Because I’m marginally frustrated and
it’s stupid to drink this early in the morning, I want to run with
a few ideas.
I think our expectations beget almost
as much of our reality as our actions. That is to say, when you
expect a certain standard, and you hold true to it, you do in fact
raise yourself or your environment to that standard. In a world
dominated by average, disengaged, or disenfranchised people, the
standard will always remain “average.” It is in dealing with this
pervasive proclivity of man that I get frustrated.
Why bother doing anything? If you’re
doing it wrong, it’s going to suck, it’s going to just make
peoples’ lives shittier, why bother doing it? Maybe there was a
quick profit to be made. Surely I could conjure up many short term
goals where the long term impact is written off. But what does that
say about you? Are we really a species of sociopaths or utterly
un-empathetic beings hell bent on causing destruction? This seems
unlikely; the standards are just so low.
I could learn endlessly and get paid
constantly by people picking up their phones or answering emails. For
a species so socially networked, we’re really good at ignoring each
other. I have these conflicting parts in me that wants to get
everything done “now now now,” yet, I realize at the pace the
world operates, I could scale back 2 nows and be light years ahead of
“competition.” The only thing that works is people on the same
page. When you have to go too far outside of your circle, you have to
hold too many hands; all you get is a lot of time filled with a lot
of bullshit.
I barely have any opinions. That is to
say, I’m always ready to change my mind. By the time I’m prompted
to make a sweeping statement, I’ve probably run the same experiment
20 times. I hate Best Buy, but not before going there and being
disappointed in 20 different ways. I may think something about a
person, but it’s usually after they get the chance to show their
ass in every interaction I’ve been with them. “My world”
therefore, mostly consists of what I have a hard time being persuaded
otherwise as objective facts. They are facts about happiness, facts
about efficiency, facts about social or political structures, and
facts about consequences. They are always limited by our human shell
and perspective, but for all pragmatically concerned can be regarded
as facts.
Fact, when you have an answerable
question, you’d more like to have it answered than not. When
talking with someone, it doesn’t feel good to get railroaded and
ignored. When you have an expectation or want to get a job done, it
is disappointing when things go opposite of said expectations. When
you are paying someone for a service, you expect to get said service.
Mind blowing stuff so far, right? Maybe 1/30 customer service lines
I’ve ever called have figured these things out.
I have no memory for names or even
simple meaningless tasks at a part-time job, until I need to. When
the keys are thrown at me and they say “surprise you’re
responsible for this and that” it’s amazing how fast the light
switch turns on. But that’s me. Can you just throw the keys at
people and expect things to go well? My hunch is to say fuck no. Is
it taught, a personality, or a learned facet of a personality? How do
you raise the standard? How do you find more people you can throw
keys at and say “you’ll figure it out?”
I get the sense that everyone is just
sort of waiting around to die. There’s like a handful of people who
really want to be here and see things change and grow and work, and
the rest of the world just wants to die. How can they give a fuck
about you or your ideas when they have to keep in mind to hit the
liquor store before they get home? What concern is it of theirs your
political or philosophical theory, they never expected to own such a
fine shit hole in the woods or keep offspring alive as long as they
have. We are an infantile circumstantial species. We don’t
recognize our impact and just sort of flow with the shitty
environments we’ve been born into. Look no further than how we
participate in a “democracy.”
I think there is enough access to
resources in this country. They maybe aren’t being allocated as
well, but I think most people most of the time can get by with what
even our poor people do. I hear from anyone wanting the things I do.
In fact, I only ever alienate people when I hint at the things I
want. This is my whole life, so I’m going to figure I’m a bit
different. Either way, it’s why I think there’s a greater,
consistently more fucked psychological problem. And, I think the
dumber you are, the obviously less equipped you are to deal with your
potential psychological issues.
I’ve lost count of my friends with
diagnosed depression. I roll with a smart crowd. There’s something
more pervasive than “everyone’s dumb.” I’ve also lost count
of the number of people who’ve grown up in some form of an abusive
household. Like, what’s it take to get 2 mentally healthy people to
find each other? I think my perspective on people, to treat them like
animals, has helped me. There’s obviously more nuance, but not that
much nuance, to the human psyche. They’re irrational and afraid
first, you’re sick if you needlessly abuse them, but sometimes they
do things in which they need to be given up or put down.
My gut, I mean everything I read all
the time, informs me that things are progressively worse each day.
Never is the headline “plan to destroy more of the environment
nixed out of common sense.” More headlines you never see:
“Scientists consulted on new energy plans to save country
billions.” “War ended because people realized they don’t want
to needlessly die or kill noncombatants.” “Congressman sites
philosophers/economists in brilliant appeal against bill.” It’s
more drones, more weapons, more fear mongering, more lies and
doublespeak, more propaganda, more gossip, more surveillance, more
destruction and war all around….at least in this country.
