The theme of my recent discussions has
been change and perspective. One fun fact that I’m learning, is
that apparently in order to want massive change and gain the
perspective on how to potentially achieve it, you had to have a stark
raving mad parent or two. But that’s neither here nor there.
I am a firm believer that change, very dramatic and significant change, can happen instantly. This isn’t some mysterious notion to me as every new person I meet can take me somewhere or tell me something that instantly starts to take shape in a new experience. If that hidden asteroid hits the planet, in mere moments none of us will be able to ponder what it means to change again. It’s important to note that something simply changing doesn’t mean it is good or bad. My relationship with one person, regardless of how it turns out in a week or month, just “is” and either creates opportunities or doesn’t. The pain in the ass thing about change is that it is a double-edged sword. You can work to make something better, or change how it’s fundamentally run, but its propensity or potential to continue changing more or “backward” doesn’t stop. This is why a phrase like “lasting change” is, on its face, a contradiction.
What is truly important in establishing something is your ability to maintain. Where it gets complicated, is that you have to maintain something that is willing and understanding when it comes to change. The best way I can try to relate this idea is to talk about mental states. I try to keep my mind in a state of perpetual doubt. This doesn’t mean I don’t have ideals or standards, but it means I am and willing to change them if compelling reasons can be made for me to do so. I make my own mental rules for how to deal with any given person or situation. This, apparently, is very different from most people. In my world, when someone is unable to regulate and police themselves, I start to avoid them and/or cut them off depending on the severity of the problem. In the “normal world” when your friend or family member is being unacceptable, you put up with it at the expense of your reason and will.
In order for any sort of massive social reform to take place, I believe many more people have to get comfortable with being, for lack of a better term, cut throat. I cannot convince myself to feel anything towards someone who proves over and again that they are unable or unwilling to practice behaviors that improve or fix problems instead of create them. I am unable to conflate a situation with “love” or “morals,” as they are poorly referred to, if there is a very plain cause and effect nature happening. This moves us on to exploring how a small or skewed perspective perpetuates these disingenuous practices.
For as big as I’d like to believe my perspective is on at least a few important matters, I understand that it is infinitely small. Of course, I’ll never get credit for my humility on that matter, but it’s whatev. What bugs me is how many people feel, not just that they have authority, but that are in fact THE authority on something. What truly makes this upsetting for me is that I venture that this hubris is not from spending 30 years in a library memorizing and getting published, but instead is a manifestation of how passionately they feel about something. Good luck compelling any change in someone like that.
To me, it only seems to make sense to want change when there is a problem and/or goal. Perhaps the most change only happens when there is a combination of both, but who knows. I would want to change how we educate people in this country because of obvious problems. My goal would be not to just improve a school or two, but to utterly reform the structure in a way to promote passion for learning and productive, willing people into society. A further goal would be enough of these people to alleviate other problems that arise when someone is uneducated, unmotivated, and underappreciated. Essentially, I want to change specific problems because their waves of influence will alleviate many more.
You will never “feel” your way to the proper head on the Hydra of problems. It takes a willingness to be objective. You must take responsibility for and action against the results of your analysis. You have to devise and enforce actual consequences when something or someone is wrong. This also speaks to why people don’t change. When you take into account both edges of that sword, you can also say that it not necessarily reasonable or the best thing for people to change what can be assessed as a negative or bad situation. The only way I think I can make sense of this is to talk in terms of family.
It seems to be a theme of existence to have one or more fucked up parents, step parents, or siblings. They are as irrational as the day they threw sand on the playground and they still resent that you stole their dreams. 18 years of them giving you hell and you can finally say “fuck you” and go on your merry way. But wait, they’re paying for college. They bought your car. They have the only recipe for your favorite mint chocolate chip cookies. Is it worth it to cut all ties and see if you can find your own way to pay and support yourself? Probably not. It is at this point that the ever important perspective needs to shine. No, realizing that everyone hates their families doesn’t make putting up with yours any easier, but realizing that you are capable of reacting properly towards, and conceptualizing, their behavior can.
Tammi, or my “mom,” is crazy. When she accuses me of studying witchcraft, I have more options than to get pissed off and write a three page email in protest. I can say, she is extremely weak minded. She is disappointed with herself and her family’s past. She’ll never accomplish more than being an adequate to exceptional secretary, nor does she have any knowledge or drive to express herself in any form beyond that of an insecure and petty dictator. Does someone of my mental caliber and personal respect dignify a person like that? No, so I won’t talk to it. I won’t pretend it makes sense and give it a stage. As long as the school money keeps flowing, I understand there isn’t even a real place to fix what isn’t a real problem. If anything, the only thing I would try to fix is how long offspring are practically forced to remain financially dependent in the first place.
