I think I’ve managed to piss off or
insult a couple people over the last few weeks that I didn’t mean
to, and I’m in some sort of introspective mood so here’s some
words about me.
I’m a loner at heart. I think this
plays into my relationships much deeper than people realize. If we
don’t talk for what might seem as a long time or our life
circumstances take us far apart, if we’re cool, to me we’re still
cool. My best friend I talk to maybe once every 5 or 6 months. My
whole thing is, I don’t want to be that person that just asks about
your day or how school’s going out of formality. I’d like to be
in a mood where I’m trying to be invested in your answers or take
the conversation somewhere.
I’m kind of
creepily okay with sitting alone watching a show or movies, playing
music or whatever. And if I find myself doing those things, it isn’t
about me trying to be shady towards you or passively dissolve a
friendship. I think I might be so “apt” at being by myself
because of paranoid/a.d.d.-ish habits. For example, I’m finding the
ridiculous amounts of people in the library right now as distracting
as any show projected at home. It was actually the contemplation of
my sitting here in the context of them that got me away from homework
and onto this blog.
I wonder if most people are loners. I
have to believe there is this sort of happiness or security that
comes from realizing you’re the only one truly inside your head.
Almost as a necessity would you develop some way to “cope.” How
could society function, how could these kids come in to this place
day in and day out if there was no enjoyment? I’m not positive that
would make sense. Of course there would be some complicated “social
forces” picture that could be drawn to circumvent the happiness,
but eh, not really in the mood.
Clearly, being what I’m trying to
describe as a “loner” doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy or can be
good at social interaction. I think it’s more about what you rely
on primarily. Is it your own thoughts or the ability of others to
distract you? Ha, thinking on how hard people fail at being
consistent sources of distraction it seems almost assured you’ll
jump inward.
