The first thing I think about is the cynicism involved with "helping" people. That's the game I get to play now that I can make it financially worthwhile to potential donors. I'm not necessarily knocking this because I think the systems exist the way they do for many reasons, but I do recognize that no one wants to give me money to counsel people or provide any real social service. Not that plainly. Not without strings attached. The giant corporate entities that purport to do what I do had zero interest in whether or not I was any good at my job, and the even larger entities that enable them don't either.
As a species that is hell bent on cultivating and believing stories about itself to combat all the troublesome evidence of our darker natures, the tool I have helps that story. That I practically get an increasing chance to actually get back to work means nothing to no one, and never will. I think this is a deep, bleedingly obvious, truth that most people need to accept regarding their better natures or even demonstrably good work. No one cares, but that's okay.
I literally now sit at the precipice of being able to offer "free" services. Whether or not you're as ambivalent to my effort or ability as everyone I've ever worked for, I'm personally interested and invested in showing and recording how much can be done when you cut out all the bullshit and bureaucracy between doing good and getting paid for it. I have a strong intuition about how I can blow up and impact the field upon connecting with those who share my understanding of the corrupted landscape and real potential for change.
I'm a grant away from being independent. I'm a, perhaps relatively small tax-deductible donation, away from being able to give someone support that they might otherwise not be able to afford to believe they are worth receiving. Every time I think about how hard it is to do that and still maintain my own life, it's hard not to think we need a biblical flood-level reset in how we've organized society. Especially because I've organized my entire life to be more than fairly comfortable on $5,000 to $10,000 a year depending on how much I drive or wish to eat out.
As excited as I am about the potential, I want the consequences of scale. I want people to feel it. I want to build a culture around what I'm doing. Long time readers will know that was a drum I beat a lot when I was living the culture in college. I want to impact the conversation on viral levels. I want money to shift in major ways towards people committed to doing things like I do. What feels "obvious" to me about how to strip away noise simply isn't to many people regardless of their good intentions.
I literally now sit at the precipice of being able to offer "free" services. Whether or not you're as ambivalent to my effort or ability as everyone I've ever worked for, I'm personally interested and invested in showing and recording how much can be done when you cut out all the bullshit and bureaucracy between doing good and getting paid for it. I have a strong intuition about how I can blow up and impact the field upon connecting with those who share my understanding of the corrupted landscape and real potential for change.
I'm a grant away from being independent. I'm a, perhaps relatively small tax-deductible donation, away from being able to give someone support that they might otherwise not be able to afford to believe they are worth receiving. Every time I think about how hard it is to do that and still maintain my own life, it's hard not to think we need a biblical flood-level reset in how we've organized society. Especially because I've organized my entire life to be more than fairly comfortable on $5,000 to $10,000 a year depending on how much I drive or wish to eat out.
As excited as I am about the potential, I want the consequences of scale. I want people to feel it. I want to build a culture around what I'm doing. Long time readers will know that was a drum I beat a lot when I was living the culture in college. I want to impact the conversation on viral levels. I want money to shift in major ways towards people committed to doing things like I do. What feels "obvious" to me about how to strip away noise simply isn't to many people regardless of their good intentions.
I say how often your life can change in a moment. It's interesting to hear actors talk about the phone call for pivotal roles in their careers. Before they became a cultural icon, they were waiting tables or being really bad at some in-the-meantime job. But they were working. They kept auditioning. They kept the message "I'm an artist first" in mind. I try to continually remind myself in the same fashion that what I'm after has always been bigger and simpler than any headache along the way. I want shit to make sense. I want to show, by the numbers, by the method, the consequences of the right focus and continued work. That's it.
A couple days ago the work resulted in non-profit status. It represents the work of staying open and creative to exploring ways to run a company when a dozen routes over the last 2 years have proven intractably arduous. I think my head is in the right place because I'm excited about the prospect of more work. I'm excited at the idea of crafting the emails explaining what I made and how I operate. I'm excited to hear the relief in people's voices when they get a chance to help maintain their sanity and sobriety. The world is perfectly ambivalent and vicious, but also, you can choose to keep working with what you have to set the counter example. That's not a "brand" or a "lifestyle." It's a moment to moment choice. It's work. I'm one step closer to more fluidly embodying the consequences of that work.
A couple days ago the work resulted in non-profit status. It represents the work of staying open and creative to exploring ways to run a company when a dozen routes over the last 2 years have proven intractably arduous. I think my head is in the right place because I'm excited about the prospect of more work. I'm excited at the idea of crafting the emails explaining what I made and how I operate. I'm excited to hear the relief in people's voices when they get a chance to help maintain their sanity and sobriety. The world is perfectly ambivalent and vicious, but also, you can choose to keep working with what you have to set the counter example. That's not a "brand" or a "lifestyle." It's a moment to moment choice. It's work. I'm one step closer to more fluidly embodying the consequences of that work.
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