[67] Those Books Get Me Going

I've gotten about a fourth of the way through "The Portable Atheist" and, go figure, I can all but refrain from banging my head against the wall when I think about what I'm reading in the book contrasted with what I'm hearing from the faithful position. When I said that arguments people use today were used, and thoroughly refuted in the past, it was a grand understatement. People are slaves to themselves, and we can see this when we understand why we are slaves to history. The same recurring patterns in thought don't just magically arise from the One True Basin of stupidity, but they do in fact remain alive when people excuse their ignorance. I've made it a concentrated effort on my part to not just be another non-believer. I cannot say I've been equally respected from the other side. It angers me to think that brilliant people have put sometimes their lives on the line to expose the pure and blatant illogical premises and contradictions in theistic arguments, and yet authors today are still received with the same garbled and recycled bullshit, to put it frankly, as some logical equivalent to be wrestled in a debate arena. 

"An evangelical preacher is not obliged to be well read" George Eliot. This is one of I assure you many lines that stood out for me while reading and its simplicity speaks to why the factuality behind it is so powerful. It is not exactly easy to sit and read a 400 page book on anything, and most people today are masters at finding every excuse in the world as to why they are too busy or too disinclined to find the time to read anything. This is more than just a tragedy, because now instead of simply being able to write off the ill-informed as meaningless and insignificant, we now have a regular wall of ignorance of beleaguered despots who spout their "Divine Word" as if its stemming from this universal desperate position which requires a level of piety only understood by the truly inoculated to the falsehoods of this pitiful word.

I used to say that I was ok if someone believed in something as long as it did not hurt anyone and made them happy. I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with the position as it is becoming too vast of an issue to account for solid definitions regarding harm, happiness, belief, or god. The one position I still maintain is that people are self centered and be it through a gaping hole or passive one, all of their actions will be traced back to something self fulfilling. This isn't to say that progressive and helpful actions have anything taken away from them, but when you read enough and listen to the brain scientists lecture the real facts about your humanly situation sink in.

Here's an anecdote that will help illuminate why I'm so presently frustrated. I'm reading this book, I have another one lined up, and I've just sat through another few hours of Beyond Belief lectures. My mother, who I've disregarded as such and never treat in a way that would make sense for her to continually talk of thinking and praying for me, sends me A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. This I not only found to be simply pathetic, but overtly offensive. I've spend the time to actually learn and establish a position, her half-assed attempt at reaching out and connecting is to throw a too typical piece of insufferable lacking in coherence book at the duh-fact that I like to read. It really bothered me that when I picked it up to discover it was a book within the wrapping, no other book popped into my mind about what it would be when I opened it. "Christian" is not some stance on life that can assert its truth and authority over your dominion, it's a PATHETIC and TELEGRAPHED set of demonstrable beliefs that work on the people who dwell in bullshit excuses. I'm sick of finding no other word to describe instances like this as anything but typical. I want to burn the book, take pictures, and send them to her with a simple "you've got to be kidding me" note attached. That woman actually believes that her prayers may in one way or another work and manifest into some "miracle" that I guess is supposed to make us civil with each other. And if not, o well it is still will be just some hard to deal with part of her god's plan.

All these people hoping for heaven and talking of this sad and depressing situation they find themselves in. Who are you and why are you looking for trouble? People who are this sad and lonely all the time must be asking for it because the, while pissed off, unbeliever here remains pissed off, I'm never sitting back rubbing my hands together for what may be some day promise from biblical yokels. You have a fucking choice in regards to how you think and act during your life and if you don't realize it soon I'm going to make it a personal vendetta to bring shame and ridicule upon dealers of this faith based drug. I tried to leave it up to people to take self responsibility and evolve, yet that does not appear to work ,so in retort the unapologetic activist can step in.

