[181] Super Happy Fun Adventure!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009 at 5:47pm

Yesterday we moved my brother into Teter. To preface, I say "my brother" and "my mom" because I've yet to invent terms that would serve a more descriptive and honest purpose. My brother allegedly wants to become a doctor. This is a child who's managed to kill a tortoise from neglect, leave his comforter on a space heater....for months, and take a hammer to his laptop. He's part of the groups program. Given that I like to play games with myself, I volunteer to pretend to be a parent and hang out with my dad, mom, and her husband as IU gives their "we really give a damn about your kids" presentations and programs. I twittered that I'd have to blog about this experience, so here it is.

The morning start out normal enough. I've stayed up all night so by the time we got there my eyes were killing me and I was in the mood to just kinda say anything . My mom shows up to Teter and I guess was taken aback that I had long hair and hadn't shaved. Right from bad movie she sits next to me. A few random questions and platitudes out of the way she says "I missed you" to which I replay "ok" read (you somehow think I give a fuck?). They usher us into the next room and I'm standing against a wall talking to my dad. My mom walks up and tells my dad to get Josh's (my brother) registration so he can get a parking pass, for groups, seven weeks, when he will have no time and no reason to go anywhere. So my dad takes off. Looking like an embarrassed and confused child my mom finally turns to me and proceeds to tell me how closely I need to watch my school money because before I know it it will be gone.

Let's take an aside for you to understand the full bunt of how...ridiculous?....retarded?...."highly connotative word for 'what the fuck' ".... this statement really is. When I started school there was 70K for all four years. It would have covered everything with change to spare when I graduated. Being the brilliant accountant my mom is, she put the money into an account that could fluctuate. Yes, I have school payed off, and the choice is somehow made to turn the college fund into an investment opportunity. Well, freshman year I live in the dorms in a learning community which isn't exactly cheap. She not only gives me shit when I signed on to this shit apartment that saved a few grand, but also when I tried to buy food off campus. I found out a number of months ago that the account had been losing money along with everything else tied too close to our economy. Instead of telling anybody when it first started happening, it just kept going down. 10-15 thousand later she decides to ask....fucking ASK my dad if she should move the money into a more stable account. His response was that of any rational person....duh you stupid, stupid bitch. She decided to email me with my dad's advice on the subject so that I could confirm or deny that she should move the money. This probably done to include me in her game where I feel like I have any control over how the money gets spent.

Back to yesterday. I make a point of stating that I haven't spent 70K nor half of 70K since I've been here, and that if there is anything less in the account, it isn't my fault. No sense of "oh, I see what you did there, or "you got me" just a blank stare.

So the day goes on. We have to cart my brothers shit up to the fourth floor of Teter. He's got himself, my dad, mom, her husband, and some of his roommate's family helping. He also manages to pack all of his shit like this, by not packing. Clothes sitting in piles in the back of his car, all well within the range of a single garbage bag are stacked up along with other random shit. We get done and one of the first comment on my mom's fat disgusting face is "Whoa that was a lot and pretty hard work." Let's compare. I have ten times as much shit as my brother. My dad and I unloaded by ourselves in a few hours, three different times. The bag of clothes she carried up the stairs I'm sure made for quite the arduous trek.

Not to long after this my mom makes sure to say "hey, why don't you go down and get your parking registered before you forget." And now it's time for more context. Just two hours earlier she described my brother as "viewing money as no object." Also, as many of you know, Teter is at most a 15 minute walk to my place where it would make the most sense for the car to reside. Not only is mine fucked up, but I'm the one who needs to go to meetings, go food shopping, etc. not him. My dad apparently telling him that I would need it doesn't matter when he can throw a minor tantrum and get his 40 dollar seven week pass anyway. And how about this, in light of her money as no object comment, she bought him another computer and 32" tv, one or both of which she presented as gifts from her, bought with his SCHOOL money. The same money I'm squandering and need to keep tabs on...with no access to the account.

So at the end of day I've managed to get passively scolded and remanded to keep track of money that's been skull fucked while under her control. I'm looked at with pissed off condemnation, and basically ignored for wanting to use a car for credible purposes with it still always available to my brother in a parking lot that doesn't cost money. That's part of the thank you for unloading his shit I assume.

Today: I get a phone call from my dad asking me a favor. My mom had called my dad this morning to ask if he had heard from Josh because when she tried to call him all she got was his voice mail, and therefore, it's reason to freak the fuck out. My dad had I guess talked to Josh later that day and per my mom's incessant badgering managed to make Puss, oohh I like that, Josh is renamed Puss. So, she manages to make Puss homesick with classic questions like "are you sure you can handle this, groups is pretty intense" and "won't you miss your friends?" So what was the favor my dad asks? Can I try to call him or talk with him and assure him that it's okay, he'll make friends, and that he can survive a few weeks here in Bloomington. Apparently his roommate who he's been friends with all through high school has managed to find other people to hang with so his only contact has "somehow" found other, and dare I say cooler, friends.

A final moment of Zen wrap-up if you will: After "reading the directions over and over again" deciding it "just doesn't work" my brother tells my mom he's going to throw away his new Ipod alarm clock and "worst case scenario he'll just have to buy another one."

Written about 2 weeks ago · Comment · LikeUnlike

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 Billy Bowman at 5:59pm June 21

/facepalm

 David Jaffe at 6:33pm June 21

-___________-

 Andrei Vajiac at 6:56pm June 21

i am in shock after reading about the displays of douchebaggery and utter retardation you wrote about above.
well... to be honest, what do you expect from your mother? certainly nothing rational or logical...

 Jared Pease at 7:51am June 24

Let me get this straight-your mom had 70k saved, just for your college, and all you can show for gratitude is a bunch of behind the back insults?

I can't say I'm surprised if you aren't her favorite.

 Nick P. at 1:05pm June 24

I'd think you'd give me more credit. No, in fact, my dad got a settlement that luckily accounts for the money in that account. My mom had nothing to do with it. On top of that, she never misses an opportunity to try and claim that she had to fight my dad in court for it to be in the account and somehow her "struggle" is the only reason it's in there. So, she slanders my dad who almost died for the money, she squanders it out of stupidity, and you get to accuse me of being ungrateful.

 Brian J Morrow at 7:02pm June 24

smh...
Honestly, does Puss stand a chance!?

Please tell me he atleast knows where [and how to get back from] the Union... I see you writing another note about this kid calling you mid-lecture on the first day of classing asking `How the fuck do I get back to campus?´ or some odd, far off equivilent.
... Read More
PS. These ARE serious question, folks! If you meet this kid...

 Michele Elizabeth Zerbe at 9:45pm June 24

Corbin's mother bought him that iPod alarm clock and I put the thing together without even looking at the directions. Also, I have a Twitter, never typed a single "tweet," subsequently forgot my username/password, and the website wouldn't send me both, so I gave up, and I've still managed to get two followers, who I can't find out who they are because I can't log on. :/ Just thought I'd comment about the least significant parts of this note. ;)

 Brandy Dieterle at 4:30pm June 25

I've never met your mom but I think it would've be funny to be there when she saw you, the expression on her face. More than funny, hilarious actually. Then she goes on to tell you she missed you?