Friday,
February 27, 2009 at 6:19am
For multi-layered reasons of not-so complexity I find many of the people I surround myself with being upset, depressed, or angry. My feeble attempts at having parties seemingly unable to penetrate this self repudiating thought pattern in some, and frustration with the world in others. While my sense of happiness and well-being are not contingent upon the people around me, one can't help but to invest in those they consider friends. Given that I've been rather stooped in thought the past few days, and seeing as how there must be something screwy with how the planets are aligning, taking down my friends one at a time, why not write?
A few moments ago I made a little list of everything that could currently be categorized under stress. Four of them had to do with money, three with the system, and seven with me. Granted the last category is rather inflated by seemingly trivial things, but things weighing on my thoughts no less. I've been trying to think of what could make me absolutely miserable. I remember what things I used to think could, but now all I can come up with is the inability to enjoy life. If I couldn't laugh with my friends, be entranced by a story line in a video game or movie, or get excited planning on how to take over the campus, then I may as well kill myself. I wonder if people either don't have or simply don't choose to engage in the simple things that can bring them happiness. I think when people aren't focused on themselves and what makes them happy, they both knowingly and unknowingly affect the people around them. One must take a moment to state that when it comes to "things that make us happy" it doesn't always mean in a way that's necessarily healthy or generally condoned. Perhaps I should be more specific. One of the biggest things that can pull me away from self loathing or borderline depressed introspection is the prospect of being able to contribute towards someone else's happiness. Take the difference between that and say, doing drugs, as the "kind of happiness" I'm focusing on. A manifestation of happiness, not supplementation.
So onto my next question. Are there things providing that kind of happiness to which people have identified with and then tried to strive for? This could even be only for the means of self preservation at the very least. My initial thought is to say no. If that's true, then I wonder the consequences. I for example, fall back on the plans I have with Mystik and potential fun in random encounters and adventures on the days where I feel disgustingly bored. If one of those stressors starts to creep in, I try to fit it in my framework that doesn't leave room for excuses, but fights to see opportunities. I remember what it was like to have overbearing thoughts that made me think unbelievably low about myself. But what then? Why choose sadness or lasting anger? They don't feel good, they don't provide fun, and they alienate you from the part of yourself that truly does recognize what it wants and how it will get it. I guess I just wish for people to be more thoughtful when they're normally depressed. There should be an eagerness to find happiness because they know this low point is only going to last as long as they'll let it. Instead of being crushed by the big picture, simply recognize it and then move on. It really boils down to being honest to the point of exhaustion, at least to yourself, then actively working within the choices you make as a result. The biggest opposition to that is the easiness in which we find ruts and others propensity to help us settle in them farther.
I've made several references in blogs and conversations about the failed system. I wish there was a better way of making reference to it without sort of glancing over the striking fact that we are the system. It's an overhanging metaphor for all the reasons we fail ourselves. We betray ourselves, and we refuse to accept the knowledge which may indeed save ourselves. Those "moral underpinnings" of "civilized" society are imposed by people who I would venture to guess have the most naive and scattered understanding of why they believe in them and how, when pitted against those with more "radical" ideologies. Why don't we like murder? Besides the fact that we did, those in power decided they themselves wouldn't like to be murdered, therefore murder is wrong. It isn't "because murder is wrong, murder is wrong" like some religious sect could harp at you. This stems from the selfish, self preserving, very basic introspection of those with a disposition for power and control. You can apply this line of reasoning to any "atrocious" act. This idea is so intertwined with empathy I am hoping someone will challenge it and show me why it fails. It's so easy to say that you can understand and feel for someone else, but if the moral obligation to care was so deeply entrenched in our hearts and souls we'd be unable to laugh at a motivational poster saying "404 food not found" underneath a picture of starving African kids. And if you can't laugh at something like that, then to me you actively deny and are scared of the part of you that could. Recognizing that you don't want to be as sad, hurt, or as angry as the person you perceive is hardly an equally mirrored empathetic suffering.