Another thing, stop levying the charge starting with "Have you read such and such book" because 99 times out of 100 what your trying to say about me has nothing to do with a bigger point I'm trying to make. The very title of Rick Warrens book to me presupposes that those without a belief in god cannot find purpose which is utterly insane and offensive. I've listened to Rick Warren talk about the book and his position, he seems like a nice guy. I've listened to Dan Dennett refute a key gaping logic aspect to the book and I've perused it a bit myself. Forgive me if I'm sick of hearing the same things and played out notions again and excuse my resistance to biblical quotes poised as evidence. Lee Strobel, who's famed "Case for Christ" is frequently suggested to me, has a degree in law, not physics, not theology, not biology, not astronomy, not a plethora of other things that he haphazardly skews together as this magnificent case. Not to mention the 2 part, like 3 hour long absolute tearing apart of the "documentary" he made based from the book. And finally the bible. What's the biggest thing people want to do in defending their faith? Hands down, quote the bible, close second comes some personal experience story. By me playing by their rules, quoting the bible, I can make them look just as stupid as they make themselves, yet unless I read the entire thing and from their opinion,or "faithful understanding" no less, my simple charges of it not being factually, morally, logically, and scientifically correct don't just up and disappear because you've tried to divert the issue and discredit my "interpreting" ability. Then try to get me started on all the people you've never even heard of, let alone read.

I don't think you deserve your truth. It'd be like handing a 12 gauge to a five year old. I still don't think I'm "better" than any of the people that so frequently piss me off, but I do think my information is better, trustworthy, and verifiable. I think my position is supported and can be independently confirmed. My way of thinking provides clarity and truth to people who are ready to find it. And this is not because I'm some ordained prophet who's had some secret revealed to me about the nature of life, nor because I think I can survive death.

For the love of Goodness will you please encourage the faithful to pick up, o I dunno, maybe 1 or 20 of the books written in the last few hundred years that explain why they no longer need to inculcate dogma to be happy. Maybe people will stop feigning like their glorifying god and start to glorify life.

[167] Never Add Up Anyway

Friday, December 26, 2008 at 6:46am

I'm struggling to keep looking at my world as filled with opportunity instead of shit. I am constantly remind why I don't like people and see humanity as a doomed species. Every turn a new slap in the face. New people and new conversations results in me further digging my heels into my, for lack of a better word, convictions. I suppose the best way to describe how I see things is just relay the stories that prompt me to write.

My uncle knows a millionaire. This guy isn't just a millionaire, he's a millionaire without a job or responsibility, and every penny is from a trust fund. He plays video games and drinks with all of his time. He owns four cars all hundreds of thousands of dollars, and he can't drive any of them because of too many D.U.I.'s. Not only can't he drive these cars that he buys despite this fact, he gets them detailed and upgraded, presumably to make his driveway look that much cooler. Currently, the theory is that he's in jail because my uncle's been unable to contact him two months. People like this guy pain me in a way that is practically indescribable. I'm trying to fight my way through hundreds of people that may or may not be helpful to me to make fractions of what this guy was handed. I need to go out on a limb to afford and stay within the restrictions of a rented house, that probably costs as much as the paint job on one of his cars. I'm more than likely going to have to go through years of hit and miss, hard fought knowledge and potentially helpful, more often harmful, contacts that might grant me the kind of time and money he has (or had) to be happy and find something productive to do. What does that say about the nature of struggling and fighting for shit when there are people who literally have everything you want in life and still find it in them to be depressed and pathetic?

I would be just as happy with the money if I won the lottery or if I had a successful business of some kind. Why? It isn't just about amassing money, it's about facilitating happiness. If I had a way to build a bad ass custom designed house on an island where I could throw parties, learn all kinds of cool shit, eat the greatest foods, and practice enjoying every second of every day without money, I'd do it. Our world isn't playing that game. We are compelled to stick to the system because the vast majority of the weak willed, ill-informed, frankly useless people were brought up to believe that it is the only thing that will get them by.

