I've discussed before how I don't fear things in the normal way. My general being belayed by a mild panic at all times forces me to perpetually evaluate all feelings as an estimate of likely unreasonable compulsion to act out or force an issue. That is, I need to create a mess worthy of provoking my fear impulse. I need to read into something so irrationally far that, at least subconsciously, I'm treating it as a high stakes game or life and death narrative about my open wide, or suddenly collapsing, future.
Kinda on a whim, I walk into my boss's office and give my elevator pitch for getting more overtime. I had no speech prepared, just a nuts and bolts, “I get bored, I want to do shit, let me present to you ideas to pre-approve for more money because I refuse to work for free again.” She said all I have to do is the first step, present something for her to approve, and she's otherwise good with me poking my head into the things I've found time to bitch about.
As with all things, you need to do a cost/benefit analysis and ensure that whatever you're complaining about isn't going to kick up more dust than is worth settling. You need input from potentially aggrieved parties, and you need to bring some tangible proof of concept that operates easier thanwhat's already on offer. These are straight-forward asks and expectations with usually much bigger baggage than they look superficially. But, as with all things, it's the same call and response, ask and ask again methodology until you get to the bottom.
For mine and your not-so entertainment, I want to run through a few things I plan to package:
The first is smarter input forms. We spend ungodly amounts of time typing the same things over and over. We pull information from 6 different pages, not because it's complicated information, but simply because it's grouped stupidly. (Why should I have to open 4 pages just to compile kids ages, for example? Or, Why do the dates I have to get things done by not auto-populate so it's not last minute scrambles to get another picture before 30 days?) There's really small tweaks and page layout things that could be programmed, quickly, with basic bitch knowledge from someone in IT, that would save, no kidding, hours of effort, just because it wasn't spread out so dumb.
The second is an outreach program. No one knows what we do. We only show up when people think they're in trouble, or we're trying to build a case against them. We don't follow up. We're not at the street fair. We're not reaching out to the agencies we work with to give them insight on why we're not going to immediately go out and interview a potential rape victim after the police have already talked to her and DCS is scheduled to come tomorrow. Needless bad blood is created because no one's relaying reasoning and restrictions. Opening your mouth is free.
The third is in how we pitch and relay information to new hires. There's no reason anything written down on a form couldn't be in a singular book and walked through from start to finish in different ways from the beginning. Nothing I’ve had to learn the hard way couldn’t be a page or two. You have people training who aren't in the field, and while procedures differ between offices, and that's going to be necessary to a degree, there's no reason a standard can't exist that's more accessible and tangible than the stringing together of “policy” that we all pretend to follow to the letter.
Fourth is FCM access to supervised visit plans. We pay out the asshole to hire outside agencies to do things. I would LOVE to take my visit supervisor time and roll it over into doing so with actual power. If I combined my hours doing visits with the basic tasks of the job already, I'd start finding those pushing 2K paychecks again, AND be saving the state something like 70% on their budget for such things. With the added benefit of actually being able to cancel visits for high parents without losing money, and be of consequence and first-hand experience with someone I work with in the office. No lingering 3rd party incentives to behave badly.
Fifth, a literal truth and reconciliation counsel/process. I've sat through about 5 or 6 hours of talking around race issues that devolve into obscure bitching about the job broadly and reduce to “it's big, it's complicated, let me get back to you with nothing a month from now.” Beef can be quashed with a dose of truth and real talk. You should be able to hash out differences in the office if we're literally asking our families every day to support each other through years of trauma or incidences of neglect and abuse. If we can't do it at home, no wonder families think we “do nothing” for them in the field.
Sixth, I want to negotiate after-hours services. I can't tell you the amount of times we pit someone's job against their ability to go to a sobriety meeting or some other obligation. You shouldn't have to choose, and if we're going to pretend to help you, we have to admit to ourselves that we can't be in two places at once, and neither can our clients. Maybe we take some of the money we save on visitation and throw it over to Centerstone to stay open until 9 or 10 with 2 people on staff as dedicated drug screeners. Maybe we partner with churches who hold AA or NA meetings at more accessible hours. Maybe this mechanism already kinda works somehow, and nobody knows about it, and we keep setting our clients up for failure because we can't talk across the aisle.
