I haven't talked about it an length, but now feels appropriate. My finger, in all of the places it may be, appears to be on the pulse. I cannot escape the “real world” manifesting in ways that I generally tend to see coming. I know a statement like that is only as good as the data. I know that for every 1 thing I might get right, thousands will go terribly wrong. I know I'm generally only as good as whatever I make you feel in some moment my persona has trapped you in. Nonetheless, I want to explore more why I could or should ever be right about something, and hopefully, I'll divorce it from the idea that it has anything to do with “me” in particular.
Surely, by now, most of the people that would be classified as “peers” or my generational cohort would feel themselves as having even a fleeting sense of “I've seen it all.” They've had loves and lost. They've seen the realities of the working world. They have young children. They've let their friendships and dreams wither on the vine. They also catch the despotic articles on the state of the world and double down on their hobbies or work ethic to instantiate just how much they aren't the real problem. If you do this honestly, you develop instincts. That is, the habits that have carried you along so far have proven true enough. As far as natural selection is concerned, you're golden.
For me, the thing that kind of kicks off this blog is how early I called Jordan Peterson. I was directed to him by a lightly upvoted lecture posted to /r/lectures on Reddit. It took about 2 years for him to become what I predicted. We have these giant filters like Google and Reddit. The vast majority of the online world is seeing things through these mediums. By the time you can recognize something of special value, you've been exposed to an endless stream of competing narratives. What made that one special? How did you know in your heart of hearts what this one lecturer was saying was special?
When I think about my voice, it's a question like that which keeps me guessing and theorizing. I watch “everything” right? I read everything. I spend doctoral student levels of time picking through ridiculous details 10 people in any given field give a fuck about. I speed through terrible shows so I'm prepared to write a 10 page rebuttal when you want to defend something shitty. I watch all form of random lectures across the ages. I catch up on series fronted by noteworthy public intellectuals and featured scientists. Why did this person stick out? Why am I still able to recognize and respect an individual for their perspective when it should all just register as a giant rushing mess of familiar patterns?
I suspect, the same reason certain “stars” become as such is the same kind pulse I was introduced to. I'm still intrigued by fame, not because how it operates is in and of itself that confusing or intriguing, but because of what you're supposed to say when someone deserves it. They get stats and sales and deference. But what of the existential umph made it them? What node of being were they speaking to in their era? What timeless and transcendent truth were they channeling? How do I get there? How do we all?
You never under-appreciate mastery or artistry when you've “seen it all.” I'm floored by Legion. I can advocate without excuse The Americans, Vikings, Shameless, Game of Thrones, Rick and Morty, Firefly, and Halt and Catch Fire, not because they're “good TV.” Whether we realize it or not, we're always pushing our boundaries. We're using our creative outlets to ask questions and frame issues in ways that aren't readily apparent. Capital a Art speaks to that. It's one thing to get a lens and analogy. It's another to transform the view in real-time via the perspective. A voice is a thing. That's the first step. A real and true individual human voice can be achieved in spite of every monolith sorting and celebrating via algorithm for attention.
So what could I create that's as interesting to me as the TV show that comes out of nowhere? Who do I want to be that I can't see coming? Well, it's whatever may come of the land. I don't know 100% for sure that I can make it what I dream, but I think I have a better than 50% chance, and that's enough. How else could this kind of questioning apply to your life? What kind of relationship do you want to have? What's going to surprise you? Again, the person who's been through the mental shit to arrive on the same kind of plane would genuinely surprise me. I meet plenty of people who can fall for the “art of seduction.” I don't meet many people who actually want me in their life. They want novelty, or something to judge and exert playful cruelty sure. But, boringly, a story I can see coming.
What wraps me up in unmitigated joy and boundless energy, is to take a reference to a philosopher who's already done it in his time and nailed shit perfectly, and blow it up in my own era. When I read some stupid article about how much “millennials” are or aren't saving, I want to point out that (x) amount of cups of coffee or other creations I'll sell in a week will achieve that point. I want to reintroduce surprise and relief. My sense of being has to be felt. I've clearly talked about it forever and no one gives a shit. It's like trying to talk about the parties in college or a joke someone made. You have to be there.
That's the part that kills me the most. I don't know yet how to get anyone to show up. I don't know how to make people try or believe. They get it when we're in front of each other. They get it when it manifests. But a year, 5 year, or 10 year plan? I don't even want years. I want weeks. I want attempts. I want as many failures as it takes. I can recognize what the world wants, where it's going, and it's 2, count them, 2 different billionaires who want to create MY FUCKING WEBSITE in some bastardized form or another now. I can't fucking win.
I never need people to believe in me. I need them to believe in the objective truth that the only truth is change. You can be the arbiter of that change and do the things that result in dramatically different outcomes, or you can keep reading and watching the life you're subjected to. Leaving aside all of the things a morally-minded warrior might approach, there's so much that could be done now, on the cheap, in service to that immensely intriguing ideal that go ignored. I think of everyone who's ever given me props on a blog or what I've accomplished who disappeared back up their mediocre lives' ass when I asked them to actually fucking do something.
I'm Thomas Jefferson trying to abolish slavery and knowing full well that shit ain't gonna fly yet. Don't wait another 60 years. Don't pretend like my perspective is bred from a kind of feverish pyramid scheme naivety. If me turning 30 in like 2 months isn't enough of an indication, the time to be revolutionaries is basically gone. Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence at 33. He had help and inspiration, and they cut a lot of that shit out. Are you going to sign on? Are you going to recognize your power and wealth and perspective for what it is? You know someone who consistently sees the future. Why isn't that cool enough to play with?
Mostly, what makes it so it isn't about me? What do I have to create with my perspective that absolves me of any personality behind it? What existential spine can I speak to, and in what way, that will strip your reticence and reaction from the ego typing away? That's true mastery. When you're part of the lexicon and no one knows where it came from. Can I be a language? Am I already? Is that the true depth of my voice? I always smirk and feel humbled when someone parrots something I wrote in a blog, sometimes very much later than when I said it. It's the kind of fanboy nerd shit I'd do to a writer hero of mine.
I said not too long ago that I miss believing in things. I'm pretty sure I was acutely drunk. The more I think on it, I didn't stop believing, I just stopped thinking anyone around me did. I bought the land. I keep reading everything. I support causes I see every endgame for because the people I believe in chose whatever that thing is. I'm the one about to die here pushing 30. Most of the people I know I'm at least 2 or 3 years older than. What do you believe in? What's a giant intriguing question you're working towards answering? You could all obviously get fucked and married and keep your shit together enough for a job. But are you really that fucking boring? Are you willing to forgo the hard part of standing out like I once saw you capable of? I already know the standing answer, but you could surprise me.