A second ongoing story that reminds me of the true colors of our species is how unbelievably wasteful we are. Byron and I were sitting at Denny's and looked over at the next table where two basically full plates of food were left. This doesn't bother me because of the tired adage about it being shipped to some poorer foreign country. This bothers me because of how little thought goes into what it took to get that food to their plate. How many people they implicate in their decision to order food and then not eat it. It wastes the time of the waitress, cooks, dishwashers, food processors, packagers, etc. It wastes the actual animal that died to grow cold on a plate. It says to the people selling the food that people will pay absurd amounts of money to not eat. All of this affects cost, quality of food, and the service. Quite simply, when people do shit like that they fuck everyone. We are a species imbued with the notion that it is all about us, our decisions affect our lives and it's no one else's business, and that just isn't the case.

Humanity is no longer about survival of genes. Everyone you've ever seen and asked yourself "how in the hell did they have kids?" should testify to that. There is no reason to behave as if it's us vs. them. If there was any real competition going on, you'd think you'd see faster adaptation, all the cool innovations reserved for science fiction and movies. The last time we competed for anything was with Russia to get to the moon. The litany of things invented, experimented with, and learned was staggering compared to the retardation of our current mental climate. Everyone wanted to be a scientist and had real dreams and prospects that they felt were worth working towards. What do we see today? Cars that can run on water and electricity sprinkled on the public like they haven't existed or been perfected just quite yet. GM CEOs making millions pumping out the same bullshit cars, practicing dumb ass business ethics and policies, and eager to step on as many heads as it takes to keep getting millions of dollars worth of bonuses.

To me, all of this speaks to the bulbous, festering, rainbow colored elephant humping grandma in the room screaming "NO ONE CARES!" No one seems to care about shit. They don't care about their bodies, if they have healthy relationships, how they come across to other people, where their going, or where they've been. I don't see people who enjoy life, I can't find people eager to learn, and I barely find people that relate on my too frequently alluded to "level." Within all of this I'm just wondering where the room is for me to care. We are products of nature. Our cities are our jungles and shaking hands instead of touching antennae with our fellow ant people doesn't seem like a stretched metaphor. If my world consists of so many overwhelming amounts of people who emulate what I see as the destruction of life, and absolutely revel in it, what hope is there? No man is an island. I can't be happy alone, but I can't be happy catering to contradictions and destructive behaviors to my well-being. Some "struggle" that is.

I just wish people were wise to the nature of their selfishness. I understand the concept of everyone helping everyone, makes everyone happier and fulfilled. I can't understand or empathize with being a martyr for some philosophy or ideal that already understands why people won't understand or care to adopt said philosophy or ideal. We're going nowhere. There's nothing more to gain. Why attack and degrade what you have? Why squander the chance to flourish and experience? Maybe it isn't even that no one cares, they all just think that's what everyone else is thinking. Maybe they've been born into a society where the rules have been set, and those rules aren't designed to challenge or provide room for what people care about. Either way, I still don't see the hope. I don't see a way out of falling in line, playing by the rules, squandering most of my time on things that never needed to be there. While the prevailing feeling is anger, I'm not decided on how I'm going to react to this atmosphere.

 David Dyer at 11:19pm December 26, 2008

or maybe bowman its like sewing a sweater, you cant just make the sweater from no where you have to start at one point and make it little by little.

 Billy Bowman at 11:19pm December 26, 2008

I'm unsure.. another failure in my idea.. my original ideas include destruction of world governments and systems.. which seems feasible if you had a few fanatics willing to commit mass murder.. but adds another flaw to the idea..

 Billy Bowman at 11:21pm December 26, 2008

All good in theory Dave, but as I said, your thoughts on helping people one at a time.. it's treating a symptom, not the problem. The problem is how society operates as a whole, peoples suffering is a result of that.

 David Dyer at 11:23pm December 26, 2008

and by helping those people you don't think some will in turn help others and may eventually help in fixing society as a whole?

 Billy Bowman at 11:25pm December 26, 2008

No. That's part of the problem. People are selfish, they want everything handed to them and want to do nothing in return. People are lazy, they'd rather do nothing then do something. People.. people are the part of the problem...

