Anymore, I think power is only something that is abused.
I'm involved in a small labor dispute. A battery was lost. I do not believe I was the one who lost it, but offered to replace it with one of mine. This offer was thrown in my face, a new one was practically demanded, and sprinkled on top were very weird lines telling me I was not a victim and that I could learn something from this person who considers themselves a “mentor.” I offered to buy a new one which provoked a tit-for-tat struggle for the “last word.” I said for him to take it out of the money he owes me, which he refused to do, calling it “unethical” to replace something through the fund that's paying me. He did as they all do, wished me luck, and said it was a shame a professional relationship would be sullied over $50. I said I consider it a gift it only cost me $50 to learn so much about his character.
There's an idea I've thought more about as I entertain the thought of a civil war. The irony of the term “civil war” notwithstanding, “live by the sword, die by the sword” is broader in scope than it would seem at first glance. Your sword can be fashioned into anything: your pride, your insecurity, or any degree of power you choose to exert. Pride coming before the fall is wrapped up in this sentiment. People finding partners to reenact trauma is as well. It's a place of perpetually slipping into the realm where all the words you're using to accuse or lecture someone else should be tattooed on your forehead.
I'm often looked at with this kind of forlorn pursed lip slow head shake with how I engage with people. They, always, well before they even know for sure, but assume I “know better.” I still think about being blamed for giving Dave the acid. Dave went to war. Dave got messed up in war. As a society we're comfortable sending Dave to war, giving him less than adequate mental health care, and then blaming me when I don't hold the line for how much we're all supposed to respect or enable each other. No, I probably shouldn't have given him the acid. Yes, you all could have spoken up a little sooner about what we could have done to contribute to him getting help, or was that my job alone too?
This “negotiated middle” of how much we're supposed to play along with each other in order to get along broadly is rarely discussed. I think in “letting go” of the “little” things like someone's insecure abuse of power trained us perfectly for adopting the narrative and excuses to usher in fascism. I really do think it is that serious. I think you let things go to the extent you want to be subjected to them later. You let problems in yourself get ignored so they can show up as heart and head issues when you're old. I think you excuse your friends to the degree you wish to have shitty friends and be one in turn. I think you appease your boss to the degree you undermine the kind of boss you can be.
I suffer my idealism 100%. I want people to share responsibility, not reflexively blame when things go wrong. I want people to take a beat to respect what you've brought to the table or the conversation while it's happening. I don't want an “ongoing relationship” with someone who's looking for an excuse to use me as their punching bag when they're stressed out. I don't want to give another person an opportunity to flex their really shittily trained muscles on my mind and being.
I bend the knee constantly. I worked for the fucking State for 2 years. I got the degree. I suffered the consequences of being under-resourced in how to negotiate a better contract for my business. I hold my tongue when my neighbors pull out dowsing rods in an attempt to find water. There are infinite opportunities to play along and contribute to the normal drum beat of how to engage in civilized society. You're not just allowed to, but obligated, in biting back when your hard-earned perspective sees someone fucking up in an important way.
Often, the money is less important to me than the principle. (Cue that exasperated head shake.) I've seen people pursue money, power, or influence in the ways prescribed, and I've watched them get about as “nowhere” as me. I've watched them continue to struggle with some other unresolved issue after landing the “perfect” job. I've watched their relationships deteriorate after they thought the dream was complete upon making it to another state. I've watched people squander things they can't recognize as precious because they never found the time to bother with standing up and naming something fucked up when called to do so.
It really sucks to think of people as things you can use to whatever degree before you have to cut ties and move on. Well, it only sucks if you want to be responsible and demonstrate developing something real. Otherwise, the world is large enough that we can just pass over and through one another indefinitely having never learned anything. We can never be held to account. We can never recognize the irony. I write because I never want to sound like the people that send me to writing. I like emails and texts so when we review the history of who said what, I can prove my instinct was to take responsibility, not blame and whine like a bitch while calling you a blamy whiny bitch.
There's an idea I've thought more about as I entertain the thought of a civil war. The irony of the term “civil war” notwithstanding, “live by the sword, die by the sword” is broader in scope than it would seem at first glance. Your sword can be fashioned into anything: your pride, your insecurity, or any degree of power you choose to exert. Pride coming before the fall is wrapped up in this sentiment. People finding partners to reenact trauma is as well. It's a place of perpetually slipping into the realm where all the words you're using to accuse or lecture someone else should be tattooed on your forehead.
I'm often looked at with this kind of forlorn pursed lip slow head shake with how I engage with people. They, always, well before they even know for sure, but assume I “know better.” I still think about being blamed for giving Dave the acid. Dave went to war. Dave got messed up in war. As a society we're comfortable sending Dave to war, giving him less than adequate mental health care, and then blaming me when I don't hold the line for how much we're all supposed to respect or enable each other. No, I probably shouldn't have given him the acid. Yes, you all could have spoken up a little sooner about what we could have done to contribute to him getting help, or was that my job alone too?
This “negotiated middle” of how much we're supposed to play along with each other in order to get along broadly is rarely discussed. I think in “letting go” of the “little” things like someone's insecure abuse of power trained us perfectly for adopting the narrative and excuses to usher in fascism. I really do think it is that serious. I think you let things go to the extent you want to be subjected to them later. You let problems in yourself get ignored so they can show up as heart and head issues when you're old. I think you excuse your friends to the degree you wish to have shitty friends and be one in turn. I think you appease your boss to the degree you undermine the kind of boss you can be.