My perspective on the matter doesn’t pretend like the faux expectations about love for one’s mother make any sense. I don’t wrestle with my anger for days and pretend that if I am angry at you it has something to do with unresolved feelings about her. Why is this hard for people? Why is being direct, rational, and honest in your assessment of yourself and other people a literal phobia? No, it isn’t always pleasant to truly feel that you are capable of atrocious thoughts or actions. I know how much you hate it when I make you say, and thus equate, that the “love” for your boy or girlfriend amounts to “well, he’s kinda funny and we hang out a lot” or “I don’t want to be alone.” How can anything be more painful and degrading than pretending you don’t have these thoughts? What purpose does perpetual resent and guilt serve you?
The tragedy is that there are people just like me who simply think and accept, and are overwhelmingly happier and better adjusted than most could ever hope to be. It’s not a secret why they are my friends. It’s not magic that they don’t hear condescension, anger, and sociopathy when we talk. If you want to compel change you have to be the leader of yourself. Even after you choose to do that, you have to guard against the problems that frequently plague leaders. Things like, distracting yourself with superficial and meaningless tasks or people to avoid your mental responsibility, thinking so much you make yourself sick, or settling with a smaller or meager standard that keeps you merely contented or at least stoves off insanity. In the beginning it will feel hard and be your job, but sticking with it will change and dictate who you are.
I personally think that nothing of significance can be done to reform or improve anything in a situation where there aren’t people who grasp and handle themselves. (haha) There won’t be a massive global shift in human rights, drug reform, health care, or any other of the myriad of complex and diverse problems until the leaders are motivated towards objective beneficial change instead of profit. This includes not just money, but power, protection, and influence. Whether you’re hiding behind lawyers and paid politicians or religious dogma, you should not be allowed to benefit from playing off of ignorance and fear. If it’s established that not only is it irresponsible to get too big to fail, but it’s a bad idea to get too big in the first place, we can start to identify and deal with not just specific problems, but problems that don’t carry dramatic or inconceivable implications.
Do you want to be a victim of corporate interest and waves of public feelings and opinions? Our world has already been there and done that with our problems. Do you like the idea of your life laid out in front of you? A “destiny” or sorts to live and die with the tide. If Captain Planet got one thing right it’s that the power is yours. If you understand that and use it right, you’ll find happiness, you’ll recognize opportunities, fix problems, and inspire others. Until then, I’m happy to run my game of pissing you off with endless questions and assessments while touting my know-it-all bad boy attitude ;).
I am a firm believer that change, very dramatic and significant change, can happen instantly. This isn’t some mysterious notion to me as every new person I meet can take me somewhere or tell me something that instantly starts to take shape in a new experience. If that hidden asteroid hits the planet, in mere moments none of us will be able to ponder what it means to change again. It’s important to note that something simply changing doesn’t mean it is good or bad. My relationship with one person, regardless of how it turns out in a week or month, just “is” and either creates opportunities or doesn’t. The pain in the ass thing about change is that it is a double-edged sword. You can work to make something better, or change how it’s fundamentally run, but its propensity or potential to continue changing more or “backward” doesn’t stop. This is why a phrase like “lasting change” is, on its face, a contradiction.
What is truly important in establishing something is your ability to maintain. Where it gets complicated, is that you have to maintain something that is willing and understanding when it comes to change. The best way I can try to relate this idea is to talk about mental states. I try to keep my mind in a state of perpetual doubt. This doesn’t mean I don’t have ideals or standards, but it means I am and willing to change them if compelling reasons can be made for me to do so. I make my own mental rules for how to deal with any given person or situation. This, apparently, is very different from most people. In my world, when someone is unable to regulate and police themselves, I start to avoid them and/or cut them off depending on the severity of the problem. In the “normal world” when your friend or family member is being unacceptable, you put up with it at the expense of your reason and will.
In order for any sort of massive social reform to take place, I believe many more people have to get comfortable with being, for lack of a better term, cut throat. I cannot convince myself to feel anything towards someone who proves over and again that they are unable or unwilling to practice behaviors that improve or fix problems instead of create them. I am unable to conflate a situation with “love” or “morals,” as they are poorly referred to, if there is a very plain cause and effect nature happening. This moves us on to exploring how a small or skewed perspective perpetuates these disingenuous practices.
For as big as I’d like to believe my perspective is on at least a few important matters, I understand that it is infinitely small. Of course, I’ll never get credit for my humility on that matter, but it’s whatev. What bugs me is how many people feel, not just that they have authority, but that are in fact THE authority on something. What truly makes this upsetting for me is that I venture that this hubris is not from spending 30 years in a library memorizing and getting published, but instead is a manifestation of how passionately they feel about something. Good luck compelling any change in someone like that.
