What am I doing with my life? Honestly. What the hell am I doing? There's a plan everyone, set in stone for success and if you don't follow it, only promises of woe and hardship are to follow. Or...not.
I'm in college. A million and a half opportunities are literally within walking distance. How can I still feel like I'm completely wasting my time? I loath going to every one of my classes and am going to have to drop math because I'm doing so horrible. The worst/best part of it all is that I just don't care. I've spent so much time thinking about the bigger picture and what may actually and truly make me happy in life that I simply don't give any worry or time to thinking about the money being wasted, the time being thrown away, or the squandered opportunities.
I'm asking anyone with a coherent explanation; Why I should give two shits about derivatives, memorizing 150 pages of a business book for a 50 question test, and a paper on whether or not cheer leading is a sport? I mean this is college? Then there's always the big spiel, "if you don't get a major in such and such you'll never be able to make money." This is a statement I can't help but to believe is all but completely false, because I study and read about the most successful men in America, some of whom barely knew how to describe the money they make.
Maybe I'm too simple. It's probably completely retarded to think that a good idea, motivated people, and focused research and time devoted to that idea will be a groundwork for starting something worthwhile. Maybe it does take all the "knowledge" you soak in from college that effectively bleeds out when the big secret is revealed that you only needed parts of a handful of classes to be well enough off. Perhaps I'm just naive in thinking that once I got past all the stupid bullshit classes in high school I'd finally hit it big and be passionate about what college has to offer. My math class mind you is stuff I did junior year in high school yet its still as pointless to me now as it was then. And for the love of your deity do not tell me I should've learned it in high school so I could do it in college.
Is there no room for the people who are just thinkers anymore? Do you have to fall in and file out into a world waiting to take advantage? The work in college is not a humbling experience; I'm simply de-spirited. A quote from a friend's mom reveals that college is what makes you "trainable" to a workplace. Well, I don't want to be a dog.
I thought jobs were telling the schools what they wanted employees to know when students got out. I mean the best they're doing is saying "know some math you and none of your parents or relatives will ever, or have ever, used again and write papers on arbitrary ideas that hold no bearing on a single significant point regarding your state of well being."
I figured worst case scenario I fall back on something completely music oriented, but low and behold school can take that as well and turn it into tedious memorization and theory repetition until you hate the fact that you love music. Call me a child, but I want to have fun. More than that I need to. Maybe other people are good at settling down and just dealing with their current situation in life. I can't do it. It is something outside of my capability to allow that suffocating feeling to take over.
I do not believe that incessant stress is necessary for grand achievement. I think that idea is simply drilled into our heads by people who've never known otherwise. I wish more "adults" read my stuff so they could perhaps comment and reinforce the fact that time will literally pass you by when you realize just how fruitless the current path you're on really is.
It's no secret why people get drunk and stoned every weekend. We all know just how nowhere we're really going and what better way to cope than to find a mental place that can't dwell on it. I think enough people are asking "what's the point?" to the various ludicrousies of their lives, and I am disheartened that no one seems to be searching for the correct answers.
