Handle yo bidness!
This feels at least like the American
ethic if perhaps not the one we’ve infected the rest of the world
with. The fact is it’s personal. I didn’t say that loud enough.
IT’S PERSONAL!!!! Caps save the day again.
We will never escape our little
cavernous heads. Oh shit, time to freak out. As much as we’d like
to project and predict, there’s a hint of lonely little “me”
stuck wandering through the darkness of solipsistic muck.
I’ve been thinking about the utility
of drama. I go on a number of digressions about my friends and the
potential motivations/reactions to information. I don’t feel
brought down or stressed out. It’s just a mental exercise. It’s
fun to think about how who feels what given so and so fucked around
with whomever while them and they said this and that flavoring the
situation in such a manner. And of course it doesn’t have to
revolve around sex, but go figure that’s where my mind would go
first, right?
Every single person has their own stake
in the game. Collaborate effort only works when people lose their
identity. I don’t feel like “Nick P.” when I’m in an intense
concert situation with a group of friends. I’m just a head of hair
that happens to have hands and legs that manage to find the beat. Of
course that isn’t the majority of our experience, and I think that
speaks heavily to why things don’t get done.
Nothing escapes your small perspective.
Me and the kiosk; I can get fucked for 9 grand and no one’s really
empathizing with that. I have to allow the situation to mold me or
not. I have to chalk it up to a lesson learned or a point to
retaliate. Everyone is very happy to sit and listen to the story
afterward, provided I don’t go on too long. Any and every
relationship is the same way. It’s all special and amazing how
he/she makes you feel. Dude, you just wouldn’t understand. But, at
the end of the day, it’s very important you deny certain things, or
at least ignore, suppress, or hold in less esteem to keep things
going. (more on this later)
It’s seemingly
impossible for people to evaluate in terms of how things could
work. You have to be lucky that circumstances played out from
time to time in your favor. It robs us of our agency. It takes work
to empathize. It should take effort to build relationships. The last
thing I’d be comfortable with is thinking the people I like and
chill with are purely because we all live in Bloomington.
I think we allow our awareness to get
trapped in order to feel comfortable. Whether it’s a job or school
track, boy/girlfriend, “spirituality”, pick your poison. I
discuss drama like it’s a tv show. I pick friends like my life
depends on it. I clearly have to believe there’s more going on than
the boring surface shit and fuck me if I don’t want to pick at you
to get to it.
