Star Date: 2.343.2126
My journey hasn't been easy. Upon
landing, not only did I have to become a quick study of the customs
and language, my skin is not used to a planet with a sun so close. My
on-stem chip worked fine and I managed “English” which is how I
will proceed in my reporting and translating back upon return. I did
not anticipate the strange times ahead.
They're everywhere. No one tells you
in the academy the lengths they will go to inhabit the land. The
ingenious methods devised to either pack as many into a small place
as possible, or combat the elements that would surely kill them
quickly. Why? One of thousands of times I'll ask the question.
It's not just their presence, it's
their likeness. If it doesn't have a face they insist that it needs
one. Their talking television device is an endless loop depicting
conversations, I've quite honestly, still not been able to discern
the purpose of. It's almost as if they're all in on some kind of
secret. I think it may be beyond the scope of my task to figure out
what it is.
My first month was the hardest. As you
well know, back home, you plug into A-HEAD and you join in the
oneness of our shared identity. Here, it's a higher stakes game.
They're personalities reach
to shape everything they touch. It was quite the task to gather
enough data on a few of them to begin long term engagement. I felt,
lonely? I think is their word. It didn't make sense, you can't escape
them if you try.
I set to task
crafting my personality. I didn't have to understand their television
box to gather that it may be imparting clues. If they were all
watching, so should I. The various ways in which these groups engaged
is a subject onto itself, but I think I managed to obtain a handful
of optimal metrics to move things forward.
Smile. Gesture
your face in a way that makes them do it back. It mostly always
works. I learned how to structure their jokes and tried to match the
styles of clothes I saw. I attended their sporting events and joined
in their pageantry.
It was a process
to get started, but I had a moment where I thought this was going to
be easier than I previously feared.
I did feel wise in
my choice of location to land. Some of the images I saw depicted
sprawling cities with a million noises and distractions. I feel I
wouldn't find the time nor patience to try and recount even the,
meager by that standard, amount I've endured.
As an explorer to
a foreign land, I'm used to be an actor. But now I almost feel like a
double agent by distrusting myself. There's been something changing
in me, and I don't feel it's all good. I wish to submit this report
in good faith that the directors will pull me out if it sounds too
disconcerting.
Over
time I developed an attachment to some of my subjects. For as utterly
baffling as they can be, they still seemed capable of perceiving that
I was “from somewhere different” and sought to make my time
easier. It's an emotional intelligence of sorts, but very
situationally specific. Given that we've perfected GLOVE, because it
fits! Their version, love
is both ironic and reminiscent of a weaker form. In practice, it
seems to defy the idea that I would refer to them as emotionally
intelligent.
I
must confess, it was around this time I felt myself getting lazy. I
had a mission, but the overwhelming sense about this planet is to, as
one drug induced acquaintance said to, let it ride.
Upon first hearing it I was shocked. It felt like anathema to
everything I've ever know. For Christ's sake (I'm told he was
important to their history and needs to be invoked in times of
turmoil) I'm here simply to learn!
I was in crisis.
Was this person telling me that things were simply pointless on their
planet? Could I have spent years at this point watching and
recording, only to have missed this important nugget of the
underlying truth of my effort?
I took solace in a
pack of humans that had taken up shelter near me and we migrated
together over time. Surely it is the true brilliance of our
technology that allows for such a direct mock up body to fit in
without detection. The only drawback is that I appear to be subjected
to a degree of emotion much higher than was first anticipated Even
the idea that I would be here long after they had grown and died left
me feeling hollow. These, for lack of a better word, perhaps
interesting pets, if we were to ever bring a few back.
I
feel the reporting in my 8th
year began to become compromised. Every new bit of information I took
in pulled me into vastly interesting, but ultimately defunct worlds.
The humans had this drive it seemed to corrupt or destroy
information. Every time I thought I was learning, it turned out to be
the same terrifying message. Of course we've known strife. I've no
recollection of ever wanting to seek it out, until now.
I invited it in.
It became impossible to sit and watch and report. One of their
females took to liking me. I engaged. I let wave after wave rush over
me and I thought little to nothing about what my small act of
defiance would breed.
I provoked. I knew
that the humans baseline seemed banal if not oblivious, but I quickly
learned their preference for violence. While it was generally talked
about in terms of strategy, I can't help but think they didn't know
what they were playing for. I sought out fire with a few shots of my
own.
Here, the social
bonding became ever-more nebulous. My cohort maintained contact for
significantly longer than I had anticipated. Most eventually fell out
of contact. My human partner, I, regrettably, probably pushed too
far, and will likely take solace in my departure.
In a sense,
things did become clearer in the ashes of my wake. There was
something intoxicating in giving up my control. I became part of
their story without having to account for a word.
I hope this brief
introduction goes far enough to endear you to the impossible
situation I found myself in. As I scour the memory banks I will try
to elaborate on the various Incidences I refer to throughout the
report. If my language feels encumbered, it's because that's what
it's become. I look forwarding to plugging back in after the
debriefing.