 Byron R. Turner II at 11:48pm December 26, 2008

To Greg who asked “how can we separate anyone but ourselves and maybe the ones close to us?” in reference to the "game"
My answer to that is we can't separate anyone outside of ourselves and maybe a few others that are close without resorting to a more primitive state ( which is unfeasible in numerous ways)

To David that asked “why not spread our ideas?” referencing ending of the "game"
My answer is that you can spread your ideas but they will simply be viewed as radical and unrealistic. - That is why I suggest that we all try to play the “game”, win the “game” and live out your life with those who are close to you in complete freedom.

 Byron R. Turner II at 11:49pm December 26, 2008

Btw I know for a fact that Anarchy is more feasible than changing the future with idealistic ideas. How many revolutions that resulted in temporary anarchy can you name? Compare that to the number of revolutions or better yet revitalization caused by the planting of ideas in hope they will affect the future?

- Before you use a example of some idea that was planted and eventually shaped the future, think about whether it was simply a part of the game or not.

 Nick P. at 1:26am December 27, 2008

Drei, I'm not just coming to it. I'm more dismayed that you thought I have. I thought the majority of my blogs semi-touched this notion when I rant about christians. I've known this all for as long as I can remember, just instead of sounding like a downer who can't stop bitching, I wait till it boils up enough to want to write.

Greg, I would hardly say anyone is trying to conjure up some mystical act that magically convinces people how to think. I doubt anybody here thinks that's possible either. This isn't a blog about the meaning of life. If anything it's to magnify the point that we already know the ways to "reach" people, but there is no personal inert sense or driving force that is making someone's words or ideas more compelling than a tv commercial. I wouldn't say that people don't have influence, just that in lieu of what I see as the problem, it's marginalized and insignificant.

 Nick P. at 1:26am December 27, 2008

Another problem I see in this statement, Greg.

"That alone makes it a better avenue than moping about how pointless it is."

This I feel belittles the role of being honest and angry about the truth of our situation. This isn't me moping and throwing a fit. Regardless of the discourse, I hardly believe anybody is going to drastically change where their at on the subject, assuming they understand it, which only helps reinforce my point and problem again. Immediately I feel the move to get "centered" or deep within wordplay so that the pure emotional revulsion I feel about this is lost in meager words. This endless cycle and struggle all built into the contract.

 Steev Young at 6:23pm December 27, 2008

To Bowman. I think that your mass murder idea might work. If you haven't seen in history mass murder isn't mass murder if you are on the winning side. Think about the white man and the native americans. So make sure that you are killing people that the other people wouldn't miss.

If it didn't work that way then make yourself a martyr while you do it. That way there might be a chance if you do it right that people will look up to you and your vision of how theings should be.

These are might thoughts on this.

[66] Random Nothingness

I personally don't find any of this terribly interesting or worth talking about, but if you choose to read the rest of this random thought thing, you've been duly warned.

What's your ailment? I think it's a choice. I'm watching fat camp and most these kids would like to blame their crappy fat lives on their weight. Half the kids are on some pill or another to help their mood or to treat diabetes.  I'm just wondering if anybody else feels like that have that thing, that one tiny thing, that can be at least partially blamed for one or more aspects of their lives. I try to look at myself and say, ok I'm not fat, but I'm not in shape. I'm not stupid or a genius. I don't have medications or special shoes for flat feet. I'm not Greek hairy but I am hairy European enough.  The only thing I would say I let get in the way of my life would be my head. Too much thinking, go figure. So what's your thing? This one chick in particular is extra pathetic, and I quote "I need ointment for my legs, I'm disabled, omg I think I just got stung by a bee." I don't think I know, or at least don't hang with, people who bitch like that. Lmao she's crying in the grass now because she fell over like a lead zeppelin.  This kid Petey (asshole)is a trip too. Crying for talking shit about people, blames it on his bi-polar disorder. I guess that you'd just have to watch this stuff for yourself because it's such a "I have to talk shit about this" situation I can't handle it anymore.

