Context: I've been looking for people to help write grants, fundraise, and not pretend to work for $45 or more an hour to result in me getting nothing in return. This is the 40th or 50th person who's made an "offer." I'm trying, explicitly, to be mean, after her response to my explanation of my circumstances. Each time I read over it, there's really only two or three parts that I want to highlight and talk more about. I'll quote them at the bottom.
Her:
I am a Litigation Paralegal, previously incarcerated woman, writes grants, and in recovery, This is right up my alley but I have some different thoughts for you that I would be happy to share, If you would like to contract an hour over zoom, let’s do that! Depending on budget, remote access availability, and a slew of other factors, this sounds interesting and right up my alley. Let me knock if I may be of assistance.
Best,
Me:
I'm open to talking, but I'm bleeding so much money with zero coming in that I'm not in a position to hire anyone else that isn't "You get percentage of what you bring in" anymore. If you still want to talk, cool. If not, I get it.
Her:
That’s a hard push and honestly, you likely need to fire someone or get rid whatever you need to because I thought you are on the verge for something. Giving you all my ideas for fee is a sucky proposal. Why not apply for a grant? But you expect someone to do this for free? Not very mindful and the people you want to help you, has to be mutually beneficial. You knew this won’t likely work like you are hoping, I am afraid. Bu hell,
There is always hope. What about a partnership of some kind?
*know
I can’t spend time on growing someone else’s revenue for nothing. However, we might be able to collaborate together, if you can tell me more about your organization, business structure and status, what year in operation are you? Staff? If you ow this company solely, happen to belong ons underrepresented population? Rural or urban area? And services offered remote?
Ok you are a 501-c3? 150 k in this area for a grant isn’t huge and where are you located?
It’s late, but my husband is snoring the loudest EVER so, good things happen to people who do good, call me
Me:
I expect literally nothing of you. You messaged me. I explained my circumstances. You proceeded to offer advice that's wholly uninformed about what I'm doing. What makes you think I trust what else you'd have to say?
You want to chastise me about being mindful while providing literally nothing of value beyond a series of opinions I can't begin to understand where they came from. You proceed to tell me what I know. I suspect you believe something incredibly odd about what I have or am willing to pay for. The amazing ego of your behavior I wish I could chalk up to being in recovery, but it's nearly everyone. Your "ideas" aren't ideas. You, and everyone who has sounded like you, pretend I'm trying to get something for free. No. You, and everyone like you, have literally done ZERO for me in spite of insisting you can.
I'm on the verge? Yeah. I've been on the verge of rage navigating this abject nonsense from "professionals" who you must think you're better than? How does someone who is better than them look and sound exactly like them?
Now, wait a second. I've gone off and been explicitly hateful. Go ahead, take everything I've said as "clear" and "obvious" why I'm not getting the outcomes I desire as though you're the only person I've talked to in 2 years and not just the latest who's finally getting all of the pent up exhaustion of another invitation to spend more money on nothing from no one.
I want nothing from you. I want you to disappear and for me to pretend I didn't have another one of these inane ridiculous conversations attempting to placate your curiosity. You are incorrect. For you and I, there is no hope. We will not be partners. I will not ignore my instinct and hopefully this grand show of rudeness and impropriety will persuade you to block me and not even respond. You're "passionate" about uncovering the truth? I'm not hiding it from you. I hate that you messaged me and that I've been persuaded to write this. Good things happen when you do them. Do not let yourself believe you've done a good thing to or for me.
Let me call one more thing about you. Suppress the urge to wish me "good luck."
