[1242] Know Stupid Questions

Why do you ask, “Why?”

It’s my understanding that most of the time you only ask “why” when you already know the answer. The second most common reason is that you explicitly don’t want to know the answer.

Why would God…? Why do birds suddenly appear…? Why doesn’t Congress…? Why am I alone…? Why didn’t my parents…? Why doesn’t the school…? Why are they so angry at…? Why would you downvote...?

“Why” doesn’t invoke intelligence. “Why” doesn’t necessitate context or history. “Why” works mostly in service to filling dead air. “Why” is what you use to gauge whether or not your “whys” are more “reasonable” and “righteous” than someone else’s.

I know why. I know why in almost every single scenario because I’m just another animal. I have the same words as you, if we’re speaking in English. I have about the same kind of traumas. I’ve got approximately the same experiences and familiarity with media or era-specific references. Yes, we’re all unique and have differences, but are overwhelmingly the same across the most important metrics for answering different “why” questions.

We fell under a spell when we got comfortable. When “we” no longer had to witness the infinite list of consequences for where we are weak, we started to believe “I” am special. “I” got myself fed and clothed, put myself through school, picked the right job, partner, and place to grow up. “I” am so smart, talented, funny, and aware that if only “you” or “them” behaved like me, we’d all be happy, rich, and morally just.

When you’re environment is often killing you or your young, you spend considerably more time thinking about “us” and how we can all help each other. When you have nothing to worry about but the running narrative in your head informed or deluded by whatever streams of information were introduced, things take a turn.

Why? Because of “me” and “my.” You already knew the answer. Why? The obvious consequences of what you and yours are doing. You explicitly don’t want to know the answer.

For as long as we’re animals, you can blame things on fear, ignorance, fallacies and illogic. You can describe the contexts and histories indefinitely. You can play up the biology, psychology, and sociology. None of them are the real answer. The real answer implicates what separates us from mere animals. The real answer is a conscience that nags or justifies or self-immolates.

You have a choice. There’s your why. You have a choice to respond or be silent. You have a choice to watch or look away. You have a choice to call out a lie, or play along. You have a choice to subscribe to unrepentant propaganda and hate. You have a choice to join the club, wear the camo, shoot the beer, and model behavior for the next arbitrary angry shooter in the next school.

Why? You chose this. This is the conservative finger wag. Make better choices! Just comply! As with all true conservatives, there’s no capacity for irony. They pretend the choice exists where it doesn’t. They deny, because then they’d have to live with themselves, the choices to look away at the chaos they foment. They vote for it. Then the “disengaged” and “disenfranchised” cosign it. Then the rest of the world gets to think 2/3rds of the country are beyond parody in their fascist expression.

Why? We choose to organize 10, 20, or 30 years behind. We choose to stop creating work-arounds until things get desperate. We choose to respond to calls for action with pithy online commentary about how it won’t work, we don’t have time, we don’t know enough, or how it’s not really our problem, we’re just concerned and exercising our voice.

It happened again today. I came across a meme a friend of mine posted about wanting to create a little farm. My comment, “You could start that literally tomorrow if you want to come out here.” Don’t you know? It’s too far from family and friends. I live 10 minutes away from the prison we both worked at and drove to every day. Does she actually want to start a farm? No. She wants an escape from the hellscape that is being terminally online and aware enough of how properly fucked things around the world are. We live in Indiana, getting data centers rammed down our throats and tripled electric bills. She’s gay, and the christian fascists in charge likely dream about how they could harm her.

Why do we reduce ourselves to memes and dreams? Why aren’t we meeting regularly to discuss who is or isn’t working to fight back? Why aren’t we consciously creating community around shared values and instead reflexively dismissing even entertaining a discussion about what it practically takes to move in the direction that feels better and worthwhile? We’re choosing it. We’re choosing our little silos and to like, almost never share, occasionally. We’re choosing empty outrage and personal exhaustion. We’re choosing to let the worst feelings win in every moment of every day, and especially when we’re acting hardest like they aren’t winning.

Until we respect the nature of choice, I do not believe we will robustly and sincerely fix anything. People chose joining ICE. They didn’t necessarily choose the circumstances that led to their finances feeling like they needed the insanely high paycheck. I don’t need to know anything about any given modern Nazi ICE agent to imagine their sick mom or chronic issue they can’t afford healthcare for. Doesn’t justify shit, the context and thought exercise alone can have you seeing red. Their excuse-ridden “why” means nothing to you! All you know is your “why” for virulent rejection.

Do not confuse my digression or position. I’m far more radical and violent in how I think things should be handled. My grandpa slit Nazi throats, and I’ve been trying to celebrate that several times a day recently.

Why doesn’t the politician…? Why don’t the people who control reddit, google, facebook, x…? Why can’t we just listen to…? Why does it always have to…?

We’re not together. We don’t share. We don’t even try. We choose personal quiet lonely screaming. We choose exhaustion. We choose, “It’s too hard, it will take too long, and I just can’t.” We choose our words lazily. We choose to keep ourselves distracted or enmeshed in a story that “things” are what they are. We choose to lie, and then we wind up to swing at the gross reflection with all of our hollow fists. Why? A book of reasons would draw you closer to engaging a problem. A book of excuses drives you away.

I’ve sincerely offered a free spot on my land to everyone I know since I bought it. I put up with an emotionally tumultuous relationship for over year with the one person I’ve tried to run the “build stuff together” program with. It didn’t make me want communion and shared goals any less. It didn’t make me think either of us would be worse off if we better learned how to communicate and navigate difficult feelings together. It doesn’t make me root any less for her and whatever she’s doing in life.

Why? Because I know what I want, generally, out of myself and for the people around me. I know how important it was to see the right examples and how they worked in my life against the worst things happening to me. I know how much good will has been extended to me, and continues to be, and how that contributes to a genuine picture of what things could actually be. I chose this, and continue to choose it every day. I choose to situate the things I have to learn and deal with against the bigger picture and what I want that’s going to take more than what I already know. I already know why.