Seventh, I want to know where the budding therapists are, when we can hire them, what incentives they'll need, and what technology is doing to make conversations happen easier. We have a MASSIVE shortage of people qualified to walk other people through trauma. Be it in person or teleconferencing, I want people to get out of their bubbles and be able to access the help they need. Why don't we have a booth where clients can come in and talk to someone? Why don't we know for sure we'll have a dozen more therapists at least buying into some kind of program we create, even if they might not be present in person?
Any one of these can become a very large month-long task with a hundred phone calls and endless sea of questions. Every one of them can be distilled down into whether or not something operates the way it's intended. Do the forms work and save time? Yes? How'd we get there? That's my job and nightmare to reflect on indefinitely. Are we getting more therapists? No? Why not? Not enough pay, technology too confusing, or distrust of skills gap with all of this accelerated nonsense? Maybe not a problem we can solve, good luck, crazy families. Maybe we learn that sharing STILL causes everyone to hate us and that's an indomitable truth that can't be fixed. Maybe there's some interpersonal hiccup that having FCMs doing too much supervising brings to the surface. Regardless, I want to know, and I want to be a part of the change.
Lastly, and this is the most important thing, I only brought myself in front of my boss because I'm responsible for everything. I need to get to the point where I'm exhausted of the same, or similar thoughts, and be so frustrated that all I can do is find an out-of-body place where I observe myself starting to take corrective action. Detaching only goes so far (as the 7 hours I spent writing 311s will attest to) and we all know bitching is just that. I'm not scared I'll fail or present a bad plan or not figure out a way to fix something. I'm scared it will work and that I'll actually be of consequence, and again, get everything I ever want, just in no way, shape, or form it being related to what I would have picked, but for a kind of forgone sublimation and submission of my being to my circumstances.
I hated marching band, until I wasn't obligated to be there, a node on the overall motif, sweaty and burning and wasting my summer, and I've still found it in me to find the community band beneath me and not conducive to my goals as a musician...as if. I don't “hate” DCS, in the same way that I reflexively hate other things, but it has all the hallmarks of what I hate about life more broadly. Will I beat more temperance and patience or tact in my speech and demeanor? Is that what I want? Not really. Will I make the giant dick I'm swallowing at all times go down a little easier when I'm presented with the same obstacles at whatever I'm working on in the future? I mean, I've already gotten creepily re-good at the kind of sociopathic lying I tried to give up during college that makes everyone feel good and believe you're on their side. I hate myself, but not in the way that makes me have to write about it every day, as I’ve learned to have more discretion on what I’m to be blamed for.
I really needed something to look forward to. I can't sit and wait, no matter how hard I try. Maybe I'll cut out something from this gig. Maybe I'll fail forward in an impressive display and at least be distracted long enough to break even in a few months. Either way, the takeaway sentiment is that you should be finding ways to scare yourself into attacking what you're bitching about. It's my only indication that I might be doing something worthwhile in spite of myself, and if the feelings are fleeting, perhaps the work won't be.
The third is in how we pitch and relay information to new hires. There's no reason anything written down on a form couldn't be in a singular book and walked through from start to finish in different ways from the beginning. Nothing I’ve had to learn the hard way couldn’t be a page or two. You have people training who aren't in the field, and while procedures differ between offices, and that's going to be necessary to a degree, there's no reason a standard can't exist that's more accessible and tangible than the stringing together of “policy” that we all pretend to follow to the letter.
Fourth is FCM access to supervised visit plans. We pay out the asshole to hire outside agencies to do things. I would LOVE to take my visit supervisor time and roll it over into doing so with actual power. If I combined my hours doing visits with the basic tasks of the job already, I'd start finding those pushing 2K paychecks again, AND be saving the state something like 70% on their budget for such things. With the added benefit of actually being able to cancel visits for high parents without losing money, and be of consequence and first-hand experience with someone I work with in the office. No lingering 3rd party incentives to behave badly.