To me, it only seems to make sense to want change when there is a problem and/or goal. Perhaps the most change only happens when there is a combination of both, but who knows. I would want to change how we educate people in this country because of obvious problems. My goal would be not to just improve a school or two, but to utterly reform the structure in a way to promote passion for learning and productive, willing people into society. A further goal would be enough of these people to alleviate other problems that arise when someone is uneducated, unmotivated, and underappreciated. Essentially, I want to change specific problems because their waves of influence will alleviate many more.
You will never “feel” your way to the proper head on the Hydra of problems. It takes a willingness to be objective. You must take responsibility for and action against the results of your analysis. You have to devise and enforce actual consequences when something or someone is wrong. This also speaks to why people don’t change. When you take into account both edges of that sword, you can also say that it not necessarily reasonable or the best thing for people to change what can be assessed as a negative or bad situation. The only way I think I can make sense of this is to talk in terms of family.
It seems to be a theme of existence to have one or more fucked up parents, step parents, or siblings. They are as irrational as the day they threw sand on the playground and they still resent that you stole their dreams. 18 years of them giving you hell and you can finally say “fuck you” and go on your merry way. But wait, they’re paying for college. They bought your car. They have the only recipe for your favorite mint chocolate chip cookies. Is it worth it to cut all ties and see if you can find your own way to pay and support yourself? Probably not. It is at this point that the ever important perspective needs to shine. No, realizing that everyone hates their families doesn’t make putting up with yours any easier, but realizing that you are capable of reacting properly towards, and conceptualizing, their behavior can.
Tammi, or my “mom,” is crazy. When she accuses me of studying witchcraft, I have more options than to get pissed off and write a three page email in protest. I can say, she is extremely weak minded. She is disappointed with herself and her family’s past. She’ll never accomplish more than being an adequate to exceptional secretary, nor does she have any knowledge or drive to express herself in any form beyond that of an insecure and petty dictator. Does someone of my mental caliber and personal respect dignify a person like that? No, so I won’t talk to it. I won’t pretend it makes sense and give it a stage. As long as the school money keeps flowing, I understand there isn’t even a real place to fix what isn’t a real problem. If anything, the only thing I would try to fix is how long offspring are practically forced to remain financially dependent in the first place.
My perspective on the matter doesn’t pretend like the faux expectations about love for one’s mother make any sense. I don’t wrestle with my anger for days and pretend that if I am angry at you it has something to do with unresolved feelings about her. Why is this hard for people? Why is being direct, rational, and honest in your assessment of yourself and other people a literal phobia? No, it isn’t always pleasant to truly feel that you are capable of atrocious thoughts or actions. I know how much you hate it when I make you say, and thus equate, that the “love” for your boy or girlfriend amounts to “well, he’s kinda funny and we hang out a lot” or “I don’t want to be alone.” How can anything be more painful and degrading than pretending you don’t have these thoughts? What purpose does perpetual resent and guilt serve you?
The tragedy is that there are people just like me who simply think and accept, and are overwhelmingly happier and better adjusted than most could ever hope to be. It’s not a secret why they are my friends. It’s not magic that they don’t hear condescension, anger, and sociopathy when we talk. If you want to compel change you have to be the leader of yourself. Even after you choose to do that, you have to guard against the problems that frequently plague leaders. Things like, distracting yourself with superficial and meaningless tasks or people to avoid your mental responsibility, thinking so much you make yourself sick, or settling with a smaller or meager standard that keeps you merely contented or at least stoves off insanity. In the beginning it will feel hard and be your job, but sticking with it will change and dictate who you are.
I personally think that nothing of significance can be done to reform or improve anything in a situation where there aren’t people who grasp and handle themselves. (haha) There won’t be a massive global shift in human rights, drug reform, health care, or any other of the myriad of complex and diverse problems until the leaders are motivated towards objective beneficial change instead of profit. This includes not just money, but power, protection, and influence. Whether you’re hiding behind lawyers and paid politicians or religious dogma, you should not be allowed to benefit from playing off of ignorance and fear. If it’s established that not only is it irresponsible to get too big to fail, but it’s a bad idea to get too big in the first place, we can start to identify and deal with not just specific problems, but problems that don’t carry dramatic or inconceivable implications.
Do you want to be a victim of corporate interest and waves of public feelings and opinions? Our world has already been there and done that with our problems. Do you like the idea of your life laid out in front of you? A “destiny” or sorts to live and die with the tide. If Captain Planet got one thing right it’s that the power is yours. If you understand that and use it right, you’ll find happiness, you’ll recognize opportunities, fix problems, and inspire others. Until then, I’m happy to run my game of pissing you off with endless questions and assessments while touting my know-it-all bad boy attitude ;).
