I want to speed up so I can slow down.
I want to be rich so I can act like I’m poor. I want to get in
shape so I can eat like a glutton. I want to be moral to spite the
immoral, then immoral to spite the doubtful. I want to control the
world and to set it on fire. I want to hit and hit and hit and hit
and never get out of bed. Every lesson I learn I want to turn on its
head and sometimes I think how nice it would be to believe in things
that aren’t there. I need to forget that I judge something as
boring or mundane before I get the will to master it. I want to know
almost everything, but never seem to care to remember.
I want to teach
people how to think while being comfortable with them thinking
whatever they want. I want to establish honorable distinctions
between child and adult, mature and immature, professional and
non-professional. I want definitions to matter more and disappear. I
want to have it all and give it all away. I want to organize chaotic
messes and then create more of a mess. I want my outside to match my
inside. I want implicit relationships. I want to steal from enough
sources to look unique.
I think I have an immeasurable impact
that walks a very fine line of obscurity. I think I would do just
fine in too many conflicting situations. I think it’s dumb to
respect the cynic and hate the intellectual. I think too much. I
think judging people is important, necessary, and clearly at the
heart of every relationship. I think being a counterexample is not
the same thing as being a hypocrite. I think people don’t want to
believe I know too much about them. I don’t think I get enough
credit for admitting when I’m wrong.
I wish that lasting change wasn’t
something of an oxymoron. I wish I was surprised more often. I wish I
could download information into my head. I wish I could be in a dream
state for a week. I wish that I never experienced time going by too
quickly. I wish it wasn’t about getting by. I wish my money wasn’t
already spent. I wish I could understand how I know there will be a
tipping point.
I need external forces to distract me
and keep me in check. I need to see strong examples of what I believe
in. I need to not be the only one trying to humble myself. I need to
loathe idiots. I need to show I respect what’s gotten me here. I
need to be an example.
