Friday, December 29, 2006

[16] Finally.....At Least I Hope Not

[Disclaimer] While I still think of it as an awesome movie, much of the language and conclusions I write below are not how I've come to understand things or believe. I leave these up as evidence that I used to think like this and change is possible and preferable.

Current mood: epifanized
I live for moments like this. One's where your eyes are opened to old ideas newly revived in young minds. I just saw this movie called Waking Life and I'm so in awe of what was discussed my heart is aching. The perfect mesh between "logic" and theology. God is always speaking to you. Right now, at this very second, when things are. Paralleling your life to a dream is ingenious. How free and surreal and perfect when your lost in your head. The closest one can get while they are alive. Alive. A word that has begun to lose all its meaning. The moments where people aren't acting from a script but take part in "holy moments." Ones where its actual people and personalities and recognizing the moment. Acknowledging the spirit that drives you to questions. I know now more than every why love is so important. Why I call what I feel for Dream Girl love. They are true. Moments when you can't become yourself anymore than when your with that person. Moments that connect you with what God wants you to feel. What's to show you to keep you out of the "real" world and realize you need and want to accept the dream. Such a powerful message. The movie talks about history and the eerie connections between what was "then" and "now" and how people do and say and repeat over and over and can't or won't face the reasoning as to why. No one is going to explain all this all better than the movie so again WAKING LIFE see it, think about it, question life and your role in it. People should not fear death. If you need a better way to understand eternity there is no better than to look at the hours of dream u had and the one minute of sleep that was involved. We are manifestations of someone else's dream. And to become self aware is to walk in to light. If you ever feel depressed or worthless or alone then all you've done is allowed societies restrictions be imposed on you. When you start to live your life like it's a dream, for the moment, doing anything and everything you want, experiencing and cherishing what true people have to offer, there is no greater happiness. I'm just so literally blown away right now I don't even know how to think. All the thinking I do has all been striving towards understanding what this movie hit on and its like my mind has transcended. Christians keep doing what your doing, trust and believe in the bible, but I think there's a lot more to it and all the answers aren't wrapped up in nice bible verse packages. They preach the ideal but could never have hit me so hard w/o all the thought and reason that was poured into understanding faith and transient beings as much as this film. For all those who care, yes from this point on I can faithfully call myself a Christian, but I want to go so so sooo much farther with that. I respect Tapper and Nicole with how they explain and propose but they want to leave all the thinking up to the bible and that doesn't work for me. And now I can feel comfortable knowing that that isn't a bad thing. Please for the love of God if you read this strive to find yourself and look for times when your chest aches and your eyes water because of how real they feel. Don't be down or lazy about the right now. All the waiting for the future and grasping for past happiness…..you'd be more alive if you were dead. I'm not saying go kill yourself by any means, but the term "walking in the light" takes on a whole new meaning or hell the old meaning with new perspective. My faith wavered, I didn't know fully if I could let go or believe and trust in something else. Stupid thoughts encouraged by depression and sadness kick in and all the "what's the points" and "who cares" really seem to set it. But now its like, if I'm this worthless nothing human being with pipe dreams, love issues, and other things exponentially insignificant and my life can feel "sooo bad" why does everyone go through it, through all points in history, every minute of every day. Everyone is connected by something they can't shake. This mass almost telekinetic power that inscribes our genetic code that compels us to act a certain way. Life with all its "problems" so specific and magnified to one important lesson that can be learned from every bad situation. If your desperate and reaching for a sign look no further than to how people resolve/d problems. This, explained better in the movie again, is like with movies and how they can capture those moments that can't really be relived….those personalities at that moment. Find the right now happiness, see what questions the universe is asking you, live your dreams. I can't think of anything better you can learn.