Her:
Woozars, the industry you are in is difficult and trying and life changing. Most do it because of this, I am not sure why you would suggest I persuaded you to write anything but no thank you. I am sorry you are going through it and my mom has been in and around nonprofits like forever, she pioneered women executives with outrageous budgets or something but it availed me to start an organization and I shouldn’t have used “partnership “ in nonprofits it takes on a derogatory word of sorts, lie stealing your ownership and hard work. I have s sense of humor perhaps hard to communicate with text and collaboration would have been a better word choice. If you had shared you offer remote services my thinking was you could provide services at a going rate, providing me with a service I allocated in budget already and this would hopefully help you and your organization. I am also a previously incarcerated woman and sober. I do want success for you and those around you. I would also like to share when we practice a culture of kindness, no bad intentions are made and nor is there room for anything but the kindness, maybe in more jest delivered than the support you need. I am sorry you are upset and find it fascinating that your thoughts went to making you believe me. We all have the ability to take in what we need and want, simply leaving the rest, maybe for someone else. You seemed to have want to intentionally hurt me with your words. Hurt people, hurt people. I get it. You are overwhelmed and something I said bothered you, again my apologies. Me: Couldn't help yourself? Everything you said bothered me. I could quote and write entire paragraphs about each line. Then, like an addict, you doubled down! You're not even reading what I wrote lol. Again, typical for "professionals" to hear what they want, react to that, and then pretend to empathize. I'm going to save this exchange and use it for a class one day. Please go away. Or, zero in on 3 words you'll somehow misinterpret and tell me again how sorry you are. Either way, this isn't good for either of us.
::I block her::
"Giving you all my ideas for fee is a sucky proposal. Why not apply for a grant? But you expect someone to do this for free? Not very mindful and the people you want to help you, has to be mutually beneficial. You knew this won’t likely work like you are hoping, I am afraid."
This is quintessential condescending mind-reading bullshit that fucks with seemingly every conversation I attempt to have. This is the "polite" way to "enlighten" me that I'm an idiot. How am I an idiot? I proposed she work for free! Except, of fucking course I didn't. I said I'm too poor, and if you want a percentage of what you bring to the table, more power to you, and if not, I get it. This bitch knows my hopes too! If only I were mindful and could figure them out for myself!
You know who's worked for fucking free? Me, currently, and on Byron's house, and Allie's garden. I know what fucking free work feels like, and it's not a few phone calls or sales pitches to your already instantiated network IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE EVEN FUCKING BRINGING TO THE TABLE - AND IT'S NOT. How gracious of this bitch to offer me MORE FUCKIGN IDEAS like "Why don't you write a grant?" BRILLIANT! How do you double or triple caps something?
She proceeds to ask questions that are all answered in the ad. So, you show up at 2:30 AM, don't read the ad, tell me you have a ton of "ideas," respond to my circumstances with a lecture you refer to as "humorous," then desperately ramble, still utterly delusional about what you don't have to offer.
"I am sorry you are going through it and my mom has been in and around nonprofits like forever, she pioneered women executives with outrageous budgets or something but it availed me to start an organization and I shouldn’t have used “partnership “ in nonprofits it takes on a derogatory word of sorts, lie stealing your ownership and hard work."
This is as messy and run-on nonsense as it gets. This betrays her opening. It's her mom who might have the expertise, not her. Big "might," because often people who are desperate to sell or justify themselves recall all of the "good sounding" accomplishments that have almost or completely nothing to do with what you need them for. She decides to hang on to the word "partnership," as though I made any specific point about it beyond to say we would not be forming one. She's creating her own straw-man one feverish back-peddled misspelled response at a time.
"I would also like to share when we practice a culture of kindness, no bad intentions are made and nor is there room for anything but the kindness […] I am sorry you are upset and find it fascinating that your thoughts went to making you believe me. We all have the ability to take in what we need and want, simply leaving the rest, maybe for someone else."
Mind-reading and perfect irony. Take the parts that explicitly tell you, several times, I do not wish to talk to you. Instead? Oh, she took what she needed to service another condescending word-salad salvo on "kindness." Her reflex to hang on to a single word or sentence shows up again. She thinks she "persuaded" me. No, dumbass. I persuaded myself to waste the effort being mean to another exhausting interaction.
I am every bit the asshole and "wrong" in how I treated this interaction. But, you know what, I don't give a fuck. I feel satiated. I'm tired of being told how wrong I am in attempting to do things "right." I'm tired of your fucking lazy opinions. I'm tired of waiting around and fake enthusiasm and self-congratulations cozying up to the idea, magical farcical idea, and you're righteous by association. I'm fucking over it. I understand every maniacal CEO. How the fuck does anything work if you aren't tyrannical about cutting this bullshit out of your interactions? How many people on the planet can do a real call and response useful exchange of information?
