A round of reading old blogs later….
I can chase a rabbit no problem. I want
to assert a more specific goal. I simply want to experiment. The
underlying motivation will be for global change, none too specific,
but with the idea of things getting better. I want to explore a ton
of vague-ish ideas and to pull any number of conjectures I can and
put them under a spotlight.
My robot blog
reminds me I’m only as good as the information I get. My “past
love” blogs remind me of how easy it is to be retarded. A hundred
or so on perspective tell me there needs to be more words for the
word perspective. But all of my ramblings, for better or worse, are
part of the experiment. I follow where my head goes at the time and
cross my fingers. I have to take for granted that when people are
doing things, retarded or otherwise, they’re doing just as much
experimenting as me.
It’s why I really try not to make
things personal. I need to draw analogies to grasp things. I, in some
form or another, care about your lives and every new piece of
information is a launch pad. I think I come across as “having all
the answers” when I really only have many of them. ::wink:: The
only reason to even talk in such terms would be to see how
individuals sway a group. Patterns rule my life, and I’m sure it
applies to when I make presumptive errors.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the
idea of people needing drama. How much of our perceived issues in the
world are part of the fake fog of bullshit that isn’t really there
for anything but boredom? How many problems are created when your
resolve others? Maybe alone is significantly worse than “someone”
for many people in a relationship and the idea of “being your full
self” is an utterly foreign concept. Maybe there’s a ground floor
act required regardless of the social or power systems that
undermines ideas of change to begin with. Things I will need to
collect more information about and experiment with.
I think I’m preparing myself to feel
“less burdened.” That isn’t to say I don’t need to move fast,
don’t care, have grown to accept, or anything resembling
complacency. I think I’ve just become overwhelmed with the infinite
potential for further answers and exploration, even amidst things
that were easier to take for granted. I want to take more things with
a grain of salt, not because I think they’re even good, but because
I want to try to understand them even further. I think it’ll help
slow me down as well and hopefully preempt these headaches.