I suffer my idealism 100%. I want people to share responsibility, not reflexively blame when things go wrong. I want people to take a beat to respect what you've brought to the table or the conversation while it's happening. I don't want an “ongoing relationship” with someone who's looking for an excuse to use me as their punching bag when they're stressed out. I don't want to give another person an opportunity to flex their really shittily trained muscles on my mind and being.
I bend the knee constantly. I worked for the fucking State for 2 years. I got the degree. I suffered the consequences of being under-resourced in how to negotiate a better contract for my business. I hold my tongue when my neighbors pull out dowsing rods in an attempt to find water. There are infinite opportunities to play along and contribute to the normal drum beat of how to engage in civilized society. You're not just allowed to, but obligated, in biting back when your hard-earned perspective sees someone fucking up in an important way.
Often, the money is less important to me than the principle. (Cue that exasperated head shake.) I've seen people pursue money, power, or influence in the ways prescribed, and I've watched them get about as “nowhere” as me. I've watched them continue to struggle with some other unresolved issue after landing the “perfect” job. I've watched their relationships deteriorate after they thought the dream was complete upon making it to another state. I've watched people squander things they can't recognize as precious because they never found the time to bother with standing up and naming something fucked up when called to do so.
It really sucks to think of people as things you can use to whatever degree before you have to cut ties and move on. Well, it only sucks if you want to be responsible and demonstrate developing something real. Otherwise, the world is large enough that we can just pass over and through one another indefinitely having never learned anything. We can never be held to account. We can never recognize the irony. I write because I never want to sound like the people that send me to writing. I like emails and texts so when we review the history of who said what, I can prove my instinct was to take responsibility, not blame and whine like a bitch while calling you a blamy whiny bitch.
But that's how I'm oriented anymore. I have a neighbor who's been offering us things since he first got out here. Me and Allie were both skeptical of taking anything. People are always trying to leverage goodwill and use it to encroach for bigger and bigger asks. We've been given keys to his excavator and used tools that have sped up some of the things we're working on. I'm just waiting for something to go dramatically wrong. I'm waiting for the arm to break on the big machine I'm too poor to fix (I've told him this explicitly.) I'm waiting for the music to be too loud or too often. I'm waiting for politics to enter the conversation after I've had one too many beers.
Some take away the message that there's never a reason to explain or engage with someone who's functionally behaving in psychologically fascist ways. I do it because I don't want to be defeated. I troll Trump supporters sometimes. When it feels less fun and more like I'm hurting myself by slipping into a desire to “persuade” verses mock, I stop. You need to be as steadfast in your psychological lines and perspective. You need to know that the reason you do or don't do something transcends you. You need to advocate for forms of being that may be foreign or difficult, but objectively better and worthy of sacrificing for. I call Nazis Nazis because that needs to happen. It's better than them thinking they're merely “supportive of America's 'greatness.'”
I don't want all of my relationships to devolve into the inevitable fight where they lay their insecurities at my feet, but that's what I'm going to continue to find. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to create with the people who aren't playing that game. I'm going to keep trying to stake a different standard in this red desert. I'm going to continue to expect you to engage me at this parsed and polite level. You're very rarely paying me enough to perpetually coddle your feelings and follow Rule #1 of The 48 Laws of Power to never outshine the master.
Some take away the message that there's never a reason to explain or engage with someone who's functionally behaving in psychologically fascist ways. I do it because I don't want to be defeated. I troll Trump supporters sometimes. When it feels less fun and more like I'm hurting myself by slipping into a desire to “persuade” verses mock, I stop. You need to be as steadfast in your psychological lines and perspective. You need to know that the reason you do or don't do something transcends you. You need to advocate for forms of being that may be foreign or difficult, but objectively better and worthy of sacrificing for. I call Nazis Nazis because that needs to happen. It's better than them thinking they're merely “supportive of America's 'greatness.'”
I don't want all of my relationships to devolve into the inevitable fight where they lay their insecurities at my feet, but that's what I'm going to continue to find. Meanwhile, I'm going to continue to create with the people who aren't playing that game. I'm going to keep trying to stake a different standard in this red desert. I'm going to continue to expect you to engage me at this parsed and polite level. You're very rarely paying me enough to perpetually coddle your feelings and follow Rule #1 of The 48 Laws of Power to never outshine the master.
You're not my master, and never will be.
“"If I found a job, a project, an idea or a person I wanted—I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings leading to everything else. We're all so tied together. We're all in a net, the net is waiting, and we're pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and it's precious to you. Do you know who is standing ready to tear it out of your hands? You can't know, it may be so involved and so far away, but someone is ready, and you're afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them—just so they'll let you keep it. And look at whom you accept."
“"If I found a job, a project, an idea or a person I wanted—I'd have to depend on the whole world. Everything has strings leading to everything else. We're all so tied together. We're all in a net, the net is waiting, and we're pushed into it by one single desire. You want a thing and it's precious to you. Do you know who is standing ready to tear it out of your hands? You can't know, it may be so involved and so far away, but someone is ready, and you're afraid of them all. And you cringe and you crawl and you beg and you accept them—just so they'll let you keep it. And look at whom you accept."
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