Monday,
August 10, 2009 at 2:27am
I
have problems, but who doesn't. I don't even have to allude to things
I've written years ago for even a modest reader of my blogs to see. I
have problems with trust, friendship, how other people "think,"
how I'm going to obtain what I expect in life, and then a host of all
the stupid little things barely worth mentioning. The important thing
to remember is that each person can be a context for their problems.
There is a either a debilitating or prospective future for any
problem if you are capable of handling it. Thus, when I ask someone
who alleges to know all my problems, and accuse me of projections and
blindness, I expect as many examples as I can give myself. We are our
own worse enemies when it comes to that, and I've stated before
you're hard pressed to point out, let alone elaborate on, the things
"wrong" with me, to the extent I can. So, this is going to
be an exercise taking apart and denoting what an empty accusation
sounds like. This is going to be a standing example of how you don't
tell someone they are wrong or what's wrong with them. I'm all for
constructive feedback. I can take a verbal beating, but I will call
you on your bullshit when your projections turn into accusations
about me. I would urge anybody moved by this to join in and bash me,
either agree with the paragraph or me, and maybe even work this out
to a happy conclusion. This is purely for my own entertainment and is
entirely oriented around me, so I don't really expect you to care to
join, but don't feel like you can't. So let's begin.
The paragraph:
"It is quite annoying how you get upset over nothing... And yes it is nothing... Your emotions control you so much that they rush over the little dam you made for them... how you can never own up to what you really did wrong... and how everyone just let's you do that... you have made it so clear to everyone just to enable you... that that is all they do for you... and when one of them actually tells you what is wrong... you wave it away telling them that they know nothing... like you are surely going to do to this... You push people away when they get to close... You makes up reasons to hate them... and leech of of them... You need to be more happy with yourself... because you project a lot... I don't understand a lot of what you say... because you are telling me how i am suppose to feel... And i don't feel that way... You find a way of making someone's feelings about something wrong... Tho that is unreasonable...
And i just hope that you don't ignore this.... I want to be friends with you... but i can see that not happening... and i don't know why.... I haven't hurt you.... i haven't fucked up... i changed my mind.... and don't see how that is wrong because everyone does that.... even you... so... here it is what you wanted... and i gave it to you.... "
The breakdown:
"It is quite annoying how you get upset over nothing...And yes it is nothing..."
When I get truly upset, I write something. If you read what I write, please tell me if when I'm upset it is over nothing. Recall when we interact and assess how often I appear to be unintelligibly upset, and how little I want to share about it. If this line seems correct, please tell me why because I fail to see an example.
"Your emotions control you so much that they rush over the little dam you made for them..."
I'm really at a loss with this one given how little and how long it takes me to express emotions which entail a propensity to control. Things like love, super anger, sadness...the big ones. If you find me consumed by emotions, please elaborate. I tend to remember and have documented the times in my life where I've been overly or unjustly emotional, so referring to isolated instances or complex situations and draping them over the entirety of my personality seems unfair and incorrect.
"how you can never own up to what you really did wrong... and how everyone just let's you do that... you have made it so clear to everyone just to enable you... that that is all they do for you..."
My resounding problem with this is that it entails no example. I find I'm generally the first one to say what I fucked up and am met with a surprise by divulging too much. If you feel we've had some interaction where I was blatantly at odds or wrong and didn't own up to it or try to see your point of view, please tell me. Also, if you've been part of this "everyone" group who enables me to get away with such doosh-baggery, the blame assessment seems to get a bit more complicated. For the record, I don't feel like you enable me in the sense this is being portrayed.
"and when one of them actually tells you what is wrong... you wave it away telling them that they know nothing... like you are surely going to do to this... "
Now, I don't believe I get into the habit of telling people they know nothing, I'm offering this up as way to show what something empty looks like. You may know a lot of things, about me or otherwise. Knowing how to use them against me, not really how I want to word that but..., is another thing. Identifying and focusing on a common problem is rough, but it can be done, and I'd rather be doing that then "dodging" volleys of air. So, if I've told you I think you're wrong about something, did you get the impression I was saying you knew nothing, waving it away as a childish musing unbefitting my ears? I think I even engage tired religious arguments with undeserved vigor still.
"You push people away when they get to close... You makes up reasons to hate them... and leech of of them... "
As stated in my last blog, I said I think I'm a sociopath to the point of self-preservation. When people fuck you, it's logical to push them away. When people cause you stress, have personalities that are in some eternal conflict with yours, or use being close to you as a way to leverage their feelings, I would hope you push them away. Have you tried to get close to me only to have me push you away for no reason or in glaring contradiction of some earlier game or claim I used to make you believe something different about myself? Not sure if I want that one answered if so lol. Another thing is again, the lack of actual examples here. I make up reasons? Which ones? To hate who? Who do you remember me claiming to hate and do you recall why? What does it entail for you and I to be considered "close" in your eyes, and how have I detracted from that? What reasons did I use if I did? Five questions you answer instantly when you provide an example. The only person I would think I "leech" off of, and I don't agree with the word for my example, would be my dad. His settlement pays my bills and provides the foundation for me to get nicer things than most middle class people. I acknowledge and appreciate that, I don't abuse it like a leech.
