[515] No We In Me

I'm inspired by Henry Rollins and his idea that there is no such thing as “we.” In his view, “we” don't do shit. There is no we. It's something of a mythical concept we engage in to reassure ourselves that no matter how terrible our personal lives may be going, as a whole, there's something to rely on. It helps us scapegoat responsibility. Maybe I'm not donating or volunteering like I should, but we mostly try to look out for each other and care. It's an affectation of the highest order.

His idea struck me because of how I considered my life before and after I tried adopting friends. That is, I always had people in my life to kill time with or whatever else, but regarding them as human beings with a whole host of potentials I respected and wanted to be apart of if not foster, was an entirely different kind of playing field. The majority of my life was living the “me not we” kind of idea. I wanted to kill time and I wanted people around who would coalesce to my behavior or intentions. Arguably, my life got insanely more stressful when I stopped playing that game.

Over the last few weeks I've majorly toned down my reading about the world. It honestly gives me a headache to see article after article about Hitler 2 talking stupid shit that compounds into more stupid shit. People like to joke or pretend, but I impress upon you, I get very sick to my stomach and violent headaches when I run my mind through the tumble cycle of that maniac. On top of that, I start to get, not just a “sense,” but a myriad of researched and despotic reasons to believe nothing about how “we” are supposed to behave or believe is true. My “sense” was Hitler 2 was in fact a modern iteration of Hitler until he actually quoted Hitler. Then he lost all license to his former moniker.

Today I've been day drinking and listening to old white peoples' ideas about what they do and don't want to listen to. Fly fishing and golf came up. The new technology in the classroom from a teacher gentleman I talked to was there. The plight of modern civilization was not.

Old people seem super keen on the “me not we.” Old people will sit in complete silence with you in the smoking room of a cigar shop until you're both good and ready to get up and leave. One imagines they care about their families or friends, but whatever their concerns, it isn't worn on their sleeves. My mind shoots to the Swedes given the book I'm reading at the moment. Get them drunk and pump them full of crayfish and you'll finally learn something interesting. Until then, they're happy to bump into you as if you don't exist walking down the street.

I suppose then perhaps I find a particular kind of wisdom. Say I give a shit about my friends, mostly, kinda. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter until they need something from me. Until they're particularly talkative or broke. I'm a vague idea. I'm an impression. My feelings extend to who I can compel in the moment. It's pointless and exhausting to try and extend them further.

I've been thinking again lately of “fundamental truths.” While I tend to lead with “the only truth is change,” one thing that's been floating around is the nature of the human animal. This, again, because of the book I've been reading, and comparing Scandinavian attitudes and ideas to what I'm familiar with in the US. We can be radicals or capitulate to “benign totalitarianism.” We can be emboldened individuals or suffer endlessly as a kind of puppet inundated with thoughts we don't understand and refuse to approach in any way resembling proactive. Your “progressive” cause is contingent upon way more than hopes and prayers about the arc of history. Today Britain voted to leave the EU. Ten minutes later the most googled question from Britain was, “What's the EU?”

A fundamental truth then seems to be we are infinitely ignorant. That is, without irony, we employ our tools for knowledge only after we've subjected ourselves to the punishment our feelings would wreak.

Essentially, as it pertains to me, I feel less burdened. I still want to pursue my goals and website and yada yada. I want to organize the information better and provide tools. I'm not naïve enough to think it will matter. If I win awards and get spots on television shows, I'll very dryly proclaim that it's all a game and all bullshit and my ideas about death being an eventual relief more than something to fear remain in tact. I know from today that I'm not merely contented to drink, smoke, read, and bullshit with strangers, but I won’t turn what actually makes me happier into some noble pursuit of “truth” meant to “fix” anything. I can't save you. I have a fleeting glance at marginally influencing a world or two that I come in contact with. If I can't be happy swallowing that, I won't be happy with anything.