I personally don't find any of this terribly interesting or worth talking about, but if you choose to read the rest of this random thought thing, you've been duly warned.
What's your ailment? I think it's a choice. I'm watching fat camp and most these kids would like to blame their crappy fat lives on their weight. Half the kids are on some pill or another to help their mood or to treat diabetes. I'm just wondering if anybody else feels like that have that thing, that one tiny thing, that can be at least partially blamed for one or more aspects of their lives. I try to look at myself and say, ok I'm not fat, but I'm not in shape. I'm not stupid or a genius. I don't have medications or special shoes for flat feet. I'm not Greek hairy but I am hairy European enough. The only thing I would say I let get in the way of my life would be my head. Too much thinking, go figure. So what's your thing? This one chick in particular is extra pathetic, and I quote "I need ointment for my legs, I'm disabled, omg I think I just got stung by a bee." I don't think I know, or at least don't hang with, people who bitch like that. Lmao she's crying in the grass now because she fell over like a lead zeppelin. This kid Petey (asshole)is a trip too. Crying for talking shit about people, blames it on his bi-polar disorder. I guess that you'd just have to watch this stuff for yourself because it's such a "I have to talk shit about this" situation I can't handle it anymore.
I think I need to just start talking to hear myself think. Disjointed nothing thoughts commence. It's the day before Christmas, we don't have a tree, I think something weird is in the air. Not just here, like everyone. People are tapping into a new place in their lives collectively. I'm not a hundred percent sure if it is totally a good thing. I repeat, we don't even have a tree. Christmas is supposed to have all the cliché typical happy stuff attached to it right? What happened to that. It isn't some "o I'm getting older and the magic is lost" type thing. Its "I look at the houses in every neighborhood and see a handful with lights or a tree in the window." When people don't even want to be….happy?....fake…
People are so transparent. I'm sure I am, that's why honesty is the best policy even if u look weird. I'm starting to get confused about what I can trust. Like if I blamed some disorder or weight problem for things in my life at least I'd know outright that I was crazy and have priority issues. But if I have the confusion in all the thoughts…hmm lol. I think its because I'm impartial to like everything. I can put on any front, that's just for mingling on the surface. Deep down I just don't have any feelings about shit here or there. I'm so meh. "really now 2 girls one cup, nukes in Korea, and u just got cancer? Meh." I think this is the source of all really stupid decisions. When your right here and don't know what to make of it. I know I need productivity, whatever that is, but running into walls is more a bitch.
Something deep and insightful was supposed to go here but I lost that train of thought. I'm thinking the only thing left to do is just exist. In whatever form. Kind of baseless and meaningless, but at least its something. As the pattern seeking animal I am I suppose I'd prefer a bad explanation/excuse to a lack of one. I know I want to get my couple of business endeavors off the ground, but I don't want to wait until college's opinion is that I'm ready to know how to do it right. I'd drop out if I had a mentor for a job where what I knew was integral to the operations. Hands on , this is your life. I am a susceptible to the idea that there is nothing to do, when the real issue is that I don't want to do it if I can't do it right. Actually I don't want to do it if I can't be the best at it. Probably why I take ideas and tweak them into vague originality so I can feel like I'm the only one that could pull it off.
I don't like the idea of formality. People are weird. I feel like I watch them like I watch the discovery channel. Blame reality tv? One thing I'm learning about from this fat camp thing DON'T WRITE NOTES. They get shared. I'm sick of stupid movies too. Its either carbon copies of played out ideas or some message movie that doesn't really make you think like it may have hoped. And I doubt it even hoped. I want to sleep. Just sleep all the time and dream. Even if they are fucked up nightmare dreams, I just want to sleep and play with the movies in my head. So randomly going back to my people are so transparent thing, I'd like to add that they are regular plate glass windows when they are in relationships. Just what is the point if you don't like the person? Have your fun together but don't exchange leashes.
It is now 7 and I've stayed up all night and managed to talk about nothing. If you've read this far I did preface this with just how blah it would be.
