Friday, August 22, 2008 at 6:04am
I've been watching the documentary series The Genius of Charles Darwin, hosted by Richard Dawkins, and I find myself thinking which means I find myself writing. Granted, this is the dressed up documentary version of things I've heard before, but sometimes it takes hearing things more than once for them to trigger every potential thought. I just got done watching the second installment which focuses on human evolution and in particular the development of altruism. Dawkins asks why we have a yearning to be good to our fellow man even when there is little to no chance of them returning the favor. If you want the evolutionary reasons and his discussion, I encourage you to watch it yourselves because I would like to instead talk about what I was feeling as I was watching.
I randomly picked up a book today called The 48 Laws of Power. In it, a stark and explicit account of the many ways of manipulating and controlling people and situations so they frequently play out in your favor. While I was reading it I couldn't help but smile. I'm reading historical accounts and observations of kings and right-hand men about how they held and weaseled control, and I could completely empathize with their tactics. I wasn't sure if I should feel dirty or ingenious. Moreover, when thinking about my best friend who makes a habit out of implementing these strategies, I again found myself amused.
At this point I find myself at a bit of a roadblock. Well before I ever read The Fountainhead I was pretty much fascinated with Nietzsche and the concept of the Will to Power. If you're not familiar with either the books or philosophers, damn? The roadblock happens, call it selfish, when I think about what will make me happiest. I'm a sucker for a challenge. When I was first reading the 48 Laws of Power, my first instinct was to study the book and conceive where, when, and on who I would try each technique. I already know what it's like to do this to some extent, and yes, it is quite fun and ego boosting. On the other hand, I have the character Gail Wynad ever resonating. Gail is the mega publisher who lusts after power and utterly destroys people beyond all reason. He doesn't have the easiest, (or perhaps most fulfilling?), life. Then there's the protagonist Roark who basically stands for everything the romantic in me would preach. Do I take the lessons (perhaps impractical, alas, but what is practical) from the book and implement them in my strategy towards life, or do I say fuck it and perhaps plummet down a road already well traveled, but have a pretty good time doing it?
I guess I got into that bit of a digression because of what I feel watching apes and listening to Dawkins say that we have a lust to console and help each other. As cold hearted and down right tyrannous as I know I can be, I still feel compelled to help someone in need (almost explicitly when they are within my immediate perception, but nonetheless) and have seen the effects of people who hint at the world which understands what it means to be a Howard Roark. No matter what I do I can't absolutely kill an old flame nor deny the “loving” actions of others. And yet despite this, I still hold an absolute revulsion for humanity. I literally get physically and psychologically ill when I actually try to contemplate the “how in the worlds” behind what people do and say. When that sickness takes over is when I think all qualms about regressing towards the mentality of that book will be dead.
My faith lies in seeing the byproducts of my perhaps unconventional, romanticized, and sometimes lonely world view play out in others in the positive ways it has for me. I keep telling myself that when I've finally cracked is when I won't care about getting fucked up at parties and learning the marginally cute girl's major. It isn't from the exhaustion of “my philosophy” that would hasten those otherwise negative decisions, but my predisposition to be around people is naturally molding me to “fit in” somehow. It's the exact same situation when it comes to exerting power. Prompted by a sort of helplessness or insecurity.
So, I guess I'm banking on my inability to stomach the hatred I have for people shifting onto myself, because if it does.....dammit.
(Side mini blog) On Drugs and Alcohol. When I hear people describe, in particular, mushrooms and DMT I'm downright fascinated and my “justification” if you will, is that they are “natural” and I really want to have an opinion. Now, with that said, how many people are putting any real thought behind why they are so happy to party and lose control? In particular alcohol. I mean if it tasted good it wouldn't be “an acquired taste.” If it made you lose weight, perform on a balance beam, and help you explain in plain words general relativity, I could see the point. It makes girls more attractive? It helps you “relax” to have your “conversation” in a crowded yet empty apartment? It isn't cheap. It leads to some of the most hysterical and at the same time most disgusting stories I've ever heard. But hey, I'm on the outside looking in. Drugs is kind of the same thing, but not really, and I generally feel they are for the thinkers that really despise how much they can think, as well as those who got genetically unlucky when it comes to addiction. No, I didn't forget about the “importance of being social” either....bastard ape genes.
