed, or later when all you can do is cope and act like you don't care? If the perfect marcher and player doesn't feel responsible for the ones who aren't getting it by the time the staff leaves, it is too late. If the person next to you doesn't feel bad for letting their friends in the band down, there's a bigger problem than step size or wrong notes.

So no, I was not surprised or sad that the staff members who got the biggest applause, as we were introduced to the parents, were the ones who said and did the least. I'll take my handful of kids who could take things seriously and fully appreciate why I wasn't actually a dick by simply pointing out what THEY, key word, were doing wrong. The music is so simple we spent much of the time in sectionals joking and talking. When you start doing things correctly, I have no problem talking to you on the field or spending less time on music, but as a band we were unable to reach that point. For the record, it was Byron who cussed the most at the kids, but they still hated me more, so what really gets to people, your mean words, or your ability to make them cognizant of their imperfect and undisciplined selves lol.

At the end of the day, I like being around the band and hopefully contributing to someone getting better, but the strain of watching them not care or undo something that was fixed or leave a basics block that has been run 15 times, but still not correct, to move on to more “advanced” things, leaves me feeling like I've done something wrong. It makes me feel like I've cheated them by not letting them experience what it really takes to grow as a person then ipso facto seeing it play out on the field. Ultimately, I wasn't in charge and my “what if, if onlys” don't have any weight. What I can say, is there wasn't a single thing I said that Mr. Danielson ever disagreed with. Not one instruction, not one yelled order got me pulled off to the side and lectured about. I didn't get one complaint from my mellophone and saxes about “being too mean” or asking too much. Band is like anything in life. If your going to choose to do it, actively put yourself in the situation, do it well or regret it. Become the person that expects a certain level of performance and don't be happy simply going through the motions. You can't fake effort, and if there is a moral cell in your body you would feel bad about yourself well before I get the chance to yell about dressing and covering.