[798] T.B.L.

Here's one where the title came first.

I want to describe what I'm deeming “The Big Lie.”

The Big Lie is a shifty beast. Its defining character trait is an ability to become literally anything. It's practically a fundamental force of the universe. Colloquially, you might understand it as a grand illusion tantamount to “we're all gonna live forever!” Its quality allows us to persist indefinitely in (a) direction, independent of external qualifiers attempting to describe the nature or moral of that path. The Big Lie is a tool, perhaps a necessary one, that acts as a defiant buttress against the onslaught of indomitable Truth.

The Big Lie is polite, because, what if? What if you slam the door on an opportunity? What if they got the wrong message? What if you betray your motives and disclose something you never intended? It's okay, sweetheart, everything will be okay. You're a fighter. You'll figure it out. Don't let your story end here! We believe in you.

The Big Lie is romantic. Its love will last forever. Its butterflies can fly straight through the sun. It's anticipating the ending of a movie you've seen 1000 times, with a refreshing tear and sigh for what's nowhere else reflected. It will wine and dine, carpe that diem, and burst out in song at the chance to be here and now and with you, where nothing outside matters, and we're in this together.

The Big Lie is pragmatic. You gotta pay the bills. The kids can't be left in such a state. I wouldn't dream...

The Big Lie has so many plans. 3 months from now, abs. When this debt is paid, relief! My grandmother didn't find my grandpa until she was 36! With this election, we'll right this ship.

The Big Lie is pretentious. How dare you phrase it that way? Don't you understand how much I've given and how deeply I care? If only you had my perspective, things would really start to get better. There is no “I” in “team,” but let's not forget who brought us all together now.

In order for something to constitute The Big Lie, it has to lie at the heart of all of your insecurities. It's a long and loud bellowing you pretend is a whisper. It's the nagging that makes you cry for “no reason” when you've been pushed against a wall or otherwise triggered from stress. It's the argument you're not willing to have because you're not willing to think about the consequences of doing so. It reinforces itself as it gains momentum across lax disciplines.

I tend to feel like I sound dramatic with many things I say. I, really, don't want to live a lie. I want whatever form my Big Lie takes to blindside me and burn the lesson into my skull. I live by the contradictory or contending thought. I breath the counter-example. I turn every best thing about me into a story of my failure to utilize them properly, and I shape every shitty misstep as a piece of the broader contextual whole.

I think the constant dance of not adopting The Big Lie is literally the voiced, written, and acted out consequences of the world. The responsibility is yours, to suffer or accept. I watch meth kill people and destroy families. Don't you know it “makes them feel better” and “isn't that big a deal?” I watch as we STILL do not comprehend that extinction-level suicidal forces are weaving their way past our collective psychological mechanisms that pull up. We're battered wives, isolated, without agency.

I think every drop of poisonous deception you allow, covers the surface and penetrates deep. A battle for hearts and minds so drowned in contemptuous seas is not a battle worth fighting. To even look for land, let alone a moral high ground, as the security The Big Lie provided proves an inadequate buoy induces panic. Feverishly afraid, we reach for heaven before going under.

We were asked today to go around the room, say who we were, and why we loved what we do at our job. I was the only one who led with, “I don't love what I do.” Was everyone around me lying? Only they'll know, but I suspect from some of their answers, it was easier to play along. This kind of thing happens dozens of times a day. How much do you like that blouse? Do you think you can do what's best for this family? Are you really that friendly and invested? The one note, played until you're dizzy with glee. If I never see you sad or angry, is that why you think I'm “negative,” and can't see or understand what makes me happy?

We're trapped into some form of illusory experience. Our brain takes shortcuts. We reinforce biases and fill in blanks meant to be blanks. This isn't The Big Lie, this is just the consequences of biology. Biology set conditions, we laid The Big Lie on top. Biology gave us many many pitfalls, and we celebrated them. The world bred us through death and sacrifice, and we called it GAIA, put Gods in the clouds, and worshiped the sun thinking it all eternal. And in our fear masked in deference, and praise scarred by resentment and scorn, we practice the rituals with withered shreds of dried hearts, for nothing beats. Music played for our ears only.

I'm going to continue to testify. I'm going to show what it means to be primed and prepared for everything to change in an instant. I'm not someone who should ever be believed in, just watched. I even hate that song, and now it's mine. The truth happens, and The Big Lie allows it to.