"You need to be more happy with yourself... because you project a lot... I don't understand a lot of what you say... because you are telling me how i am suppose to feel...And i don't feel that way..."
I can almost pretty much agree with the first part. There are many things I could do to be happier with myself. I don't believe that a reason I would be unhappy is projecting. Again, what do I project and how? Who onto? For what reason? To me, this sounds like because this person who admittedly doesn't understand much of what I say, they project their confusion as my problem. A strategy I don't agree with. If I'm so confusing, so emotional, misguided, and project, please tell me in this shining example of me trying to remain objective and point out how I reason. When and what do I tell you what to feel about? If you have a shitty family for example, do I tell you should be as indifferent to them as they are angry and scornful to you? I'm sorry, I think this is a helpful suggestion, not mandate. Assume I do tell you how to feel even, does this negate your feelings? Does this disable your thought? Hardly. Can someone tell me what this charge amounts to? All I see is an admission that I can state something factually and have someone pissed off at me because they can't feel or practice what's appropriate.
"You find a way of making someone's feelings about something wrong... Tho that is unreasonable...
And i just hope that you don't ignore this.... I want to be friends with you..."
If I'm being nice, this attempt may be regarded as "friendly," but that's it. If I'm so "good" at finding a way to make your feelings wrong, does that say more about me or your feelings? Ask that question about any scenario where you may remember me doing something like this. It is possible to have unreasonable feelings. Take children. Also try to imagine how hard it is to reason with a child who's behaving as such. I don't like to take the anger of someone I've flip the light on about their feelings; it's unfair. A sentence like "i want to be friends with you" assumes you care or understand who it is I am. If you don't, it's annoying and insulting to hear it. And if you're a friend, who has a genuine argument or example for bettering my character, then it shouldn't feel so easy to show how little you're offering.
"but i can see that not happening... and i don't know why.... I haven't hurt you.... i haven't fucked up... i changed my mind.... and don't see how that is wrong because everyone does that.... even you... so... here it is what you wanted... and i gave it to you.... "
And finally, please ask yourself, can you see why this person can't see a friendship happening? Can you empathize with how little I can work or debate about with here. Was there a sudden flood of "damn whoever wrote this got Nick sooo right it's scary?" I think my belief in that is characterized in my putting this up in the first place. This person hasn't hurt me, but I believe they've fucked up. I don't think that fuck up was by virtue of changing their mind. I can say without hesitation this is exactly what I didn't want and it only served to elaborate on what you sound like when you have nothing to say. That goes for anybody.
I believe that by ignoring the message I would be enabling what I consider horrendous "reasoning." I believe I would be playing into a game I don't agree with and only serves to self destruct. The giant glowing and flashing word I take away from all of this is petty. Pettiness that fuels denial, masks the truth, and wastes effort...if you can call all I've written here that much effort. This is all I know how to do when it comes to explaining how I'll be and how I'll think. Am I truly that fucked?
The paragraph:
"It is quite annoying how you get upset over nothing... And yes it is nothing... Your emotions control you so much that they rush over the little dam you made for them... how you can never own up to what you really did wrong... and how everyone just let's you do that... you have made it so clear to everyone just to enable you... that that is all they do for you... and when one of them actually tells you what is wrong... you wave it away telling them that they know nothing... like you are surely going to do to this... You push people away when they get to close... You makes up reasons to hate them... and leech of of them... You need to be more happy with yourself... because you project a lot... I don't understand a lot of what you say... because you are telling me how i am suppose to feel... And i don't feel that way... You find a way of making someone's feelings about something wrong... Tho that is unreasonable...
And i just hope that you don't ignore this.... I want to be friends with you... but i can see that not happening... and i don't know why.... I haven't hurt you.... i haven't fucked up... i changed my mind.... and don't see how that is wrong because everyone does that.... even you... so... here it is what you wanted... and i gave it to you.... "
The breakdown:
"It is quite annoying how you get upset over nothing...And yes it is nothing..."
When I get truly upset, I write something. If you read what I write, please tell me if when I'm upset it is over nothing. Recall when we interact and assess how often I appear to be unintelligibly upset, and how little I want to share about it. If this line seems correct, please tell me why because I fail to see an example.
"Your emotions control you so much that they rush over the little dam you made for them..."
