I'm always going to be a bad human
being. I'll act in spite of. I'll make examples that you thought
never needed be made. I'll burden myself with the responsibility of
reminding you of the kind of reality I see. Some people appreciate
this. I think most wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.
I can't forget. I'm unable to escape. “Just be happy” is not on my menu. “That's life” isn't either. I merely like to be an expression. I want to show the opposite of what you took for granted. Just because. People don't operate like this. This I'm highly convinced is a weird corner I've managed to back myself into. I'm never content. I'm never accepting. I'm not me if I'm not showing you why you got it the fuck wrong.
It's a good thing I have fun with it. I'm flabbergasted I have friends sometimes though. I know I can reign in comments and play nice enough. But fuck me if I don't feel like you're doing me a favor in putting up with the coyly codified “cynicism” I thank you. And I think it's wrong to think it comes from a place of anger. It's more provocation. I've learned how to be baited, now I play with what might get you on the hook.
I try to settle on “why I do things” with an answer that screams “because it makes sense!” Whether it's “for good or for bad” I think that there's something to be, at the very least discussed in my particular form of reaction. Maybe you're not interested in what I think I'm trying to say. That's never been the point.
I can't forget. I'm unable to escape. “Just be happy” is not on my menu. “That's life” isn't either. I merely like to be an expression. I want to show the opposite of what you took for granted. Just because. People don't operate like this. This I'm highly convinced is a weird corner I've managed to back myself into. I'm never content. I'm never accepting. I'm not me if I'm not showing you why you got it the fuck wrong.
It's a good thing I have fun with it. I'm flabbergasted I have friends sometimes though. I know I can reign in comments and play nice enough. But fuck me if I don't feel like you're doing me a favor in putting up with the coyly codified “cynicism” I thank you. And I think it's wrong to think it comes from a place of anger. It's more provocation. I've learned how to be baited, now I play with what might get you on the hook.
I try to settle on “why I do things” with an answer that screams “because it makes sense!” Whether it's “for good or for bad” I think that there's something to be, at the very least discussed in my particular form of reaction. Maybe you're not interested in what I think I'm trying to say. That's never been the point.
I feel like I'm constantly hinting at
my personality. You think you have a good enough idea and it only so
vaguely potentially influences what you think from time to time,
sure. I don't think I'll have an opportunity to actualize without a
veritable Herculean effort over the course of many years. It's
frustrating on one end, but absolutely necessary and appropriate on
the other.
I want more people on my side. I feel
like for all my “lofty” ideas and even loftier ideals, it's all
good in theory, or at the very least not concerning those who would
“fundamentally morally stand in opposition” of some edict in
particular. I can scream into a crowd and not turn a head. That's
kind of terrifying to me.
Resolving yourself to be alone is a
weird thing. You let the pragmatism take over. You make caveats for
people who proport to be with you. But at the end of the day, much as
the schizophrenic is better at diagnosing the person claiming to
suffer from schizophrenia, you're alone until you get called out or
related to in a particular way. I really hope I'm able to tell a
compelling story before it's all over. That's really all I want.