So then what of this suffering? People ask these broad "why is there evil" "why is there suffering" questions and they're overwhelmingly met with cliches like "that's life" or nods to some supernatural battle between sky daddy and pyrogoatman. These things exist because we actively choose to engage in them. They make sense to us within the framework of our failed system. In some capacity, that's the only thing they need to do is make sense. For some they provide purpose, a chance to be some valiant knight through their self-righteous moral obligation. Others get use them as every excuse. That's why they're there. It's like riding a wave that's going to drown you regardless of the path you choose. If you don't recognize, accept, and change how to view yourself in light of it, then the system will not see fit any reason to change either. We no longer have the same kinds of selection pressures that got us this far. We need to take on the cold, anxiety ridden, but now thoughtful process of naturally selecting ourselves. It's easily viewed and understood what happens to our lives and society when we just kinda go with whatever gives us fleeting moments of marginal happiness and distraction. Is this what you want? Is it something you're willing to fight?
What does this mean for how and why we lie? The easiest lies are the ones you believe. If to you society, you, the system, etc. can be solved with arbitration, spiritual enlightenment, and a little bit of hope...please, just never talk to me. Right and wrong are absolutes?...develop an imagination. Who am I though to say my view is so right? Why should my method of thinking or elaborate scheme be taken seriously? The simple answer is that it shouldn't and can't. My ideas can only come true and be worked at by me, the same push is your own choice. You'd have to come to the same independent conclusions from a preponderance of evidence. Your introspection, your study, and your honesty are at the corner of what matters. Do I expect that a perfect exercise of this will have us all nodding along accordingly and just "getting it" as it were? Absolutely not, and to think so would be to completely miss the point of the exercise. Given that I believe those "on the level" can understand how this works I'll call it a "secret" for the people I've all but completely lost up to this point.
All I do is start with what I feel are relatively easy questions. What makes me happy? What appears to make those around me happy, and why? What is it about myself that is enabling or preventing me from one act or idea and another? When you literally feel like you can do, think, or say anything and then dignify active work towards one of your choices, you can find happiness. You can find a sense of self with purpose properly secured. You can overwhelmingly find all the reasons why, and you can be confidant that they are "right."
For multi-layered reasons of not-so complexity I find many of the people I surround myself with being upset, depressed, or angry. My feeble attempts at having parties seemingly unable to penetrate this self repudiating thought pattern in some, and frustration with the world in others. While my sense of happiness and well-being are not contingent upon the people around me, one can't help but to invest in those they consider friends. Given that I've been rather stooped in thought the past few days, and seeing as how there must be something screwy with how the planets are aligning, taking down my friends one at a time, why not write?
A few moments ago I made a little list of everything that could currently be categorized under stress. Four of them had to do with money, three with the system, and seven with me. Granted the last category is rather inflated by seemingly trivial things, but things weighing on my thoughts no less. I've been trying to think of what could make me absolutely miserable. I remember what things I used to think could, but now all I can come up with is the inability to enjoy life. If I couldn't laugh with my friends, be entranced by a story line in a video game or movie, or get excited planning on how to take over the campus, then I may as well kill myself. I wonder if people either don't have or simply don't choose to engage in the simple things that can bring them happiness. I think when people aren't focused on themselves and what makes them happy, they both knowingly and unknowingly affect the people around them. One must take a moment to state that when it comes to "things that make us happy" it doesn't always mean in a way that's necessarily healthy or generally condoned. Perhaps I should be more specific. One of the biggest things that can pull me away from self loathing or borderline depressed introspection is the prospect of being able to contribute towards someone else's happiness. Take the difference between that and say, doing drugs, as the "kind of happiness" I'm focusing on. A manifestation of happiness, not supplementation.
So onto my next question. Are there things providing that kind of happiness to which people have identified with and then tried to strive for? This could even be only for the means of self preservation at the very least. My initial thought is to say no. If that's true, then I wonder the consequences. I for example, fall back on the plans I have with Mystik and potential fun in random encounters and adventures on the days where I feel disgustingly bored. If one of those stressors starts to creep in, I try to fit it in my framework that doesn't leave room for excuses, but fights to see opportunities. I remember what it was like to have overbearing thoughts that made me think unbelievably low about myself. But what then? Why choose sadness or lasting anger? They don't feel good, they don't provide fun, and they alienate you from the part of yourself that truly does recognize what it wants and how it will get it. I guess I just wish for people to be more thoughtful when they're normally depressed. There should be an eagerness to find happiness because they know this low point is only going to last as long as they'll let it. Instead of being crushed by the big picture, simply recognize it and then move on. It really boils down to being honest to the point of exhaustion, at least to yourself, then actively working within the choices you make as a result. The biggest opposition to that is the easiness in which we find ruts and others propensity to help us settle in them farther.
