The little things.
I'm going to start writing in a different mode. Too often I seem to take on an air as if I can actually do something about all that I shit upon. The problem, I still want to talk about things, but not come off as if I'm being prescriptive. It's too grating and weird for someone to think that I'm doling out advice when I'm as trapped in a basement as the next person. More striking, my only advice to get out of the proverbial basement if and when I do would be “hit me up for money.”
One of the staples of living “happy” or “content” is to be able to focus on the little things. Focus on your family. Pick your favorite charity. Study something that speaks to your inner light and motivation. The accumulation of enough little things is supposed to lead to a kind of idealized future. At least this is how it seems to be sold to me. One way or another, no matter what prompts me to write or pisses me off, the argument is made to consider if not almost worship the little things.
I want to try and describe my understanding of naivety. Because I think it is a very powerful tool. When you're naïve you just get to “do.” You'll always be unaware of something, that's just being human. But naivety is the shield that protects the reasons you do something. If you don't know any better, then you have no reason to suspect why or how you should change. It's a platform. A springboard if you will, that launches whatever your agenda or beliefs onto the world.
One of the reasons “I'm so sad all the time,” so to speak, is that I've become aware of too many things that I'll likely never be able to fix. I also feel that knowing what I know means it's unjust and unfair to carry on as if I'm happier about our shared state of affairs than I really am. My “angry” perspective litters every conversation I have about “people” or “governments.” My analyzing of conversations or arguments means that I know how stupid a conversation is going to get before we've had it. I even know that in trying to navigate or head off the stupidity, I'll create even more!
So much of how we navigate the world boils down to power. Power is fluid. Power exists at all scales. Let me try to lay out a scenario that pollutes the majority of my conversations.
First, it's assumed that statements are simple. “We live in a democracy.”
Immediately, if you live in the US, you know it's not that simple. Nor really true. If it was true, it might be described as a “non-functioning democracy.” But, if you were the one asserting this line, you already have a stock of ammunition that would comprise your argument. You'll also find a way to explain this stock that assumes I don't know what a democracy is, nor am living in the reality of my failed one.
Take one round of ammunition and say “the power is with the people.” This alone disregards scale. Ballot initiatives may work, your school board may get thrown for a loop, and hats off for delaying a pipeline, but there's a deeper wound in your system. There's a filter before you get a chance to voice your opinion. Whether it's the candidate you follow, or the rights you're campaigning for. They have to be made to fit a script you get to read later.
In this same round of ammunition you get to hide behind the word “people.” Because who is people? People who aren't given a chance to vote? People who have been misled by propaganda? People *like you* with your informed substantial views that every reasonable person could come to accept? When you ask these questions, you turn it into something of a non-concept. Give me a number. Give me an initiative. Tell me the story of why a group may think one way or another. Then I'll start telling you about the nature of their “power.”
I look at consequences. If you're one of the king's subjects who can be beheaded at any time, every time you look menacingly at your pitchfork and remind yourself that the people outnumber the king, there's an entire world of power and consequences you are disregarding. And it seems so obvious so as it doesn't need to be stated, but I promise, it needs to be stated.
You can win a million little victories, and you'll still see your world burn. Whether you've been persuaded the world beyond your struggle doesn't matter, you take it for granted things will get better, or you ignore that it's even there, the consequences will still play out the same. And that's all I'm ever concerned with.
It's why I'm concerned when you don't feel as bad as I do. When you relay everything in terms of opinions. When you don't own your indifference! If we need to go down, at least own it! With any “luck,” or, with the right amount of money, I'll one day just be able to count. Just count and give a number to those consequences I harp endlessly about. You won't know what I think, you'll feel my 7 on a scale of 1 to 10!
I want to show, not unlike how Lawrence Lessig has, how small of a number can make you feel and think small. 10 Senators. 3 million dollars. 2 years. 50 phone calls. 30 thousand votes. 2 degrees Celsius. If I can just reduce you to a number, you'll finally feel like nothing. Variables in an equation where the screaming opinions can be silenced. God, what a dreamworld.
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