Does anyone else just feel stuck? I mean, there's a reason so many of us graduated and went on to do random ass things after years of searching and moving. There's a reason your job doesn't pay you a living wage and you're still shacked up with roommates or parents. There's a reason you're either holding an ephemeral job or 4. There's a reason I ever persuaded myself to do drug studies.
There is no magic pill that brings back manufacturing as long as China remains a country. There is no trust you can hold about the numbers they use to judge the economy when they leave out the details and the world of betting and fake money is 3 times larger than anything tangible. There's no reason to suggest things aren't going to be as bad if not significantly worse putting an abject lying racist failure on the throne, because that's what we've turned it into.
I don't take kindly to victim status. I'm not any of the classic minorities that got white dick slapped, and I still feel scared and stuck. Not because I walked outside and everything wasn't burning, but because I saw the true colors of sheer depravity and ignorance that "holds it all together." I don't believe there's opportunity. I don't believe we'll be anything but dressed up indentured servants indefinitely. Nothing in my reading of history or human psychology gives me fuck all for hope. Perpetual coping and excuses, sure.
I've never accepted the complacent and complicit slave mentality. I've never taken horrible atrocities and ignorant feelings for granted. I've never hidden behind my ignorance and asked for you to respect it as a "difference of opinion." This is what's going to be fed to you. Politicians are going to try to make you feel good and tell you to believe and look to the small things you can do. It won't help.
We've failed or are currently failing "popular" uprisings. We've flirted with criminalizing journalism. We have a fascist who admires the methods Putin puts in place to garner 90%+ approval ratings. Don't you dare trick yourself into thinking this is normal. This is literally how dictatorships happen. They persuade persuade persuade berate berate berate and then start to punish. It's slow. It appears holding hands with the faces you recognize and admire. They don't know any better than previous societies.
I don't think I've ever felt this bad about our position in life and all I do with my time is read about how bad things really get. I don't know what my next 2 months looks like. I don't know that I want to risk getting saddled with a terrible job that eats my time and makes me miserable. I don't know if I want land in the heart of redneck country. I'm not prepared to cope with the first day pundits are sitting around looking scared after Hitler 2 proposes some restriction on the media or throws out a name of some country to exploit. What are you gonna do?
Of all the plodding and excuses and rationalizations you're going to hear over the next several...forever, make sure you're particularly keen on the false equivalence. False equivalence is your God now. It will tell you we all have opinions. It will tell you to respect. It will tell you to obey laws. It will make you believe that's an inch you can gain in the mind of your oppressor. False equivalency is the moral slave holder. He doesn't beat you, feeds you real nice, and keeps the rape to a minimum, so don't you see? There's hope the white people will come around! Don't lead with the idea that you're a slave first though, that's just going to confuse things.
We no longer have the capacity to judge truth. Well, I do. The most terrified and unable to sleep or shut up people in your life probably do. But if you trust your reasoning, you're not paying close enough attention. The moment I say something that hasn't actually happened, Hitler 2 hasn't actually said, or reference some point in history that isn't well documented and has parallels both today and in other societies, call me batshit. Tell me to be reasonable. Tell me you can't take my exhaustive insistence that we're all insanely fucked. But you're gonna have to wait until I'm out of FUCKING EVIDENCE.
I remember way back when getting pissed the fuck off while getting pissed the fuck drunk with Brett while we were sitting around his backyard discussing who was running. He said he was thinking Hitler 2 because of some of the things his stepdad I believe was showing him. The first thing I said was "Brett, you're not a fucking moron, right?" Because Brett's not a fucking moron. Brett's one of the nicest and hardest working people I know. But Brett is human. Brett wants to believe in and trust his family members' opinions. Brett's subjected to the time restraints of his chosen field and might not be able to spend months and months on research and documentaries about specific problems.
You are not immune. You aren't better than whatever your brain can trick you into. If you're naturally happy, this is a shitty time to be alive because you're going to compel a lot of your friends to not be afraid. If you're comfortable as long as you have your videogames and pizza, every dumbass thing you say is going to confuse or obscure what's happening and whether there's a way out.
You still have that hope though, right? You still feel it like I did in thinking to buy this land. You thought that even if your job sucked or you've grown resolved to your depressed consumer existence, that 30 would be the new 20 and we'd figure out a Renaissance. You still think because your nice friends have yet to be targeted in an attack and your beautiful scenery isn't off limits for environmental reasons that things will pan out. I know you do. I know you want it to carry you.
Every time you lean on it, listen close to what its making you ignore. Pay attention to what it's stopping you from reading or saying. Hear the voice that keeps you up at night because it's there and it's real and you're only as wrong and bad as you allow yourself to be.
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