I've made several references in blogs and conversations about the failed system. I wish there was a better way of making reference to it without sort of glancing over the striking fact that we are the system. It's an overhanging metaphor for all the reasons we fail ourselves. We betray ourselves, and we refuse to accept the knowledge which may indeed save ourselves. Those "moral underpinnings" of "civilized" society are imposed by people who I would venture to guess have the most naive and scattered understanding of why they believe in them and how, when pitted against those with more "radical" ideologies. Why don't we like murder? Besides the fact that we did, those in power decided they themselves wouldn't like to be murdered, therefore murder is wrong. It isn't "because murder is wrong, murder is wrong" like some religious sect could harp at you. This stems from the selfish, self preserving, very basic introspection of those with a disposition for power and control. You can apply this line of reasoning to any "atrocious" act. This idea is so intertwined with empathy I am hoping someone will challenge it and show me why it fails. It's so easy to say that you can understand and feel for someone else, but if the moral obligation to care was so deeply entrenched in our hearts and souls we'd be unable to laugh at a motivational poster saying "404 food not found" underneath a picture of starving African kids. And if you can't laugh at something like that, then to me you actively deny and are scared of the part of you that could. Recognizing that you don't want to be as sad, hurt, or as angry as the person you perceive is hardly an equally mirrored empathetic suffering.
So then what of this suffering? People ask these broad "why is there evil" "why is there suffering" questions and they're overwhelmingly met with cliches like "that's life" or nods to some supernatural battle between sky daddy and pyrogoatman. These things exist because we actively choose to engage in them. They make sense to us within the framework of our failed system. In some capacity, that's the only thing they need to do is make sense. For some they provide purpose, a chance to be some valiant knight through their self-righteous moral obligation. Others get use them as every excuse. That's why they're there. It's like riding a wave that's going to drown you regardless of the path you choose. If you don't recognize, accept, and change how to view yourself in light of it, then the system will not see fit any reason to change either. We no longer have the same kinds of selection pressures that got us this far. We need to take on the cold, anxiety ridden, but now thoughtful process of naturally selecting ourselves. It's easily viewed and understood what happens to our lives and society when we just kinda go with whatever gives us fleeting moments of marginal happiness and distraction. Is this what you want? Is it something you're willing to fight?
What does this mean for how and why we lie? The easiest lies are the ones you believe. If to you society, you, the system, etc. can be solved with arbitration, spiritual enlightenment, and a little bit of hope...please, just never talk to me. Right and wrong are absolutes?...develop an imagination. Who am I though to say my view is so right? Why should my method of thinking or elaborate scheme be taken seriously? The simple answer is that it shouldn't and can't. My ideas can only come true and be worked at by me, the same push is your own choice. You'd have to come to the same independent conclusions from a preponderance of evidence. Your introspection, your study, and your honesty are at the corner of what matters. Do I expect that a perfect exercise of this will have us all nodding along accordingly and just "getting it" as it were? Absolutely not, and to think so would be to completely miss the point of the exercise. Given that I believe those "on the level" can understand how this works I'll call it a "secret" for the people I've all but completely lost up to this point.
All I do is start with what I feel are relatively easy questions. What makes me happy? What appears to make those around me happy, and why? What is it about myself that is enabling or preventing me from one act or idea and another? When you literally feel like you can do, think, or say anything and then dignify active work towards one of your choices, you can find happiness. You can find a sense of self with purpose properly secured. You can overwhelmingly find all the reasons why, and you can be confidant that they are "right."
Written
about a month ago · Comment · LikeUnlike
You
like this.
Colin
Hampton
at 8:18am February 27
Ok.
So it's a quarter past eight in the morning. I haven't slept, despite
the fact that I've been laying here for hours. So I am going to have
to read through this one more time.
lol pyrogoatman <~ that was the entire point of this comment.
lol pyrogoatman <~ that was the entire point of this comment.
Billy
Bowman
at 4:12pm February 27
I
agree with lol pyrocgoatman, but to answer one of your original
points about why the people around you seem depressed, despite all
the little things that can bring them happiness, despite the
realizations of a flawed system and working to fix it would if not
make you happy, distract you from the depression. I believe, at least
in my case and I'm ... sure several others, it boils
down to one statement you made.. "..but if the moral obligation
to care was so deeply entrenched in our hearts and souls.."