 I think I need to just start talking to hear myself think. Disjointed nothing thoughts commence. It's the day before Christmas, we don't have a tree, I think something weird is in the air. Not just here, like everyone. People are tapping into a new place in their lives collectively. I'm not a hundred percent sure if it is totally a good thing. I repeat, we don't even have a tree. Christmas is supposed to have all the cliché typical happy stuff attached to it right? What happened to that. It isn't some "o I'm getting older and the magic is lost" type thing. Its "I look at the houses in every neighborhood and see a handful with lights or a tree in the window." When people don't even want to be….happy?....fake…

People are so transparent. I'm sure I am, that's why honesty is the best policy even if u look weird. I'm starting to get confused about what I can trust. Like if I blamed some disorder or weight problem for things in my life at least I'd know outright that I was crazy and have priority issues. But if I have the confusion in all the thoughts…hmm lol. I think its because I'm impartial to like everything. I can put on any front, that's just for mingling on the surface. Deep down I just don't have any feelings about shit here or there. I'm so meh. "really now 2 girls one cup, nukes in Korea, and u just got cancer? Meh." I think this is the source of all really stupid decisions. When your right here and don't know what to make of it. I know I need productivity, whatever that is, but running into walls is more a bitch.

Something deep and insightful was supposed to go here but I lost that train of thought. I'm thinking the only thing left to do is just exist. In whatever form. Kind of baseless and meaningless, but at least its something. As the pattern seeking animal I am I suppose I'd prefer a bad explanation/excuse to a lack of one. I know I want to get my couple of business endeavors off the ground, but I don't want to wait until college's opinion is that I'm ready to know how to do it right. I'd drop out if I had a mentor for a job where what I knew was integral to the operations.  Hands on , this is your life. I am a susceptible to the idea that there is nothing to do, when the real issue is that I don't want to do it if I can't do it right. Actually I don't want to do it if I can't be the best at it. Probably why I take ideas and tweak them into vague originality so I can feel like I'm the only one that could pull it off.

I don't like the idea of formality. People are weird. I feel like I watch them like I watch the discovery channel. Blame reality tv? One thing I'm learning about from this fat camp thing DON'T WRITE NOTES. They get shared. I'm sick of stupid movies too. Its either carbon copies of played out ideas or some message movie that doesn't really make you think like it may have hoped. And I doubt it even hoped. I want to sleep. Just sleep all the time and dream. Even if they are fucked up nightmare dreams, I just want to sleep and play with the movies in my head. So randomly going back to my people are so transparent thing, I'd like to add that they are regular plate glass windows when they are in relationships. Just what is the point if you don't like the person? Have your fun together but don't exchange leashes.

It is now 7 and I've stayed up all night and managed to talk about nothing. If you've read this far I did preface this with just how blah it would be.

[166] Those Gay Atheist Signs

Those gay atheist signs

Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 6:11pm

I'm catching up on all my atheistmedia.blogspot.com videos and the recurring theme is these signs that are "hateful" and mocking of christians. Champions of stupidity like O'rally and Donahue get so worked up from their insecure and ignorant positions. The signs don't say a single word about christians, let alone one filled with hate or that would insight violence. Freedom of speech is just that. If you can say things about atheists or put up a nativity scene, you have your right. You also have the right to be mocked and ridiculed or, your god forbid, corrected and made to be looked at as ignorant. The fact that it talks about religion and doesn't say "All christians are dumb ass cunts who believe in fairies and damage kids with hellfire stories" I think shows immense restraint and sturdy disposition. The real point is that it doesn't matter how you feel about what someone has to say about you or your beliefs. The point is they do, and will continue to have the right to say so. How there could be so many news reports saying the same things and the same, completely twisted objections is beyond me. And for the record, I still unbelievably hate how belittling and childish the "questions" come off when Fox fuckers attack an atheist speaker.

