This is a thought experiment blog. I don't think it will take long, but I want to force my perspective into something that seems to hold enough of an appeal that my mind keeps returning to it.
What if I kept it simple? Right now, I don't have any debt because taxes don't count, could keep my electricity bill to the cost of running air conditioning, a water pump, and my computer, and could drop every notion of what's “right” or “just” and work my stupid exploitative job 2 to 4 days a month just to keep things basically paid.
What if I waited an entire year during my #yearofeveryday before I bought something that wasn't absolutely necessary? What if, while I have my list of things I want to accomplish each day, I double it, and truly go for it as far as entertaining an aesthete posture with regard to the things I enjoy? What if I stop pretending I'm keen to spend money traveling without a baseline degree of comfort or advanced bill payment? What if I knew my plan for the next few months was to wake up every morning and inch by inch dig up every sapling, adjust the grade to improve water flow, and eradicate every last hiding place for a tick?
What if I took every sentiment about my level of happiness or comfort as paramount, and just believed it? What if “the world” was no longer my responsibility, so that while I'm reading a book or watching a show, I'm released from thinking there's anything more that could possibly be done? What if I construe a notion of the universe so all-encompassing, it's not just the obvious thing I should be doing, but moral as well. I'm one iteration of an infinite array of iterations, I just happen to be in one where I went this far, and not much further.
What if I figured out how to just focus on my body and worked out constantly? What if I tracked my progress through practicing instruments and made little “look how cool I am!” videos by the dozens for people to enjoy my road. What if everyone I met, I, better than you've ever seen me do it, jump into an amazing level of genuine enthusiasm for whatever they're doing, and never have another disparaging word pass my lips? What if I become the best cheerleader for life in general after I've crawled so far up the ass of mine?
I had a perfect moment today. I had an album on in the background, I was mid chapter in a classic, I was comfortable, I was alone, I had my guitar set up in front of me waiting to be played, and I had by whole constitution oriented towards bringing order and accomplishing the tasks I had laid out for the day. I thought, “Everyone should feel like this. Everyone should be like me every day.” It doesn't take much. Books are cheap. Music is free. Being alone is standard operating procedure. I could “just be” as many moments like that as possible, and let the rest of the world go insane. No one's favorite part of shitting is wiping their ass, but it has to get done, and that's what I could reduce my job to. The bare-ass minimum.
It'd be a little like going back to when I was a kid. Just focused on what I want to do, not what anyone's asking of me, and not anything I've bothered to ask of myself. Could I be that person again? For a year? For as long as it takes to forget how to be anything else? The business of basking in perfect day after perfect day seems it might pay handsomely. Perfect it what's absent. Perfect in what to expect.
