It almost goes without saying that someone will approach either me or Hatsam if we go out to the bars and start dancing. A lighthearted “OMG when I saw you guys, I just knew you had to be on something.” For those of you unaware, these young starlets think we have, are on, and can provide drugs. They'll dance and flirt, and after about 7 minutes it'll click that we're just marginally drunk and learned how to dance a little better than the rest of the room.
I don't like fake shit. I can see through your 21 year old ass for days, and not just because you adopted an eating disorder to fit into that top showing off your...I guess it's still technically cleavage? Like, I barely want to even write about it. I feel it's such a cliché to get a little older and comment about the “pretty bitches” and their superficial attitudes and lack of subtlety or tact in endearing themselves towards their first ecstasy experience.
I suppose what bugs me more is that 2 straight dudes can dance for a solid hour and just get weird fly bys and people filming from the upper floor. I think about the fear of “dancing bad” or the little tickle you give yourself in commenting about the “clearly high” guys dancing downstairs. I've watched the social dynamic videos that break down when a solo hippie dancer turns into a large crowd of finally uninhibited concert goers to get down. My concern, if that's even the right word, is why it breaks down the way it does.
I don't think it's a stretch to consider most people fundamentally insecure. Working on the outfit so they can reject the slew of guys who would look too long or hit on. Working on maintaining a group dynamic so they can endear themselves to one girl or guy over time. Fears of being alone, fears of being failures or insecurities about looks and interests abound. How many 20-anythings do you know act like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Bates? I'm old, I'm getting fat, I'm gonna die, so fuck it! And is it a problem that they don't or can't?
To me it speaks to groupthink. It's not “cool” to be the couple dancers until a cute girl approaches, unbeknownst to the crowd, looking for drugs. They want to dance. They feel the beat. They don't adopt the agency. The join in the flood instead of lead the charge as an individual raindrop. It's the same story every night unless you encounter a particular crowd.
I find myself torn between “keep them idiots” and “everyone needs this basic capacity.” I see the logic of neoliberalism if you're in power. Of course I don't like it not being there in power, but I really don't believe in people. I don't believe the myriad interpretations we have of life coexist as “together” and “proliferating” into the future. This presupposes that as a worthwhile goal, but nonetheless. Like, I’m technically poor as fuck and a million times more wealthy and comfortable than every pre-modern king. I have more wealth than a solid 70 percent of the world. I have more saved for “retirement” than 50 percent of seniors (I'm positive it's close or around that but I don't care to look up the article again.)
I can watch “Master of None” and see Aziz joke about the life his parents had and their struggles compared to his quibbles about setting up an Ipad. I can read about history and tally the body counts for ridiculous wars. I can find any and all reasons to kill myself right now and comfortably state I went out on top of existence as anyone has known it. Extra bells and whistles that million or billionaires fuck with I shit on. Like, fuck your big boat if I'm perpetually sea sick. How do you beat the perspective into society at large that they should be the ones leading the dance floor? How do you decouple value and worth from your slutty outfit and desperately trying to hide his nerdiness behind his parents' money friend?
I'm tired of the endlessly superficial relationship period. I'm sick of the attitude. I'm tired of the looks and lack of expectations as far as what constitutes a friendship or relationship. I'm sick of the ignored texts, lies about meeting up, and general dance around an actual position or respectable thought. Yes, it's hopelessly cliché for the older to criticize the younger, but give me a fucking break, is there anyone with an ounce of honesty and perspective left that can't tell there's such a dramatic shift that's markedly different than in the past? I'm not talking R&B references and memories of phones with cords. It's a character deficiency. It's a kind of slime that oozes over and icks everything up before you even begin to talk about it. It's something loud and annoying to oh-so-old me, a mere 5 or 6 years away from “the youth” who bug the shit out of me.
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