Another theme was the Prop 8 musical. Hilarious btw. Again, the same objection, it's hateful and inappropriate for the season. It isn't hateful to satirize the obvious absurdity of someone's position. It's hateful to deny someone rights you wish to have yourself. If your not gay, don't marry a gay person, duh you stupid fuck. I wish I could just convey things through baseball bat. I write a little not, plant it, cork it, then just crack the fuck out of heads. "It's about the tradition and sanctity...." if not the easiest points to object to, these are the most ludicrous. Fucking pricks.

I just read a good article, think I posted it, about what words are and aren't meant to do. It speaks to the heart of my trouble trying to talk to people about faith. One, because they do exactly what I expect when it comes to dodging questions and undermining the integrity of my points. And also, because I can use the same technique, but with actual evidence to back it up, to make them look stupid from the perspective of any objective onlooker. I think keeping this in mind will help me keep rants shorter and battles better chosen. While I knew everything the article was talking about, just the way it came across is making me think harder about my tactics.

I want to just create interpretations and depictions of the stories in the bible. Let's put up pictures of genocide and put the bible verse next to it. I think that would be fun. How many public depictions of stoning will it take to get these fucks to get smarter and shut the fuck up? The great thing is, they would talk and talk about context and it wouldn't matter. I think I may actually try this one.

[165] What's The Real Problem?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 at 4:35pm

I've been thinking much about free will and the nature of choice. In all reality, my life isn't the least stressful and my general cheery(ha) demeanor is my attempt at staving off breaking down or snapping. I'd bet you know what it's like to have a problem, then two, then ten so on so forth. I'm trying to just write them down and devise a strategy for taking them on one by one. It isn't even the problems in and of themselves that really gets to me. What bothers me is the circumstances that led to them. Not just a bad decision here or there, but the nature of our decisions and why and how we make them. As often as I say I feel free, I'm not sure that is the case. I don't mind being constrained by things like food or the inability to flap my arms and fly. Aside from that, it feels like everything that can be done or said is restrained. Do you have a choice in the classes you take, or is there a set list that others have deemed good enough for you? Can you pick up and drive wherever you want or are there parking restrictions, rules of the road, components of the car that are inadequate that slow you down or distract you from the wind in your hair? The only thing that I've seemed to settle on that could break through this is money. Even when I want to throw a party and just hang out and enjoy time with friends, I still have to think about potential cops coming, noise violations, angry neighbors, kool-aide spills, or someone puking over the balcony, all of which bring added stress and steps to the process of escaping.

When your angry you can't always hit the person you want. When your sick or depressed you can't even find time to yourself when you want. Right now I feel strangled by an idiot roommate, stupid classes, money for bills, responsibility to my dad, and lack of information I wish I had to make my plans come to fruition. I don't have a choice but to dig in and wait shit out. I don't have a choice but to follow every rule and regulation that keeps me in line and subdued. And quite honestly, I want to lash out like a mother fucker, but I can only see it leading to even more constriction and more drama. I've been relying on what I'd like to think is a strong enough will to quell stomach revulsion and snapping. I'm trying to keep the perspective of just being one of millions with more or less handleable problems. When it comes down to it though, it's still my life and my reality. I'm a spec on a spec getting ever smaller, and that fact should be humbling enough to make me not worry. Despite this, I'm not longer finding solace in my relationship with myself.

Sitting here in psyche as she tells us about our biology and what it means for anxiety disorders and maladaptive traits seems to add fuel to the fire. The thought that I might not be in control is frankly unacceptable. I don't believe in fate, even if there is no such thing as free will. I think there are suffering wills, broken wills, empty wills, but what good is a free will? The kind of freedom implies all the bad with the good. Free to contradict, lie, and pretend. There needs to be a wall between that potential for freedom. That wall, at least for me at this point, is constrained by all the wrong things. I want to be restricted by the potential for expression. All that's happening now is the slow tacking on process of "things I have to do." If "that's life" then life is pathetic. I would not want to live if I didn't have a (meager) hope for a way out.