I wish it didn't, but age matters. Not the mere fact of the
number, but the total amount of experiences that have rounded out
your character. As a lover of house parties, I'm still aware that a
scene where the median age is 20 is not really where I'm trying to
be. You just get people who are at different places. They want to
force conversation or, much like a child, say “hi” even when they
don't know or care who it's to. It's not the same thing as nodding to
a person you walk past at the park, it's like a cry out for
acknowledgment. It's...unsettling.
It's worse when you go into a setting where everyone is supposed
to “fend for themselves.” Sure, I can strike up a few random
conversations. But it's with 20 year olds. When you tell me that
you're into reading about human rights and are going into journalism
to report on said issues, when I reference Nelson Mandela and
apartheid, particularly now, that shouldn't confuse you. It's not
their fault, but it's hard not to hear the superficiality a million
miles away.
My problem is having a sense of feeling “above it all” even
before I got into it. When offered a shot of Kamchatka, I laugh at
your paltry disposition. I remember the first time I drank that shit
as a shot. Not coincidentally, it was the last time I drank that shit
as a shot. Fitting in isn't worth a hard fought lesson like that. I
just go back to, how can kids who are spending $800 a month to live
in, frankly shit, apartments, not afford better than horribly cliched
and terrible alcohols? Technically, I don't have a job, but I find
that common decency does not allow for Hamms to even enter my house.
It's kind of fun to talk like a pretentious rich person. I think
it has more to do with how you conceive of yourself than you do other
people. Like, it's painful to drink shitty alcohol. I wake up in pain
and regretting my life. It's not uppity to acknowledge that message.
It'd be great to be like an ambassador, and when they rudely assume
you'll go out and buy alcohol for them, maybe there's a moment where
they sincerely look at you and hope they can trust you not to
undermine their stomachs. But they never do and that's why they pay
the "fuck you" tax.
I think my biggest problem is trying to relate. I can't think of a
time when I was gung ho about fucking my night up and getting
incredibly drunk before 11:30. I can't recall being a “dumb
freshman” who pounded whatever was put in front of me and was
desperately telling people how cool they were so they wouldn't overly
judge my dance moves on the fledgling floor. Don't get me wrong, I'm
extremely happy to have missed that boat. It's just, I feel even more
judgmental being even a couple years older and a few degrees removed
from seeing people do it at any party I've thrown in the last few
years.
The old cliché is that they're just kids. They'll get better.
They'll learn. See, but they won't. That's what bugs me. I've known
plenty of super seniors who are willing to shake your hand and pat
you on the back because you brought Hamms to a party. That's just bad
research which I can't respect. Maybe you have a stupid tongue who
likes that shit, okay, hard to blame you for genetics, but it's truly
hard to classify it as beer based on their own labeling of alcohol
content.
Maybe I should stick to kind of dumb “kids and their stupid
party”-esc blogs for while. I haven't done anything of merit in a
minute, so this is what I get at the forefront of my mind. I'm sorry
if you thought it as stupid as I kind of do.
