Well
it happens, I read something and feel compelled to just type
something. Instead of a major headache hear she goes…..
So
I finished reading "Misquoting Jesus" and basically don't
see how there is any credibility in any stretch of the New Testament.
The whole thing about man writing the bible and are able to put
whatever they want into it takes on a whole new meaning. I also
started reading "The Will to Power" and that provides sooo
many insightful reasons as to why people adhere to religion in the
first place. I find that my current and difficult mood of almost
overwhelming apathy and distrust may just be the beginning of what
could prove to be true enlightenment. I find it too coincidental that
Nietzsche brought up the idea of unending occurrence and living (in
some way) over and over with no real attached meaning. Hearing this
stuff and understanding the human condition only seems to weigh on my
heart that much more. Is love to be confused or understood as an
expression of the will for power? Is every feeling brought on from a
state of exhaustion because it is self destructive and against
natural tendency to think outside the herd? I mean religion makes
sense that way….if this damn bird doesn't stop landing on my
window…..(distracted)….. When you start to think against that
which empowers and preserves you its easy to get defensive. You want
to deny this life, deny the actuality of your real and right now
existence. You react instead of express. Its why I jumped that
layman's shit when he prayed that this life isn't the important one
and shouldn't be so heavily focused on while his religion tells him
its important for worship and spreading the "Word." It even
needed a sacrifice of this petty flesh and blood for salvation.
I
think there's just too much I want to say right now and can't really
make sense of it. Nietzsche writes in that old way that had to be
then translated so all this crap I can read, get the gist of it, but
not really fully digest it for what its fully saying. I did write
down a few lines though that I couldn't stop myself from repeating
over and over in my head.
"What
convinces in not necessarily true, it is merely convincing"
"One
chooses in fact that which hastens exhaustion"
"Mortification
of the self, pity, even the negation of life. All these are values of
the exhausted."
I
really connect with and understand the last two because of my own
experience. I really am tired of thinking. I once wanted to settle on
Christianity. I'd like to settle on something stupid like alcohol.
But it's not that simple and those are traits and characteristics of
the weak. You get depressed and pessimistic which according to
Nietzsche leads to Nihilism or "nothingness." And it all
makes sense and I can relate, but I don't feel like it stops there.
I
want to sympathize and attack religion at the same time. I see what
it does and then I really see what's its doing. I just wish the
people that were so consumed by it, the ones who are (by societies
right) the moral superior and enlightened would see the futility and
at the same time the potential. They are the ones making the
decision, they are instilling and preserving the "rules"
and "right" not God. That their expression of their will to
power is the same as everyone's' in its pre-distinction and
direction. If God went so far as to "inspire" the words of
the bible that tell you how to trap your life, why didn't he put any
effort into preserving and safeguarding them from a careless scribe.
Its not anti-God to say he didn't inspire them in the first place its
common fucking sense.
The
concept of wholeness. I feel like I can't be "whole" until
everyone "finds the God within." I think there has to be
some collective effort to get back on the track of evolution where
people are forced to better themselves or they can no longer exist. I
feel like all the "virtues" and goals of life mean nothing.
They lead nowhere without the real knowledge of how to appreciate
them. In other words it doesn't mean shit that you say you love God
or have faith if you can't recognize, or worse, outright deny what's
staring you in the face.
I
think decision in itself could be the purpose for existence. Just
deciding. Waking up each day and deciding it's a good idea to love
and take care of a family. Settling on the notion that knowledge is
right. Then it becomes baffling why others can't reach the same
assessment. Why heaven is more important than pursuing the love that
they think they're getting from "God" and are instead
engineering a sedative that pushes or negates instinct. People
didn't just lose a sense of self only because of fear. Futility
reared its ugly head as well.
I
don't want to attack peoples' faith. My aim is at convictions. I
wouldn't be alive without faith that there was something more.
Without a feeling that I can influence something or someone to such a
degree that it would justify life and allow me to be living proof of
"purpose."
My
ideals are swallowed in the never ending age of decadence.
