[471] Class Warfare

I want to explore what my reality is when I consider it in terms that are anti-utilitarian.

In truth, I don’t know of a single point of my life that I’ve considered myself “of the masses.” This isn’t to disavow logic or pretend I’m not some meager point in history. I’ve simply been treated “differently.” I aspire to “more.” I’m the only person with pushing 500 blogs of crawling through every depth of their own asshole that I know. Let’s just make it hard and potentially abstract from the get-go. 

Let’s let it sink in what we’re really trying to talk about. What is a democracy? Has there ever been a period in time in which we’ve ever really had one? Mind you, if you’re an idiot, you’ll explain proudly and immediately that we currently live in one. Please, go fuck yourself and refrain from continuing to read. More honestly. More realistically, we have those who broker and work with power, and those who don’t. Idealism never factors into the equation until you invoke “arc of history” arguments.


What if “the game” is really about “my game?” When we’re pulling from an abstract existential unsubstantiated landscape, who’s to say that for all my words and potential stress, that there isn’t a kind of solipsistic understanding that could take root. I won’t claim it goes so far as to pretend you don’t exist, but maybe, you’re literally an unyieldingly unable to reach my plain. Maybe my fight in life is to fundamentally transcend the naive allegiances and parallels. Maybe I’m only happy when I stop pretending we’re the same because of “star stuff” and “cold biology” rationality. 

Let me say, I like this idea. This allows me to remove certain empathetic shackles. It doesn’t let me disavow the idea that we all feel things and that there will be a fallout. But it puts you “down there” to be “dealt with” in a way that the language of making humanity “rise up” doesn’t have to play with. Think about your day to day. How many of your friends or acquaintances do you really want in charge? How stupid are your fucking parents? How racist are your grandparents? I feel like this is the point in which I’m speaking to an impossibly small crowd of people. Even your “smart” friends, how many of them have much a grasp of anything beond their profession or major? There’s something to consider in this moment. If you don’t know, you’re part of the ignorant masses. If you have a worry otherwise, you might literally have a handle on the course of human existence lol. Fuck me this touches on so much. 

There’s a discussion of pride. There’s a discussion of “the level” as I’ve already written about it. “Perspective” can be thrown around like like a battered wife in a windstorm. Naivety and chance are poised to cum all over your face. Freud’s ego would flex until its muscles pop. Like, what’s more interesting than considering yourself “special?” Seriously run with me with this for a second. Say we’re in an infinite moment. Say the universe is everything that will ever be and more. What more could you ask of eternity then to see out the consequences of being the most important being in this “inch” of all existence? How aren’t you “the greatest?” Egos aren’t evil by default. It’s when you employ them to distance yourself from a more informed perspective that they grow pervasive. Just don’t do that shit and rock on with your bad self.

I think it speaks to why it’s so hard to talk to new people. LIke, say you made it through elementary school math. Then you get older. You go to parties and you meet people. Without fail, everyone is willing to offer up their excited and informed opinion that 2+2 does in fact equal 4! Holy shit! Isn’t your drunk mind blown as well! Fuck no it isn’t! But if you don’t pretend, you’re never going to make new friends. 

This is how I feel when I talk about relationships. This is how I feel when I talk about how people spend their time. This is how I feel when you discuss your alleged mental impairment, your “difficult” relationship with school or a spouse, or perspective on “the world in general.” If you don’t consider yourself a practical god, we’re not playing the same game. I get to act well within my rights to treat you like a random character I walk up to during a Final Fantasy game who tells me how much their health items cost. Thanks! And now disappear into the ether while I complete my quest. 

I really like the idea of being the hero. I like the idea of being better than everyone. It gives you something to aspire to but contextualize. Like, if i was a Martin Skrelli type, just weird as fuck looking jerking myself over the amount of money I had and acting like the embodiment of a prick’s prick, I’d know something was wrong. I’d know i was fronting. I don’t believe I”m more than I’m worth, yet I’ve proven myself worth more than I ever believe I’ll get out of other people. Who empathizes with that? 

Instead we shorthand it. We get degrees. We get titles. We trick people into getting certifications and accreditation and then try to beat away the pleb assholes with our knowledge dick. Like Google doesn’t exist. Like quantum computing won’t shuffle us into the waste bin shortly. You know what computers can’t do? They can’t be the hero. They can’t have justified pride. They can’t work in service to an ideal in a world marred by practical lamentation. 

If I had 50 friends or 5, I don’t think it would sink in that all I care about in anybody is their ability to be the hero. I don’t think the exploration of what makes one would be talked about. I get to end every digression with a smug kicked up dirt cloud in my wake. Your story matters or it’s a footnote in mine. Own it you pussy.