Sunday,
February 21, 2010 at 4:35am
I
wish people would get over themselves. Nobody really knows my story
or my perspective, yet I don’t go around playing a dramatic game
and causing drama because of my “hurt feelings.” I’m “sorry”
that this seems to be a hard thing to understand. Small example, if
the girl you’re with raped and murdered your dog, dad, sibling, or
otherwise close friend, I may have some sympathy towards disowning
them as a friend and not talking to them. In the real world, people
are always going to fuck you, let you down, and show you a way you
can’t trust them. I do in fact make it my choice to relate with,
become friends with, and strive towards a closeness and understanding
with them regardless of your fucked up and naïve feelings on the
matter. I can and will try to maintain both of our friendships, John,
If that isn’t okay with you, I cannot understand why and I do not
necessarily respect nor appreciate where you are coming from. Don’t
get me started on how I’ve been fucked and where my feelings have
been.
New topic: I’m running a new game. It’s called, “Get the fuck away from everyone you know and pretend that you do in fact know other mother fuckers and want to gain something by knowing them.” If there has been any confusion or worry about me in this regard, I hope that you will give it up. This is me combing “not giving a fuck” with “I’m going to refrain from talking to you instead of interjecting my opinion” with a splash of “I can do so much better with my goddamn self alone than I’ll ever do making excuses and having hopes with and for you.” I hope this clears anything up. This means when you ask me “What’s wrong” and “do you want to talk about it” the answer is, fuck no, I’ve talked about it to the point of making myself sick, and you truly are never going to get how and why I’m thinking this way. Give up, don’t pretend you understand or have anything to offer, get on with your own life.
There are almost too many times I wonder why I’m not even more a dick than I give off in general. I can’t tell you how much I despise the little games you fuckers play with each other. I can’t really begin to express how unbearably annoyed I am at the idea that of everyone you fucking know you don’t think you can trust me. When mother fuckers don’t talk to me for years they still get that they can come to me for real advice and an honest perspective. Your stupid ass sees me practically day to day and doesn’t get it? How the fuck can I respect that? What choice do I have but to avoid and or be fake as shit for the sake of the “sanctity” of the group dynamic?
I am glad we crashed that other party in John’s apartment complex. When I start to feel hopelessly alone in thought, I still manage to bump into a “real” or real enough mother fucker from time to time. And fuck me if it doesn’t provide at least marginal hope. Knowing enough about reality, these “real” fucks I bump into might just be good at bullshit and a different game and are always poised to deceive and confuse me. That’s what I need….
Quite honestly, I do not believe anyone will really get it. I do not believe people will fully appreciate and behave in ways that understand and permeate to their core what it means to be a thinking and acting individual. This is what I am attempting to stomach. I am force feeding myself the idea that the extent of my knowledge, my ability to manipulate, and my understanding will fully and only be used to keep these people “happy” enough and duped enough for me to get whatever the fuck I see fit out of them. If there’s one thing you trust me on, be it that I don’t like this idea. I want to pretend, in some fantasy realm that everyone thinks, everyone sees the same shit I do, but that’s not the truth.
O well, at the end of the day, I can write my little blogs and bitch and moan about the state of existence and personal responsibility, and it will account for what? I’ll accomplish what? A passive thought in someone’s head? A nod and a comment “Oh ya, I TOTALLY got what you’re blog was saying, keep writing” and then what? It’s just back to the grind. I really should learn to shut the fuck up.
New topic: I’m running a new game. It’s called, “Get the fuck away from everyone you know and pretend that you do in fact know other mother fuckers and want to gain something by knowing them.” If there has been any confusion or worry about me in this regard, I hope that you will give it up. This is me combing “not giving a fuck” with “I’m going to refrain from talking to you instead of interjecting my opinion” with a splash of “I can do so much better with my goddamn self alone than I’ll ever do making excuses and having hopes with and for you.” I hope this clears anything up. This means when you ask me “What’s wrong” and “do you want to talk about it” the answer is, fuck no, I’ve talked about it to the point of making myself sick, and you truly are never going to get how and why I’m thinking this way. Give up, don’t pretend you understand or have anything to offer, get on with your own life.
There are almost too many times I wonder why I’m not even more a dick than I give off in general. I can’t tell you how much I despise the little games you fuckers play with each other. I can’t really begin to express how unbearably annoyed I am at the idea that of everyone you fucking know you don’t think you can trust me. When mother fuckers don’t talk to me for years they still get that they can come to me for real advice and an honest perspective. Your stupid ass sees me practically day to day and doesn’t get it? How the fuck can I respect that? What choice do I have but to avoid and or be fake as shit for the sake of the “sanctity” of the group dynamic?
I am glad we crashed that other party in John’s apartment complex. When I start to feel hopelessly alone in thought, I still manage to bump into a “real” or real enough mother fucker from time to time. And fuck me if it doesn’t provide at least marginal hope. Knowing enough about reality, these “real” fucks I bump into might just be good at bullshit and a different game and are always poised to deceive and confuse me. That’s what I need….
Quite honestly, I do not believe anyone will really get it. I do not believe people will fully appreciate and behave in ways that understand and permeate to their core what it means to be a thinking and acting individual. This is what I am attempting to stomach. I am force feeding myself the idea that the extent of my knowledge, my ability to manipulate, and my understanding will fully and only be used to keep these people “happy” enough and duped enough for me to get whatever the fuck I see fit out of them. If there’s one thing you trust me on, be it that I don’t like this idea. I want to pretend, in some fantasy realm that everyone thinks, everyone sees the same shit I do, but that’s not the truth.
O well, at the end of the day, I can write my little blogs and bitch and moan about the state of existence and personal responsibility, and it will account for what? I’ll accomplish what? A passive thought in someone’s head? A nod and a comment “Oh ya, I TOTALLY got what you’re blog was saying, keep writing” and then what? It’s just back to the grind. I really should learn to shut the fuck up.
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Written
about a week ago · Comment · LikeUnlike
Steven
C
likes this.
Hey
man, I ABSOLUTELY get what your say, keep up the good writings, but
if you need someone to talk to hit me up. - Signed Dumb Bitch that
thinks they have some intelligence or something of use to offer.
On a serious note, I as well bump in other "real" people or " RE -peps" as I like to call them. But even the Re-peps I bump into seem to have one... or two things off about them. I find it more unbearable to be around people who are "real" yet they allow themselves to be pulled down by stupid things, like being intelligent but a Christian or smart and funny, but incredible anti-social. I feel like these people in particular waste a gift that many others around us do not have and to me that's absolutely heart-breaking. Ask me about a business idea I just had... right now...... but I don't want to put it out on line when you get a chance.
On a serious note, I as well bump in other "real" people or " RE -peps" as I like to call them. But even the Re-peps I bump into seem to have one... or two things off about them. I find it more unbearable to be around people who are "real" yet they allow themselves to be pulled down by stupid things, like being intelligent but a Christian or smart and funny, but incredible anti-social. I feel like these people in particular waste a gift that many others around us do not have and to me that's absolutely heart-breaking. Ask me about a business idea I just had... right now...... but I don't want to put it out on line when you get a chance.
February
21 at 1:50pm ·
Message
me
February
21 at 2:28pm ·
oh,
and lmao
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