They say patience is a virtue, but I'm
very tired of waiting. It's occurring to me that as I sit and wait,
the list of things I'm conceivably waiting for seems to be growing.
Some of those things are as concrete as getting an email from one
side of town to another. Some are simply semi-abstract opportunities
that spring up as dividends from leading my envisioned life. So I'm
asking you, what are you waiting for?
It's a common theme when you read about
business. Entrepreneurs in particular. Inevitably, some 30 or 40
something decided that feeling terrible every day at their job and
having no time for their family wasn't what they wanted anymore. They
think, what an epiphany! What have I been waiting for!? Then long
digressions of the many fears they had to overcome or times that they
failed follows.
I kind of habitually don't wait. I'm
the one driving through parking lots to get where I need to be 5
minutes faster. I'm quick to unload whatever is on my mind in a
moment. I started the coffee stuff kinda while I was still in, but
immediately after I got out of school. I'll marathon several tv
shows. I'll read all the books available on the topic.
Waiting seems unnecessary and a waste of time. It's not the same thing as delaying gratification. I can plan for the future and not blow every penny on indulgences. But it's still really hard to be stuck by things I can't control. It's immensely frustrating to even try and account for little things I could control and then get no cooperation from the other party. I want the idea of buying an “I called it” button to keep feeling unnecessary, but damned if people don't keep letting me down in reliable and predictable ways.
Waiting seems unnecessary and a waste of time. It's not the same thing as delaying gratification. I can plan for the future and not blow every penny on indulgences. But it's still really hard to be stuck by things I can't control. It's immensely frustrating to even try and account for little things I could control and then get no cooperation from the other party. I want the idea of buying an “I called it” button to keep feeling unnecessary, but damned if people don't keep letting me down in reliable and predictable ways.
Don't get me wrong, I'm mainly speaking
to the utterly rude and dismissive and unappreciative of my time
attitude from the paper-shuffling types. This isn't a blog about
“you're making your parents' mistakes!” Even though you probably
are.
I've had a van ready to go since about
October and a combination of things that have nothing to do with my
ability to start a truck and advertise has had me on my ass waiting
out the processes of offices downtown. On top of this, I get, I'll
call it lied to, about how much and when my funds are supposed to
come in from the drug study. This makes it hard to budget and insure
myself with a rainy-day fund, and potentially sets me back even
longer.
Albeit via my grandma dying, combined
with learning about studies, I got this opportunity to do more of the
groundwork required to start accomplishing things. And it's sitting
right there, neatly on the windowsill so I can keep admiring it's
potential. No one in the Public Works office cares what I'm really
trying to achieve, so ten minutes of paperwork taking 3 weeks can
become business as usual. They're still getting paid.
I'm waiting to be able to do even the
simple things like visit friends. I can afford plane tickets, but I
need to see if this truck can get started. Most things I could do
that aren't in service to that are kind of a waste of time at the
moment. And it's not like I'm just trying to avert boredom. There's
plenty of non-spending-money activities I can engage in. I'm just
stuck. How bout you?