I am a Litigation Paralegal, previously incarcerated woman, writes grants, and in recovery, This is right up my alley but I have some different thoughts for you that I would be happy to share, If you would like to contract an hour over zoom, let’s do that! Depending on budget, remote access availability, and a slew of other factors, this sounds interesting and right up my alley. Let me knock if I may be of assistance.
Best,
Me:
I'm open to talking, but I'm bleeding so much money with zero coming in that I'm not in a position to hire anyone else that isn't "You get percentage of what you bring in" anymore. If you still want to talk, cool. If not, I get it.
Her:
That’s a hard push and honestly, you likely need to fire someone or get rid whatever you need to because I thought you are on the verge for something. Giving you all my ideas for fee is a sucky proposal. Why not apply for a grant? But you expect someone to do this for free? Not very mindful and the people you want to help you, has to be mutually beneficial. You knew this won’t likely work like you are hoping, I am afraid. Bu hell,
There is always hope. What about a partnership of some kind?
*know
I can’t spend time on growing someone else’s revenue for nothing. However, we might be able to collaborate together, if you can tell me more about your organization, business structure and status, what year in operation are you? Staff? If you ow this company solely, happen to belong ons underrepresented population? Rural or urban area? And services offered remote?
Ok you are a 501-c3? 150 k in this area for a grant isn’t huge and where are you located?
It’s late, but my husband is snoring the loudest EVER so, good things happen to people who do good, call me
Me:
I expect literally nothing of you. You messaged me. I explained my circumstances. You proceeded to offer advice that's wholly uninformed about what I'm doing. What makes you think I trust what else you'd have to say?
You want to chastise me about being mindful while providing literally nothing of value beyond a series of opinions I can't begin to understand where they came from. You proceed to tell me what I know. I suspect you believe something incredibly odd about what I have or am willing to pay for. The amazing ego of your behavior I wish I could chalk up to being in recovery, but it's nearly everyone. Your "ideas" aren't ideas. You, and everyone who has sounded like you, pretend I'm trying to get something for free. No. You, and everyone like you, have literally done ZERO for me in spite of insisting you can.
I'm on the verge? Yeah. I've been on the verge of rage navigating this abject nonsense from "professionals" who you must think you're better than? How does someone who is better than them look and sound exactly like them?
Now, wait a second. I've gone off and been explicitly hateful. Go ahead, take everything I've said as "clear" and "obvious" why I'm not getting the outcomes I desire as though you're the only person I've talked to in 2 years and not just the latest who's finally getting all of the pent up exhaustion of another invitation to spend more money on nothing from no one.
I want nothing from you. I want you to disappear and for me to pretend I didn't have another one of these inane ridiculous conversations attempting to placate your curiosity. You are incorrect. For you and I, there is no hope. We will not be partners. I will not ignore my instinct and hopefully this grand show of rudeness and impropriety will persuade you to block me and not even respond. You're "passionate" about uncovering the truth? I'm not hiding it from you. I hate that you messaged me and that I've been persuaded to write this. Good things happen when you do them. Do not let yourself believe you've done a good thing to or for me.
Let me call one more thing about you. Suppress the urge to wish me "good luck."
