I feel I’ve made an error in my use
of the word passion. I have made a habit of saying people should live
for their passions, taking for granted that passion comes first.
Surely many people have “found their calling” after happening
upon an opportunity and pursuing it. There isn’t necessarily some
incessant blinking light in our heads that we actively ignore as the
truer inclination from what we’re currently doing. I guess it’s
at this point it is important to really nail down how you define your
passions. Not all are going to need to manifest in the same
behaviors.
If I were to
recall times I felt passionate. As a kid definitely; playing tag,
kicking ass at tetherball, stringing together curse words like a
boss. Go all gaga for a damsel and that will get the blood rushing.
Arguing with creationists and learning about the whole god thing was
the source of much time and energy. Learning the guitar, not so much
playing it every day anymore, but the initial learning I was up to
around 8 hours a day. When I got the house I was looking constantly
for ways to keep making it cooler or change things up. The initial
starting of Mystik, the meetings, stencil, research, form organizing,
website planning etc. was a constant pursuit.
So according to my old understanding of
passion I should be someone who learns how to play instruments, falls
for girls, fights all the time about god, and owns little kids at
their little games…I fail to see the profit potential. Well, this
simply means there has to be a different set of words that you should
probably go with before passion. This also helps me justify my ever
increasing role I’m giving to circumstance being a gigantic player
in why things play out as they do.
The question seems to become how to
manipulate yours circumstance. Depending on the degree this can be a
pretty…fucked up…game. Worse is when you’re passionate about
manipulating circumstances. Like there is a line in the sand or
something.
I like controlled randomness. I don’t
want to be on a random couch every night desperate for my next new
conversation or perspective. I do like throwing parties for example
because alcoholic ingredients and friends can play out any number of
ways, most of them not dangerous.
Gonna drift away now…
