DISCLAIMER: Back when I started writing, I had no qualms about rambling, shit punctuation, no paragraphs, and text speak versions of words. I didn't spell check. It's not until about the 20s of the blogs where I pretend I have a grasp of the English language.
Current mood: dude wtf
Ok so this is prolly gonna sound a lil crazy but I'm watchin the o.c. right and I learn of marissas death and like it really really pissed me off…I'm confused as to why its buggin me so much I mean it's a fuckin tv show right so I'm blogging this shit to try and talk my brain into makin sense of it..
Like her and ryan were so like "it" fuckin the perfectness of their imperfectness was just like those fuckers from the notebook. And like bam some bullshit car accident and she's dead? Wtf. Its like I hate that who death can get u at any minute bullshit cus it fucking adds so much to the depression and suppression of ppl's will to live. Its like if rich hot white girl with caring boyfriend and family can't make it…..fuck. I got to thinking of what would happen if sumone I really cared about just like poof fucking dead like that in sum bullshit death scene out of a movie. Mind u I'm not a violent guy but like the mental snap in my mind would make me afraid of myself. Like ok I get it ppl die I can reason through shit but it's the loss of potential and sumthing true that kills me. I like my parents and shit but ya if they died I'd be sad but like know it was coming if u get me at all. There's really no more roads to travel and they don't like influence my inner feelings and shit. But like if ms. Dream girl just like up and died like then where's the will to go on when u've invested so much of urself towards the magic of making life so special for that person. Fuckin, u can be as rich and nice and bullshit as can be but if ur inner shit isn't worked out it don't mean a thing. That's what I think ppl misunderstand about me. Ok I talk of being a rich millionair dictator when I'm older. Sure I could be it. but how many rich millionaire dictators star in the notebook. That's the true feeling I want. Sumthing worth accomplishing. Fuckin this bamf comes and turns the world upside down for ppl but it's a fuckin chick that puts him in a good place. The shit they have makes all the crazy tvland bs just melt away. Why does it always have to be on tv and then wtf are they doing killing it on tv! Shit. Either way, I'm better understood now, still pissed, but know why at least.