Her:
Woozars, the industry you are in is difficult and trying and life changing. Most do it because of this, I am not sure why you would suggest I persuaded you to write anything but no thank you. I am sorry you are going through it and my mom has been in and around nonprofits like forever, she pioneered women executives with outrageous budgets or something but it availed me to start an organization and I shouldn’t have used “partnership “ in nonprofits it takes on a derogatory word of sorts, lie stealing your ownership and hard work. I have s sense of humor perhaps hard to communicate with text and collaboration would have been a better word choice. If you had shared you offer remote services my thinking was you could provide services at a going rate, providing me with a service I allocated in budget already and this would hopefully help you and your organization. I am also a previously incarcerated woman and sober. I do want success for you and those around you. I would also like to share when we practice a culture of kindness, no bad intentions are made and nor is there room for anything but the kindness, maybe in more jest delivered than the support you need. I am sorry you are upset and find it fascinating that your thoughts went to making you believe me. We all have the ability to take in what we need and want, simply leaving the rest, maybe for someone else. You seemed to have want to intentionally hurt me with your words. Hurt people, hurt people. I get it. You are overwhelmed and something I said bothered you, again my apologies. Me: Couldn't help yourself? Everything you said bothered me. I could quote and write entire paragraphs about each line. Then, like an addict, you doubled down! You're not even reading what I wrote lol. Again, typical for "professionals" to hear what they want, react to that, and then pretend to empathize. I'm going to save this exchange and use it for a class one day. Please go away. Or, zero in on 3 words you'll somehow misinterpret and tell me again how sorry you are. Either way, this isn't good for either of us.
::I block her::
"Giving you all my ideas for fee is a sucky proposal. Why not apply for a grant? But you expect someone to do this for free? Not very mindful and the people you want to help you, has to be mutually beneficial. You knew this won’t likely work like you are hoping, I am afraid."
This is quintessential condescending mind-reading bullshit that fucks with seemingly every conversation I attempt to have. This is the "polite" way to "enlighten" me that I'm an idiot. How am I an idiot? I proposed she work for free! Except, of fucking course I didn't. I said I'm too poor, and if you want a percentage of what you bring to the table, more power to you, and if not, I get it. This bitch knows my hopes too! If only I were mindful and could figure them out for myself!
You know who's worked for fucking free? Me, currently, and on Byron's house, and Allie's garden. I know what fucking free work feels like, and it's not a few phone calls or sales pitches to your already instantiated network IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE EVEN FUCKING BRINGING TO THE TABLE - AND IT'S NOT. How gracious of this bitch to offer me MORE FUCKIGN IDEAS like "Why don't you write a grant?" BRILLIANT! How do you double or triple caps something?
She proceeds to ask questions that are all answered in the ad. So, you show up at 2:30 AM, don't read the ad, tell me you have a ton of "ideas," respond to my circumstances with a lecture you refer to as "humorous," then desperately ramble, still utterly delusional about what you don't have to offer.
"I am sorry you are going through it and my mom has been in and around nonprofits like forever, she pioneered women executives with outrageous budgets or something but it availed me to start an organization and I shouldn’t have used “partnership “ in nonprofits it takes on a derogatory word of sorts, lie stealing your ownership and hard work."
This is as messy and run-on nonsense as it gets. This betrays her opening. It's her mom who might have the expertise, not her. Big "might," because often people who are desperate to sell or justify themselves recall all of the "good sounding" accomplishments that have almost or completely nothing to do with what you need them for. She decides to hang on to the word "partnership," as though I made any specific point about it beyond to say we would not be forming one. She's creating her own straw-man one feverish back-peddled misspelled response at a time.
"I would also like to share when we practice a culture of kindness, no bad intentions are made and nor is there room for anything but the kindness […] I am sorry you are upset and find it fascinating that your thoughts went to making you believe me. We all have the ability to take in what we need and want, simply leaving the rest, maybe for someone else."
Mind-reading and perfect irony. Take the parts that explicitly tell you, several times, I do not wish to talk to you. Instead? Oh, she took what she needed to service another condescending word-salad salvo on "kindness." Her reflex to hang on to a single word or sentence shows up again. She thinks she "persuaded" me. No, dumbass. I persuaded myself to waste the effort being mean to another exhausting interaction.
I am every bit the asshole and "wrong" in how I treated this interaction. But, you know what, I don't give a fuck. I feel satiated. I'm tired of being told how wrong I am in attempting to do things "right." I'm tired of your fucking lazy opinions. I'm tired of waiting around and fake enthusiasm and self-congratulations cozying up to the idea, magical farcical idea, and you're righteous by association. I'm fucking over it. I understand every maniacal CEO. How the fuck does anything work if you aren't tyrannical about cutting this bullshit out of your interactions? How many people on the planet can do a real call and response useful exchange of information?
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