Fifth, a literal truth and reconciliation counsel/process. I've sat through about 5 or 6 hours of talking around race issues that devolve into obscure bitching about the job broadly and reduce to “it's big, it's complicated, let me get back to you with nothing a month from now.” Beef can be quashed with a dose of truth and real talk. You should be able to hash out differences in the office if we're literally asking our families every day to support each other through years of trauma or incidences of neglect and abuse. If we can't do it at home, no wonder families think we “do nothing” for them in the field.
Sixth, I want to negotiate after-hours services. I can't tell you the amount of times we pit someone's job against their ability to go to a sobriety meeting or some other obligation. You shouldn't have to choose, and if we're going to pretend to help you, we have to admit to ourselves that we can't be in two places at once, and neither can our clients. Maybe we take some of the money we save on visitation and throw it over to Centerstone to stay open until 9 or 10 with 2 people on staff as dedicated drug screeners. Maybe we partner with churches who hold AA or NA meetings at more accessible hours. Maybe this mechanism already kinda works somehow, and nobody knows about it, and we keep setting our clients up for failure because we can't talk across the aisle.
Seventh, I want to know where the budding therapists are, when we can hire them, what incentives they'll need, and what technology is doing to make conversations happen easier. We have a MASSIVE shortage of people qualified to walk other people through trauma. Be it in person or teleconferencing, I want people to get out of their bubbles and be able to access the help they need. Why don't we have a booth where clients can come in and talk to someone? Why don't we know for sure we'll have a dozen more therapists at least buying into some kind of program we create, even if they might not be present in person?
Any one of these can become a very large month-long task with a hundred phone calls and endless sea of questions. Every one of them can be distilled down into whether or not something operates the way it's intended. Do the forms work and save time? Yes? How'd we get there? That's my job and nightmare to reflect on indefinitely. Are we getting more therapists? No? Why not? Not enough pay, technology too confusing, or distrust of skills gap with all of this accelerated nonsense? Maybe not a problem we can solve, good luck, crazy families. Maybe we learn that sharing STILL causes everyone to hate us and that's an indomitable truth that can't be fixed. Maybe there's some interpersonal hiccup that having FCMs doing too much supervising brings to the surface. Regardless, I want to know, and I want to be a part of the change.
Lastly, and this is the most important thing, I only brought myself in front of my boss because I'm responsible for everything. I need to get to the point where I'm exhausted of the same, or similar thoughts, and be so frustrated that all I can do is find an out-of-body place where I observe myself starting to take corrective action. Detaching only goes so far (as the 7 hours I spent writing 311s will attest to) and we all know bitching is just that. I'm not scared I'll fail or present a bad plan or not figure out a way to fix something. I'm scared it will work and that I'll actually be of consequence, and again, get everything I ever want, just in no way, shape, or form it being related to what I would have picked, but for a kind of forgone sublimation and submission of my being to my circumstances.
I hated marching band, until I wasn't obligated to be there, a node on the overall motif, sweaty and burning and wasting my summer, and I've still found it in me to find the community band beneath me and not conducive to my goals as a musician...as if. I don't “hate” DCS, in the same way that I reflexively hate other things, but it has all the hallmarks of what I hate about life more broadly. Will I beat more temperance and patience or tact in my speech and demeanor? Is that what I want? Not really. Will I make the giant dick I'm swallowing at all times go down a little easier when I'm presented with the same obstacles at whatever I'm working on in the future? I mean, I've already gotten creepily re-good at the kind of sociopathic lying I tried to give up during college that makes everyone feel good and believe you're on their side. I hate myself, but not in the way that makes me have to write about it every day, as I’ve learned to have more discretion on what I’m to be blamed for.
I really needed something to look forward to. I can't sit and wait, no matter how hard I try. Maybe I'll cut out something from this gig. Maybe I'll fail forward in an impressive display and at least be distracted long enough to break even in a few months. Either way, the takeaway sentiment is that you should be finding ways to scare yourself into attacking what you're bitching about. It's my only indication that I might be doing something worthwhile in spite of myself, and if the feelings are fleeting, perhaps the work won't be.
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