I'm really at a loss with this one given how little and how long it takes me to express emotions which entail a propensity to control. Things like love, super anger, sadness...the big ones. If you find me consumed by emotions, please elaborate. I tend to remember and have documented the times in my life where I've been overly or unjustly emotional, so referring to isolated instances or complex situations and draping them over the entirety of my personality seems unfair and incorrect.
"how you can never own up to what you really did wrong... and how everyone just let's you do that... you have made it so clear to everyone just to enable you... that that is all they do for you..."
My resounding problem with this is that it entails no example. I find I'm generally the first one to say what I fucked up and am met with a surprise by divulging too much. If you feel we've had some interaction where I was blatantly at odds or wrong and didn't own up to it or try to see your point of view, please tell me. Also, if you've been part of this "everyone" group who enables me to get away with such doosh-baggery, the blame assessment seems to get a bit more complicated. For the record, I don't feel like you enable me in the sense this is being portrayed.
"and when one of them actually tells you what is wrong... you wave it away telling them that they know nothing... like you are surely going to do to this... "
Now, I don't believe I get into the habit of telling people they know nothing, I'm offering this up as way to show what something empty looks like. You may know a lot of things, about me or otherwise. Knowing how to use them against me, not really how I want to word that but..., is another thing. Identifying and focusing on a common problem is rough, but it can be done, and I'd rather be doing that then "dodging" volleys of air. So, if I've told you I think you're wrong about something, did you get the impression I was saying you knew nothing, waving it away as a childish musing unbefitting my ears? I think I even engage tired religious arguments with undeserved vigor still.
"You push people away when they get to close... You makes up reasons to hate them... and leech of of them... "
As stated in my last blog, I said I think I'm a sociopath to the point of self-preservation. When people fuck you, it's logical to push them away. When people cause you stress, have personalities that are in some eternal conflict with yours, or use being close to you as a way to leverage their feelings, I would hope you push them away. Have you tried to get close to me only to have me push you away for no reason or in glaring contradiction of some earlier game or claim I used to make you believe something different about myself? Not sure if I want that one answered if so lol. Another thing is again, the lack of actual examples here. I make up reasons? Which ones? To hate who? Who do you remember me claiming to hate and do you recall why? What does it entail for you and I to be considered "close" in your eyes, and how have I detracted from that? What reasons did I use if I did? Five questions you answer instantly when you provide an example. The only person I would think I "leech" off of, and I don't agree with the word for my example, would be my dad. His settlement pays my bills and provides the foundation for me to get nicer things than most middle class people. I acknowledge and appreciate that, I don't abuse it like a leech.
"You need to be more happy with yourself... because you project a lot... I don't understand a lot of what you say... because you are telling me how i am suppose to feel...And i don't feel that way..."
I can almost pretty much agree with the first part. There are many things I could do to be happier with myself. I don't believe that a reason I would be unhappy is projecting. Again, what do I project and how? Who onto? For what reason? To me, this sounds like because this person who admittedly doesn't understand much of what I say, they project their confusion as my problem. A strategy I don't agree with. If I'm so confusing, so emotional, misguided, and project, please tell me in this shining example of me trying to remain objective and point out how I reason. When and what do I tell you what to feel about? If you have a shitty family for example, do I tell you should be as indifferent to them as they are angry and scornful to you? I'm sorry, I think this is a helpful suggestion, not mandate. Assume I do tell you how to feel even, does this negate your feelings? Does this disable your thought? Hardly. Can someone tell me what this charge amounts to? All I see is an admission that I can state something factually and have someone pissed off at me because they can't feel or practice what's appropriate.
"You find a way of making someone's feelings about something wrong... Tho that is unreasonable...
And i just hope that you don't ignore this.... I want to be friends with you..."
If I'm being nice, this attempt may be regarded as "friendly," but that's it. If I'm so "good" at finding a way to make your feelings wrong, does that say more about me or your feelings? Ask that question about any scenario where you may remember me doing something like this. It is possible to have unreasonable feelings. Take children. Also try to imagine how hard it is to reason with a child who's behaving as such. I don't like to take the anger of someone I've flip the light on about their feelings; it's unfair. A sentence like "i want to be friends with you" assumes you care or understand who it is I am. If you don't, it's annoying and insulting to hear it. And if you're a friend, who has a genuine argument or example for bettering my character, then it shouldn't feel so easy to show how little you're offering.
"but i can see that not happening... and i don't know why.... I haven't hurt you.... i haven't fucked up... i changed my mind.... and don't see how that is wrong because everyone does that.... even you... so... here it is what you wanted... and i gave it to you.... "
And finally, please ask yourself, can you see why this person can't see a friendship happening? Can you empathize with how little I can work or debate about with here. Was there a sudden flood of "damn whoever wrote this got Nick sooo right it's scary?" I think my belief in that is characterized in my putting this up in the first place. This person hasn't hurt me, but I believe they've fucked up. I don't think that fuck up was by virtue of changing their mind. I can say without hesitation this is exactly what I didn't want and it only served to elaborate on what you sound like when you have nothing to say. That goes for anybody.