I believe there is some deeply entrenched obligation to care embedded in us. Maybe not for everyone, maybe not even care about a lot of people, but there is something there. You care for the happiness of your friends, the success of Mystik, trying to do something to fix the system. It's not the same level of 'care' as Christian fanatics claim to have, loving every living soul despite everything. No, it's something simpler, a care to be happy, and for those close to you to be happy.
I believe there is some deeply entrenched obligation to care embedded in us. Maybe not for everyone, maybe not even care about a lot of people, but there is something there. You care for the happiness of your friends, the success of Mystik, trying to do something to fix the system. It's not the same level of 'care' as Christian fanatics claim to have, loving every living soul despite everything. No, it's something simpler, a care to be happy, and for those close to you to be happy.
Billy
Bowman
at 4:15pm February 27
There's
truly some biological need, for lack a better way or wording it, for
us to care, comfort, and be close to others, to complete us. Thing
about nature for a moment.
Lions, for instance, have their prides. They care for each others, but you don't seem them hanging out with other prides, they don't care about other prides, they just have ... Read Moretheir close knit circle of lion friends and family, and they are perfectly content to care for them and them alone, and fuck any one else. Sea otters have larger families, their more social creatures. They have fun playing with each other, hanging out, and dealing with issues as a group, but all the sea otters in an area are in the same group, they aren't all 'friends'.
It might be a slightly weird, and awkward metaphor, but I think it gets the point across.
Lions, for instance, have their prides. They care for each others, but you don't seem them hanging out with other prides, they don't care about other prides, they just have ... Read Moretheir close knit circle of lion friends and family, and they are perfectly content to care for them and them alone, and fuck any one else. Sea otters have larger families, their more social creatures. They have fun playing with each other, hanging out, and dealing with issues as a group, but all the sea otters in an area are in the same group, they aren't all 'friends'.
It might be a slightly weird, and awkward metaphor, but I think it gets the point across.
Nick
P.
at 4:21pm February 27
I
understand your point Mr. Bowman. I guess I was aiming more for the
how and why nature of caring and not so much the act in itself. This
is why I used the terms "moral obligation" as if to
ridicule the idea of it being outwardly imposed as much as
intuitively realized and expressed. Basically the root of that caring
is either extended or stifled by the amount of benefit you see it
carrying.
I called it last night that pyrogoatman would be the main thing people took away from this lol.
I called it last night that pyrogoatman would be the main thing people took away from this lol.
Billy
Bowman
at 4:28pm February 27
I
thought you would, but hopefully you're not the only one reading.
Right, the how and why.. I'm not sure I can address as easily. I
agree it's not some outwardly imposed idea, and it makes sense that
it's tied to the benefit you perceive.. but I think there's more to
it. It doesn't explain very well how one might care if they
accidentally hurt a friends, or why one would care so much if they
made a mistake that affected nothing, but they feel they just
shouldn't have made.
Nick
P.
at 4:49pm February 27
An
interesting point, but I think could still stem from a system eye's
view with regards to its "hurting friends" policy. I think
the amount of worry one imposes on the situation, particularly if it
"affected nothing," is mostly subjective as well. I
accidentally elbow and headbutt steev all the time, do I care?
Obviously. Will I scold myself about... Read More what this
means for our future, my subconscious "real" feelings, and
be put down that I "just shouldn't have done that?" Not
likely. I think it comes from an even deeper sense of that person's
self. If you just never cry, never fight, never betray, and then
something you do or are accused of doing resonates with a life
pattern you've worked hard to establish, then the "I just
shouldn't have done that" turns into a kind of self hating
reserved for Jews.
Billy
Bowman
at 4:53pm February 27
Well
of course it's subjective, as is happiness, and what makes people
happy, but I am inclined to agree with your latter sentiments. Most
people, however, don't know themselves, so these things will bother
them.
Steev
Young
at 7:09pm February 27
I
think you should be worrying what that means for our future.... that
last headbutt really hurt... thank you.....lol... i had to put it out
there..other than that i really have nothing to say. thank you for
your time.
Billy
Bowman
at 2:52am February 28
Damnit
Steev, I want my time back.
Steev
Young
at 3:36am February 28
Do
you want the unicorns back too? Because those are two things that
aren't going to happen. sorry.
