In a world of extremes, I think I crave a middle ground. The
problem is, I'm not certain there's a solid definition of that middle
ground.
I preoccupy my thoughts with ideas about evil. Whether I'm
watching what we've done in the Middle East or reading a history on
the Holocaust or in having just seen a documentary on old school
gangsters bragging and re-enacting their methods, the same banality
arises from the people talking about it. It's never a secret that
what they've done or witnessed is “bad” or at least makes them
feel bad. It's that no amount of
witnessing or engaging really provokes the intention of doing
anything differently.
Sure, after the fact, you might get a
soldier or warlord to eek out a modest admission regarding some
sliver of responsibility they hold to the situation. You might get a
glimpse at the emotions they haven't dealt with etched into their
face for a moment. But then you learn of the ones who claim to be
proud of what they've done. The conveniently, in time and place, born
psychopaths. You get to hear the infinite justifications and watch
the grueling dance.
To pause and think seems to mean nothing.
If anything it only fuels, what one gangster referred to as his
“conscience.” It also seems like helplessness fueling
helplessness. Whether you feel obligated to follow orders or are
simply trapped under the violent regime. The banal, bored, and boring
edicts from the top cause incalculable death and destruction for
money and control. For nothing. Daily horrors don't really register
with us. We're busy getting educated and watching TV. Is that a form
of extreme indifference? Is it us patting ourselves on the back,
assured that we could never and
will always try to do better? Or are we just helplessly compelled to
our own kind of cages as well?
There are violent protests all
over as social safety nets and ideas regarding democracy erode. It's
no longer possible to conceive of yourself on an “adult” path
with a secure job where you'll be able to respectably enjoy the
luxuries you've worked hard to earn. People are finally
outraged about the exploitation
of labor and the impacts of greed and inequality. It'd be at their
front door if they could afford a house. They'd want to teach their
kids about it, if there was an adequate school to send them to.
When it takes such a degree of
mass suffering, and not even just that, mass personal
suffering to evoke change you really
have to step back and marvel at the world. Law? Oversight? Data? HA!
LET'S TAKE IT TO THE FUCKING STREETS! God knows drum circles and
Molotov cocktails worked just as well then as we need them to now.
But what should we ask of protesters, of ourselves? Be aware? Just
learn more? Step back and let my
take on power do the heavy lifting? As far as they know, this is the
worthy fight, this is where they need to be, not the jungle
protesting machetes. You have your tragedy, I have mine.
If
you can't put a mark on someone, it won't feel like their
responsibility. They explicitly don't feel it. It doesn't become
real. And people are rarely willing to mark themselves. I'd bet there
are a number of mass deaths I've never heard of that are just as
terrible and impact worthy as the ones I have. Plenty of personal
tragedies have turned victims into heroes and voices. Are they better
than you? Is there a difference in their will, their intention, that
trumps whatever you've devoted your time to? Are they any happier or
better-off than you would be snug as a bug behind any kind of Western
tradition?
Calling Gweneth Paltrow "evil"
for spending each day indulging in non-essential rich cliches equates
to saying the same about a murder squad leader in only a singular
way. It's someone behaving with reckless abandon to the consequences
of their actions. We go to war under the auspices of spreading
democracy and saving lives, but we do it in the human tradition that
ignores what it means to our psyches and credibility when we murder
civilians indiscriminately. We find it in us to “respect” some
peoples' ridiculous cultures and barbaric behaviors because we
instinctively know we've already cut off our own legs. Shoot up a
school as a mental patient, your name may live in infamy. Blow up a
school or wedding party with a drone, it's another day at the
office.
How do you persuade that what they say and do really
matters? It's not enough
to be a millionaire and claim you've won. It's not enough to jump
into a fight and say "well we thought it was the right thing"
or "we were just following orders." The ones who try to
argue a ton of historical and environmental context at this point
only seem to obscure the real point. We've, maybe irreparably,
scarred ourselves.
For the ones who care. For the
ones who are stuck trying regardless. I want to believe they'll
“win,” but I don't. I don't think the reasonable, empathetic, and
desperate-to-change-our-paths people will ever be loud enough. And if
they ever do, what of our human natures has shown we can do it
without, if only eventually, a return to violence?
