Things you Know,
tHINGS you don'T. THings you know YOu don't kNOw
Damnit,
so I can't stop myself from thinking tonight. I can't get over the
bible, or basically the lack of knowledge behind it. Why most if not
all of Christianity was ripped off of Paganism. Why new findings and
doctrines conflict with the ideal and send people into their rabbit
holes. I started thinking about Dream Girl again and that fucked up
drop stomach thing again. That bastard concept of love. Its
manipulated. The impact that fear of knowledge has on humanity is so
beyond harmful, I can only describe it as Hell. Typical Christians in
my life…..
---I
am saved, and I love God more than anything. He performed some
miracle in my life that has only strengthened my faith. When I mess
up the devil has some control over me and I pray the problems away.
If you don't believe in the bible your really missing out. What's
wrong with blind faith? I was just always raised in a Christian home
and that's what I believe. I see some good points to my faith, I
don't always follow exactly, but the good things I see make
everything right. The bible isn't wrong, moreover can never be
wrong….of course I believe in evolution. Why is it always my faith
getting attacked? There was nothing left out of the bible. Archaelogy
bringing about new ideas and proof? Ha! My interpretation
or my church's interpretation
is perfect.—
I
really think I know why the religions like Taoism and Buddhism, which
focus on self understanding and finding the God within
and not through analyzing the rules, bring about the people with the
happiest atmospheres and pleasant lives. The only way I get over that
bullshit drop stomach feeling and depressed or misguided thoughts is
to explore myself and my personality flaws. I'd like to be tolerant
of religion and people who so blindly follow the bible, but the fact
is the real harm from such practices is plain sad. People who stay
poor, depressed, and especially stressed, but just pray and go to
church all the time hoping for it to get better make no sense to me.
They don't look at their lives and see what's wrong and act to make a
change. They look for the book to tell them just wait in your
shithole cus God's a comin. All the while they hold their head
high…out of pride? No, because their up to their necks.
I
always go back to it. Fear. When your afraid you do, think, say,
believe anything. Can anyone say the power of government…. Let's be
honest. The main, whether people say it or not and live selfless and
giving lives, reason people "believe" is fear of Hell. None
can comprehend or fathom why their ever loving God would have you
burn forever for lack of belief. And when you don't know something
you either deny or blindly take the bible's answer. It comforts and
makes the pain of thinking go away. So therefore your crutch becomes
your credo, because in that world your never wrong.
That
pseudo-Christianity/Islam/Whatever else, that everyone belongs too is
simply called yourself. If you don't stay true to it your true to
nothing. In that world you can find true understanding, but only if
you look. You can overcome fear and be living proof. When you can't
express yourself you can't receive others expressions. You can't feel
the power someone might have to offer you. God is love? Then love is
infallible and perfect. And from my own life, if love is viewed as
wrong or imperfect, then one side's version of "God" is
wrong.
Its
true, faith and belief can bring a lot of happiness and joy into a
persons life. You can have moments that you can't describe as
anything but holy or God-ish. But the fact of the matter is those
same types of moments are experienced all over the world, all through
time, all the time by people who say they feel Mohamed or by
Atheists, or people just playing their instruments or walking through
a park.
I
think there is a healthy line between obsession and being
passionately dramatic. Unfortunately who's to say when its crossed.
Through
all this thinking and fucked up heartache I'd like to think I've
matured. Just not in the way society breeds. I don't want to get old
and have one of those stupid grandpa stories of that one perfect
girl. How many times has that happened I wonder? And how much could
have been gained if everyone
was simply honest with themselves? There are still holes in me. My
views seem to change everyday and different thoughts fight over
control of my personal,
individual reflection.
Obviously I haven't found all the answers if I've gone back to
certain thoughts.
I
had this weird night, one of too many thoughts, worst dropped stomach
ever. And in the back of my head after I heard something about God
experiencing your feelings I thought. "Can you feel this too
God? Do you go through this same heartache and bullshit as me. Do
you suffer?"
and in an instant the feeling went away. I was completely confused
and dumbfounded to be honest. I just kinda laid there like, well wtf
do I do now. The only thing that bothers me about that night is, I
can't tell if it was sheer defiance of belief that made me "suck
it up," fix myself and lay their confused, or the "holy
spirit" somehow intervening. This is one of those moments I
believe send people into the right direction or soooo far into the
wrong one. Is it the God route and take everything that claims to be
"Him" at face value, or look to control and understand what
actually happened in their minds. Do those people who go through life
altering events and weird unexplained phenomena really receive divine
intervention and help, or, in the back of their mind are they telling
themselves FUCKING DO SOMETHING, I'M GONNA DIE, HELP ME PLEASE, WHY
WON'T THE PAIN GO AWAY, THERE HAS TO BE SOME WAY…..and tap into
that (un)conscious energy field of perfection and wholeness that
"cures" them. The real
fear
driving them to real
truth,
to true power.
The Will to Power. How much someone can control with the knowledge
about fear? The answers for the one thing people rarely want to
face, the methods for overcoming it, the promise for perfect life
anew with control of it. Fuck, I was wrong, people aren't afraid of
hell or punishment, they're afraid of themselves.
