[925] Future Proofing

If I were to boil down my approach to life, it's to start with "I don't know."

If you recognize you don't know something, you can then empower yourself with a choice to try to.

If I don't know what I want, I can investigate what I have and feelings conjured about those things. Do I want this shit-on-the-floor, smack me in the face in my sleep, sneeze in my mouth, leaves disemboweled mice on the porch, counter-hopping, stomach worm courting cat? My stomach drops a little at the idea of disowning him.

If I don't know what to say, I can say whatever is in the moment and on my mind right now, and see where that takes me. Blogs aren't structured beyond mini-paragraphs prompted by perhaps the last line or word of the one before it. I don't know what's going on in my head, and I'll never account for everything.

Once I reevaluated a lot of the assumptions I made about what I wanted or who I wanted to be, I was able to approach them more deliberately and achieve goals, at least the sense that I'd achieved anything, when it might look otherwise. I used to think it a sign of success to have a big screen TV. It's not unimaginable that many of my ideas of my value or potential were formed around the same age that conjured big screen worship.

One of the biggest switches was in how I conceived of the most valuable thing. I thought it was money, or myself, or my intelligence. Then I got, what felt, like a really good group of friends. It became about time together. My impaired imagination filled with large spaces and cool things rarely included anyone else there. I didn't dream of being married or having kids. I just thought I'd conjure enough money to sort of fuck around or do whatever I wanted. I wholly anticipated being "retired" by 30.

I didn't know what anyone else wanted and assumed I could incorporate them. I'm not entirely sure most people most of the time are doing much of any work to really suss out what they want or how they feel. But, like all dreamers, I was willing to play pretend for a while, and I swing back and forth beyond how much responsibility any party should take for maybe decisions that were made. Not everything I do, perhaps not most things, is altogether conscious and deliberate, but there are key things in high and low stakes moments where I'm pretty confident there was a “me” in there doing something on purpose. Those matter a lot to me, just like writing, because an example gets set, meaning can be examined, and responsibility for choices can take the forefront.

I was recently on a phone call where the founder of the company I started working for was courting business. The gentleman he was talking to was 64 and discussing his coaching business. He described his clients as leaders of the largest, some billion-dollar, companies who are beginning to feel the shift culturally from thinking of their employees as “units of labor” and more as...you know, people. He charges $42,500 to meet with each of them once a month for a year. He is part of an association of hundreds of business leaders, has access to hundreds of acres for retreats, and wishes to build his program and business into something worthy of discussing with Oprah (leaving aside what you may think of what Oprah thinks is worthy.) He was humble, he was focused, and he complimented me on how I described my understanding of leadership, prompting him to then ask me about my background.

It was a moment that I'm still processing for the rest of the context it existed in. The company's founder is a highly-motivated thinker and creator. I signed on because I've watched him grow over many years and he's helped me in my projects in the past. For almost about an hour he discussed the dozens of potential directions to go, sounded thirsty for the client's professional associates, while also managing to remain affable and speaking to the services the client was requesting that he could provide. I'm worried. In the break down of the conversation afterward, a few things felt latched onto that would derail what feels like an extremely high-value professional relationship to have. The way to connect with this client is to reflect the genuine values he has and is building into his brand. I think the founder and company have those values, but I'm left thinking they weren't emphasized as a deliberate point of connection and demonstration that we were listening closely.

It also has me thinking that all of my self-reflection at the “top” of many aspects of life has much to say in service to disillusioned rich people who weren't raised to conceptualize people as individual worlds unto themselves. The dude charging them $42,500 deeply appreciates my insights on leadership and the meaningful feedback loops you should be seeking when you superficially “have it all” already.

I'm learning that while I might have “official” duties in calling people and drawing out information, I'm going to act as something of my “anxiety whisperer” role I cultivated working for DCS. You want the extreme motivation and drive to achieve big things. You can absolutely be overwhelmed with seemingly endless meetings and speculation and different future ideas that blow right on past the few things the client has deliberately asked for. My brain does this to chaos, and one way or another, a stabilizing system will be put in place. It's a company worth investing in and lending your skills to. It has the potential to be one of the most lucrative things I'll ever do and it shouldn't interfere with my ability to do anything else I'm working on at the same time.