Monday,
September 22, 2008 at 5:07pm
Philosophy:
I'll write some paper in a mood of extreme boredom that doesn't use
enough analogies and isn't from a thorough analysis of the text. I'll
string together enough big words and broken phrases from the notes I
barely understand to get a low B. Any attempt to gain insight from
the teacher will be met with that “look” I consistently get from
most teachers when they feel my question is so overtly apparent it
justifies looking at me like I'm retarded.
Jit Kun Do: I'll do the moves well enough to need basic corrections, but will ultimately get an A.
Psyche: My teacher will deny me the opportunity to get the homework in advance. I will continue to skim the book, maybe once, and come up with memorization tricks for remembering terms long enough for the test. I'll fuck up just enough questions that were embedded somewhere in the reading to get consistent B's.
Spanish: I'll forget a few verbs or misread questions here and there. I won't be clear enough on my paragraph that's suppose to really show that I'm versed in the language. I'll be average to slightly better than most in my classroom participation, and that coupled with generally good, but stupid mistake tests and homework will get me a high B or possible low A if I decide to give a bigger shit towards the end.
Piano: The little asian bitch won't get out of my ear and I'll continue to fuck up stupid things I played fine when I was by myself. I'll give up just enough to stomach the idea of looking like an inept musician while knowing I'm not one to get a low B possible C which I will justify with “the bitch is annoying, I've already proven to myself I can play it, no one cares what grades you get in a piano class.”
I've identified the “problems,” yet I don't give two shits about fixing them.
It's rather a blessing and a curse that I'm having so much fun being around people. On the one hand, I'm essentially feeling like I want to feel for the rest of my life. I want to be “successful” in the future, but not at the expense of my sanity or freedom. If it is really about the journey and not the destination, I can't justify mentally fucking myself through college to finally feel relived after graduation. Call me weird, but I consider every day and every moment of feelings relevant and important. Consistently, when you have a plan, the plans change and you end up settling on something because you weren't prepared to change. It's completely foreign to me to say “In three years I'll have a job with some psych related thing, hoping to make 45k a year, and I'll have a cute little puppy.” This is how I feel many people think. These four years are just stepping stones that introduce you to your “real life.”
If I look at my life and what's going on to make it happy I get this. I have an inordinate amount of free time that is spend watching movies and things online. I am able to take off randomly with a friend I bump into at midnight on a walk around campus. I am able to sit and read any and every book or science article I cared to. I can spend all night hanging out and still sleep enough to be functional during the day. I have money for food and gas. Aha, money. The things I like to do are write, read, and play music. If those can make me money today, I'll leave college.
New prediction: I'll spend as much time trying to distract myself from the shitty time I have in class, and consistently bitch online about how much I hate it without much of a plan on how to go about changing things. I'll do well enough to be considered average, get my check mark, and remain “meh” despite feelings of overwhelming apathy and indifference at the times of these blogs.
Jit Kun Do: I'll do the moves well enough to need basic corrections, but will ultimately get an A.
Psyche: My teacher will deny me the opportunity to get the homework in advance. I will continue to skim the book, maybe once, and come up with memorization tricks for remembering terms long enough for the test. I'll fuck up just enough questions that were embedded somewhere in the reading to get consistent B's.
Spanish: I'll forget a few verbs or misread questions here and there. I won't be clear enough on my paragraph that's suppose to really show that I'm versed in the language. I'll be average to slightly better than most in my classroom participation, and that coupled with generally good, but stupid mistake tests and homework will get me a high B or possible low A if I decide to give a bigger shit towards the end.
Piano: The little asian bitch won't get out of my ear and I'll continue to fuck up stupid things I played fine when I was by myself. I'll give up just enough to stomach the idea of looking like an inept musician while knowing I'm not one to get a low B possible C which I will justify with “the bitch is annoying, I've already proven to myself I can play it, no one cares what grades you get in a piano class.”
I've identified the “problems,” yet I don't give two shits about fixing them.
It's rather a blessing and a curse that I'm having so much fun being around people. On the one hand, I'm essentially feeling like I want to feel for the rest of my life. I want to be “successful” in the future, but not at the expense of my sanity or freedom. If it is really about the journey and not the destination, I can't justify mentally fucking myself through college to finally feel relived after graduation. Call me weird, but I consider every day and every moment of feelings relevant and important. Consistently, when you have a plan, the plans change and you end up settling on something because you weren't prepared to change. It's completely foreign to me to say “In three years I'll have a job with some psych related thing, hoping to make 45k a year, and I'll have a cute little puppy.” This is how I feel many people think. These four years are just stepping stones that introduce you to your “real life.”
If I look at my life and what's going on to make it happy I get this. I have an inordinate amount of free time that is spend watching movies and things online. I am able to take off randomly with a friend I bump into at midnight on a walk around campus. I am able to sit and read any and every book or science article I cared to. I can spend all night hanging out and still sleep enough to be functional during the day. I have money for food and gas. Aha, money. The things I like to do are write, read, and play music. If those can make me money today, I'll leave college.
New prediction: I'll spend as much time trying to distract myself from the shitty time I have in class, and consistently bitch online about how much I hate it without much of a plan on how to go about changing things. I'll do well enough to be considered average, get my check mark, and remain “meh” despite feelings of overwhelming apathy and indifference at the times of these blogs.
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