Now, I believe myself to be at the
perfect level of drunken introspectiveness, thus making everything
I'm about to write simply magic.
You know how I like read about world
affairs and post the “best” links I find to summarize how
basically shit a lot of things are? I know like ex military people
and my “old” friends are into that shit, but does it click with
anyone under 30? I can't really tell. It seems like minimum wage jobs
and shitty papers will always take precedent to (just tried to drink
a beer without taking the cap off) what's actually happening in life.
I wouldn't mind a “I follow current affairs!” comment either,
because I need to better gauge my overall people may give a shit
meter.
I went to ballroom
dance call-outs today. I will always be amazed and intrigued by the
people who just sit down next to you and want to start a
conversation. It's not that I can't, it's just that I'm bad at
pretending I care right now. You may be super cool. I just don't know
why yet and that's why my body language would suggest you're shit.
You're probably not shit, but fuck me, I'm bad at pretending I care.
Gimme a minute. But I think what we did at ballroom dancing is part
of the epitome of what you're supposed to be able to do in life. Meet
random cute people and shake your ass for no reason. It's kind of the
best you can hope for and it's totally awesome.
So by the rules of
obvious and duh mother fucker, why is it hard to figure out “global
action plans” that don't involve killing everything? Like I said
before, it's always present in my mind. Having fun and doing nothing
and “wasting” money all exist with the backdrop of how I conceive
of our species treating itself. Sure, I got to dance with a tiny hot
girl (amongst other hot girls) and could turn on the flirting if I
wasn't sweating like a goddamn fountain. But in what real world does
any of that shit matter?
I wonder, and frankly hope it doesn't happen, if I'll ever start to take “myself” too seriously. I see what happens to public intellectuals that spend so much time researching and writing and putting their moral foot on top of all the bullshit. I can't say I see the kinds of change they're likely hoping for. I can't see their personal understanding doing much of anything like moving big chess pieces of culture that need to change. I suppose I'm trying to justify my apathy. If someone who gives a shit doesn't care....hahahaha just keep laughing.
I wonder, and frankly hope it doesn't happen, if I'll ever start to take “myself” too seriously. I see what happens to public intellectuals that spend so much time researching and writing and putting their moral foot on top of all the bullshit. I can't say I see the kinds of change they're likely hoping for. I can't see their personal understanding doing much of anything like moving big chess pieces of culture that need to change. I suppose I'm trying to justify my apathy. If someone who gives a shit doesn't care....hahahaha just keep laughing.
Be
real! That's the goal right? Be that like jaded voice that doesn't
get blamed for being jaded. Just say those things. Be
the constant stream of shit that everyone can get a whiff of when
they feel themselves taking too much for granted. It's tough dude.
How do you practice an innate wanting attachment to things when you
are infinitely prepared to let them go? The word genuine takes a very
long walk. You can't justify laziness anymore than you can in
achieving dweeb status about “some issue in particular.”
I guess you just
get used to making excuses, UNBEARABLY IRONICALLY. Because we all
just tryin' to live n shit, right?