I believe that by ignoring the message I would be enabling what I consider horrendous "reasoning." I believe I would be playing into a game I don't agree with and only serves to self destruct. The giant glowing and flashing word I take away from all of this is petty. Pettiness that fuels denial, masks the truth, and wastes effort...if you can call all I've written here that much effort. This is all I know how to do when it comes to explaining how I'll be and how I'll think. Am I truly that fucked?
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Written
about 7 months ago · Comment · LikeUnlike
for
some reason, this post made me chuckle...
you should know that at least I don't see your emotions breaking through any "dam" pretty much... uh... ever. if anything, even when confronted by an extreme emotion, you do your best to be rational and logical about the situation at hand, so most people don't even realize that you may have strong ... See Morefeelings about what is going on.
as for enabling... i don't feel that i've enabled you to exhibit any bad traits or anything of the sort... i really don't understand where that comment, in particular, comes from
as for projecting, i don't recall any time where you have projected yourself onto me, so at least that can be cleared up a bit
and if you have the ability to make someone think their feelings are wrong, well obviously they weren't really sure about their feelings in the first place. If a simple conversation is able to make you doubt what you hold so dear, then maybe you need to revamp your feelings.
you should know that at least I don't see your emotions breaking through any "dam" pretty much... uh... ever. if anything, even when confronted by an extreme emotion, you do your best to be rational and logical about the situation at hand, so most people don't even realize that you may have strong ... See Morefeelings about what is going on.
as for enabling... i don't feel that i've enabled you to exhibit any bad traits or anything of the sort... i really don't understand where that comment, in particular, comes from
as for projecting, i don't recall any time where you have projected yourself onto me, so at least that can be cleared up a bit
and if you have the ability to make someone think their feelings are wrong, well obviously they weren't really sure about their feelings in the first place. If a simple conversation is able to make you doubt what you hold so dear, then maybe you need to revamp your feelings.
August
10, 2009 at 8:59am ·
in
particular, i love how you make some very religious people start to
doubt their own beliefs. not that i have a problem with religion,
it's just that too many things are based on bullshit, and you seem to
have quite a talent for showing people that. it's a quality i've
appreciated about you for a long while.
as for wanting to be your friend but ... See Morenot seeing that happening, well that's a stupid statement, one that i've heard people say to each other many times in many different situations but that has no meaning whatsoever. friendship is a two-way street. if you want to be someone's friend, you can. if you don't, you can't. simple as that. most of the time friendships fail not as a result of a rational, logical problem between the two people, but because of an irrational thought or belief that makes one of the people an idiot. although i don't know the entire situation, and i have no idea who wrote this to you, this seems to be the case here.
as for wanting to be your friend but ... See Morenot seeing that happening, well that's a stupid statement, one that i've heard people say to each other many times in many different situations but that has no meaning whatsoever. friendship is a two-way street. if you want to be someone's friend, you can. if you don't, you can't. simple as that. most of the time friendships fail not as a result of a rational, logical problem between the two people, but because of an irrational thought or belief that makes one of the people an idiot. although i don't know the entire situation, and i have no idea who wrote this to you, this seems to be the case here.
August
10, 2009 at 9:05am ·
don't
worry nick, you're not nearly as "fucked" as this message
makes you out to be. in fact, you have many redeeming qualities that
all the people who are friends with you can attest to and appreciate.
that's why we call ourselves your friends.
we all have our problems, sure. we all have our own internal conflicts and instances where we are, ... See Morerelatively, fucked up... but that's the way this world works. if you can't accept someone they way they are, both the good and the fucked up parts, then maybe you don't understand the meaning of a true friendship (aimed not at you but to the person who wrote you the message). everyone has issues. nobody's perfect (i speak from my own experience) but unfounded accusations get us nowhere.
don't worry. if i ever see a major character flaw in you that threatens the well being of the entire universe, or at least our common group of friends, i'll let you know. Until then, rest assured that you are no more fucked up than any of us.
we all have our problems, sure. we all have our own internal conflicts and instances where we are, ... See Morerelatively, fucked up... but that's the way this world works. if you can't accept someone they way they are, both the good and the fucked up parts, then maybe you don't understand the meaning of a true friendship (aimed not at you but to the person who wrote you the message). everyone has issues. nobody's perfect (i speak from my own experience) but unfounded accusations get us nowhere.
don't worry. if i ever see a major character flaw in you that threatens the well being of the entire universe, or at least our common group of friends, i'll let you know. Until then, rest assured that you are no more fucked up than any of us.
August
10, 2009 at 9:11am ·
Wow.
Um. What? Did they read this before they sent it to you? Honestly?
I'm baffled.
October
17, 2009 at 1:15pm ·
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