Sunday,
October 12, 2008 at 12:33am
People
are pathetic. I say it openly, loudly, and freely as often as I can.
Anyone want to venture a guess as to why I say it? People lie to
themselves and everyone around them as often as they can in order to
maintain some, if not any, semblance of order or status quo. I refuse
to let people lie to themselves, and they hate me for it. But let us
be clear, I do not feel that me simply pointing out what's already
there somehow makes me a "dick." Sure, people don't want to
be reminded of their problems or told everything about them that's
wrong, but here's a hint, if those things don't matter or don't make
you sad, then obviously I'm incorrect and there's nothing left to
say. Take the other side of the coin then and ask yourself why my
words do affect you if your so quick to say "ya I'm happy"
and "that doesn't matter" to my criticism.
There are so many things to say about what matters and what makes you happy. Something matters when you make it matter. A chair is a chair until you deem it your favorite chair, if you want a simple example. If you see drinking and smoking as your "happy facilitators" then your biased and predisposed to finding all justifications for engaging in them. This is where the red flashing light goes off under the word pathetic. I saw a monkey in my psyche class who was "raised" by a wire mother, but would jump to a cloth mother signifying the importance of touch to the security and well-being of animals. I see people as that little monkey being raised by a wired mother, but unfortunately their smart enough to know it. So what do they do? They dress it up, they talk to it, and they get all their friends to remind them just how real and loving it truly is. I find that at this point my method, which takes a steamroller to the wire mother, is all too appropriate and necessary.
I was told to fix my problems before I went around pointing out all the flaws of other people. To this I responded "what are my problems." You see, I'm all for objective truths or evidence behind any assertions against me. What I got back was a stomp on the foot and a shot to the chest lol. O, and less I forget part of the reason for starting the blog, exploring the accusation that I'm a "dick." If I would try to make a list of my problems, the only one that would even be marginally significant is that I'm lazy and dismayed with big dreams. Consequently, I am trying at least to work on this, hopefully with the help and input of people I care about and respect. Okay okay, so you probably know there aren't so many of those and think I'm destined to fail lol, but no, it happens. Perhaps unfortunately for these people is that I demand a certain level of honesty about oneself in order venture down any further road of trust or enterprise. Call this an "ultimate game" of mine if you will.
I think part of the reason I seem rather stagnant is that I'm happy, but not complacent. As a person, what I'm about, the things that make me laugh, the people I actively try to hang with, the things I have, the support systems; all of that makes me happy. It is important to note that while I'm happy in those terms, I'm certainly well aware of and pissed off about many many other things. I am not complacent nor comfortable with the idea that things can't get better or that "some things just are." Unfortunately this does not mesh with other philosophies that so badly just want for things to be "happy" and "stable," despite whether it means lying or looking past the real issues.
In order to refrain from referring to myself as pathetic I feel it is my task to make you cry if you need to cry and endlessly question and doubt everything you tell me if I don't buy into your version of a "happy" existence. This is significantly much more the case when it comes to people I may feel compelled to invest in either emotionally or financially. Bottom line, I want my life to be about fun and the pursuit of something more than stuffy house parties and video games. If you can't handle that or don't agree with some aspect of my method, give me real reasons to change and surprise, I just might. I'm not just some emotionless void that wanders about looking for things to bitch at. Maybe I come off that way because my emotions don't last longer than they have to, for example, anger and the need to ridicule when I walk past of group of indistinguishable drunken partiers. This does not reflect my overall "lack of happiness" or "dick" nature though.
At the end of the day, I understand that it feels good to be an influence in someone else's life. I like the feeling of being the guy who started the event or conversation that changed an opinion or provided an opportunity. I will not compromise this goal by catering to just anybody. I can't have people spear heading something of this nature who don't know what it is, or even care what it is, to be happy.
There are so many things to say about what matters and what makes you happy. Something matters when you make it matter. A chair is a chair until you deem it your favorite chair, if you want a simple example. If you see drinking and smoking as your "happy facilitators" then your biased and predisposed to finding all justifications for engaging in them. This is where the red flashing light goes off under the word pathetic. I saw a monkey in my psyche class who was "raised" by a wire mother, but would jump to a cloth mother signifying the importance of touch to the security and well-being of animals. I see people as that little monkey being raised by a wired mother, but unfortunately their smart enough to know it. So what do they do? They dress it up, they talk to it, and they get all their friends to remind them just how real and loving it truly is. I find that at this point my method, which takes a steamroller to the wire mother, is all too appropriate and necessary.
I was told to fix my problems before I went around pointing out all the flaws of other people. To this I responded "what are my problems." You see, I'm all for objective truths or evidence behind any assertions against me. What I got back was a stomp on the foot and a shot to the chest lol. O, and less I forget part of the reason for starting the blog, exploring the accusation that I'm a "dick." If I would try to make a list of my problems, the only one that would even be marginally significant is that I'm lazy and dismayed with big dreams. Consequently, I am trying at least to work on this, hopefully with the help and input of people I care about and respect. Okay okay, so you probably know there aren't so many of those and think I'm destined to fail lol, but no, it happens. Perhaps unfortunately for these people is that I demand a certain level of honesty about oneself in order venture down any further road of trust or enterprise. Call this an "ultimate game" of mine if you will.
I think part of the reason I seem rather stagnant is that I'm happy, but not complacent. As a person, what I'm about, the things that make me laugh, the people I actively try to hang with, the things I have, the support systems; all of that makes me happy. It is important to note that while I'm happy in those terms, I'm certainly well aware of and pissed off about many many other things. I am not complacent nor comfortable with the idea that things can't get better or that "some things just are." Unfortunately this does not mesh with other philosophies that so badly just want for things to be "happy" and "stable," despite whether it means lying or looking past the real issues.
In order to refrain from referring to myself as pathetic I feel it is my task to make you cry if you need to cry and endlessly question and doubt everything you tell me if I don't buy into your version of a "happy" existence. This is significantly much more the case when it comes to people I may feel compelled to invest in either emotionally or financially. Bottom line, I want my life to be about fun and the pursuit of something more than stuffy house parties and video games. If you can't handle that or don't agree with some aspect of my method, give me real reasons to change and surprise, I just might. I'm not just some emotionless void that wanders about looking for things to bitch at. Maybe I come off that way because my emotions don't last longer than they have to, for example, anger and the need to ridicule when I walk past of group of indistinguishable drunken partiers. This does not reflect my overall "lack of happiness" or "dick" nature though.
At the end of the day, I understand that it feels good to be an influence in someone else's life. I like the feeling of being the guy who started the event or conversation that changed an opinion or provided an opportunity. I will not compromise this goal by catering to just anybody. I can't have people spear heading something of this nature who don't know what it is, or even care what it is, to be happy.
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